| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:15:08 PM | Sorry to sound disrespectful (it's not usually in my nature) but after contacting over 20 ladies on here, each with well thought-out questions (nothing even remotely offensive), I receive next to no replies, even thought my account shows clearly that they have been read.
Now don't get me wrong here, I am no oil painting and thus expect many rejections, but just how difficult is it to just say "no thanks!", given that a man has taken the time to not only read your profiles, but give them consideration and make first contact (maybe even adding them to favourites along the way)? The least one can expect is some basic courtesy in return, surely?
Maybe I'm just one of those "old-fashioned" people who was brought up well, by a family who told me to always be polite and courteous and never to be ignorant, ESPECIALLY to someone who has paid you a genuine compliment. Or have the times really changed that much, that no-one gives a damn about that anymore?
At the end of the day, manners cost nothing...
Rant over. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:23:11 PM | Please do not take this the wrong way but if I read correctly you are adding these women to your favorites prior to actually having contact with them. That is plain creepy and not fair to these women, you have prejudged.
Consider no response a response, if you were raised with manners consider these women to not have common courtesy and keeping you from wasting your time. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:23:28 PM | First off there is no rule that says you have to respond. And if you think it's rude well then I'm sorry. That's just the way it is. Kind of like with my caller ID. I can screen out phone calls I do and don't wish to take.
There are many reasons why women don't respond. Had you done a thread search and seen this topic had been covered countless times you might know them. I'll give you a brief rundown.
1. You say no thanks, and suddenly you become a bit ch, lesbian, whore, ugly, fat, and on and on and on.
2. You say no thanks, and the guy gets pissed and says ''then why bother responding at all''
3. You say no thanks, and get the whining and begging....
4. And let's just face it some guys write emails that don't even deserve a response. For example yesterday I got an email that said ''hey you're sexy. My yahoo IM is such and such....I think we could have fun."....That had sex written all over it. some are even more blatant than that. I get other emails where the guy is just mean and rude right off the bat...telling me ''you're no catch, you are not all that.'' how am I supposed to respond?
Most of the time men don't even bother to read my profile. They are nothing like what I am looking for, and then I'm left to tell them ''no thanks''....it can be a very uncomfortable situation. And sometimes we just hit ''delete'' so as not to put up with the BS that follows. One guy suggested we say ''no thanks'' then block the guy...but honestly...should we really have to go to such extremes. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:28:50 PM | What I don't understand is why would some men prefer to have their inbox filled with "Thanks but no thanks" messages.
I would rather not receive any replies at all.
Is it rude to ignore a message? No, not at all. Ignoring a message IS a reply. It means thanks, but I'm not interested.
For the record, I think Bigfish should drop the "Sent Msgs" option. Too many people get bent out of shape over it.
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:39:41 PM | | 100 other guys also took the time to read their profiles, make first contact, and add them as a favorite. Some people don't have all day to sit on the internet and reply to pages of messages from "old-fashoined" nice guys and tell them they're not interested. No reply = not interested. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:00:01 PM | They learned it from men?
In other words, more like this being a hypocritical statement. Its just plain rude to not reply. Anyone replying to ones post in these forums is no different.  Why even have email /mail if people aren't going to respond. Might as well have it removed. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:07:51 PM | When I first joined I replied to most emails too. Til I got called all sorts of wicked names for not jumping on every opportunity that came along. When they write to you, they say they think you are gorgeous and want to talk to you. When you reply 'Thanks, but I will pass', they tell us we are ugly, ****es, not really serious about dating, 'playas', a gold digger...you name it.
OR
You get the guy who keeps emailing you even though you said No Thanks, asking all kinds of questions. You again respond by telling him you are not interested, and he comes back with an essay of feelings, questions and 'why not me'. I am not here for endless chat and emails that wont lead anywhere.
It is not worth the hassle frankly.
Too bad there have been more negative responses than positive, or else Id have kept up the replies. In a way, you should be kicking your 'brothers' in the azz...instead of asking us why we dont reply, go ask some men why they get ugly if we dont want to sleep with them. (in chatting with guys tho, I hear some women can be pretty nasty as well when rejected)
I learned pretty quick that manners dont really exist online. I just keep my replies to men I am interested in knowing more about. Simpler this way. Too many classless twits online. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:18:25 PM | | I suggested on another forum that they add a "thanks but not interested" auto reply that also blocks the person from responding for 30 days. Thus it would kill one of the major complaints about people not responding and prevent any negative or retaliation type emails from the person rejected. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:21:00 PM | When I first joined I replied to most emails too. Til I got called all sorts of wicked names for not jumping on every opportunity that came along. When they write to you, they say they think you are gorgeous and want to talk to you. When you reply 'Thanks, but I will pass', they tell us we are ugly, ****es, not really serious about dating, 'playas', a gold digger...you name it.
So your gonna stop replying? Lets say a guy that could potentially become your soul mate comes along, wants to get to know you and because of others that called you a name, you won't give others a chance? If women did that to me, I'd laugh at them for "thinking" and saying that (name calling) to me, now knowing they wouldn't be worth my time. Those types of men /women (especially at a higher age should know better anyways) should have much better courtesy than alot of the younger less experienced ones. Its sad to see and think about how many people are on here that are considered "mature" but yet show their immature levels better.
I suggested on another forum that they add a "thanks but not interested" auto reply that also blocks the person from responding for 30 days. Thus it would kill one of the major complaints about people not responding and prevent any negative or retaliation type emails from the person rejected.
Thats actually not a bad idea. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:45:13 PM | Why should she respond if she is not interested. If she was interested she said she would reply. It's those she's not interested in that she now has chosen to not always answer.
I don't see how not choosing to respond is immature. It sometimes saves you a lot of grief. Why should I subject myself to the name calling? I do try to respond. Usually with you're not my type. But honestly, most guys writing me are not my type. It gets old after awhile.
And seriously you think
"You're fuc kin hot, we should hook up" YOu think that deserves a reply as well? What about the ''nice tits'' or the ''my nine inch****would love to meet you." | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:15:05 PM |
"You're fuc kin hot, we should hook up" YOu think that deserves a reply as well? What about the ''nice tits'' or the ''my nine inch****would love to meet you."
Yeah, if we (meaning the guys) write messages like that, I don't blame you for not replying. But when a person spends 5-10 minutes writing the message and actually mentions things from your profile in it, it gets a little frustrating (and eventually depressing) to not have any idea why he keeps get Read, Read, Read Deleted on all of his sent mail. And that inbox starts to get really lonely too.
I don't know, on one hand it would be nice to have some idea why we didn't meet the cut-off. On the other I can understand why a girl that gets 20 messages a day wouldn't want to take the time to reply to each one. That button that says "You're nice, but not for me" would be a nice little addition. At least then we know that you didn't just get distracted and forgot to write back. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:20:38 PM | It is what it is. Part of the game. Accept it. We all get rejected. Even the Don Juans and the Barbie doll look alike's get rejected. If you send 2 emails and still no responses, move on. It's that simple. To quote the "Godfather" movie, It's not personal, it's business. Move out, draw fire! There are others that will want to hear from you. The ocean is deep.
Me personally, I respond to everyone. It's common courtesy. Besides, I love talking to everyone and, I may be able to help in some way and find a new friend. Everything begins with friendship. However, I don't expect everyone I send a message to will reply. They did their analysis and determined that I was not what they were looking for. I hope they find what they are looking for. That's the reason we are all on this site. Friendship, romance, hanging out, stimulating conversation, etc.
BTW Raiderfan, I like your outlook. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:25:45 PM | | Yeah, as a guy you might as well make a good profile and then send out a message: "Interested in talking. Hit me back if interested. Peace". Saves time, and gets similar results. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:28:24 PM | I don't see how not choosing to respond is immature. It sometimes saves you a lot of grief.
Was referring to the name calling in general, sorry for the confusion.
Why should I subject myself to the name calling? I do try to respond. Usually with you're not my type. But honestly, most guys writing me are not my type. It gets old after awhile.
It might get old, but at least you still reply back. Being polite, acknowledging that person and letting them know how you feel about them weither you think it would work or not between the two of you.
And seriously you think
"You're fuc kin hot, we should hook up" YOu think that deserves a reply as well? What about the ''nice tits'' or the ''my nine inch****would love to meet you."
This would also be seen as being immature or rather unseemly. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:32:35 PM | I suggested on another forum that they add a "thanks but not interested" auto reply that also blocks the person from responding for 30 days. Thus it would kill one of the major complaints about people not responding and prevent any negative or retaliation type emails from the person rejected.
I also think it's a great idea and I've personally seen it posted more than once in the suggestions forum. It's just not been implemented, I don't know why, it's up to admin what suggestions he uses and which he doesn't.
I also used to respond to every email, I did go through a period of time when I didn't, but mostly I do. Often, there really isn't anything TO respond to. I do practice the golden rule as best as I can (I am still human...haha) and I do take the other person's feelings and effort put into their email into consideration. Listen, honestly, it's not easy to turn someone down and I don't find any merit in explaining or telling them why. It serves no useful purpose. Mature, emotionally healthy people understand that not everyone they'll interested will return that interest. It has no inherent meaning, that they're hopelessly flawed....it is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. Not every man I may be interested in is interested in me. I don't expect it or get my shorts in a twist if they're not.
As a matter of manners or courtesy, it's neither. It's the internet form of junk mail, an unsolicited response. I don't read all my junk mail either. If you take that personally then it speaks to your self image. Same as a complete stranger approaching you in public trying to strike up a conversation. Expressing one's interest doesn't obligate the other person to respond in any fashion. | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:37:11 PM | | You would think that if so many of women on here recieve these perverted and malicious messages from guys that they would jump at the chance to respond to one that is thoughtful, kind, or humorous. It should be like a breath of fresh air to them. Yet there still so many of us decent guys on here who get the read deleted message over and over again. I think the this guy called me this and that is a bunch of bull too. My guess is that they have too much to choose from, seeing as they likely get a lot more messages than guys do. So they get the pick of the litter and just pass over your email waiting for the "perfect guy" , something they'll never find no matter how long they wait. And then they want to say how down to earth and real they are. Yeah right! | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:42:30 PM | | OP asks if it is rude to ignore, yet isn't it rude to think you deserve a rejection reply from someone that is nothing more to you than a complete stranger? Compassionate and curteous rejection replies lead to bitter and rude replies. Some of us would just like to keep that sort of negativity out of our lives. I find men who have this sort of sense of entitlement, in that they believe they are owed a response, to be very unattractive and not the kind of men I want to communicate with anyways! | |
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:47:33 PM | It might get old, but at least you still reply back. Being polite, acknowledging that person and letting them know how you feel about them weither you think it would work or not between the two of you.
Yes because that is what everyone one should do, send a rejection letter and let them know how much the suck.
Do you also reply to all the junk mail you get and let them know, thanks for your effort but I am not interested in any Viagra today?
...Its sad to see and think about how many people are on here that are considered "mature" but yet show their immature levels better....
Complaining about people not replying shows a level of immaturity, very Dr. Philish.
It does not matter how much time you spend on your email and how much of a great catch your mom thinks you are, if she is not interested she is not interested, so get over put your big boy pants on and move on.
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| Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:48:19 PM | The way I deal with the situation of rejection and no reply is this: I don't bother contacting any women. Period. Do I get dry spells? Yeah. I'm having one right now. Would it be statistically different if I sent out dozens of emails that women ignored and then got demoralized and bitter. I can only use subjective criteria...but I doubt it.
It's as simple as putting me on their favourites list. I'll take it from there.
Each to their own. I don't care to take a number and get in line.
It's also about a certain power matrix. I don't want to be the supplicant.
If they come my way, come to me, more power to me. This is a tough venue. | |
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