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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/7/2009 11:45:28 PM | OK...I usually find myself answering these cuz I like to help people where I can with the knowledge and wisdom I have....But I got an issue thats been baffling me ever since it happened. So maybe some of ya'll can help me out here....
Its safe to say we ALL have our lil fetishes when it comes to sex....Personally, I seriously enjoy getting a woman off as much as I possibly can. I enjoy doing EVERYTHING and anything to get my partner off as much as possible each and every time(I dont even care if I get off or not)....If she doesnt cum at LEAST once or twice, Im just not satisfied.
Now, considering most guys go their entire lives never giving ANY woman an orgasm, you'd think any woman would be thrilled at the prospect of multiple orgasms EVERYTIME...But Ive run into a couple women who got extremely upset when and if I didnt get off myself....Regardless of how much I obviously enjoyed myself...When I explained WHY I didnt care if I got off or not, they flipped like I had done something wrong.(Which tripped me out, cuz after 5 orgasms you'd figure shed be too tired to ****)
Any thoughts on this? | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:03:09 AM | | Ya think maybe her 'fetish' may be seeing you pleased ? Every person is different. In most cases like you imply, it suggests a control issue you may have in the bed, or she just sees it that way. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:05:44 AM | Mystic, since you stated you like the knowledge you have to share, I would like to ask this, if about 60% of all women have problems achieving an orgasm, then has it occurred to you it is possible that at least a portion of these women have been faking, and are waiting to feel the satisfaction that YOU came???
You did state that there are men who never get a woman to orgasm, which is probably very correct, however since some women have issues with being able to orgasm, for a multitude of reasons, it may be possible that they enjoy the ride just as much as you with out them having an orgasm. Thus they are feeling emotionally cheated, or maybe even that their is something wrong with them, because you the man did not orgasm, and if you didn't orgasm, how could it be pleasurable??? This is the question you are asking about women correct?
Some people have been brain washed to believe that the ultimate of intimacy is the orgasm, therefore you may be encountering women, that feel you aren't having the ultimate experience, and they some how failed at their JOB.
I can't say that you have never gotten a woman to orgasm always, let alone multiple times, BUT I can say statistically that could be going against you, and if a gal IS faking, so as to see YOU orgasm, she may be frustrated... Just the same as some men get really bent if the woman doesn't orgasm..
Of course women can encounter the guy who is strictly about themselves, and therefore they have not learned that it IS pleasurable for a guy to have a woman orgasm. Like I said, it may be they are faking it, and are wondering how many times they have to fake, til you stop, or orgasm...
IDK, just a thought... | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:06:22 AM | You're not allowing them to have the same pleasure as you - to be a part of their partners orgasm.
Because you are intent on "giving", which is really you taking pleasure in the form of assisting a woman's orgasm and then not allowing them to be an equal part in your pleasure - you are still being controlling. Most women don't care for that. A lot of women do not like being treated like a toy in the sense that the man prefers to get them off by the number of orgasms instead of focusing on the overall experience - which is about two people giving and receiving - equally satisfying in their own way.
I know that the last man I was with was an orgasm junkie - he put value on himself by the number of orgasms a woman would have, the higher the number, the better he felt about himself as a lover. That's well and fine if he was with someone that was seeking out a number. I was about the joy of sensations, various touches, intensities, visuals - the extended foreplay is so incredibly pleasureable to me, not some big bang end result...not that those aren't fun as well.
I think what you are doing - that many make the mistake of - in and out of the bedroom...is thinking that your opinion of good sex should be the same as every woman you are with? This is not a value judgment, it's neither good nor bad....it's simply different.
A man having an orgasm is a truly beautiful thing to observe. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 1:13:03 AM | Yes I had a bf like that. I told him from the start that I really wasnt that keen on giving oral and that I didnt have a lot of xperieince of it but he wanted to anyway and he really seemed to enjoy it. I questioned him and he said he just loves seeing a woman satisfied.
It does seem a little odd to not be too bothered youreself abt "getting off" but i just left it and let him get on with it | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 1:29:39 AM | Sex is supposed to be mutually satisfying.
Did it not occur to you that they might get off on pleasing you as well?
If only one person is getting off then it seems more like a service.
Hey, are you one of those guys that gets off on being a slave?
If so then, seeing as the economy is so bad, I'm pretty sure you would be in high demand if you'd also throw in some housekeeping and lawn maintenance. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 1:50:06 AM | Hey,Op....good job in trying to get more women interested in you with this Thread,
You're inbox should be overflowing now........
Which tripped me out, cuz after 5 orgasms you'd figure shed be too tired to ****)
Doesnt matter how many orgasms i have,im still up for more.....
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:28:05 AM | @ skyzeus ^^^^^
Ok man, we get what your trying to say - that both people care about sex and it is mutual. But did you have to say the same thing 4 TIMES?!! Now your the one yapping friend, it sounds as if YOU care if he gets of or not too! 
@ OP you need to listen to Respited heart, she put it perfectly, sex is about both partners being satified together and because of each other. One thing that may have been going through these offended girls heads is "Ok so he doesn't care if he get off from me. Does that mean he doen't find me attractive and so thinks he can't?"
There is also the factor that has been mentioned, she could get turned on by that just as much as you do and she just wants the satisfaction of knowing she made you explode!!  
 M-Bomb | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:07:58 AM | Its been my experience that most womans problems were emotional.....they werent relaxed....once they were relaxed and the time was taken as maybe....massages,kissing,touching,even talking.....they are more likely to reach an orgasm during the sexual experience...and as for faking it....Im no big head but....I would know if they faked it.....as for how....very few have an orgasm by intercourse....oh I ve been with some that have but few do...Im big on oral and thru those actions....and how the female body reacts...would be impossible for a woman to fake that....ie...thru swelling,aroma,etc..etc. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:56:13 AM | My experiences have been that it is as important for her as it was for me to bring that pleasure. I agree that I could go on and on and never have to have one to feel satisfied. But, I feel that it would be the same feeling for her that it would be for me. What I mean by that is if I really am trying to pleasure my woman and feel that I have done what I can and she doesn't climax, I would feel really let down... and thank you wonderful women that do fake it if it didn't happen.... lol
I learned the SWIRL technique when I was young... had a very good teacher in an older woman. Taught me a lot in the difference in having sex and making romance / love. I don't care if I am first or not, but I can usually take care of that concern orally prior to penetration. It's all about paying attention to the non-verbal. Now for turnabout, say she felt the same way... I read a couple of posts that hit this right on the head - excuse the pun... But, if she was committed to bringing me pleasure in the affairs of the heart, wouldn't she feel a bit deflated if I didn't get mine just as I would feel deflated if she didn't get hers.
I agree that I don't have to for me to enjoy it to the max. I can have a wonderful time and it would be incredible.... But, if I didn't climax, it wouldn't change the feeling one bit. But, she would know and it would bother her the same as it would bother me. | |
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Dagaz!
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Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 12 | |
| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:10:44 AM | | For me: mental stimulation, lots and lots of foreplay including oral for both, with more delicious foreplay, then intercourse. And not rolling over right away. Love the cuddling afterwards. I love to know that a man could cum during intercourse, but if for a reason he couldn't and he explained why, I would be okay with that. At least the oral would work for him. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:16:56 AM | OP - although a vast number of men think that all women are selfish in the bedroom, most women want to please their men as much as they are being satisfied.
You say you got your gf off at least 5 times - well, if I was your gf, I'm sure I would be physically satisfied but mentally I'm aware of you keeping score of how many times you've made me cum and that I am a failure as a sexually attractive woman because you didn't cum.
I used to date a guy who was like this. He never cared if he came or not. And after a few times in the sack of Me = 3 Orgasms, Him = nothing, it made me feel like I wasn't sexy enough; all sorts of thoughts went through my head that my thighs were too fat or he noticed my stretch marks or that my boobs weren't big enough, yada yada ya. He put so much emphasis on making me cum that it turned into a chore for me. I wanted to make him as pleased as I was but it got to the point I would fake it so I could concentrate on him. Believe it or not, people want balance in and out of the bedroom. We want to share the fun and pleasure. Stop being such a control freak. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:02:03 AM | JS104C1 said:
Hey OP, you forgot to mention how you have a 13 inch c0ck and more money than Trump..........lol whatta tool.
Bwahaha! Gotta love the youngin's who want to share their vast knowledge. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:24:48 AM | First off OP I admire your desire to please your lover; however,
If she doesnt cum at LEAST once or twice, I’m just not satisfied. statements like this one tell me that you are putting too much pressure on her to orgasm. Don't get me wrong; I'm all about giving my lover as many orgasms as she can possibly have; AND I don't need to get off every time myself either; HOWEVER, if, for whatever reason, she doesn't orgasm, I'm cool with that as well, and I let her know that; I just ask that she let me know what she likes; and helps me to learn the techniques that give her the most pleasure. FYI, one trick I've learned to help assure that she does have at least one orgasm is to entice her to break out her toys, and/or masturbate. While I may not be able to hit all the right spots with the correct technique; SHE d*mn sure knows how to get herself there. As numerous posters have mentioned, sex is about MUTUAL pleasure. Nobody orgasms every time; at least nobody my age or older, LOL; so the goal is for a mutually fulfilling pleasurable experience. Note that numerous female posters have stated that THEY are not completely satisfied, OR that they somehow blame themselves, if their lover doesn't cum. I've had lovers who put out almost NO effort in order to give me an orgasm who were still upset if I didn't have one. So, with that said, if you don't orgasm every time, or sometimes have difficulties having an orgasm, let her know that UP FRONT, so she KNOWS not to be stressed out, or beat herself up, if you don't orgasm. Also, STOP putting so much pressure on her to orgasm; as several female posters also stated, that takes a lot of the pleasure out of it for them.
Now, considering most guys go their entire lives never giving ANY woman an orgasm, you'd think any woman would be thrilled at the prospect of multiple orgasms EVERYTIME Another thing, you're way overestimating your prowess here. Admittedly, I'm the only guy I've ever seen have sex; but my impression is that while many guys may be less than enthusiastic, or not overly skilled, they STILL manage to give at least SOME of their lovers orgasms. I have no idea the statistics on what percentage of guys NEVER give a lover an orgasm; OR what percentage routinely give their lovers multiple orgasms; but my bet is that the number who NEVER give their lovers an orgasm is fairly small; and the number who routinely give their lovers multiples is probably larger than you think.
Bottom line: COMMUNICATE. Let your lovers know UP FRONT that you may, or may not, orgasm; AND that it has NOTHING to do with their skill, OR your desire for them; AND, that while you'll try, it ALSO ok if THEY don't cum. Get them to tell you what they like, and show you how to do it; do the best you can; and, if push comes to shove, encourage them to masturbate, and/or break out their toys. In the end, if they DON'T orgasm, that's OK too; at least you learned a lot about that lover. It's far better for you to KNOW that they didn't cum, than it is for them to fake it. For them to be relaxed enough NOT to orgasm, AND at the same time feel comfortable and satisfied with you, says a lot; and, if they fake it, you think you did what they needed, and DON'T KNOW that you still have a lot to learn with them. ie, their faking it teaches you to be a bad lover, so lighten up.  female posters also stated, that takes a lot of the pleasure out of it for them. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:53:11 AM |
Now, considering most guys go their entire lives never giving ANY woman an orgasm
I got a pretty good chuckle out of this line myself..
While I think being a considerate lover is very important in a sexual relationship.. mutual pleasure is the goal..being a team. Just caring about making a woman orgasm is a little bit like using her physical responses to you, to masturbate your brain, rather than any sort of harmony. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:55:42 AM | OP... you basically answered your own damn question. If you totally love to give and want your partner to orgasm as much as possible, then doesn't it stand to figure that WOMEN think the same??? While I understand there is all levels of enjoyable that don't necessarily have to include orgasms, there are women that need to see the fruits of their labour. They want to SHARE.
I have met a man like you, I enjoyed him after the initial reaction of "huh, perhaps he doesn't like what I am doing or how I look or how I am in bed". He quickly assured me the compliment was high, that women he is not that into he only lasts a few minutes. His reasoning was sound, we saw each other a number of months and fell in love. Only a couple times did he cum quickly and they were new activities that he couldn't hold out as he normally liked to. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:20:28 PM | | Some women don't like it when a guy doesn't cum it makes them feel as they are not sexy enough even if I gave them multible orgasms. It's happened to me. Maybe they were not exciting enough and my mind was not stimulated. It didn't really bother me, it was fun and it usually gets better if there is a second or third time. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:06:10 PM | A study out of Ottawa looked interesting.
In a nutshell true fulfillment for lovers happens between the ears and in the heart.
The list of eight components for great sex seems like pretty much a no-brainer for most couples who do have great sex but is apparently a breakthrough discovery for the experts.
What I HOPE the Technique provides for many couples is a way to have the intimacy that is only attained by real lovers AND mind blowing ORGASMS - as many as she wants whenever she wants. It sounds great to get all philosophical about great sex and reveal to the world that it comes from something a little more profound than how PIV is performed but with the Technique most couples CAN have the deep emotional bond AND great O's for her too. Many of the posts and PMs to me suggest that the discovery of these easy-to-achieve multiple orgasms have brought them to a much closer more loving place in an already good relationship. Icing on the cake.
The recipe for great sex: orgasm optional, research finds
Put away your vacuum pump, heavy-duty auto booster cables and edible latex Brad Pitt face mask-and-abs combo.
According to a study released Thursday, such items are simply litter along the road to great sex.
The study, titled The Components of Optimal Sexuality: A Portrait of 'Great Sex', suggests that sexual fulfilment has far less to do with technique and perfect bodies -- elements most often ascribed great significance by popular culture -- and more to do with such factors as presence, connection and erotic intimacy.
"Unfortunately, popular culture tells people that great sex is about varying your routines, trying new positions, buying new sex toys," says Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, lead author of the study.
"All you have to do is stand in line at any check-out counter and you see magazines that are blaring these headlines -- 'We have the secret!'
"Many people have bought into the message that if your sex life seems kind of dull, just spice it up."
This sort of marketing, says Kleinplatz, a sex therapist and psychologist with the University of Ottawa's faculty of medicine whose work has focused on eroticism for two decades, succeeds only in making people feel insecure about their sexuality and uneducated about sexual technique.
"There is plenty of evidence that most people believe that the secret to sexual fulfilment is technical," she says, "that it's about better manual and oral stimulation techniques."
Kleinplatz's ongoing five-year study, however, was the first to look at what specific factors constitute great sex, and came up with some unexpected findings.
"No one had bothered to investigate empirically what makes for memorable, fulfilling, optimal sexuality," she says. "There's been a lot of speculation, and in the absence of any empirical investigation, the messages put out by the media have been able to flourish -- there was a vacuum of information.
"So my research team set out to find out what really does stand out in people's experience and their memories of what makes sex exceptional, rather than merely functional.
"Most people," she adds, "want the stuff that dreams are made of."
Significantly and surprisingly, says Kleinplatz, the study found two areas on which participants placed extremely little importance: intense physical sensation and orgasm, and lust, desire, chemistry and attraction.
"What's interesting about the two minor components is that they're minor," she says. "So we now have empirical evidence that what most people think of as the major components are all but irrelevant."
In fact, when participants were asked about the role that orgasm played in great sex, more said it was not terribly important.
"You could have terrible sex with orgasms and despite orgasms," says Kleinplatz, "but you could have optimal sexuality without orgasm."
These findings are significant, she says, because knowing what constitutes great sex is the first step in getting there.
"I'm already applying these findings in my own clinical work," she says. "For me, one of the most remarkable things about this study is the finding that there were many people who are elderly, and chronically ill or disabled, and continuing to experience optimal sexuality.
"That seems like an encouraging finding."
For the study, Kleinplatz and colleague Dana Ménard interviewed 64 people -- from all over the world but most from the U.S. -- who had experienced great sex.
Twenty-five of those were 60 or older -- recruited specifically for their age and experience in long-term relationships.
"Who better to learn from than the experts?" she says. "People who have managed to make optimal sexuality last a lifetime."
A further 19 of the study's volunteers identified themselves with sexual minority groups, such as gays and bisexuals.
That the findings from these two groups were so similar Kleinplatz describes as one of the more surprising results of their research.
"They were identical," she says. "Regardless of differences in socio-economic background, educational background and life experience, anyone who had experienced optimal sexuality described it in close to identical terms."
The remaining 20 participants were sex therapists. In all, 34 men and 30 women took part, ranging in age from 23 to 82.
The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality is published by the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada.
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Eight Elements of Great Sex
Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz research identified eight components that significantly contribute to excellent sex:
1. Being present, focused and embodied
According to the study, being fully and completely present during sexual experiences was the first and most frequently mentioned factor contributing to great sex. As one woman described, 'You are not a person in a situation. You are it. You are the situation.'
'It's being fully alive,' says Kleinplatz, 'in one's skin, engaged with the partner -- emotionally, intellectually, physically, spiritually -- in the moment.'
2. Connection, alignment, merger, being in sync
The report, printed Thursday in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, notes that 'the depth of the connection between partners was one of the most critical elements of the experience regardless of duration of the relationship.'
3. Deep sexual and erotic intimacy
Kleinplatz describes this as the foundation of a relationship in which optimal sexuality becomes a possibility. It involves deep mutual respect, caring, genuine acceptance and admiration. As Kleinplatz notes, 'you can't trust just anyone.'
4. Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy
While marital counsellors are trained in teaching communications skills to clients, Kleinplatz describes the study's participants as having 'black belts' in communications.
'These weren't people who learned all about the other sex's genitalia and then just applied the technique,' she says. 'These were people who were so engaged in and with their partners' bodies that they could read their partners' responses, not only touching them, but feeling them."
5. Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency
'This is pretty much the opposite of self-consciousness,' says Kleinplatz. 'It's allowing oneself to be emotionally naked while being seen by a partner.' One of the study's subjects noted 'I don't know that I'm capable of having great sex anymore without caring about a partner.'
6. Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing
Participants in the study often reported a sense of timelessness or the infinite during great sex. 'There was often a moment of aliveness beyond anything they'd experienced before,' says Kleinplatz. 'Their experience often really was exalted, and (the subjects) would use language borrowed from religion to describe it, because there are no words in the vocabulary of sexology to describe it.'
7. Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun
This, says Kleinplatz, is where participants describe sex as an adventure. She uses a line from The Who song Bargain: 'I'm looking for a free ride to me. I'm looking for you.'
'I've always thought it was one of the most erotic lines I've heard,' she adds. 'This is about being on a journey of self-discovery, with sex as the pathway.
'And it's also a lot of fun.'
8. Vulnerability and surrender
'If authenticity is about what's happening within and choosing to be emotionally naked,' Kleinplatz explains, 'vulnerability is more about the willingness to be seen naked. It's an awareness that I'm letting you inside of me, penetrating one another's souls.'s
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Life/re...587/story.html
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:16:38 PM | | OP, you sound sorta like me but a bit more intense. I like to give my partner an orgasm a couple times, usually ends up being 2 or 3 before I actually cum. I want to please my partner, but at the same time you have to remember that they want to do the same so if you don't cum, it's disappointing to them and they may feel that they're doing something wrong, you're not attracted or any other reason. Do your partners a favor and cum :) | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:14:19 PM | are ya listening OP?
There are many women that think the greatest joy on Earth is giving their man an earth shattering orgasm.....
A great lover.....not only knows how to give.....but know how to graciously recieve as well. | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:24:38 PM | | The best relationships have a mutual thrill in giving one another pleasure - so if it becomes too one sided - then the relationship will suffer in my opinion! | |
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| Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth....
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:23:06 PM | Part of this is just REALITY. A lover can want to give me as much pleasure as she can but guys are built to go bang once or twice (my age - a tad more ammo if younger) and be REALLY REALLY happy. A woman on the other hand can cum a dozen, two dozen or 100 + times a night depending on her physical endurance and the lover she is with.
If she KNOWS that whatever she has done has blown his socks off then she can lie back and enjoy her man giving her the orgasms - the number, the intensity, the type that she desires. They both know there is NO WAY she can give her man 100 or more orgasms so all she has to do is her best. After that IMHO it is a thrill, an honour, an absolute freakking DELIGHT to take her to the edge of space and back. It's not hard to do and I don't believe for a second that if that dynamic exists between two lovers there would be any animosity or jealousy because SHE can orgasm more than he can.
A great lover... not only knows how to giv....but know how to graciously recieve as well.
I used to joke with my ex that she "owed" me about 8,000. She came a minimum of a dozen times a night every night we were together for the last two years she was with me. The 8,000 figure was probably a bit low. We loved doing marathons. Seriously, if I had had that many orgasms in two years I would have died long before she did. Women are built to enjoy that and are fully capable of achieving that. With the right guy she will flower and he will wallow in her pleasure and lust and be aahhmaaazed at her ability to G-Gasms over and over and over ...... | |
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