| | Losing one's virginity, some say it's easyPage 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | So many people I ask - mostly women - scuff at me when I talk about sex. They say it's so easy to get laid, that they can go up to any guy on the street and ask.
Here's my issue, I'm 27 and I'm a good looking guy. I fair well in most social situations along I'm a bit of an introvert. I'm a virgin and I can't seam to get woman interested in me. Is there some kind of code? I'm sure I'm going to get blasted for this one.
If sex is so damn fun why does it have to end up being so complicated? If a man and woman get along and are physically attracted to eachother why can't they just have sex? I'm lost. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:16:42 PM | for me it has been about a few things
not sure what size condom to get lol, have not found the right women, and then I dont wanna just get some, I wanna find someone to have a longterm with, so I guess that is more complex then many think
also i'm 22 myself.
being a virgin isnt a bad thing, you wait till you find the right women, at least I think it should be that way
for me sex is HUGE step, and one I must understand very well BEFORE doing "it" | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:28:50 PM | Hmmm, you work in theatre and in Renaissance Faires, and you can't get laid? Those places are chock full of fun, forward-thinking women. You've got two of them kissing you in one of your profile pictures.
So it must be your confidence level or -- sorry to say -- your personality. Both can be worked on and improved.
You appear to have a character who dresses up, probably in tights, yeah? And velvet clothing? That's something most other guys would have a hard time doing, but you do it all the time! You're not scared! You appear to like it!
This is just like that. No one can tell you what you have to do to get in the right mindset, you have to work it out for yourself. But maybe you could try letting your more flamboyant, tights-wearing personality take over for you. Then you just sort of fake it 'til you make it.
Try not to over-analyze thesituation -- just makes you more self-conscious. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:41:36 PM | | Well OP I'm a virgin myself and my take is: It is MUCH harder to remain a virgin than to lose it. ..... Hmm ... I mean there's been guys where I've felt physically attracted to, I mean enough to probably just do it w/ them, but then I felt there was some other connection missing. .... so I held back. ..... Maybe I'm just askin for too much? ... but I'm hoping at least there is some sort of connection beyond just physical in order for me to feel I want to share it with him. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:42:01 PM | You sound exactly like me - or rather, how I used to be. I think you are a "Nice Guy" (dun dun duuunnn!!), and that is the kiss of death - so to speak - for a guy looking to get laid.
You're an introvert, so you probably don't speak your mind that much. You probably don't joke around with women for fear of offending them (you'd NEVER think of telling a woman a joke that is a bit dirty/risque - heaven forbid!) You say that you are (paraphrasing here) "up for adventure, passion", etc., but you rarely show it. If you were to go on a date, you would be comfortable with letting the girl call all the shots - for as long as the date would last, because 99.9% of women prefer the man to take charge.
You want my advice? With regards to interacting with women, you have to pretty much do a complete 180 on your previous behaviour. That doesn't mean you have to turn into a complete A-hole. What it does mean is that you have to learn to be a little more assertive (which doesn't mean arrogant/cocky), little more willing to put yourself out there and just go for the gusto. If you find a girl good-looking or interesting (preferably both), tell her. You only live once.
I could tell you the long story of how I morphed from the dreaded "Nice Guy" to a guy who has been getting laid fairly regularly for years, but I don't have time right now...maybe later... | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:50:02 PM | Buy a harley, flip your attitude and hit the bar. You will have women flocking over you! lol
But seriously. It's your attitude and confidence level. There is no reason you should be a virgin at 27 unless your waiting for the right person. If so, more power to ya, because I couldn't even hold out at 16. So hit some bars with some buddies or something and go work on that. Just my two cents... | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:14:45 PM | | Do you just come right out and ask? You didn't mention whether you've asked and been turned down or if you're just sitting around waiting for a woman to come on to you. DON'T wait for them to come to you, just ask if you feel there's a connection! And don't try to flatter them or falter, just find a comfortable situation, tell them you're attracted to them. Sure you might get turned down, but you do seem like a nice guy, so it's unlikely they'll hold it against you. Don't take it personally. I've been asked and had to say no but I always appreciate it, always am impressed that they would stick out their neck and just say it. Feel the vibe, and get your mojo up. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:30:15 AM | | Personally I do not think it is easy. First of all I know women like me but I have never gotten that vibe from them. I go to places and I really notice that they are definitely not looking at me. I go to bars and I am usually the oldest one there and quite frankly the girls who go look like someone you just do not want to bother with. I can probably count the number of dates I have been on, and most of them I could not imagine going any farther than dessert. Not that I even got to the second date. I would never push myself on a woman I feel that would have to come from her first. When in high school I just was not emotionally ready not that I made an effort. The virginity thing did not bother me until I was about twenty but I was embarrassed and really did not know what to do. I was shy and could not even fathom going to a professional. Yes I am a virgin- do i feel out of it?YES.Do I feel behind,left back the parade went on without me YES! Do I get envious of couples of all ages mostly the young ones YES! Or when I happen to see a man or teenager buying condoms at a drug store I definitely feel out of it. Is this whole thing my fault probably. Although in my defense I have thought of an escort servive but I do not think they are legal and I have thought of going to a legalized "place" but I can't really imagine myself there not that I am being judgemental but even with protection I think the risk at those places can be greater.At times I told myself that god has a plan for me but believe me that is just something I told myself.Through the years I was able to put the need behind me . By the way I recently became what I feared THE 40YEAR OLD VIRGIN and I am still alive. I know this is not a crime or depending on who you are talking to but it is just the way my life was or is. I am not saying I will be this forever but sometimes you just don't have control over such things. I am not a bad person, I am not Hollywood leading man looks wise but I do not think I am too bad even though I have not posted a photo. I do like girls and I know that I do have a sex drive but I have never had the wanting for a steady relationship until the last year. If I did have a woman I know for certain that I would treat her with nothing but respect and spoil her like a queen. Sorry for my rambling I meant to use this as a reply and I think I used it mainly as a place to vent. Am I utterly miserable I do not think so but do I feel inadequate YES. In answer to your post in my experience no it is not easy. In case POF does not delete this please go easy on me. Remember we are just all human beings some just go the scenic route. | |
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ksd64
| | Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 10 | |
| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:51:08 AM | [QUOTE]So many people I ask - mostly women - scuff at me when I talk about sex. They say it's so easy to get laid, that they can go up to any guy on the street and ask.[/QUOTE]
There is your answer OP. It is easy for women to get laid, for a man its a different story. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:15:05 AM | Hi my name is marcy,
I'm proud to admit this but im 28 a virgin and saving myself for marriage. Alot of people think im crazy but who cares your'e body is your'e temple and you have to do what you feel is right. Maybe your'e trying to hard just be yourself and if a woman likes you she will let you know believe me and then sex should come naturally.
Marcy | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:40:42 AM | Go you. Seriously. I lost my virginity when I was 17 to a girl I knew for all of 12 minutes and that's something I will never get back. I dunno it seems like your virginity is some accursed thing you must get rid of to assume "proper" adulthood, and tbh I wish I would have waited until I was AT LEAST with somebody that I cared about. I've got a son now and as much as I love and adore him I wasn't ready for that responsibility when I had him at 23, and it has massively changed the way my life has gone. **** anybody that devalues your virginity. Sex is overrated and causes more drama than what it's worth anyways. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:58:34 AM | That's why these days for me it is hard to date because alot of the people I have met just have sex on there mind. None of them share my beliefs so that is why I joined a singles group at church I figured I would have better luck there.
Marcy Christine. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:04:03 AM | Boy, this topic is so ludicrous when seen far away ... and can be so painful when experienced close up.
Essentially, the issue is a major brain-blocker. Virgins should probably have their cerebellums tampered with so they don't have to continually over think the issue again and again and again in their minds.
They attach symbolism to the whole thing, then beat themselves up or parade their virginity around like it had some value to it. "I've NEVER eaten a bowl of ice cream in my Entire Life EVER!!! Yay! I'm so proud of myself! Ice cream is so overrated and the first bite is so important!!!" Yeah, well, that's as bad a guess as any.
The common denominator is the virgins themselves. I hate to say it this way, but even frogs get laid. All the dancing going on in your heads is really a mental block ... it is not such an enormous deal, it's just one of those things that feels more and more and more enormous the longer you put it off.
You get the virginity out of the way, I should add, so you can get on with the business at hand, which is to love oneself and share in that revelation. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:19:41 AM | Wow, 27 and 40 and still a virgin. Guys, next time some body tells you to "just be yourself" tell'm to go fvck themselves.
Whatever you guys are doing ain't working, either you come across as too needy, too whimpy, too something, or you have your standards so stuck up your butt that you are not willing to try with anything less than a super model, or something. What I don't understand is that if you are an actor in some of those Renaissance things, that is a place perfect to get laid, yet nothing. Or like our 40 year old virgin, if you are in sales, come on, every person I've know that is in sales is usually very good at picking up chics.
So, let's start by realizing one thing. Whatever you are doing as of now, sucks, and if you keep doing it, it will continue to give you the same results. The other problem I see, if that you guys do not look like snot, many women should find you attractive. So what is going on?
My advice is that you need to reprogram yourselves. Start by getting the book the Mystery Method. It's a good start. Then read The Game. It's more of a story, but it gives you an idea of what other men have done with this dilemma. Now you are going to ask does any of that stuff works? Actually, it does because half the battle is attitude. And this is not about becoming some fake person that you are not, but rather finding inside of yourselves the you that women will find irresistible.
Now for starters, read in these forums about what some people have done. It will give you some ideas. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:20:27 PM | I have had a revelation through reading all of your responses. It should have been obvious to me but somehow it wasn't. Everyone has there own views on sex. Some of the advice many of you have given me I've been critized for by people in my life. I thank you all.
I guess getting laid will have a lot to do with who I meet and who I decide to listen to. I've associated myself with a lot of women over the course of my life who have thrown huge amounts of negativity my way. From reading posts in these forums alone I have seen some of those same types of women but I have seen many women who are very open and proactive. I need to let more open-minded women into my life and not just bitter scared actresses (not all actresses are this way but many are).
My thanks goes out to both the women and men who replied. All your views are valuable to me. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:48:05 PM | The only one's that care if someone is a virgin, is well a virgin. Some hold onto it like it's made of titanium and it should be special. It's 10 seconds out of your life.  It's like ripping off a band-aid. Just do it already. The trick will be finding someone after the initial time to do it with you again because of your 10 seconds of fame.
OP at your age, either hire someone or find another virgin. There are several posted in this thread. Or go auction it off at the Bunny Ranch. OR go find some wench at the Ren fests.  | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:01:17 PM |
From reading posts in these forums alone I have seen some of those same types of women but I have seen many women who are very open and proactive.
Dude, the one thing you need to do in your quest, is to NOT take the advice on this subject from women. Sorry to say that, but that is like asking deer for advice in hunting deer. Women will tell you all this things that will turn you into a girlfriend, not a potential lover. Take advice from men, and men that have been successful attracting, dating and yes eventually, sleeping with women.
This is very important because what actually works is counterintuitive to what women say or tell you that they want.
capice? | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:09:20 PM | OP, have you ever jerked off?
It's like that, except more interactive, and with a lot more pressure. Trust me, you're not missing much. Don't feel compelled to lose your V-card, because women can smell that desperation, and it smells like curdled bear anus.
Live life, enjoy yourself, and before you know it, it'll happen all by itself. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:20:16 PM |
Dude, the one thing you need to do in your quest, is to NOT take the advice on this subject from women.
OK but seriously, there are different kinds of men, and different kinds of women. Just cause you're a guy who's slept with a lot of women doesn't necessarily mean they're the same kind of women this guy would sleep with. I have a friend who's had a ton of boyfriends, but Lord knows they're not the guys I would want to be with, so it wouldn't make sense for me to follow her tactics thinking it would get me what I want.
OP I think you're definitely onto something - get away from the drama queens and meet women elsewhere. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 3:14:45 PM |
It's not even close to like that....
Umm... it's exactly like that.
Don't put the pussy on a pedestal, brosef. A woman's gigglegash is not some mysterious font of otherworldly pleasures - ain't nothing it can do that Rosie Redpalm can't, except maybe ruin your life with children.
Keep telling the virgin it's something special, and he'll be disappointed his first time out. | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 3:16:02 PM | this one friend of mine who is pretty ugly in my opinion told me he asked this cute girl for coffee
boom two yrs later they were married so i guess anything can happen you just gotta ask | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 3:46:19 PM | | It's more of a connection between a man and a woman... Physical attraction and lust. I'm not gonna sit there and lust for my hand to do dirty things to me. OH HARDER HAND HARDER!! haha So therefore, it is COMPLETELY different! | |
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| Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:17:11 PM | If you're not going to decide to have sex any time soon - you'd better KNOW what you are doing when it happens. It's all well and good that you don't want to just jump into it, but it is going to be weird for the majority of women.
In any case, you've already posted this, so everyone can see it on your profile.
It's one thing to not have alot of experience, it's another to be clueless and not have done any research or to be closed-minded.
Women today are becoming more and more sexually aware. In fact, I think many women know more about sex than many men do. Many of the men who are regular posters seem to "get it". I'd advise you to do your research. | |
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