| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:25:55 AM | I've been involved with a man that I met on a dating site about six months ago. I was somewhat suspicious that he might be seeing several women at once, but we weren't committed so it didn't bother me that much. As time went on though, I began to suspect that something more was up through various incidents. I have a friend who is a private investigator who said he would help ease my mind by checking him out.
Basically what I found out is that he's married with a child. He has no idea that I know all this, and I'm wondering how I should go about confronting him about the situation. Do I just ask him and get him to tell me the truth or do I just tell him I know everything and put an end to things. Either way I'm ending this, I'm just trying to figure out the best way to go about it.
Please don't be rude or hurtful in your suggestions, I've already been hurt enough in these last few months. Thanks | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:32:23 AM | | Just tell him you know he's married, that you don't appreciate that he's cheating on his wife, and cut him off from there. Simple as that | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:39:57 AM | It's a no-brainer. Tell him he is a liar and a cheat and walk away immediately. He has lied to you (and more importantly, to his wife).
You have been sucked into someone elses lie, the only thing you can do is tell him and walk.
What you're asking is should you give him the chance to come clean or confront him with the fact that you know? I dont see how it makes much difference either way. I suppose if I were in your shoes I would want to give him the chance to tell the truth, but how would you feel if he tries to weasel his way round it? (she doesnt understand me, we dont sleep together, she understands I have other needs bullshit).
Whatever he says, you know you have to walk away. You do not want to be the other woman - unless you do, in which case you'll get what you deserve in the long run. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:47:47 AM | | Sorry to hear OP, it's never easy to learn you have been deceived. Simply tell him you know he is married and that it is over. Do not give him an opportunity to make up any excuses for his behavior, particularly when a child is involved. Do not make any threats to tell his wife, you can get seriously hurt by him, it happened to a friend. Hopefully you meet a better guy in the future. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:53:15 AM | | the private investigator will try and sleep with you 9 times out of 10. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:01:53 AM | Mail the findings to the wife, that will put a stop to him coming around your place and you again.
Seriously? You have to wonder what to do?
Drop his ass. FAST!!! | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:07:11 AM | | I don't know im a devious kind of chick. If it was me OP I would give him a chance to tryto make up an extravagant lie. Then bust out all the evidence I had agains't his sniviling decitiful scummy ass. Then I would kick him in the nuts as hard as I could and tell him to keep his dusty behind home with his wife and stop disrespecting the sanctatity of marriage. (Please forgive my typos for It is friday night/Saturday morning and i'm a bit tipsy) Also tell him to have decency for his child or the whole family union in general. And run dont walk! as fast as you can change your number if he comes to your house or job tell him you'll pull out a restraining order on his lowlife azz...... | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:18:58 AM | OP,
Heartbreak and deceit is never easy. Be happy you didnt let a suspicious behavior pass by.
Frankly I would do whatever makes you feel better. Like you stated either way you will end the deal. You don't need to have his feelings into consideration...either let him know you aware the kind of cheat he is or give him a chance to come clean. He is not a good person because he didn't care to hurt the wife or you.
I feel you are as much of a victim as the wife is.
Just make sure you will not out yourself at risk, you never know with men, he might get violent if you mention you will inform the wife of his activities.
I wouldn't tell her, let her find out because she might also turn against you. Wives better know how to keep tabs on their men.
Don't let anyone put you down. You are handling this correctly if you leave him asap. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:46:42 AM | I've told each man I've met from POF that if I find out he's married or committed in some way, the gloves will be off and I'll find his wife and tell her. I also threaten a beatdown on his sorry ass as well. I have ZERO tolerance for this crap.
You should definitely tell his wife - for several reasons. She has a right to know what she's married to, number one. Secondly, while Casanova is out "dating" half the free world, he's putting HER sexual health at risk because she's probably not taking precautions as she THINKS she's in a monogamous relationship. Yeah, what a crazy thought - a married woman assuming she's in an exclusive relationship with her husband. 
And lastly, this dirtbag needs to be cut off at the knees because innocent women such as yourself are being conned and duped by this swine. You were taken for a ride for 6 months - and all for WHAT? To give this jerk off a good time while you've invested 6 months of your efforts and emotions into this fake relationship? Do you really want other innocent women to get taken by Romeo, too? If he keeps getting away with it, more and more women will be fooled by this two-bit con artist, just like you were. Keeping his dirty little secret and not telling anyone about what he's doing just doesn't help anyone. If you do nothing, it's almost like condoning what he's doing.
Tell his wife. It will definitely put a crimp in his 'dating' activities when wifey's got his cajones hanging from the rear-view mirror of their mini van. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:54:56 AM | IMHO you owe him nothing. No goodbye. No chance to lie to you any further. What could he possibly say to make it worth wasteing one more second of time or emotion on him. To do so is only hurting yourself.
The best way to end it is to just walk away and go on with your life. It is easy to put his phone and computer on block and ignore him like the invisable nothing that he is.
If you have anything of his get rid of it. You have no need to have memorbilia of this creep so get rid of it. He was never what you thought he was so you are looseing nothing.
It is a pretty safe bet you are not the only other woman and he will hardly notice. If he doesn't and keeps trying to get with you send him a dated signature registered letter with a single phrase "I want no more contact." Sign your full legal name. If he attempts any more contact, document it ; and take both to get a restraining order. If you know he is married and you continue the contact you are committing a crime in many places. His wife could have social and financial redress against you.
Leave his wife alone. She hasn't done anything to you. (At least not if you were having protected sex.) If she wanted to know if he was cheating she would do the same thing you did. In the future be more careful and verify what you are told.
I am very sorry for your pain. I would go see my own physician if you have any problems coping. Might not be a bad idea if you have had physical contact to have yourself checked out. Better luck in the future. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:56:45 AM | In a nut shell, just end the relationship and cut off all contact.
Thats it. Give it no more thought or effort other then that.
Revenge will not make the situation or pain any better. It will only consume you and cause even more pain and anger. Chalk it up to experience and let it go.
You have a simple choice, you can get bitter or you can get better from all of this.
The question is whether or not your going to put forth the effort to dig in to this even deeper, or start on the road back to happiness ? | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:50:11 AM | | You want to let the wife know, leave the info with her, and walk away. If you want him to hurt his wife with another gal, walk away with the info you have on him. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:41:58 AM | i am sorry to hear of your predicament. many people are going to tear shreads off me for asking but, do you want to be with him? deciet is a hard one. people often forget that bad things are done or happen every day and those responsible for them are often enough forgiven.
a man can kill and society can forgive and that same man can then be returned to a world he already played an evil part in. if such a crime can be forgiven why can this one not?
i have been in the situation and it is a difficult place. my advice. think it through long and hard for yourself. you are an individual mind and heart and no one else has the answer but you. in truth you probably already know what YOU want to do. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:04:25 AM | Kas_amya,
I will not criticize yr comment, luckily for her, OP seems to have a clear view of what's the next step: Ending the relationship.
She was just asking us how.
To me.... if you are an unattached person, having dealing w/married people can only result in a heartbreak, for one, two or three people. It only depends how things develop.
JMO | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:07:19 AM | follow your gut... he should have been honest about his situation and let you make the call... no reason to lie or manipulate people... if he wants relationships outside the marriage (to each their own) then there are those that dont mind... but even those wouldnt appreciate being lied to.
be fair, honest and polite: tell him what it is you know (not how you know, its not important) and tell him that's it with no return. Let your intuition guide you and keep your emotions in control. After all, that is something no one can control or take from you!
good luck! | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:08:25 AM | Bring him to a hotel room.
Wear your sexiest lingerie. Get him really drunk.
Hide a video camera in the television/entertainment center.
Have wild crazy drunken sex with him.
Send the video to his wife. . | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:47:30 AM | | I don't think I am quite as vengeful as Autumn, but I would have some fun with him. Toy with him, scare the crap out of him. Find out where he frequents in his other life, let him see you, but walk away before he can speak to you. Several very devious scenarios come to mind. Who knows it may keep him honest well for a few weeks anyway. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:51:17 AM | | Why would you waste your time explaining anything to him? Just walk away. Communicating why will just give him opportunity to play the pity card. “staying together for the kid” ….“Wife doesn’t understand me”….”no sex”. Do you really want to spend your energy feeling sorry for him, or feeling guilty that you are abandoning him too, or whatever? Just walk and block, give him no more of yourself. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:55:33 AM | | Give him a huge big hicky on the front of his neck, then send him packing. Dirty azz scum! | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:57:36 AM | OP, I agree with earlier posters that telling his wife is the morally responsible thing to do. She probably knows anyway as he has more than likely repeated this behavior time and time again. Don't even think for a minute that you are "special" or that he has only done this with you.
I wouldn't confront him or tell him you are aware of his situation. Cut off all communication with him, and deliver the investigator's report to the wife. The End. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:18:15 AM | The investigators report from a 'friend' would probably have been nothing more than a phone call or email saying ' hey, this guy is married and has a kid.' Im sure his wife knows that, so Im not sure what good sending anything like that would do.
Honestly, your best bet is to walk away. There is a good chance the wife will blame YOU for the relationship anyway. Who knows what her reaction will be when she finds out. There is no need to add more stress or problems on top of what is already going on.
If you want to just get away from this...do just that. Get away. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:19:00 AM | OP, you did say you were not in a committed relationship and you had a suspicion he was seeing other women so why give a dayum now if he's married? Dump his rotten azzzzz and be glad you know and move on with your life.
And you also said his wife probably knows he's cheating so why waste time telling her he was seeing you? | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:52:22 AM |
Basically what I found out is that he's married with a child. .....If it were me then I would inform the wife. Why? Because it is the moral thing to do.
If you just dump the guy and rid him from your life then you will not be doing his wife and child any favours. You are probably not his first adulterate act and you will not be the last.
Put yourself in the shoes of the wife.....Would you as the wife want to know?
How dare this guy pretend to be a family man when he's anything but!
Sorry you had to go through all of this, but there is a reason for everything.
Ignore his calls and don't give him the chance to justify betrayal.
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:10:08 AM | | just say to him look i know that you are married and i don,t want to see you anymore . he is going to say his marriage is not working and he was going to tell you but was just waiting for the right time but don,t listen to him .he not only took away six month of your life with his lies but your right to choose. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:14:05 AM | The silliest thing he did,was not to tell you he was married! I`m a married guy, I tell everyone I`m married. I`m looking for friends. This allows women to see that I`m taken(if they want say,a long term relationship)? It puts the record straight?
I think every relationship(gf`s,family,marriage )etc. Is based on trust?
Therefore,he commited the ultimate sin>- Omitting the truth? Lying?
This probably doesn`t help ya, as you`ve gotten into a relationship with him now,and emotions all involved. But it doesn`t bode well. Good luck. Personally, I`d say ask him to leave his wife? He`d run a mile then!? | |
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