| what do i do?
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:36:09 AM | hi
ill try to keep this breif and want you to know that i appreciate your time and consideration.
so---it was about 10 months ago, i was interviewing this girl, and knew from the second that i saw her, that she would be my partner---for life!
it took awhile, she always told me that she didnt do well with dating, but i was persistent.
i was always there for her, no matter what, and this meant alot to her. you see she recently lost her mother and father, her mother was devastating, she told me of how her life flew off the handle with drinking, drugs, and sex---lots of all of them. but she turned her life around, pretty much stopped drinking, no drugs, and though she was hard to keep up with, i think she was satisfied.
after dating for a couple weeks, she decided that she needed to quit, so that we didnt have to hide our relationship anymore. not long after, i hired her as my administrator. we were the perfect couple, she was my life, and i was hers. there were some issues early on, with us drinking too frequently, and we corrected them. i am still sober even though she has left. we both lost our jobs. she became very homesick, and we started to argue a bit more, and a bit more---stupid things like who was going to run the vacuum, ya know?
about 3 weeks ago she came to me, and asked if she were going to move home, would i go with her---i said no (this was a mistake, i was angry with her at the time and now want nothing more than to be with her and it doesnt matter where we are). a couple days passed, and we had a stupid argument. she was in the bedroom, studying for the insurance exam we were both going to take the following weekend, and she came out and sat down. she said we need to talk, i put my book down. she said, i dont think this is going to work out, i quickly said ok, and we didnt speak of it any more. i went out with some friends, drinking, and she went out with my sister. i ran into her and became very jealous, stormed out, only to call her and ask for a ride when the bars closed.
when i got home, i was going to watch a movie, i heard a boys voice, became enraged and chased him from my spare bedroom where he was half naked with my little sister. it felt like it was my gf cheating on me, not my sister with a boy.
the next day, i moved my things out, she packed hers up, and that afternoon she went back to her home town.
i am desperate. for like 4 days, i rang her phone off the hook, begging, pleading, crying. she showed no emotion. none whatsoever. she asks to still be friends, and gives me advice, telling me i will love again. that she just wants to be single, to not have to please someone else, to not worry about what someone else is going to think. she says she missed her friends, and sisters, and that she needs to be able to go shopping, and whatever she wants whenever she wants, to be independent. but she wants me as a friend.
i put my resume out where she is living, staying on her friends couches. when i told her, she was angry, saying we would not hang out, we would not see eachother, we would not talk.
i have pretty much stopped initiating conversations, though we do talk every day. most of the time, she will IM me, and usually we go into me wanting her back....
i do soooooo bad
the way i look at is i have to make 1 of 3 choices
1) follow the instructions of this ebook i bought on how to get your ex back, it says to totally stop initiating convo, work on myself, date, and in a month or so ease back in as her friend, as the man she first fell in love with.
2)be a**** not answer when she calls, not IM her back, hope she realizes what she is losing in me
3) go to her, surprise her, take her flowers, pour my heart out to her, and hope that she sees just how much i love her. its only 3 hours away.
i feel like i am not complete without her, i love her so very much, and i need her back in my life, as my lover---not just a friend.
an observation i have made, is that she has developed an on/off switch for her emotions, while she still loves me, and has told me so, the split has not affected her at all, she shows no sign of missing me whatsoever.
what do i do??? | |
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| what do i do?
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:42:59 AM | Gosh! You kinda screwed up!!! Leave her alone for awhile. Let her think about things. Get yourself in control. Get yourself in order. Get your life in order. Get to a place where you are confident and don't NEED anyone. Be happy with yourself. Let her get herself in order, too.
It will have to be awhile before you call her again. Then, say Hello - How are you doing? You will have start all over, from scratch (assuming that she will still be available and that she will actually listen to you and answer the phone or your email.) | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 1:50:10 AM | I highly recommend you read the post : So you want a second chance?
Just put that title in the search box. It will be very helpful to you I think.
I agree with the above poster that you should give her some air right now. | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 2:01:37 AM | | I agree with the other postings but want to add that the split seems to have occurred when you told her you wouldn't move. You could try writing a letter (yes, I know it's old fashioned but there's something special about a letter) saying you are sorry, that's not how you really felt, that you would move if you got back together. Also tell her you would respect her need for independence (but only if you mean it). Having sent the letter, don't raise the issue again. Ease off and let the thing go at her pace. | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 3:03:05 AM | Nothing turns off a woman like groveling or begging.
Give her some air.
She doesn't seem to miss you because she doesn't. Drama, clingy, needy equals run. | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 4:23:46 AM | She is not missing you because you haven't given her a chance to.
Throw away the ebook - she has seen a completely different side to you that she will not be able to forget, makes no difference if the old you comes back or not. | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 5:32:07 PM | | so, you are saying that i have no chance of getting the love of my life back??? | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 5:55:56 PM | | You gotta leave her alone...even if it's hard. She will keep doing what she is doing because you're reassuring her that when she gets tired, she can "come back home"-to you that is. Move on. She's completely disregarding all your feelings, and that's not fair. I hope you believe you deserve more than this. =) | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 6:36:16 PM | | Right now shes not interested in getting back with you. Right now youre at no chance. You need to work from there. Once you do maybe down the line you will get back together. But you need to accept that right now its not an option. You need to take care of you right now. | |
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Posted: 7/10/2009 6:44:08 PM |
Nothing turns off a woman like groveling or begging.
Give her some air.
She doesn't seem to miss you because she doesn't. Drama, clingy, needy equals run
I totally agree with Anjelic. Once you embed that type of image in a womans mind though, it's really hard for her to erase, if not impossible. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 11:58:08 AM | she keeps putting things on her facebook and myspace talking about how angry she is. its not about me, i think its about money, she is trying to sell our couch and i dont think she is having any luck.
yesterday was the first day we went all day without speaking or chatting
its tearin me apart---for real
so, i really really really want her back
should i call and make sure she is ok?
should i tell her that i want to see her when she is in town this weekend to leave for vacation with her aunt and cousin?
or should i just let it be.
also, i have a feeling she will call before too long, when she does, do you have any advice on how i handle this conversation?
thanks, im pretty desparate
i do love her so | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 1:05:32 PM | Well, the major consensus so far has been leave her be for awhile but that's not what you want to hear so yeah, keep bugging her and stalking her online etc.
Have fun with that... | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 1:17:39 PM | Matt, do not call her, do not post on her Facebook, do not contact her.
Read all of the posts here again. We are all telling you to just let it be for now.
It will hurt, it will suck, you will hate it. BUT if you have any chance of getting her back, leaving her alone and giving her a chance to think and miss you and call you is your only chance.
I repeat----
It will hurt, it will suck, you will hate it. BUT if you have any chance of getting her back, leaving her alone and giving her a chance to think and miss you and call you is your only chance.
Sorry, hun. it is the only chance you have. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 1:18:04 PM |
ill try to keep this breif
You should of tried harder.
Anyway, you are 24. Time to be a man already. You sound like a girl the way you are whining.
Actually you both sound like passive aggressive co dependent bi polar hot messes. If that is love to you, then you got bigger problems than anything. Try a different book in the self help section next time. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 1:59:13 PM | | Good grief, that's just too much too soon, all that drama in 10 months. If she's truly "the love of your life" she'll be back. Meanwhile, leave her alone. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 2:46:47 PM | Listen up....If for some reason you to got back together today, it would only be a matter of time before it got fukd up again, because nothing has changed. It kills me to read your thread, because you say when her mom died she dove into drinking, but then you say that you two had problems due to drinking. If you cared for her at all, you would have listened to her, and not even made drinking apart of your relationship.
Then you say she came in and sat down and wanted to talk, and your only frickin response is fine? Not a befitting response to the "love of your life" telling you she didnt think things were working out.
All of that combined with your obsessive, stalkerish behavior, is making it so you will never have a chance with her again. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 4:07:38 PM | | You're not gonna get her back right now no matter what you do. She left you for a reason. She might forgive you but she is never going to forget what you did and how it made her feel. You cant erase it and you cant make it up to her. Whats done is done. Until you realize and accept that you'll be miserable. I'll guess you'll learn the hard painful way but hopefully you'll learn from this. And it seems alcohol is a big problem for you both and maybe you need to cut back for a while even though I have a feeling you have increased your intake since she has left. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 4:17:54 PM | i havent had a sip
i ended up calling her, she didnt answer
she called back, and i asked if she was ok
she was fine
she is in town, and i think i might go get some icecream with her
not sure if it is a good idea
she is so stubborn, and strong
it may hurt me more than it helps
any thoughts? | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 4:25:52 PM | Regardless of how you feel, this is not a healthy relationship. Let her go, work on yourself, and at minimum give it a few months before you try again. It sounds more like you are in love with the idea of being in love, not truly in love with her. And all that drama, sounds like a lot of fighting and work for something that goes round n round. Sorry to break it to you man, but it sounds like even if you patch things up, something else is going to go wrong.
I wouldn't even worry about dating, sounds like you could use some time to reflect on yourself, and maybe work on some self improvement. That's NEVER a bad thing. And if you guys are destined to be together, you will be. You have all the time in the world for that. It doesn't have to be right now. If you try and force it, it will break, permanently. Let things take their natural course. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 7:30:17 PM | she called again, not being very nice.
she told me that if i wanted to see her she would be at our old apt for 20 mins, with her nephew. i was very busy, and had gotten some advice from friends, so i decided not to see her, and i told her that maybe we could see eachother on her way back from vacation.
she called an hour later, and i had to see her
we met in a parking lot, she let me hold her in my arms, talking for 15 mins, i kissed her---just a peck
we talked about the future, running the risk of seeing other people, which she seemed fine with. we talked about working things out in the future, she says a month is too soon. im scared i will lose her forever, and i promise that if i do get another chance with her, it will be worth it. for no man could ever feel the way i do for her.
she asked me, "why did you change your password?" on facebook
i guess she has been logging in to see the messages i have written to my friends about her. she said that they were getting to her, that she was thinking of trying to work it out
i love her so much
i appreciate all of your words, kind or harsh.
what do you think? | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 8:18:33 PM | | is it ok for me to try to stay friends with her, or will this hurt our chances of reuniting as lovers? | |
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