| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:48:43 AM | | my bf says he loves me, been together 3 yrs, engaged aswell... but we get on for about a week then all of a sudden he tells me to leave him alone, delete his number... then bout three days later his sorry for wot he did... y??? cuz im not a yoyo and he hurts me really bad with the things he says... makes me hate him and messes up my head | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:54:41 AM | Well, if he got to the engaged part, maybe he just got cold feet on commitment. You're young, so I'm assuming he is too. I'm guessing that he thought he was ready to settle down, and when he had a second thought on the subject learned that he wasn't. Then he learned that he couldn't live without you.
You know, marriage is a big step - you're giving up part of your freedom. It might be a roller-coaster for a while up until you do down the aisle. If he feels comfortable with it, ask him if he wants to talk about it. My guess is that he won't, but he probably would appreciate the thought of concern.
I wish you the best.
edit: *Sigh* I didn't want to bring it up but ... I did the same thing before my marriage. However, my marriage lased nine years, I don't regret at day, and it wasn't the reason for my divorce. It happens to a lot of guys during an engagement. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:56:14 AM | sorry to say.....your bf has emotional issues (bi-polar??).
if you care about him...you need to address this issue with him before you walk down that aisle. if not, then you need to cut the cord.....because marriage isn't going to resolve this problem.
the only other thing I can think of is that he has a slam-piece on the side and he is trying to get you to break up with him rather than doing it himself.
good luck. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:57:41 AM | You have 2 feet right?
Walk, skip, hop, dance, jog, stroll, canter, meander, run, waltz..etc
away at a nice leisurely pace. Why would you give someone another chance after acting so imaturely?
We have no idea what the whole story is, you only told us what he did, not what you did. So if you want justification, you should pony up the whole story. | |
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OKRob
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Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 5 | |
| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:02:44 AM | | You might be the woman he wants but he is just not ready yet. Engagement shouldn't mean that you're in each others pockets. Have your own lives as well. Give each other a tiny bit of space and the times you are together will hopefully mean more. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:22:20 AM |
You know, marriage is a big step - you're giving up part of your freedom.
Freedom, rights, assets... I could keep listing. Point is, there are very few valid reasons for men to marry, reasons FAR outweighed by the possible pitfalls, and he's rightfully concerned. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:28:45 AM | You are 20 years old and have been dating and engaged to this guy for three years? How old is the guy?
Your ages may explain a lot of the issue... | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:09:08 PM | Bottom line: Sounds like he's not ready to get married or be in the kind of relationship you are hoping for. And here's my opinion but at 20 yrs old you have no reason to be thinking about getting married. Go out and have as fun as much fun as you can as long as you can and don't make your life difficult be thinking about getting married that time will come. And that time is in your late 20's and older.
As for the guy I think you need find someone better, someone more stable. Don't know the whole story there but I see countless people put so much time and effort in to somebody, who does the things you write about ,and they think getting married will resolve the problems. I have yet to meet one person this works for. The best indication of someone's future is their past. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 1:04:34 PM | men do this regularly though not usually to the extreme that you are describing. It is perfectly normal to experience a man going through the "elastic-band" routine however. This is a regular and consistent pattern of drawing close to you and distancing himself from you.
It is important to know that you can not, nor should you even try to change the behavior. Men typically need time of closeness and distance and the routine is different based on the individual. The best you can do is to understand the cycle and learn how to support your man in it. If you do this, you will find that not only will the times of distance grow shorter, you will not feel upset anymore as you learn that it has nothing at all to do with you personally. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 1:40:40 PM | Perhaps you are lazy.
If you are too lazy to spell real words than I assume you are lazy in other aspects of your life.
Ted | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:11:21 PM | All these people diagnosing this guy from the comfort of your armchairs please go buy a copy of the DSM-IV, revised edition, read it carefully ... oh, and in the meantime shut up.
You're 20 ... ever consider it's a bit young to get hitched. If you love him, you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers for some explanation ... nor would you be prowling around POF at all in the first place.
Basically, my entire response is you're you're young and beautiful and that's how guys sometimes behave when trying to hold onto a stick of dynamite and the fuse has been lit. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:32:34 PM | | You're only 20. Dump that guy and go get yourself an education. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:37:22 PM | I would just like to note that the main reason why I said to try to talk with him and work through it is because your relationship has been three years. If this was just over a month, I'd dump him. However, there's a lot invested in a three year relationship.
Does he always act like this over the entire three years that you have known him? My assumption was no, since I doubt you would have accepted a marriage proposal from such a guy.
Figuring the magnitude of marriage, a "freak-out" is more than understandable in my book. Just as long as it isn't ALL THE TIME NOW ... | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:50:09 PM | So if you're getting married to him I guess you comprehend that things rarely become instantly wonderful just because you got married, instead, if things are mostly bad, it just gets worse  just in case you hadn't thought of an eternity of the same | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:59:32 PM | If you are going to get married then you should both be able to talk to one another about anything and mature enough to listen. If you cannot then its time to reconsider making such commitment now, you may need more time to be open with one another.
-G.
PS: Never, ever go to bed on an argument, ALWAYS talk it out. When your eyes shut you should both be back to being friends again. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:40:17 PM | I have just been reading some replies and I often wonder why people always think of things medically. I am willing to bet he isn't bi-polar. He is just scared of lasting commitment.
I feel he does love you but when he really thinks of the word "forever" it scares him and he pushes you away.
By the sounds of it you want commitment and forever and it doesn't sound like he can give you that - so if you stay it will be a repeating circle of getting close and then getting the cold shoulder - and everytime it happens you will lose more and more confidence.
Break it off and look for someone who can offer you what you are looking for and good luck with your search. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:16:08 PM | .
Can't decide whether to marry or run away.
Run away, see what happens.
Do as he asks, completely, and don't respond to him. See what happens. | |
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| y push me away?
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:46:40 PM | engaged three years / on a dating site/ young woman with immature boyfriend.... whats wrong with this picture ? EVERYTHING !!!!
p.s. spell check rocks !!! | |
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