| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:49:24 PM | Read some profiles and the person will elude to the fact that they are a "flirt". Which may be fine when you're single but do you think it's appropriate to flirt with members of the opposite sex when you are in a LTR with someone.
Wikipedia gives the following meaning for flirting;
Flirting is an expression of sexuality and a common form of social interaction whereby one person obliquely indicates a romantic or sexual interest towards another. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated (encouraged).
Flirting may involve speaking and acting in a way that suggests greater intimacy than is generally considered appropriate to the relationship (or to the amount of time the two people have known each other), without actually saying or doing anything that breaches any serious social norms. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony. Double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive, may be used.
So whats your take on flirting while in an LTR, harmless or hurtful to the relationship you're currently in? | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 3:54:13 PM | Most of us know the difference between harmless flirting and something else. When I was married and preggers with my second child, one of the guys that came in to pick up his checks often made comments about how beautiful I looked and how he thought there was nothing prettier than a pregnant woman. That was harmless flirting by a man who is probably smart enough to figure out that a compliment is nice when you feel like a whale. He never said those comments in an inappropriate way.
I know people that are flirts, one of my good friends is one, but I also know that there is no one that meets her that doesn't know she is married and wouldn't cheat on her husband. If it is a problem, it is not the flirting itself but its intention. It can be harmless or hurtful and it isn't a one-size fits all behavior, everybody is different, what wouldn't bother one will another. Someone could be bothered because they are given a reason and others because they have no trust. | |
|
| |
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 4:43:16 PM | When I'm in a relationship, I don't have eyes for anyone but my partner. It wouldn't even occur to me to flirt when I'm in an LTR. Flirting can be fun when you're single, but I don't think it has a place in an LTR or marriage, unless you are flirting with your partner.   | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 4:56:23 PM | ForumFilly
Flirting can be fun when you're single, but I don't think it has a place in an LTR or marriage.
I agree, yet I see many married people flirt with people not their spouse and I can't help but think that they're playing with fire.  | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 4:59:43 PM | It depends on how your SO is affected by it.
Some people are quite secure with their SO flirting and some are not. I believe that an open discussion between the couple about the boundaries of flirting is in order. Then respect the boundaries. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:01:56 PM |
So whats your take on flirting while in an LTR, harmless or hurtful to the relationship you're currently in?
OP -- Only harmful to the rampantly insecure and jealous types.
Flirting is just that...flirting. When you collect numbers and/or f*ck someone else who AIN'T your SO...that ain't flirting anymore.
So yea...only harmful to the rampantly insecure and jealous types.
JMO. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:11:15 PM | There are other people in the Universe, besides your SO, or spouse. To some people,
flirting is looking or talking to one of the opposite sex. When you're in a LTR, or
even Married, You are not considered dead yet. It's allowable to speak and associate
with others still. A little harmless flirting, makes someone feel better, and that's what
It's all about.  | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:11:18 PM | | This would depend on how your better half looks at flirting. My x would blow up if I even talked to a female. I quit for a while but it got to where I couldn't be myself when she was around. I put my foot down and told her "look I was like that when I met you. " I flirted with her and we ended up married, my mistake. She thought I was trying to pick up a woman even when it was just conversation with life long friends. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:12:37 PM | I think it depends on the couple and their security levels...( that sounds like a spy thing...lol)
Both my ex husband and I harmlessly flirted with others on occasion ( and in front of each other)..neither of us had a problem with it...we both knew the other would never do anything inappropriate..and we trusted each other...we thought it was harmless fun.. | |
|
| |
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:57:25 PM | Flirting is great with your SO and can be ok with others, but you do have to know where the line is. There are some things that I would not tolerate in a SO. I know my bf is secure with me, but I know that I don't cross the line.
A woman wrote on my bf's page you should come over and play with my p^ssy some time. In my opinion, she crossed the line. I told her about it, not him. It is important to know who is doing the flirting/causing it at times too. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:03:21 PM | | today, a long term relationship consists of 6 months to a year or so....thats not a ltr..thats party time....flirting is harmfull if its construed in a wrong way...theres a differance in being fun funny witty...I joke with the 250 pound woman in the drive thru that knows me cause i get lunch there at times..completely harmless...but an ex said i was flirting...depends on who you are with..if they realise what you are doing , ok, if they are insecure...then stop it | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:32:19 PM |
Only harmful to the rampantly insecure and jealous types.
I completely agree! Once again, BDJ has it dead on!
OP - it all depends on how secure the relationship is, how secure each person is, and if the trust is there (and well warranted). I'm dating a "flirt" and I know darned well that he only means it in fun and nothing else. I"m a flirt at times too and if someone were to call me on it, I'd turn 3 shades of red and tell them I was only kidding. I have no intentions whatsoever of cheating on my SO and I fully trust him and know he's not going to cheat on me either. It's HARMLESS FLIRTING. Insecure/jealous people are the ones who fall in that trap of flirting turning into something more or getting upset about it.
You are right, OP... it has no place in a LTR that is full of insecurity and jealousy. It's a recipe for disaster. However, I don't think too many people are looking for those kinds of relationships..... | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:20:41 PM | flirting with another while being involved with a partner is very hurtful and unhealthy. to compliment another human being out of kindness is not flirting but flattery, and that is acceptable, if the compliment is given with respect. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:10:47 PM | Only harmful to the rampantly insecure and jealous types.
I completely disagree!
I'm not jealous or insecure yet my ex wife who said she despised cheating had an affair. When I asked her why and how, she said it started out as flirting and as the flirting continued the line became blurry and one day they crossed it.
You may feel one needs to be jealous or insecure but I now know from experience that flirting with others outside of ones relationship can and does lead to infidelity. I hope for your sake that you don't find out like I did. I'm still not jealous or insecure but I am much more aware of harmful behaviors.
Food for thought. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:20:21 PM | flirting with another while being involved with a partner is very hurtful and unhealthy. to compliment another human being out of kindness is not flirting but flattery, and that is acceptable, if the compliment is given with respect.
While in a relationship, I never flirt with other women. I don't even do "innuendo".
I work alongside women all the time in business. I'm such a non flirt, that I've been asked if I was gay, because I ignore flirts and innuendo's from women.
I think women are beautiful creatures, but, I would never undermine the one I'm with by having her see me flirt with another woman, or hear about my flirting from someone else.
I personally don't feel it's harmless or benign. The potential upset to a SO is not worth the cheap thrill or ego boost to myself. Just as I would never go to a strip joint while I'm in a relationship. I think it's disrespectful to the woman I'm with. Even if she never knew about it.
JMO.
I think this is one area where you will not get a clear consensus. Ever. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:09:37 PM | I completely disagree!
I'm not jealous or insecure yet my ex wife who said she despised cheating had an affair. When I asked her why and how, she said it started out as flirting and as the flirting continued the line became blurry and one day they crossed it.
I agree - there is always that "crossing the line" Believe it or not there are
some humans among us who just cant help themselves and ego takes over.
"We can talk about things, she gets me blah blah blah" - oh please. Its just another
form of a cheap thrill and a hurtful one at that. I am not possessive but I know
how others look at me when I was with my significant other and would never
disrespect him by flirting with his "friends" or any man even if he
was NOT around . I feel it is a sign of disrespect - if he needs his ego boosted that much I will do it. The same goes for me.
I personally don't feel it's harmless or benign. The potential upset to a SO is not worth the cheap thrill or ego boost to myself.
For some people, all it takes is a crack in the door and they feel the need to push
it open. Its not worth the loss, the hurt or the pain.
Flirt with each other - that always keeps the relationship hot. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:16:40 PM | How much attention do you need if you are flirting with other people, while in a LTR?
Flirting is teasing. It shows a specific interest in another. I dont think it would be a good thing, and I sure wouldnt want to be out with my guy and have him flirting with other females. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:25:31 PM | | I flirt all the time, with single woman, married woman, woman dating friends, and friends wives, pregnant, not pregnant, 60 years old, 17 years old, I'm currently single, I'm a flirter, I do it without thinking about it, I'll flirt with a woman twice my age who weighs 300lbs and a foot and half taller then me. I do it in front of others only and I keep it very clean. No dirty talk, and normally in a very over the top kind of way, my last girlfriend understood it was just me and I didn't mean it, she didn't really care, she knew who I was going home with. Problem is I don't think I could just "turn off" flirting I do it without thinking, I have to actively try not to flirt, I don't mean anything by it, if I ever was in a relationship where she didn't understand that we'd have problems. But I truly don't mean anything by it. | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:34:47 PM | Sorta agree with BJD...in in that collecting numbers and the occassional lay..exceeds flirting...
I'd never...ever...anytime flirt in front of my g/f....and I guess any attention I paid to the opposite sex could be construed as flirting....but, I'd like to think I know where to draw the line...jmo | |
|
| |
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:45:15 PM | What about the people on the receiving end. Is it harmless to them when married or otherwise spoken for people flirt with them? You should be able to imagine the quick scared glance at the significant other that a lot of people put in that situation will give.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who enjoys putting other women in that situation. | |
|
*Aris*
|
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 24 | |
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:14:59 PM | okay well in the context of tete-a-tete situation flirting seems inappropriate but I think its fine for socializing, unless of course flirting makes the atmosphere ackward like if the significant other gets noticably jealous. I've flirted with women when I'm drunk and its been inappropriate cause they were married. I wouldn't say it was hurtful but it was stupid on my behalf, thankfully they didn't reciprocate.
Here's a situation where flirting is hurtful: one partner is flirting to get a rise out of their partner.
What about online relationships? If your in a LTR can you flirt online?
Speaking generally, if you have to hide your flirting then its likely hurtful to your partner, but if its open and fun then I think that is harmless. In other words, if you make your exclusive partner feel excluded well then...
here's something to try I think would be fun: flirt with a women and then brag to your significant other "I still got it!" or "she wants me so bad, but she can't have me", stupid stuff like that... | |
|
| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:32:19 PM | If you are married or in a LTR, do you just wake up one morning after many years and notice that your partner flirts? Why did you marry him/her if it bothers you so much?
I have never been in a relationship with a flirt, so I don't know how I would feel! | |
|
Home
login 
