| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:08:24 PM | I thought I met THE GUY.
He was always telling me how amazing I was and how he loves me.
But then I found out he was meeting another woman and when confronted he said he had been having second thoughts about us because of the fact I am having financial difficulties and also do not/cannot move in with him right now.
I asked him to give me a year, I have teenagers at home.
Well he said he now needs to keep his options open, he wasn't lying about loving me and that I am a great person but without the family/financial issues.
He still wants to see me but not exclusively...WTH!!!!!
How can anyone be so cruel? | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:19:07 PM | Wow..thats love.
I remember in story books they spoke about "Going to the ends of the earth!" and "Waiting until the end of time!"
I can't get a guy to drive a few counties away to meet me, and till the end of time apparently means till he gets bored and his eyes meet some other chicks arse.
I'm sorry that happened..you didn't do anything wrong though..he just seems like a nar nar. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:29:48 PM | Hey Imbrunette,
Hugs to you. So sorry you are dealing with that. I hope you're taking in the lessons he's teaching you about who he is... I have to agree with Kendra here.... nar nar indeed! You know, if someone can't be there for you when things are less than perfect, they really don't deserve to be in your life at all. You're a lovely girl.... YOU CAN DO BETTER! | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:59:00 PM | | If he can't wait the year to have your life settled then he isn't the one for you. If I were you I would cut off everything with him till he made up his mind. If he is going to have his options open because of your finaces and the year wait, he has differen priorities than you. Sorry hun, I feel for ya. But I have seen this happen a lot within the last year r so. Pople wanting their bf/gf to move in, to alleviate a fincail burden, to people dumping them for the same reason. If he realy loved you, he would stick by you no mater what. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:47:50 PM | I really feel for you. Thats so hard to hear. I think you need to decide if you want to be an option for this man or a priority to a future man . You are simply an option to him at this point and he made it clear saying "he wants to keep his options open". I applaud him for being honest.
I'd wonder what he would do down the road (after your financially sound of course) if you got sick. Would he bail then too? Because now you're not healthy anymore. Life isnt perfect and neither are people including him.
Also, I wouldnt put so much importance on what a man says but more on what he actually does and how he treats you. Talk is cheap. A lot of men are notorious for saying all the wonderful things a woman wants to hear but their actions are contradictory. He's contradicting himself and he doesnt know what love is. Real love means you accept that person flaws and all. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:12:31 AM | Screw him!
He sounds like a feeble minded person,and your asking him to give you a year!
What ever happened to love,compassion,being there for the person and supporting
them emotionally,cheering them on .........................take me the way i'am,................
No!!! i'am not going to let you change me into your little puppet.........the very thing that makes me unique.................is perhaps what you should of been thinking!
just a simple guys take on it
vin | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:30:08 AM | he wasn't lying about loving me and that I am a great person but without the family/financial issues.
Ummm... No he doesn't. Please tell me you’re not that gullible.
“I really do love you, and you’d be a wonderful person if you had no money or family issues! Hey I'd stick around and give you all the emotional support you need, but you see, because you're broke and struggling, I want to continue banging other women! But I DO love you... yes... yes I do love you!”
Hello? Do you not see the glaring red flag staring you in the face?
The very fact you even have to plead with him to give you a year is a red flag.
If he is unwilling to be there for you now (after all he supposedly loves you, right?) when you’re down and out – do you really think he’s going to be there for you when it really matters most?
He doesn’t love you – but sadly nothing anyone here says is going to change your view – you’re sold – you’re mind is made up – he could sleep with your sister and I’d bet money you’d take him right back without question.
If you really believe this guy loves you… wow… just wow…. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:27:13 AM | How is that being cruel? He loves you but love is not enough. You have your own requirements, and so has he his own requirements. You need him to wait a year. That's cruel!
Along with things going perfectly and horribly there are some times when things almost go well enough. This is one of those times. You have a part of what all you need, but not enough of it. By your view, he should be able and willing to accommodate you, while you have good reasons why not to accommodate him. So, naturally, he is being a jerk.
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:50:02 AM | | I have two teenage daughters and at this point in my life they are first. I think that if someone loves you they will help with doing the best for your kids and you. This person still wants to play and the faster you let him go the better off you will be. If he really likes you he will do everything to get you back. If not, your further ahead and your kids will love you for it. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:08:18 PM | Hmmmmm. Gotta get out the original the owner's manual on this one. Let's see....
Basic Features Guide page 4-Model: Limited Edition Brunette: Solid engine/drive train/transmission and suburban suspension balanced for most driving conditions. Comfortable for touring, outdoor activities, premium laugh system and plenty of space for accomodation. Advanced automatic differential provides good traction and stability under adverse driving conditions. Solid durability of major components permits extended life time warranty, even under conditions resulting in less than recommended maintenance schedule for a period lasting up to and including 5 years, provided that vehicle usage does not exceed recommended driving parameters and scheduled maintenance is resumed prior to the expiration of the 5 year period.
Okay, so far, so good. Let's check out the Options.
Page 12: Brunetta LeMans Competition Optional features: Sport tuned transmission (stiffer with a harder road feel), but not recommended for cross country travel. Performance package provides front seat accomodation only coupled with low-drag ultra-light composite body with modified contours to cut resistance. Cast alloy wheels with high flex side-wall tires enable high speed curve adventure with lively rear-end play and great front tire squeel. Dual, Jenson modified turbine blow system sucks the right amount of air into the Shelby 289 cu-inch V6 engine to keep the rpms 3 shifts away from redline at all times producing a noticable but subdued throaty rumble at idle, screaming whine during hard acceleration, and purring hum at cruise. Oops there's a little footnote here. *Does not meet projected fuel efficiency standards being considered by EPA and US DOT, for 2011. See cautions on page 38.
Page 38: Maintenance of Brunetta engine performance requires 3 litres of 200 proof, triple filtered ethanol with every second tank full of regular JP 40 fuel available at most airports. If fueling procedures on Page 108 are not adhered to, fire and explosions may occur in exhaust system. Brunetta LeMans Competition Package not available in all States due to regulatory requirements and insurance underwriting tables. See Warranty Conditions Page 109.
Page 109: Brunetta LeMans Warranty limited to One Year or 12,000 miles, which ever occurs first.
Back to Page 12: Don't seem to be any other options listed other than the Limited Edition and the Brunetta LeMans Package.
So given the fact that we aren't talking about a new vehicle here seems to me that the Limited Edition is the best deal. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that anyone seriously considering options is an idiot. Judging from the pictures and owner's description, I think that the Brunette is a solid bet with an awful lot of curb appeal. But hey, what do I know. I've been living in India for 18 months and I know that a lot has been going on back in the States that I may not have taken into consideration. But I will add that the Brunette looks like solid value from here. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:20:42 AM | looks like he was telling you what you wanted to hear, until you found out what he was up2, and as for the being with you but not exclusively , ever heard of cake and eat it !!!
if you where up for that ,, that would be a perfect situation for him.
And sorry to say but people are cruel, and that goes for both genders,
good luck in finding someone that cares for you and you alone, and obviously accepts your other issues,,, ther are still some decent people left, they are just harder to find
xx | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:15:18 AM |
farceur: You need him to wait a year. That's cruel!
Let's see... He convinces her that 'she's the one' to the extent of asking her to move in together with him... she believes him, tells him that she would be more comfortable to wait a year to financially get back on her feet, before taking on moving in with him - it's expensive to move your things, and perhaps she is renting which would include the added expense, of what can be expensive, to legally break a lease especially if she had just signed, or renewed, her lease, before meeting him.
I imagine it's to not begin their living together having him feel financially burdened any more then he might already be, considering today's economy, and she goes from 'being the one' to ' she isn't good enough' for him in a snap.
She's suddenly not only not good enough for him because she is financially challenged at the moment, but he adds that it's because she has kids - which I find safe to assume he perfectly well knew when he met her, and yet conned her into believing that 'she was the one', anyway.
It gets better... he only admits to leaving their exclusive relationship by seeing other women behind her back, when she confronts him, and chooses THEN to let her know that she was reclassified from 'The One' to 'Not Worth A Damn'
Yet, IYO... she's cruel. M'k. ** **
Everyone's entitled to their opinion... just sayin'....
___________________________________________________
OP~
In your attempt to accommodate him... the both of you... by being up front, and honest, about your financial situation while having the 'let's move in together' discussion with him, you found that he's far from the one for you, and falls way too short of what you deserve.
Thank your lucky starts you found him out NOW, and not AFTER you had moved in with him; hence, THEN finding yourself, and your kids, emotionally, and financially screwed nine ways to Sunday. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:20:10 AM |
I thought I met THE GUY.
He was always telling me how amazing I was and how he loves me.
But then I found out he was meeting another woman and when confronted he said he had been having second thoughts about us because of the fact I am having financial difficulties and also do not/cannot move in with him right now.
Well there's at least 2-3 red flags here.
1. He lied to you (saying he loved you but was seeing someone else.
2. He was cheating on you.
3. He's basing things off whether you can move in with him.
I asked him to give me a year, I have teenagers at home.
It would have been better to say "This isn't working out, the timing is wrong, etc" and break things off with him first. In fact, I would have done it the second I heard he was seeing someone else. He obviously doesn't love you or he wouldn't be sneaking around behind your back.
Well he said he now needs to keep his options open, he wasn't lying about loving me and that I am a great person but without the family/financial issues.
He was lying to you. No one who truly loves you sneaks around behind your back. They also understand when you're having financial difficulties (who isn't?). What he is doing is acting like a 17 year old.
He still wants to see me but not exclusively...WTH!!!!!
Basically he wants to have his cake and eat it too. The only thing that is keeping himf from doing so is your self-respect...if you have any. I suspect if you do, you'll kick this guy to the curb and never look back.
How can anyone be so cruel?
A. He's an a$$
B. He can only be cruel to you if you let him. Love and respect yourself enough to walk away from this guy for good. If you stay with him it will only get worse. | |
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| How do you tell someone you love them but want to keep your options open?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:41:52 AM | | Personaly I just think there is alot of insecure jerks out there both genders. I'am looking to do the forever thing. there's alot that are not it's a shame they lose. After reading your note and your profile I belive if I had the chance to meet you . Your a keeper option over. have a nice day hun. Tim | |
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