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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!      Home login  
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 Palifornia562
Joined: 6/17/2009
Msg: 1
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
So I was just chatting with this girl on aol aim, we're both not doing anything tonight, she seems very interested in me, as I do in her....but then she has to kill it by saying "truthfully i don't usually put myself down and all, but i don't think im your type". she was asking all these questions about my ex, like how old was she, how tall, etc etc, so i showed her some pics of my ex, who is a very petite girl. so now this chic is thinking she is not my type just because she is not petite. i wouldnt ask to hangout with her if i didnt find her attractive...so why do girls always have to ruin things with their low self esteem??
 kmm52072
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 2
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:29:05 PM
Could it have been her way of politely saying that you are not her type? or she changed her mind because you have pictures of your ex and could possibly be still hung up on her? I don't get in the statement that you posted anywhere that would indicate her having low self-esteem.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 3
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:34:45 PM
Well it could be because the media portrays women on tv and in magazines as being totally stunning all the time 7 days a week. We can't compete or keep up with that. We are human beings not just something to look at and we do have bad days.

Most men fall into the trap of believing that is what women should look like and so we become a little paranoid that you are going to get a shock if you see us without the perfect hair or makeup on a day when we're not feeling so flash.

On the other hand once we believe a man truly likes us for WHO we are rather than what we look like then we tend to relax more.

Just my opinion of course....................
 MsEclectic
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 4
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:35:30 PM
If you find yourself meeting an abundance of women with a certain characteristic, you may want to ask yourself how you are contributing to the situation...maybe it isn't *them*?
 Palifornia562
Joined: 6/17/2009
Msg: 5
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:36:30 PM
No, because she initiated the first contact, she initiated wanting to meet up....so she is very interested in me. And she was the one that was asking all the questions about my ex, I never brought her up. I am not still hung up on my ex, I don't have any of her pics on my computer, I just showed her myspace page.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 6
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:39:33 PM
OP...what age group are you attracting?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:42:38 PM
That is your assumption, it is equally possible that you said something else that told her that you weren't the type of person she believes she would be compatible with and she was being kind in putting it back on herself instead of telling you she didn't think you were her type.
 Mustang065
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 8
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:44:07 PM

she was asking all these questions about my ex, like how old was she, how tall, etc etc, so i showed her some pics of my ex, who is a very petite girl.


I am probably a little slow on the up-climb, but can't figure out why she was asking so many questions about your ex. Nor can I figure out why you thought it would be a good idea to show her pictures.
Is it possible that as she was losing interest in you she was gaining interest in your ex?
 cmdrfunk
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 9
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:51:13 PM
And now you learned not to talk about exes.

So once again YOU WIN!!!

I wish more people would view things like this. The goal is not to get a girl. It's to improve so you can get better girls that like you even more!

So you win since you learned something.
 lonesomerick
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 10
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:53:54 PM
Fatal mistake Dude.....you need to limit conversations about the ex. Practice after me; It just didn't work out! Enough said.

And there maybe reasons you've kept pictures of the ex, but showing pictures of the ex is telling her you're not quite over her!

Obviously she got the message!
 RedQuill
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 11
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:55:07 PM
Well, if she was doing all of the work to get things going, yeah, a girl gets the impression that you're not all that impressed with her. Might want to pass along a compliment every now and again, and maybe make a move some time. It eases the fear that we're having a potential relationship all in our own brains.
 AZWendySH
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 12
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:56:59 PM
She might also have been fishing for a compliment, looking for reassurance that you found her attractive. It's a bit passive aggressive, but women often find it difficult to ask that sort of question directly.
 Palifornia562
Joined: 6/17/2009
Msg: 13
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:57:04 PM

That is your assumption, it is equally possible that you said something else that told her that you weren't the type of person she believes she would be compatible with and she was being kind in putting it back on herself instead of telling you she didn't think you were her type.


Um...no...it's not my assumption, because she still wants to meet up tonight. She just thinks that I am not going to be all into her


OP...what age group are you attracting?


Early to late 20's...she is 27
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 14
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:57:33 PM
If she had a high regard of herself, how come she is online grasping for male attention in the first place? Hmmmmm?

Kind of makes you stop and think, doesn't it?

I stopped complaining about meeting nothing but drunks in bars once I realized...they serve alcohol in bars. That epiphany changed my whole outlook on meeting drunks in bars.
 StatlerandWaldorf
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 15
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:59:59 PM

so i showed her some pics of my ex


No, no! never do this! She was looking for some irrelevant standard to measure herself against, and you provided it. So it was like you were agreeing with her that it was appropriate to for her to compare the two of them.

You should have diverted the questions about the ex, and focused on what it was about new girl that made you interested in meeting her. If she was really persistent with the questions about your ex, then...she has a deeper self-esteem issue than you'd want to take on. Unless you happen to not find it tiresome to have to be constantly reassuring and validating someone.
 angelofenuff
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 16
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:02:52 PM
I know a lot of women that need to constanly be reminded of how pretty they are. I'm not sure if it's because of low-self esteem or because they are stuck on themselves and need the attention. I think she may have been fishing for compliments. You should have taken the focus off your ex and placed it back on her.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 17
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:08:49 PM
Well, probably she shouldn't drill you about your ex. Most people will come out on their own.

Sometimes people hear from the ex involving children

Maybe we would not have such low self esteem if media did not portray women like Barbie dolls. Men buy into that. They go to Hooters to look at boobs, they go to these "gentlemen's" clubs when they have a wife or girlfriend at home.

If we don't look like Barbie, we're average looking like myself, most men won't give us the time of day. I happen to be short, slender, do not have perfect teeth but so what?

I want those invisiligns but can't afford it. I have TMJ(dislocated jaw)too, stemming from surviving abuse as a child. But I am a good person. They shouldn't judge a book by its cover so much.
 Palifornia562
Joined: 6/17/2009
Msg: 18
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:12:30 PM
Well, she still wants to see me, but now I am contemplating if I want to see her! I just can't deal with women with self-esteem issues. It gets too annoying.

And like Rickeyes58 said, I better NOT look at any other women.
 miska1
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 19
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:17:16 PM
If he brings up your ex again, politely remind her that sheis an X for a reason. And you don't base future relationships on your X.
Never admit to having pics of an X around. People will jump on that with all kinds of questions. Are you over him/her. Why keep momentos around, that lame kinda thing.
 DemonDingleBerry
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 20
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:29:24 PM

so why do girls always have to ruin things with their low self esteem??

It's easier and far less traumatic for a person to reject themselves than face the horror of getting hopes up and being rejected by someone else.
 BrickCharm City
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 21
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:39:49 PM
Heh, I was guilty of something similar just recently although I didn't ask for pics. LOL This guy that I am seeing looks like he could be a freakin underwear model and I...well, you can tell I'm a little on the fluffy side. LOL So I asked him what type of women did he usually get involved with and he looked at me and said "I like women." So I asked him to elaborate and he just looked at me again and said "I said, I like women."

 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 22
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:45:03 PM
You know, it's really hard to tell what her motives were there Palifornia.
And, I do believe that it's true, you wouldn't ask to hang out with her if you didn't find her attractive.

I know this, because I have encountered a fair number of women carrying a boatload of low self esteem. It's a hard one to brush off, because no matter what you say, or what your intention may be....they aren't going to believe it. Then again, it isn't your job to fix it. It's really important to keep that in mind, at least I'm finding that to be so.

Like anyone, any man or woman who has had holes shot through their self esteem, they have to do the work to fix it.

So..she may have shot herself in the foot on this one....that's just the way it is....with this woman. I have also met a number of women with very healthy self esteem...so, it's important not to get pessimistic and think it's a part of all women's personalities. OK?

Now, for me..if I'm just meeting someone, and they're beggin' to see pictures of my ex....then, I already know that's a floater. That's dead in the water. You wish her the best, say goodnight, and sign off.....but one thing you don't wanna do, is turn her on to your ex's my space page.....why torture someone who is already tortured to some degree.???

regards
Kimbo
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 23
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I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:56:35 PM
Just out of curiosity why the HELL would you think another woman would like to see pictures of your little petite EX?????? Bad move.
My guys Ex has a trust fund, access to the best makeup artists, plastic surgeons, stylists and fashion available. She shops all day and has personal trainers. I have no desire to ever see her. Any glimpse would make me want to crawl under a rock, being a mere mortal.
WHY??????????
 MRVMC
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 24
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:57:50 PM
>>

You showed her pictures??? Of your ex?? Seriously???

Ugh. If she has some self-esteem issues, you may have helped it along just a little bit. Not only is she a little intimidated that your ex is more petite than she is, but you brought out pictures to prove it.

Ugh...
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 25
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:06:56 PM
Op, I can't see someone just out of the blue start grilling you about your ex.

I can, however, imagine her asking what it is that broke off your relationship and maybe you saying that she had low self-esteem and it then developing from there. I'm not saying that that is what you said, but that there may have been something that made her want to know more.

No, it wasn't smart on her part to ask to see a picture. But it also wasn't smart on your end to point her to one.

How would you feel, if we chatted and I then pointed you to a youtube video of my ex, playing with his band in front of thousands of people? Wouldn't you in some way start to compare yourself to him, even if I made it completely clear that we have absolutely no interest into each other any longer?

We all have some kind of insecurities, some more than others. It's very easy to say that we should never be influenced by what we see and hear around us. But the fact is, we are being bombarded by how we should look and act, so the comparisons are everywhere.

To now say that you don't want to meet her, because of some insecurities by her, which might be easily eliviated by meeting her in person and reassuring her is seems kind of childish to me.
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