| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:36:34 PM | I've done a quick search of this type of thread before and if it does exist and is redundant, I do apologize.
I have never been into these forums, but I figured that my first post might as well relate to my first dating experience with this website.
My first experience brings up an interesting topic that I personally believes to warrant some discussion: Online vs. Offline personalities.
Last week I received my weekly "matches" e-mail and came across a profile that made my jaw drop. Not only was she drop dead gorgeous, she was mature, seemingly caring and truly interested in not only finding a partner, but a soul mate. Her profile went on about how she was hoping to find the love of her life, and mentioned a lot of little things that I found to be unique, and awe inspiring. She truly was, at the time, one of a kind. I read absolutely nothing that I did not like.
I proceeded to send her a message. In this message I literally poured my heart and soul into each word. I explained to her how my current situation in the love department was going, how I found that we had so much in common, and how much she was exactly what I was looking for in a woman. She replied not ten minutes later expressing her utmost interest me, and thanking me for my sweet words. Twenty minutes later we began to exchange e-mails and began to IM on MSN. The next day we proceeded to short phone conversations and texting. The conversations we had...of the conversations. They were long, meaningful, had substance, and I really felt as if there was a major click. We were talking as if we were already dating, or were about to date. We had made so many plans for the next couple weeks without even meeting each other. She deleted her POF account after she began talking to me. A good sign, or so I thought.
Within a few days, we planned a day to get together. Turned out she lived down the street, so I tightened my laces and decided to walk over to pick her up. Have a little walk of our own, and then do whatever else we wanted to do during the day.
This is where things began to go sour.
I show up at her doorstep to an awkward smile and a very bland "wow, it's nice to finally see you...". She had seen pictures of me...several pictures. And I looked no different in those pictures then I did that day. So we sat in her house for a bit, began to talk a bit, watched some television, joked around. All in all things began to pick up. Or, that was until the horns started to poke out. This conversation then took place. Her profile said she was 18, turning 19.
"You know my dad's gonna be happy. Most of the guys I date are like 28. Godlike, really huge, buff guys."
"Really? My mom's gonna be indifferent since I usually date people my age!"
"Well I'm not your age, 16"
"Turning 17...I suppose?"
"No, my birthday was last month."
Double red flag. Not only is she jail bait, she is aware that she is jail bait. Well I decided to let is slide...so we went for that walk, and I uncovered some new little tidbits.
"When I was 11 or 12 I used to get drunk and high and fall asleep randomly downtown. My mom never cared"
"I used to work at some clubs when I was 14 and 15, now they let me in for free and they don't bother about ID'ing me"
"My 28 year-old ex used to beat me. But I stayed with him for two years because the sex was great. I stole his debit and credit after I dumped him and robbed over 800$ from his account. **stard deserved it for cheating on me."
The odd thing is, aside from those interesting topics, we had a great time. We talked about everything and anything and laughed the whole day through. Unfortunately the little munchkin in my head I call Conscious was really gnawing at the back of my head.
So we ended up seeing a movie, and the night ended with her leaving me at a corner, and running home because her father was angry at her for being out so late. The next morning she told me we're better off staying friends. I was too loud for her "reserved" nature and I wasn't as attractive as her previous sculpted 20 somethings. She then told me not to bother coming over the next day to go to the beach with her as planned, she was supposed to go on a date with a 23 year-old.
So how much do we put in our profile is our true identity, and how much are we hiding? Do we assume a different identity online because we fear rejection from our offline selves? Should we lead people in to believe we have a certain persona when really we are wearing a mask this entire time? | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:47:02 PM | I would of bailed from the get go...live and learn.
Everyone is different in real life than online. Find someone with some similarites, meet to see if there is a connection, then go from there.
You just can learn about someone through a screen. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:16:40 PM | There are a lot of wolves in sheeps clothing....live and learn after all a 'red flag' is a sign for a reason so next time thank it and runnnnnn.
"He who hides behind a mask is doing me a favour, cuz I wouldn't want to be looking at their fugly face anyways"  | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:21:12 PM | Yes, unfortunately there are many profiles out there that present what the writer wants you to believe....or maybe wants to be when they grow up.
There are more, I think, true personalities than fake ones however. It's really hard to convey who you are on a computer screen though with just words and pics.
Some that I have came across that turned out to be false:
"I'm a one-woman man" Dating many women
"I know how to treat a lady" Well, good...you KNOW how, so why don't you DO it?
"Looking for LTR"  NOT
"Self employed" out of work
Don't get me wrong--I am NOT jaded, just stating my past experience. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:43:55 PM | | We aren't talking to each anymore regardless. And I had no plans on sleeping with her at all during that day. This topic isn't about the fact that she was 16, but rather about the fact she lied and how other people on this site could potentially pull the same stunt. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:58:32 PM | | Sorry but that's just not true. When I was a teen I definately was looking for my soulmate, and now I'd probably just settle for a mate. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:59:19 PM | | Depends on the state since the OP is 18, she may or may not be jailbait. It happens. Some people use the internet to try to be who they wish they were. Others to live a fantasy game. It's the internet, so all manner of wonders and weirdness appear. Just learn from it and move on. This sounds like a case of "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is". | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 9:58:09 PM | @OP:
People pull stunts on pof ALL the time. The mystery is gone so welcome to online dating. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:19:57 PM | Wait - so what you're saying it - people can lie? I'm so shocked!
/end sarcasm
You'll learn the red flags young padawan. Listen to those of us that say, "I would have bailed when...". We've learned through experience - there are just certain red flags you shouldn't ignore. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:08:56 AM | | Or she could be using a common dramatic device. She realized she was not interested and made each story more ridiculous than the next to gauge your reaction. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:45:04 PM | Probably the only thing that she told you that was true was that she was 16. The rest sounds like total b.s. made up to impress you or scare you. Good riddance to her.
Now go out in real life and find a girl. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:03:58 PM | So how much do we put in our profile is our true identity, and how much are we hiding? Do we assume a different identity online because we fear rejection from our offline selves? Should we lead people in to believe we have a certain persona when really we are wearing a mask this entire time?
It’s not an online thing as much as it is an individual thing, speaking on terms of her deception. People have and continue to do the same thing here in the so-called real world. I could go to a pub, strike up a conversation with someone and fairly easily convince them that I am a doctor (which I am not), or whatever I think would impress them enough to earn a trip to the bedroom. Anyone with enough intelligence armed with the proper vocabulary could pull this off. Happens all the time – it’s not just an online phenomenon.
To your question / point; however, there is an old saying that money doesn’t change a person, it simply unmasks them for who they really are. I believe that same line of reasoning can be applied to online dating (or online socializing, stepping outside the realm of love for a moment). A lot of women and some men (I’ve gotten a couple) get emails making sexual comments, “I see myself with you at a hotel this weekend…” or a much more graphic and offensive variation of such. Do you think these men would dare pose such a suggestion in person? Probably not. But, the anonymity that comes with swimming in the World Wide Web gives them the means to unmask their true selves without much fear or repercussion.
This is one of the advantages to online dating versus meeting people at a pub/club/bar. If you’re keen enough, you can see someone for they really are – thanks to the comfort they enjoy by being relatively anonymous. That isn’t to suggest that people don’t lie online as well – of course they do. Anyone met someone who looked nothing like their photo? /raising my hand… | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:06:04 PM | | My profile here represents the only personality I have. In real life I sit and stare at the wall. They bring me this computer so I can escape from my shell of inaction and have at least some sort of social life. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:17:12 PM | My RL persona is a pretty serious one because well... most of the time I'm working. My life is my career for the most part and I have no qualms about that.
Here, I can't help but cut loose and have a good time. You have to admit, some of these threads are hilarious! | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:42:56 PM | I think the bottom line is that sites like this are nothing but a bunch of pictures and words on a screen.
It doesn't even make sense to analyze people's profiles too deep because things can be so different once you meet in person.
Even if someone is a little weird or their personality doesn't line up with what they've written on their profile AT LEAST you got a chance to meet them to find out the real deal. Meeting people should be easy.
Meeting people and dating should be easy. You meet in a public place, you say "hello my name is _blank_ I'm glad we met ... blah blah blah" We should be trying to figure out if the person is our soulmate until way later.
It's the expectations that make online dating so damn complicated. The goal should be to meet and make a basic connection; that's it. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:08:54 AM | Men never match their profiles. As I said in a different post "mate for life" means screw you twice and ignore you. There are hints, but you have to be seasoned to catch them all.
I am always honest in mine, but men don't read it so there is an awkward exchange of words where I have to tell him that our profiles don't match at all. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:32:13 AM | Not potentially pull the same stunt, they in fact do. I refuse to lie on my profile because that's how you are going to attract 'your type' or people that are truly intersted in what you have to say. That's not to say that you still won't/don't get the ones that are totally clueless and think that they fit your desires emailing you so, I feel it's better upfront from the get go!
Message: We aren't talking to each anymore regardless. And I had no plans on sleeping with her at all during that day. This topic isn't about the fact that she was 16, but rather about the fact she lied and how other people on this site could potentially pull the same stunt. | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/12/2009 11:06:08 AM | Why did you get so emotionally involved before meeting? You were in a classic situation that demonstrates why that's a bad idea.
Don't get your hopes up until after you've spent some RL time with them. Your situation was rare, but on the small-scale stuff, don't take the profile as a legal document. In other words, don't -expect- everything to fall into place the way it is with their profile. No expectations = less drama (internally and externally). | |
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| POF Profile vs. RL Personality
Posted: 7/12/2009 1:09:16 PM | the mistake people do the most w/online dating is not meeting in a reasonable time; you basically get attached or hooked to a person you haven't spent ANYTIME w/, an that face to face dealing is what determines relationships to be honest.
some people just lie, some people just build up the other person in their head to be a certain way based on what that persons profile is and based on limited exposure to the person (i.e. convos/ims)
in your case she straight lied and alot of people do that; but i was discussing another point of view in this topic. | |
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