| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:20:03 PM | Not sure if this question is more for the guys or for both guys and gals.
A guy I know broke up from his girl a year ago and now just wants to 'play
the field'. He's been doing so for a year and I'm thinking - what does he get
out of this that I can't see? I guess I'm learning that not everyone wants
to have a relationship - but I'm wondering If I'm not seeing something here.
He must get some gratification from his current state.
The man is 49, was married and divorced 10 years ago and has had 2 or 3
relationships since. I wonder, has my buddy given up on dating and its
overhead? Are there benefits to just 'playing around'? | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:29:33 PM | | I would say you pretty much answered your own questions. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:37:50 PM | There are different types of people, OP. Those who want to play the field, those who
want to date and find a LTR, those who want a FWB situation, etc.
I believe that people who were in controlling relationships of some sort are less apt
to want to get into another relationship- just one take on it.
I personally wouldn't want to play the field. I gain nothing from a hollow relationship,
and that is how I see playing the field.
Some men and women simply want detached sex. If their association with someone
becomes too 'heavy', they move on. Some simply want sex with as many people as
they can. I'd like to think that at some point, in that case (esp. at 49, divorced 10
years, etc.), that they would seek a more stable relationship, but it's really his life to
lead as he chooses. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:11:42 PM | | It may just be a phase he's going through - perhaps a delayed mid-life crisis that usually happens around 40, if the stories I hear are true. It could be disillusionment with marriage or long-term relationships. It could be many things, and only he really knows - if he's even given it any real thought. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:42:08 PM | I truly understand where your questions lie Your questions are very thought provoking. I watch my 13 and 17 year old grand daughters mooning over a different guy every other week. they both giggle cause, Steve this and Fred that. Why does it change and become a black eye about dating? In other words, Why is it such a negative thing if someone Dates more than one person at a time when we get older? The names for a man dating more than one, and the names for women dating more than one all change too, if you know what I mean. When you are young you are, "learning and experiencing", who you will marry etc. But when your older, well...you know what I mean. I myself would not and can not date more than one at a time only because I can only deal with one physically and spiritually, But others might be able to maintain more than one at a time. I think, also that we shouldn't think in our minds that we own anyone. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 2:24:20 PM | | Obviously he didn't love the girl enough to want to settle with her and must have discovered that there are pof. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:09:38 PM | Different folks, different strokes, his preference are different than yours, that's all.
I've been questioned as they why I don't want a serious relationship and, if since I'm not in a serious relationship, why aren't I taking advantage of it? In my case, I give 100% and don't want to miss a business/career opportunity because of a girl. That's a reason I've heard from guys playing the field, but his reason may be something else. From the information in your post, my first thought is that he's afraid to get hurt if he gets into a serious relationship.
Some people want to be in a long term relationship because it means someone likes them enough to put up with them... and that's their gratification. His gratification is that multiple people want to be with him, and at his age, it feels pretty good to be able to get girls just like during his youth. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:11:42 PM | It's "overhead"?
If you mean the cost, wouldn't it cost the same to play the field as it would to date one particular woman?
Maybe he has an aversion of some kind, or fear of things becoming monotonous if he dates one woman long term | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 4:08:36 PM | | Lets see,he is the perfect candidate for a STD that will love him for life! | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:10:01 PM | He wants to play with as many women who will allow him. Yes, there are plenty that will.
His girl likely held him to account. This was more trouble than he thought it worth.
Women who are willing to get played are women that usually don't ask pressing questions.
Sure there are many reasons to engage in relationships without any soul and call them relationships. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:13:54 PM |
what does he get out of this that I can't see?
Only he can answer that. I can only conject what your friend is getting out of this.
Are there benefits to just 'playing around'?
* Less boring
* It can have a feeling of liberation not being 'taken'
* Less emotional risk
* Settling sucks
* For some people, the hunt is more exciting than the kill
* Most people are "at their best" for a certain period of time - before letting their guard down. By rotating dates, people can avoid dealing with them at their worst.
* Some people enjoy their own company more than the company of others
* Some people have control & trust issues - playing the field is one solution to these issues. | |
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| playing the field
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:16:20 AM | but it is not that is playing the field if he is upfront with it! He can do want he wants. It is the fact that he is takin you for a dumbass by lying to get you there and you finally found that is 2 timing you. And they know their way to get it as they manipulate you. You have to look on your side and not be so vulnarable. These guys are predators.A woman always knows when she is beeing cheated on. Listen to that little soundbell and fallow your guts. Do not let a man do to you what you would not allow one to do to your daughter...
Take care | |
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