| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:36:51 PM | Okay I just have to get something off of my back....I am not going to state any names on here but I just have to share something that happened to me on here.
I got a messege from a certain member on here that was so rude and vile I dont even want to post everything he said to me. So I am going to paraphrase.
I got a messege from someone that basically said that since I am a single mother I must be only looking for a father for my kids, i must be after money and I am not a fit mother for wanting to go out with my friends when my kids are at their father's house every other weekend.
Why do some men on here feel that way about single mothers???????? | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:08:49 AM | Most people are just too quick at jumping to conclusions and are usually those I try to avoid wanting to be intimate with. Some people will even try to constantly test to see how much of a tolerance level you have thinking nobody under various circumstances... or rather from their own opinion... can be so cheerful which might take a few of them several years to figure out that the reason why any of us will stay very optimistic is because we truly respect ourselves and had been telling the truth amongst our peers all that time.
As an example... for 6 months, "Dave" had been working alongside "Kim" at a store far from his home. Kim soon hears him talking proudly with every other staff member and then rudely interupts while laughing to ask how can anybody believe much of what "Dave" says, but he pays her no mind and is encouraged to continue his story. As time went on, more and more customers have been wanting to wait for him to assist them instead of "Kim" so now completely fed up with him and she storms outside. He shrugs his shoulders... and carries on as like nothing happened. A few minutes after they all left, she returns then angrily tells him that he's always making her seem like such a terrible person... that no woman with the right frame of mind would want him especially when it's obvious to her that he's a liar... that she just can't understand why she would see why almost everybody wants to get into a conversation with him... and to stop overshadowing her. "Dave" politely let's her know that he has never had that intention and is only being courteous. A few more weeks go by... and suddenly one of the customers began to shout at her that she needs to be very much like "Dave" and within seconds... others joined in agreement while "Dave" was not there. "Kim" chose to take the scheduled remaining days off. When "Kim" finally got back, for weeks, she kept completely to herself... then "Dave" notices that she's spent a whole lot of time hiding from plain view all in tears.
Dave - "I'm here if you need somebody to talk to"
Kim - "I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I've been really mean towards you and..."
Dave - "It's alright... all..."
Kim - "> No it isn't! What I did was wrong... it was totally in the wrong. I recently had some of my friends who I've known almost my entire life turn against me... both of my girls hate me now... my husband currently has a very high blood pressure... then there's my mom and dad who worked so hard throughout their lives, but feel too old to truly enjoy what they were able to save... and so when you came around always looking extremely happy... it kept ripping me apart, meanwhile... you're not married or even in a relationship which I'd be completely lost if it weren't for my loving husband like yesterday when I accidently dinged both of our cars trying to park in the garage. He assured me it was nothing for me to worry about, but my tears still went on streaming for the longest while."
Dave - "Life is far from perfect... so it's not like you're being punished for not being righteous. Forget talking bad about anybody... don't let your pride get in your way and make a dire effort to rekindle what you had with your friends if they really mean so much to you... give your parents plenty of hugs and kisses while treating them out which will make the feel very proud of themselves rather than being left to worry... let your kids know that you will always love them and that's the reason why you react the way you do towards them... because "IF" I'm not mistaken, they might already suspect that you regret having them."
Moments later, "Kim" started thanking "Dave" continuously for those words of inspiration as she was pleased with all of the results and had baked numerous of very delightful desserts for him such as his favorite... the Jamaican tradional Rum Cake.
So believe in yourself and know that there should be plenty of those who will believe in you | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:59:24 AM | Send him a really snotty message back and block him. Knowing his type, it'll piss him off to no end to not be able to get in the last word. Be prepared though. He might have several accounts or create a new one to tell you what a despicable thing wanting a date when you have kids is.
Or, bin the email and block him.
Either way, he is trash. I'm sure he next person he has a date with will take milliseconds to discover his wonderful character. In his mind, it's probably he fault of all those stupid women he has dated already that he is the way he is.
After he tore a strip off you, did he ask you if you wanted to have sex with him? | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/7/2009 1:56:22 PM | To the OP...what do you care what one misogynic individual thinks? Trash the e-mail and move on. I'm guessing there's a few unresolved issues from a past relationship (however, this is purely spectulation), but if I'm correct "How did the last woman in his life let this one go?" (LOL)
Maybe my impression of single mothers is elevated since I'm a single father. I personally have a great deal of respect for 'anybody' that can keep 'it' all together when the responsibility falls to only one.
Peace. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:09:11 PM | | Depends on the age I guess. As a young guy, personally I don't have any interest at all in single mothers, as to why some guys are pricks about it is beyond me though. I don't want to be a daddy, kids are great and all but I got a lot of living to do before I want to deal with kids and I want my own, just not now. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/7/2009 11:35:37 PM | Sorry to hear about the lovely email "dance a holic".. A holes like that don't speak for the rest of us, so don't hold it against us men.
As for the "perception of single mothers", its no different than the perception of single fathers. For those that don't have kids, they don't understand that their "needs" are way down on the list of priorities. Therefor many women and men don't want to date those with kids.....their loss!!... As for me, I would rather date a woman with kids, as we will have similar priorities and "rules".. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:49:34 AM | I'm a young open minded guy and I see single motherhood as a symbol of strength. I am an uncle to 3 Nieces and 4 Nephews... and my one brother has fathered 2 children to 2 women and he doesn't help them. I don't blame the mother and in knowing the mothers of my nephews I've realized I'm quite willing to get to know a single mother and go on dates with them to atleast see how well we connect.
Not every guy see things in the ways I do I realize this but I simply think its inexperience and misunderstanding on there behalf. Ignore those guys because they live in a little bubble of "the perfect life" and that seems to be the problem with most people. They want "Perfect" but "Perfect" isn't always just handed away, its earned. Right?
Not to say there is a "Perfect" but there is pretty dam close. :P | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:37:29 AM | | Are not most of us on here single parents? Are all single dad's looking for a mommy for their kids? A second paycheque? Guy sounds like an idiot. Don't let him make you feel bad, we have it hard enough. Single parents do the job of two and should be respected for that. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:02:03 PM | Umm... please do not throw stones at me...
For A LOT of men dating a single mother is too much work, and too huge a risk and responsibility for them to take.
It's too much work as they are not his children and sometimes they feel there is competition. We all know how pampered most men need to be. Not to mention the fact the "ex " is forever in the picture in most cases and the majority of single parents aren't exactly best friends with their ex.
It's a HUGE risk to take as there have been men "burned" by single mother's in the past. For example: Single mothers who are not only collecting child support from their child/ren's biologically parent but from the "date" that lasted over 5 years as they were living together. This is an issue in the single parent forum. It gives those of us who are honest a bad rap and a much more difficult time at finding the right fish.
Responsibility as A LOT of men in society are still immature and can't handle a pre-made family. (Let's see who responds to this... it will show how mature you are.) Not that any of us single mother's want or expect it... but some men can't handle NOT being needed, nor are they wanting to "step-up" to the plate and be the man of the house.
Look at who it is that throws the stones where single mother's are concerned. Some on here are forum trolls out to get a reaction too.
Just a few of my perceptions. I say don't let any naysayer get to you. Keep on keeping on.
Happy  | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:11:10 PM | The older you get, the harder it is for those singles looking for a man/woman that does not have children. I can see how those between the ages of 18 to 30 might not want to get involved with a single parent and it might be easier for them to find what they're looking for.
Those of you over 30 looking for someone without kids may have a harder time. Especially once you hit your 40's. Just be prepared that it's going to take you a much longer time to find your match.
I truly believe that one of the reasons I haven't had much success in the last few years is because I am a single mother. Maybe I'll have better luck since they're nearing the age they will leave the nest..lol | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:38:00 PM | A little off topic, but I just want to get a better understanding... not that I got this impression from what's been stated so far. I noticed there are a whole lot of those, both men and women who think anybody who are not eager to take on the responsibility of having children are immature regardless of what else they are very capable of, meanwhile many of those very people are just extremely happy only to be in an all exclusive relationship without ever having worry more than the need to. It's quite common to be called selfish for always wanting to be that extra precautious, yet to many of us, this planet Earth we live on seems too polluted especially with so much arrogance that even though we ultimately would love to have children... it's quite discouraging.
Fear not I as such is the only kind of stones I'll toss is to merely skip across the open pondering.
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:40:31 PM | I have never understood why young women want to have children, I see a lot of single mothers out there these days know a few personally as they are friends or co-workers, but one of my friends is married and has a baby boy and I think it's marriage that is a big part of why he and his wife had a child, but why get pregnant if your boyfriend doesn't want to commit to marriage? I know some guys are pricks who just run off after they find out their girlfriends are pregnant but even that situation is preventable as well.
Someone care to explain why? I am curious as to know what the thought process is behind someone 18-24 wanting a child without getting married first. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:10:32 PM |
but why get pregnant if your boyfriend doesn't want to commit to marriage?
1 - Some women believe having a baby will bring them together. But truthfully, they end up single and on this site.
2 - Some women just want a baby and do their thing.
3 - Some women want more welfare funds
4 - Some women didn't plan on getting pregnant.
5 - Some women were stuck with the result of an irresponsible partner (trusted him and he didn't pull out)
6 - Unfortunately, some women try to trap a man.
7 - We'll never really know because we weren't there. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:19:10 PM | Ah...dont forget those newly separated/divorced single moms...
Those who advertise a profile on here...yet when you show interest or approach them on their interest...
Suddenly they are not able to date in front of their kids...yet their Exs have girlfriends who openly "sleep over" when he has the kids......thats right... the kids have met daddy's girlfriend. Yet the single mom feels an old world obligation to remain chaste and virtuous while her Ex is breaking in a new main squeeze. I guess it must be the premise that the Ex might come running back...and you would have to be ready to take him back....
Thats what I hate the most...the newly single mom who comes on here with a dating profile looking for therapy sessions and support groups.
And to the OP... dating a single mom is not too much work.
Most single men understand the personal and family obligations you have.....but you have to be upfront...blunt and realistic in telling that single guy.... what he can expect from you regarding your attention and the emotional investment you can give. Understand this.... most single guys know they will have to make some sacrifices in order to date you....but men want to know....what sacrifices you will make for them. and you know what.... the single mom will have to make some to be fair.
You cant ask a guy to accept being a "weekend" boyfriend if the weekends are only time you can date him and he doesnt want to be a weekend boyfriend.
Nobody is demanding nor expecting you to neglect or ignore your children to date a man... just be honest and realistic in the affection/attention you can offer back.
Its only too much work when expectations are not clear, realistic and acknowledged before becoming an item. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:14:44 AM | I also agree with MyI with what's listed in response which brings me to another interesting story where I was near turning 20 and the young lady I was with just past the age of 17 at that time. She and I were together for more than 8 months and then in the presence of her mother, told us that she’s feels ready to have a baby with me. I laughed for a bit as I stopped when I saw she suddenly looked rather disappointed, but knelt in front of her as if I were about to apologize…
“Okay… take a few quick deep breaths… aaand PUUUSH!”.
Well… at least her mom thought that show of affection was hilarious… but when that supposed love of my life told us that she was being absolutely serious, her mom looked over at me as if to ask a particular question by which I admitted her daughter and I just began a few months back, but I always wore a guardian. Her mom started laughing again and then suggested she should wait until after I become a College graduate since no University had what I strongly felt a true desire for to be my profession. Anyhow… her daughter retaliated… “Well, it’s my body and I can do what I want with when I want!”. Now this took me by surprise because each of her grades were above the 80% mark, so I thought it was that time of month, yet… after she asked me to stay over that night… well… l had to leave right away knowing she was actually very determined to have a baby. It then later on occurred to me that maybe she found somebody else more handsome or just wanted me to break up with her… so… difficult as it were… I told her since I’m not planning to become a parent anytime soon that we should probably no longer be together… but then she totally went ballistic. I immediately felt terribly confused and stayed with her a few more months to where she said we might as well break up since I’m always taking quite a precaution not to have any. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:13:24 AM |
I noticed there are a whole lot of those, both men and women who think anybody who are not eager to take on the responsibility of having children are immature regardless of what else they are very capable of, meanwhile many of those very people are just extremely happy only to be in an all exclusive relationship without ever having worry more than the need to.
This is merely from my experiences. Having dated single men with no dependents only to have them a few years later contact me and APOLOGIZE for their behavior while with me. Clearing their conscience for the way they treated me as a single mother. An admittance that at the time they were NOT mature to handle such a thing... GASP! | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:03:14 PM | I don't think it's so much maturity as it is intelligence when it comes to taking care of children, I hate to say this but especially with people my age. I see some people who just need to be smacked for being such piss poor parents, they are usually white trash though who live at the bottom rung of society, they can't damn well control their kids cause they are so god damn stupid. I guess thats what happens when the mother is a fat lazy **** and the father is a retarded slob who thinks he is a gangster, real great parenting skills 
Maybe parenting should be mandatory in highschool for all teenagers since it is evident that some people can't be responsible with their kids. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:38:08 PM | OP, just chalk it up to him being an ignorant a hole, laugh about his childishness, and block the weenie.
I have tremendously admiration for single moms (my mother was one and raised 3 of us after my father just up and wandered off, deciding he didn't want a family any longer). Hold your head up high and proud!!! | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:45:08 PM | /quote Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/8/2009 4 31 PM
I have never understood why young women want to have children, I see a lot of single mothers out there these days know a few personally as they are friends or co-workers, but one of my friends is married and has a baby boy and I think it's marriage that is a big part of why he and his wife had a child, but why get pregnant if your boyfriend doesn't want to commit to marriage? I know some guys are pricks who just run off after they find out their girlfriends are pregnant but even that situation is preventable as well.
Someone care to explain why? I am curious as to know what the thought process is behind someone 18-24 wanting a child without getting married first.
umm I was married and the two children were a result of the marriage, I left him due to abuse | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:45:07 PM | This is the second time I have seen this really weird "jerry springer" type image projected around the stereotypical single mom.
and, for every "mother" there is a father, not all fathers are deadbeats, many SANE people separate, for SANE reasons! geesh! what planet are you people writing from!
double standard double standard
I thought we passed into the millenium? I guess not, still feels like the 50's around here!
seriously folks...
single mom here
NO DADDY REQUIRED...........man, I know sooooooooo many women who don't fit neatly into the categories bantered around here!
....and I find it awfully ironic that it is the MEN who are projecting so far into the future of some kind of commitment, when maybe all the single mom is lookin for is a DATE!
yup I do find it funny after a lifetime of navigating the sea men avoiding commitment to see them taking it instantly for granted before a freakin DATE!
sigh....get with the times people and thank you OP for allowing gals like you and me an opportunity to once again scratch our heads in disbelief at the ignorance around moms who happen to be single and wouldn't mind a DATE everyonce in awhile.
I mean Guys, would it be ok if I just went out on the odd DATE everyonce in awhile, BEFORE I make a commitment to a relationship? Is that too much to ask as a "single mom" ?........men baffle me in general
hahahahaha  | |
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