| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:40:40 PM | I would imagine that we ALL have been on BOTH sides of this issue (male and female alike)!
Scenario: Someone e-mails us expressing an interest in us!!
OK - You read the profile, and whatever YOUR reasons are, you make the decision (right or wrong) that you are NOT interested!
SO - given that you may be inclined to give the ‘courtesy’ of a response, what do you say or do?
Do you STOP to consider that this person maybe went out of their comfort zone and took the ‘chance’ of being shot down but e-mailed you anyway?
SO - do you ‘thank them’ and find a way to ‘diplomatically’ express that you are not interested WITHOUT completely destroying their confidence and sounding ungracious??? Do you EVEN (perhaps) ‘fib’ a little bit because you have NO desire to hurt their feelings?
OR
Do you feel ‘compelled’ to SET THEM STRAIGHT, criticize them and basically tell them how ‘unworthy’ they are??
SO - is it acceptable (in YOUR eyes) in the interest of saving someone’s feelings, to ‘fib’ or to bend the truth (deception) when explaining that you are NOT interested??
P.S. This EXCLUDES the obvious, poor-taste, crude e-mails that you may receive! Which PERSONALLY I would just CHOOSE to ignore and immediately BLOCK the sender! | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:22:02 PM | | My response is. "Thank you for writing and I'm glad you enjoyed my profile, but I don't think we are a good match. Best of luck in your search." | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:35:27 PM | Leslie, I choose to be diplomatic. If I read their profile and do not see enough common interests, I politely Thank them for the email and kind words but that we really are not a good match. I also wish them good luck in their search. It only takes a minute to respond and a polite response goes a long way. To me, it is just common courtesy.
I prefer not to set them straight or be mean. What good will that do? Do unto others as you would like done unto youself. Or whatever that saying is.
I also do not like to fib which is why my response is more generic. No need for details on the lack of attraction.
I must be very lucky because I do not get any creepy emails. Or at least I have not received any yet. I would definitely just delete those without a response. They would not be worthy.
Everyone is different in how they handle their emails, but I prefer to live and let live! Who am I to set someone straight and tell them they are not worthy. A simple Thanks but not a match is sufficient.
Peace, love, hope, and happiness to all! | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:37:34 PM | Bob, I KNOW I am supposed to WAIT before I post again!!!
HOWEVER...............you are continuing to PROVE that you are NOT 'just a sex symbol'!!!!
GOOD response!!! | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:28:18 AM | Leslie, Why are you suppose to wait to respond? If some one responds and you want to respond back, shouldn't you just respond? You mean I’ve been doing it wrong?
I agree with Bob (now this is scary) and Danceint(not so scary, whew), I try to respond politely and respond:
"Thank you for the interest, however I don't think we are a match.
Thanks again and happy fishing" | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:42:14 PM | Deception is never an option..Even when it's done to save someone feeling's
It always leeds to (out and out lies).. a simple (no thank you) should SUFFICE..
if it dosn't then you should RUN!!!!...
Seeyaa!! Dan | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:26:42 PM |
You mean I’ve been doing it wrong?
Yes, MISSY, you have been doing it WRONG!!!
Actually, I remember one of the FIRST threads that I started when I first joined POF(Oh and by the way, CAJUN that was 11 months ago NOT 2 years  ) and one of our more 'vocal' posters IMMEDIATELY pointed out to me that it was against the RULES to post again right away and that I needed to WAIT until so many responses/posts were made BEFORE I posted again!!! You gotta 'love it'!!!
Some thoughtful posts on THIS thread thus far! I think the main thing is to make a sincere attempt/effort NOT to unnecessarily hurt someone's feelings! I confess, that 'sometimes', I have exercized some 'deception'! i.e.
My 'deception' has been limited to something along the lines of: "Thank you for your interest but I am temporarily taking a break from dating" ......however......."I wish YOU the very best in your search".
I have found that 'simple' is BEST! I have made previous attempts to point out what I think are the OBVIOUS reasons that we would NOT be compatible (i.e. HE loves Nascaar, Harleys, horseshoe, shuffleboard, country music, and I DON'T and he doesn't drink and doesn't eat meat, etc. and I DO)........sounds like a pretty logical conclusion to me!!
However -that USUALLY backfires on me and I get a 'backlash' e-mail back that "WHO do I think I am criticizing HIS likes"!............and course I NEVER criticized, I just pointed out that those were not things that appealed to me, and that according to their profile, they DID appeal to them, and THUS I did not feel we were compatible!!
I think ALL of the above posters had some Excellent Advice!! | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:18:28 PM |
-that USUALLY backfires on me and I get a 'backlash' e-mail back that "WHO do I think I am criticizing HIS likes"!...
Leslie, I have sometimes handled that with, "Thank you for writing, but I think you would find me quite frustrating since I notice you enjoy golf, tennis and cruising. I have tried them and just don't care to do them again. Best of luck in your search." | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:10:56 PM | good thread leslie........
if someone emails me and i am not interested............ i usually just say something like: "Thank you for your interest in my profile, but after reading your profile, i don't think we are a good match. good luck in your search for love and happy fishing." 
i try to never LIE.........and if i find a person totally unattractive to me, i don't tell HIM that, i just use the above line. no reason to hurt the person's feelings too. (even though i have been told "i'm not into fat chicks" or "you remind me of my X wife" besides, i don't like it when others lie to me........so i try to avoid doing it to others. (lies also have a tendency to snowball)
i HATE it when someone says to me, in response to MY email : "thanks for the email, but i am currently seeing someone" or "thanks but i am currently dating someone and am not looking" BUT i still see them online all the time......... and their profile is still up and not changed in anyway indicating that they are "attached" 
and YES , i know people stay on the site after they meet someone, but when i have been dating someone exclusively, i always make a note of my status on my profile.......but i don't close my account on the off chance that "he's the one" or, i have in the past, hidden my profile for the duration of the relationship. and all of my POF friends that i wish to socialize with have my personal cell number.
IF they send me a rude one, i USUALLY don't respond.......however, IF they catch me when i am PMSing, they might get a response..........in my defense, i TRY to be nice........sometimes however my sarcasm shines thru anyway.
ya know, it just like when i look at who viewed me or anyone i look at........if i see the following in the paragraph about what they are seeking ....... i just click on to another profile because i KNOW i am NOT what they are looking for....even if i am very interested in THEM. those words are: "slender", "fit", "spontaneous", "girly -girl", "available for over night trips," " has no kids or animals" , "loves to wear stillettos and short skirts" or any related remarks........ no point in wasting either one of ours time.
and if i see "doesn't want kids" or "all my kids are over 18" or smokes or drinks i am usually NOT interested.........
to each their own........ happy fishing y'all !!! Wolfie  | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:24:28 AM | | The creepy emails or sexually explicit ones, get no response. Otherwise, a simple, Thank you for you email, I do not feel we are a good match at this time. | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:58:02 PM | | You need to use good principles when responding. Consider the saying "No good deed deserves to go unpunished" and you will know what to do. | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/12/2009 3:23:36 PM | I'm with Bob on this one. I do respond and thank them for their interest but I don't see us as a match. Believe it or not, I did get one nasty reply telling me what I am missing and how good she'd be for me.
I do respond to all first contacts. To me, it's the polite thing to do. | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 9:30:21 AM | I am so happy to have found this thread...  AFTER I made a complete fool of myself on the "Ask a guy" forum!!!!
Anyway, it's nice to know there are still some gentlemen here (and ladies!) that actually DO respond to a first contact e-mail!!!
I have tried to be nice and diplomatic to all the e-mails I've received since I joined (except I had to remove a picture that got me a couple of foolish e-mails to which I didn't respond!) with a simple "thanks for taking the time to read my profile, but I don't think we'd be a good match"...
Is that TOO MUCH to ask for in return?
Thanks for posting this!!!  | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:28:14 AM |
I'm with Bob on this one.
In fact, ladies, Jim and I are the only two guys on this whole site worth knowing. Stop looking now. Pick one of us and send an email NOW. You have found perfection!!! Once you get to know me, you will learn that I have other delusions, as well as this one. | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 1:57:45 PM | Bob, after that remark, please inform me of your address. I have a .12ga I'd like you to meet  | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:37:33 PM |
In fact, ladies, Jim and I are the only two guys on this whole site worth knowing. Stop looking now. Pick one of us and send an email NOW. You have found perfection!!!
That's right Bob. Glad you said it!
Poor little moths. they beat their wings against the bright lights of our personalities. Strew our path with flowers, herald our entrance, ring on... we come. Ah, there is something about us....what is the word?...modest.. no that's not it, delusional... yeah, that must be it!
Hey Bob, if we add Cajun...you know, as in the three musketeers, maybe he'll forget that darn 12 Ga. What d ya think?
OK, ladies, start writing! Promise to reply. (wink) | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:59:53 PM | | THANK YOU SPACEY!! enough said | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:03:48 PM | Dang.........And.........All this time.............I didn't know she was that way????? | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:09:40 PM | | Yes, you have me right on it. I like women too. I'll be a lesbian for life. Is there a club I can join??? | |
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| :fishing:
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:25:15 PM | Humm, ya think so??? Would not even expect anything different from ya. You are a class act by all means.
BTW, have a few more  | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:00:35 PM | Ha Ha Laura, maybe Bob and Cajun should GET a room!
(I AM staying out of this, I DID NOT say that, oops, yes I did)
Diplomacy or Deception? I'd say judging by most of the answers on here, a serious lack of diplomacy. | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:14:35 PM | | Cajun, I think Hallie is jealous that you love me more than you love her. Please send her a kiss to make her feel better. | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:23:54 PM | | Hallie, FORGET the "power of now", just ask Cajun anything YOU Want....just make SURE you preface it with: "I respectfully REQUEST"..........He is such a prolific reader, a learned man, and so concerned with OTHER people's feelings, that I FEEL sure that you will IMMEDIATELY get a "KISS"........maybe even more!!!!!!! | |
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| Diplomacy or Deception??
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:34:57 PM | ummm I thought I made it clear that's not what I want.
I believe I said that with diplomacy and not deception. | |
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