| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:00:48 PM |  think about it. Your place, your independence. Not dating others, but your own home, time table. And when you get together with your long distance boyfriend, it's something to look forward to as it is not an everyday thing. Atleast initially, this is so appealing to me. I have been single and it would take some time to get used to being around someone every day and night I enjoy my personal space because I am a very creative person and need quiet to write, work on graphic art. So, if he has his creativity, hobbies, thats GREAT! But, ideally, long distance is what I would love, and I would relocate after a year of this. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:09:43 PM | I've fallen for a man who is a great distance from me (9200 mi), but he is arriving here in Florida on Sept. 30th. He'll be here for 3 months and we'll be able to see if this wonderful thing we have online transfers to the real world. We both believe it will. From then on, we want to be together forever. No more distance. By the time we are together, it will have been almost six months that we've known each other.
I can see, for you, where an LDR that isn't too terrible distant may make a lot of sense. You sound very grounded and self-sufficient as well as loving your privacy. If you can see the person occasionally it would be fine. But when they are too distant, the length of time between visits is unbearable.
I hope you find what you are looking for. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:10:46 PM | I can't figure out how you would choose someone to particpate in this exercise without getting to know them well first. To me, that means proximity at first. And, if it's so ideal, why relocate at all?
I know what you're saying but long-distance relationships face even more challenges to their stability than someone you would see somewhat frequently. Plenty of fish, and all. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:25:46 PM | | Well the truth of the matter is....it can work! Before online dating there were personals. My girlfriend dared me to place an ad and being me... well... of course I took her up on it. I won't go into details but I had an overwhelming response and out of it met my husband. We wrote and called each other for four months before we met and wow was it firey when we met in person! Let's see we started writing in Jan. ..met in April... and was married in Aug.....and stayed that way for 26 years before his death. Actually fell in love with his mind before him....If you find someone willing to do that, it can be an exciting adventure. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:57:38 PM | | I don't see why someone who lives locally would have to be around every day and night. I am not at all interested in living with someone or seeing them day and night, but long-distance relationships are for kids. Too much drama and emotion tied up with those weekend or monthly or whatever visits, with the big question of "who's going to move, and when, and will it work?" tied into every encounter. Not to mention how different people are when you live together than when they are online/on the phone. I'd much rather be involved with someone who lives in my town so we can get together when we want to but with no capital-R "Relationship" stuff hanging over our heads! | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:13:19 PM | think about it. Your place, your independence. Not dating others, but your own home, time table. And when you get together with your long distance boyfriend, it's something to look forward to as it is not an everyday thing. Atleast initially, this is so appealing to me. I have been single and it would take some time to get used to being around someone every day and night I enjoy my personal space because I am a very creative person and need quiet to write, work on graphic art. So, if he has his creativity, hobbies, thats GREAT! But, ideally, long distance is what I would love, and I would relocate after a year of this.
I have been thinking about it. I recently met someone who lives 2 hours away. Would it be ideal if you were the one who was expected to travel every couple of weeks? Would it be ideal if you were the one who eventually was expected to move into their home and give up your "personal space?" Sounds like ideally this would work for you temporarily, not permanently. If you fall in love, then you're in deep doo-doo (in the sense you have to sacrifice all that personal private space you need and want). I'm not trying to be facetious... it's something to really think about. You'd relocate and then... be OK without having the distance you think is a good thing?
I can't figure out how you would choose someone to particpate in this exercise without getting to know them well first. To me, that means proximity at first.
I agree with this 100%, which makes the situation so difficult. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:22:39 PM | Over the past couple of year, I have had several men think that I would be thrilled to jump into a long distance relationship with them, even though I have told them that I am not even looking for a relationship. Even before they have meet me, they are already planning to move from the USA to Canada, and assured me that getting a visa wouldn't be a problem. Never ceases to amaze me how many people think getting visas for another country is a piece of cake.
Long distance never has held an interest from me even when I really was interested in having a relationship.
A few men and women I have know have "fallen in love" on the net with someone who lives a great distance and even another country away. Each time when they have finally met, quickly they have realized that they have no chemistry. Each time the visitor has spent the rest of the visit glued to their host's/hostess's computer chatting with people from back home.
"Too much drama and emotion tied up with those weekend or monthly or whatever visits, with the big question of "who's going to move, and when, and will it work?"
I totally agree with the above statement especially when immigration is an issue.
I also wonder why when people contact me for a long distance relationship that they can't find one person in their state or province to have a relationship with. | |
|
| |
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:15:22 PM | I've had several long distance relationships. These are definitely not "just for kids". They work for as long as they need to, if both partners are committed and want to make them work. For us, the ultimate goal was relocation and living together.
My mom and her bf, though, see each other only on weekends, holidays, and are perfectly happy with it. They have been together for 30 years. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:33:19 PM |
I don't see why someone who lives locally would have to be around every day and night. I am not at all interested in living with someone or seeing them day and night, but long-distance relationships are for kids. Too much drama and emotion tied up with those weekend or monthly or whatever visits, with the big question of "who's going to move, and when, and will it work?" tied into every encounter. Not to mention how different people are when you live together than when they are online/on the phone. I'd much rather be involved with someone who lives in my town so we can get together when we want to but with no capital-R "Relationship" stuff hanging over our heads!
...Wow, I could have penned this. My feelings exactly. I was just remarking in another thread recently that after being single for so long I don't know how good I would be at being part of a couple "live-in" I mean. I too value having my personal space. But long distance...nah, couldn't do that, don't want to.
...maeflowers | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:45:55 PM | It depends, if it is something both of you want, then work it out. Anything can work if you want to work at it.
I knew someone who was married. He was gone all week for work and was home only for weekends and holiday. They have been married for many many years. For them, being apart for the weekdays and then together for weekends was a way to keep their relationship fresh. I personally would not like that, especially if we were young and raising children. The dad would miss out on too much. But, I could see it working for some types of people. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:59:01 PM |
A few men and women I have know have "fallen in love" on the net with someone who lives a great distance and even another country away. Each time when they have finally met, quickly they have realized that they have no chemistry. Each time the visitor has spent the rest of the visit glued to their host's/hostess's computer chatting with people from back home.
Perhaps thee needs to find some grown-ups for friends? I've fallen in love twice, internets, long distance. The first was nearly a year and a half of talking (four months privately, one on one email) Second, six months -- I was in love at three. . . . The first I ended up moving in with, and living with until his death. The relationship better than either of my marriages. The other is current, we're planning his move in here, as we speak. What I think *is* vital is that both are terrifically self-aware and honest, with self and with the other. From the very beginning.
Chemistry is definable in a number of ways, only one of which involves looking for the other's body language. If the souls match, I almost guarandamntee that bodies will, too.
 | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:29:38 AM | "Perhaps thee needs to find some grown-ups for friends? "
I specifically didn't call the long distant attemptees friends. I figured from there first conversation that it wasn't going to work, but these people felt the need to waste months of their lives on long distance "relationship" when they hadn't even met.
I don't for a moment believe that a soul match can be made with someone that hasn't yet been meet face to face.
ps If all these relationship we see people post about were so positive and full of love, then short of death of the individual, I have to question why the same person has had so many relationships end. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:53:52 AM |
I've had several long distance relationships. These are definitely not "just for kids". They work for as long as they need to, if both partners are committed and want to make them work.
I agree they can work if both put forth effort, but how do you define long-distance? I've found even 1 hour away, 1/2 hour away, ends up being difficult with working full-time, my son still living at home, and 2 pets. I ended up spending most of my time at their place, not mine, having to pack, having to remember what to bring, neglecting and/or forgetting certain chores, etc.
For us, the ultimate goal was relocation and living together.
How well did you know each other when you met? How often could you see each other to get to know each other before the "ultimate goal" could be reached? Did you have a timetable as to when living together would or should occur?
My mom and her bf, though, see each other only on weekends, holidays, and are perfectly happy with it. They have been together for 30 years.
How far apart do they live from each other. I can see this working very well if living close enough nearby, or one has the means and desire to travel quite often. | |
|
| |
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:54:04 AM |
I can't figure out how you would choose someone to particpate in this exercise without getting to know them well first. To me, that means proximity at first.
This suggests the solution to the OP's conundrum: find somebody local to get things started with, and then convince them to move out to a comfortable LDR distance.  | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:03:04 AM | OP, you may be able to find exactly what you want. So many on this forum have said they have met wonderful people that are too far away . . . you, on the other hand, are flipping that around. That gives you the advantage, in my view. Be sure to put this on your profile. The world, quite literally, is your fishing pond. What could be wrong with that?
I tried an LDR when I left him to come to school. I (as usual) was quite positive everything would work out great. There's a specific time limit imposed (two years to complete) so what the heck? Eighteen to 24 months of weekends, holidays, and summers. He would have more time for his son. I needed time to study.
Didn't work out. LOL! I liked it, he didn't. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:42:55 AM | For me distance is not what I want although I am fairly low maintenance as I am finishing up a degree this year and working . So I would probably not be a good choice for someone who wanted an everyday thing right now.
By next summer I will be done with school and my youngest will be on her own. I will hopefully be able to write my own ticket and then I will be free to do whatever I choose .
I would not be opposed to moving to someother location not that I need to but lets say I am keeping my options open.
If I found someone that was from another state or if my license transferred to another country I might take the leap.
I have found that when the right one shows up there is not too much that I will not do to make it work. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:51:04 AM | I have found that when the right one shows up there is not too much that I will not do to make it work.
This is my question. How do you determine "when the right one shows up" if they live miles away? I don't have the time, patience or energy to get to know someone via phone or e-mail or to travel long distances just to get to know them. You can't know whether they're "the right one" until you do get to know them. So you travel a long distance to get to know them, and are forced into hours and/or days spent with someone you hardly know, either staying at their home or a hotel (unless you have friends or relatives nearby). | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:58:03 AM | I think of this often. I am not in a position to relocate - at this time - I live with and I'm caregiver to my mother, and the situation is working - although in all honesty, not always in my favor, but it's comfortable. I've met a few people here recently; and the ones I click with the most are (very) far from me. My divorce is final in 2 weeks, and sometimes the question comes up from time to time, "... will you come be with me?" Well, no, I don't know you that well, yet ... and on and on ... I'm not looking for a cyber relationship, but I also know there is much beyond my own backyard.
However, for the right people, it's the right solution. I have an uncle who lives 700 miles from his wife; they lead very separate lives, yet when they come together, it's as if they've never left each other's sight. She has her work on the east coast, and he came to tend to an ailing mother - who died 3 years ago ... he just liked the quiet life here, and she was not ready to let her work go. They had 40 years together and now seem to like this. That's not for me.
But I think of couples when one is in the military -- how much more long distance can you get? Most of them seem to work it out.
I have learned to never say never, ever ... who knows? If a situation came up, and we felt it was right, you do whatever works for you. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:11:21 PM | Makes a lot of sense really. A ld/ltr would be tough but it could work out if both people wanted it to. and your right to take your time. after all ltr includes the word long and relationship. the idea is if i am willingly bonding with you for the long haul i should have the good sense to make sure its right for both of us by investing some time to get to know you better. hopefully that leads to a time when i want to be with you more than i want the personal space so many of us crave.  | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:45:04 PM | Yes I completely understand what you are saying Leona it is a risk this is actually a risk I have taken a couple of times in my life lol .
In fact I lived 1-1/2 hours away from my husband before I married him and we got together on weekends of course this is not the same as going to another state where it would take you a few days to get there.
Yes it is risky I have just found that my policy is to never say never and if your waiting for someone magically perfect for you to drop in your lap with in a half hours distance from you to me this has about the same odds. So these are all possibilities you can still choose your own path when on the road. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:43:09 PM | Makes a lot of sense really. A ld/ltr would be tough but it could work out if both people wanted it to. and your right to take your time. after all ltr includes the word long and relationship. the idea is if i am willingly bonding with you for the long haul i should have the good sense to make sure its right for both of us by investing some time to get to know you better. hopefully that leads to a time when i want to be with you more than i want the personal space so many of us crave.
I have to agree. In my first marriage, my husband was in the service and was shipped overseas for a year. I had just given birth and was not able to go. Also, he was going to be hop skipping to various countries and bases and not in any one country very long. Why subject the baby and myself to strange places and no husband anyway. We made it work, not just for the baby, but for us. We lasted 21 yrs.
But then there are the people that really shouldn't be in any type of relationship. They just want their personal space and never want to let the other partner in. (2nd marriage). | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:08:46 PM |
How do you determine "when the right one shows up" if they live miles away? I don't have the time, patience or energy to get to know someone via phone or e-mail or to travel long distances just to get to know them. You can't know whether they're "the right one" until you do get to know them.
Yup. I'm a romantic at heart but I've gotten enough torrid e-mails from gorgeous French, Russian and Phillipino women who, for some odd reason, live in Nigeria that I'm not sure I'd know The One when she came along. As a friend once said in one of the Forums I frequent, "On the internet, no one can tell I'm really a dog."
I also would do anything to make a relationship last with someone I really loved but I would need to get to know them really well before that stage kicked in. | |
|
| Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:49:11 PM | I agree completely with you girlforever, it works great as you say, it's like a date every weekend, a mini-vacation, something to look forward. Spending weekends and vacations with each other and workdays apart has a lot of positives for being able to hold on to your personal independence. ( If that's what you both want). Especially since you say you are willing to relocate, I'm not, at least till I'm retired, which is a long way away.
Personally I would prefer the rule of the closer the better, but I would never rule out that LDR possibility to find the person you someday will spend a lifetime with  | |
|
Home
login 
