| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:34:14 AM | I dated her for years, three to be exact. Might not seem like a long time to some but it was for me. We were friends for a few months before and she wanted to be friends after she broke things off with me but I couldn't do that. I was a freshmen in College when we started dating now I just finished my senior year. I've had girlfriends before but none like this one, I can honestly say she was the first person I loved. I loved her day in and day out every day till she called it off. We fought a few times and I will admit it was unnecessary at times. She told me I was the greatest guy ever and used to brag to her friends about me and how great I was. She told me she loved me all the time. I remember when her grandma died a few years ago I had just dropped her off at her place then she called me crying. I ran 6 blocks from my place to hers to hold her all night, she didn't have a car, so I took off school and work the next 3 days so we could go back to her hometown to see her family and for the funeral.
One night her parents and her got into a big argument and she packed her bags and left her home in the middle of the winter, she called me and I drove through an ice storm a half hour to come pick her up. I took her back to my parents house and she stayed with us for the next 3-4 days. A little over a year ago she thought she was pregnant and was scared and didn't know what to do, I went to the store and bought the tests and brought them back to her, she wasn't but it was something I was ready to face if she was. A few months before we broke up I was staying at her place at school and 6 guys broke in and started yelling at her roommates saying they were going to break their stuff and pee all over their beds and steal things. I ran down the stairs immediately and yelled at them to get the hell out of here, and told them they were a bunch of punks to break in like that on 4 girls and scare the hell out of them. I didn't think I could take them all but I guess I looked tough enough to get them all outside and away from the house.
Anyways I say all of that to say this, she broke up with me after 3 years of telling me she loves me, and a week later she called me to tell me she had a date for valentines day and I said why would you do that? She said she just wanted me to know because they were probably gonna start dating and it was only fair for me to know, well she was right they did start dating. She called me every week or 2 to see how I was doing and I told her one last time I love you and you've hurt me I don't know what to say anymore, just that I love you and I don't understand and that I hope that your happy and everything goes good for her.
I told her all of that even though part of me wanted to curse and call names, but I felt I needed to just tell her that one last time so I did. I haven't talked to her since then, it's been over 6 months now. I had a very hard time at first, I wanted to kill myself for about 3 months, then I tried getting back out there, now I don't try so much. I just hang out with the guys and try to be as happy as I know how to be. I guess I'm just a little lost though, I haven't hugged or kissed a girl since her it's been a long while.
I'm actually ready to meet someone new, I'm only writing this because I don't understand where things went wrong and I feel like a part of me will always be gone now. Again though I don't normally talk about this, I usually don't even think that much about her anymore because I don't think it would be fair to a new girlfriend if I was still hung up on my past. I guess I'm just having a hard time actually finding a new girlfriend right now, I don't want just anyone, I want someone who when they start to tell you they love you, they mean it and if we've been dating for over a year or 2 it's for a reason not just because your not sure what you want. So feel free to comment if you'd like, I could probably use advice but I'm not some complete loser I'm just a guy who doesn't want to meet his next girlfriend at a bar I guess. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:22:20 AM | I am... truly very sorry you had to go through that...
If its any consolation, I know how you feel. I've been through that twice myself.
And... You know, everyday I think about it.. I think, "was it me?" "did I do something wrong" And all in all, it isn't... the person.. it wasn't me, it wasn't you.
Love.... is a very powerful thing... It can make anyone happy, but it can bring the strongest person down to the ground when it fails.
Love... isn't like it once was back when our parents were growing up, even back before their days. It's changed...
It just seems... nowadays, its how many people a person can sleep with...
Theres no more romance...
Theres no more "true love"
Just pain...
More people are so concerned about how the person their with, or will be with looks like, that personality just doesn't even take affect anymore.. And it breaks my heart to see.
I think what most people fail to realize is, when you turn 40 and 50 and 60 and so on and so forth.. your not gonna give a damn what your spouse looks like, because their going to be older, wrinkly, may have put on a few pounds.. may become sick.. whatever it may be... just like you've become.
People fail to realize that in the end.. personality shines through more than anything.
This... girl.. It sounds like you bent over backwards for her... And it seems like... in the end to me that is, that it didn't matter. Or.. she wanted to see what else is out there...
But though process on that is.. If you are truly happy with the person your with... whether they are your first or second love... why give up that happiness to see what else is out there? To me it makes no sense.
I understand your pain, I know how you feel.
But just remember.... there is a future, and there is more happy times coming.
If this girl didn't see what she had in front of her... Than really.. its her loss.
But if you remain strong... remain yourself. Things will only get better.
-Erin | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:15:16 PM | | Thanks to everyone, I understand your right like I said it's just the way it happened that doesn't make sense to me. Who tells you they love you for 3 years and literally tells you they still love you then they just up and disappear? but again I'm just having trouble figuring out how to find my next girlfriend, I mean this isn't highschool anymore and like I said I'm not looking for some crazy partier at a club or bar either. I mean I go out now and then but idk, I'm just hoping to find someone in the near future, I'm in no rush but it's nice to have someone around. And I'm not getting any younger either but that's another topic all together. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:20:34 AM | [quote=austwadd22]it's just the way it happened that doesn't make sense to me. Who tells you they love you for 3 years and literally tells you they still love you then they just up and disappear?
I can understand not communicating with her because it is too painful to be reminded of the loss. On the other hand, the only way you are going to find out what happened is if she tells you. But does she know what happened? She probably did love you but then ..... . A lot of people go through life not knowing their own feelings but if she is not one of those people then she could tell you what happened. But would she tell you what happened? She might think she is doing you a favor by not hurting your feelings by not saying why she broke up. She might be ashamed to tell you that she fell for some other guy before she broke up with you.
You don't necessarily need to find out what happened but I think you deserve an honest explanation if you want one.
It does not sound like you are really all that old. You probably got lucky by losing this woman and something better is around the corner. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:06:22 PM | | I know why, like I said earlier, she has a new boyfriend and she was flirting around with him before she broke up with me from what her friends told me. The very night she broke it off with me after 3 years she had him over to her place. I don't know what to say I just really want to meet someone new and I don't know how anymore, I go out on occassion and I don't have to much trouble talking to women, I just can't seem to find someone interested or that I like too. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:33:26 AM | I've seen posts like this alot. I find it odd that when people hear the words "I love you" they are also hearing the word "forever." People fall out of love almost as easily as they fall in love these days. Everyone has been in your shoes before, wandering what went wrong and why the other person left. The simple truth could be that he/she just doesn't love you anymore. It's an awful thing to imagine, but it can make the healing process come on a little quicker when you stop looking for something to fix about yourself to make a person come back. You have to realize that sometimes feelings fade. The butterflies that were there in the beginning just aren't anymore. Please don't think I'm being heartless because God knows I've been through this before. Isn't it exciting to think that someday you'll find someone that will always have those butterflies? Someone that won't fall out of love? Think about how wonderful that will be.
-Laura | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/12/2009 3:25:47 AM | | Laura I do appreciate the input, it makes a lot of sense actually. However I never once mentioned forever, I have been careful in all of my relationships not to throw terms or ideas around like that. She used to tell me how she wanted to get married someday to me, and how we would get old together and blah blah blah, But my point is I never said no to these ideas, but I also never jumped at them. I told her that it was the path we were headed towards but I also told her that getting out of college would be a priority before that. She agreed and said that's what she wanted too. I find for me at least that girls tend to talk more about "forever" than I do. But then when you give them the impression that it could be, a curveball comes at you and life restarts. But my message was more about trying to learn from the past, I'm not hung up on her, I really don't mention her, or even think about her that much outside of these forums. I guess it's just advice or input that I'm here for. So thanks for yours, but what I'm really getting at is, how do I find my next girlfriend? where do I find her? how do you know when a girl is interested for sure? how to approach someone your interested in? that's my main issue right now. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:38:17 PM |  ............. That's a pretty crappy story. I hope it feels good to get out. I have to say it sounds like you took it well overall and I wish I had had the patience you did when my ex did that. It's a pretty similar story actually. Normally I'm a pretty big jerk in these forums but in this case I think you'll be fine. You'll meet someone in time....no need to rush. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 9/17/2009 11:41:22 AM | | Sorry to hear your story. Sadly, people can genuinely love someone but not want to stay with them. It's because the love they feel is for a good friend not that mad, passionate in love feeling. I've had something similar happen to me, the 'I love you' bit followed about two weeks later by them leaving. Either they were lying to me and possibly to themselves or, one theory I have is that people are attracted elsewhere and then try to justify leaving to themselves. They know they will hurt their partner and feel guilty at the prospect, so they start talking about your good qualities and how much they love you. It's almost as if they are saying 'I love you and you are a really nice person' *but* I'm also attracted to this woman I met last night, only they don't verbalise the *but etc.* part until they actually leave. Yes, it is horribly confusing and leaves a scar, but don't let this woman spoil your love life in the future because of it. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 9/17/2009 12:26:29 PM | OP, hey man I hope you check your threads and write back how you are doing now. You're 22, young, listen when I was your age my heart was broken three times, and it's been broken a few more times since then. You will get past this, trust me, you'll get in another relationship that will exhibit all sorts of qualities that didn't exist in your 3 year relationship with this woman.
I like how you took the high road with this woman when she broke up with you. Not all of us were that smart when we were 22 and a biotch broke up with us!
She really did you a favor; you'll recognize this when you are in your next relationship, or when you run into her and she's not involved with someone and tries to pull on your strings to get your sympathy, etc. All the time--People get emotionally divorced from their partner before they break up with them. It's a blindside to the breakupee--certainly not to the breakuper--very often they just immediately slide right into another relationship. Happened to me once in my 30s--with a woman who told me she's spent only three weeks of her adult life NOT in a relationship. She breaks up with me--WHAMMO--I'm on the phone a week later to find out why--she makes up three total bullshit reasons why she broke up with me, and tells me that she's with someone else.
A breakup ain't the end of the world. It really is actually the beginning of something better. Good luck to you dude!  | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:22:36 PM | You wanted to kill yourself???? Over someone flaky like her? Why?
Hey! Life goes on! You have way bigger fish to fry than worrying over a relationship gone bad.
What kind of person wants to end their life (lack of gratitude for being alive in the first place?) because someone has broken up with them? That isn't normal. THAT is a state of mental disorder. Don't even go there! Find any way you can to move on and do it! Your mental health depends on it. It is your thinking that is catastrophic, NOT your situation.
How incredibly heavily you attached yourself to her is the problem. I couldn't handle that kind of suffocation but I'm wagering she stayed in your life because she was afraid you WOULD kill yourself.
Get some psychological help. Your problems go beyond the scope of what this thread or any advice can offer you.
And stop minimizing suicidal tendencies! It's NOT normal. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:08:39 AM | ++ know why, like I said earlier, she has a new boyfriend and she was flirting around with him before she broke up with me from what her friends told me. The very night she broke it off with me after 3 years she had him over to her place.++
That says it all right there. Sorry, but your ex is a bit of a ho and was probably banging this guy while she was with you. She noticed his grass was greener than yours and decided to hop the fence. | |
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| I don't know why I smile anymore, I never thought a girl could impact me like this.
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:13:11 AM | Yeah, it sucks. Just chalk it up to "not being the right one" and remember that you were one of the lucky few that got to experience love in the first place, no matter how long it lasted.
And STOP trying to find a girlfriend. Just stop. Don't try and find a girlfriend until you are truly over the last one. It isn't fair, and it makes you look like a moping fool to the next girl you hang out with. You will also try and make the new one like your old girlfriend when they are altogether a different person.
I would recommend avoiding the dating scene for a while, focusing on your own happiness and moulding yourself into the person you've always wanted to be, and then the right girl will come to you. | |
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