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Posted: 7/12/2009 8:56:38 PM | Men have some questions that aren't questions regularly asked. Even though these questions seem out there, you find yourself wanting to hear the answers. The term "MANswers", tells you these are questions men have decided need answers. For the women reading this, I'm sure what men think about is not surprising. However I hope it is entertaining.
Q: When out on the town sometimes it is hard to distinguish whether or not a woman is packing a crotch rocket?
With new technology, how is a man to tell the difference? Breast augmentation and laser surgery on the adam's apple can decieve many men. Short of grabbing the goodies and getting slapped, there is an alterative.
A: The MANswer is, look at the hands. A man's index finger is shorter than his ring finger. A womans index finger is longer than her ring finger.
Q: What is the best position to have sex while scuba diving?
Doggy style doesn't work cause you wind up banging the tank harder than her. Face to face doesn't work cause you may become tangled in your gear.
A: The MANswer is cowgirl style. This way your tank is tangle free. Save a horse ride a seahorse.
Q: Is it possible to increase the boner size?
Many have tried hanging weights from their strong schlong, others have tried snake bites to the mushroom head, while others subscribe to the beliefe that excessive use will supersize their happy meal.
A: The MANswer is surgery. Every man has extra inches packed away behind the ball bags and can only be extended with surgery. The bonus is that after surgery you can extend your python up to 3 inches. The down side is, after surgery you won't reap the rewards for 6 to 8 weeks.
Q: Can you freeze farts and smell them later?
A: The MANswer is yes. You must place your ass gas in a vacuum sealed cannister then freeze your flatulance in a cryogenic freezer (-434*F), then run cannister through a pressurizer. This process will make the aroma stronger and vintage status when unveiled to your unsuspecting buddy.
These MANswers ae courtesy of Spike TV and are not my own. Can you come up with your own? | |
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Posted: 7/13/2009 9:10:26 PM | Q: Should a woman judge a mans charms by the size of his shoes?
MANswer: Only if he trips on it. Otherwise, who cares.
disclaimer: Size does not matter.
really.
*cough* | |
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Posted: 7/14/2009 12:58:35 AM | 
sorry that was just too funny | |
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Posted: 7/14/2009 8:44:46 AM | Q: If upon waking (or regaining consciousness), the man finds that his overnight guest bears a striking resemblance to Roseanne Barr, what would the proper thing be to do?
1. Chew off his arm, ala "Coyote Ugly" and learn to write with his left hand.
or
2. Throw some kibble in a bowl and lure her outside and lock the door.
MANswer: Drink some more of whatever made her look like Cameron Diaz in the first place and have another go.
Why waste kibble. | |
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Posted: 7/14/2009 10:21:50 AM | I had never heard of the index finger thing so I looked it up. The only thing I could find was the shorter a man's index finger is in relation to his ring finger the more physical aggression he has. Now I'll be checking out the hands, as well :)
http://www.news-medical.net/news/2005/03/03/8167.aspx | |
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Posted: 7/14/2009 10:29:00 AM | I think you've put your finger on it.
Kudos
...now, will you kindly quit pointing your albiet stunted finger at my neck? I do NOT have an Adam's Apple! | |
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Posted: 7/14/2009 4:37:13 PM | Now maybe i can point my finger somewhere else!
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Posted: 7/14/2009 6:15:13 PM | ^^^Nice rack Razor.
'em, I meant the reindeer.
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Posted: 7/16/2009 12:54:20 PM | Darn - I'll have to start wearing mittens - my index fingers are shorter than my ring fingers.
No, really - and I don't have any extra parts ;-) | |
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Posted: 7/16/2009 1:45:00 PM | That's alright darlin,there are always some exceptions to the rules!
Now, i can check out those parts for u!
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Posted: 7/17/2009 12:34:07 PM | Q: Can you beat a breathalyzer?
Some people have tried sucking on pennies to no avail. Sticking a battery to your tongue or chewing gum doesn't work either. Mouth wash can contain up to 27% alcohol, so that is the worst method to try.
MANswer: No. There is no way to fool a breathalyzer if your BAC is over the legal limit of .08%.
Q: What is a crushing video?
MANswer: This is a fetish where an amazonian dominatrix abuses a man by jumping on him or stepping on him and basically trying to flatten a guy with her large body, and he tapes it. Three techniques are typically used. There's the nutcracker. This is self explanatory and painful. Another technique is trampling. This happens when a woman tries to crush a guys head by stepping on it. The third technique is suffocation where a woman will nearly drowns a man using her ample breasts.
Q:You're about to be shot. Where is the best place to take a bullet?
A bullet shot to the leg risks hitting the femoral artery and you can bleed out and die. The butt is a bad place because the bullet can go through and hit you in your crotch. No one wants that. The torso is obviously bad because there are so many vital organs that may be hit.
MANswer: If you had to take a bullet, the best place to is in your arm. There are no organs in your arm and the brachial artery is smaller than the femoral. But, you can still die. Try not to get hit by bullets period.
Q:Do big boobs float?
Man made mounds don't float regardless if they are saline or silicone.
MANswer: Natural knockers are 90% fat and will float. | |
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Posted: 7/18/2009 10:19:51 AM |
Q:Do big boobs float?
Man made mounds don't float regardless if they are saline or silicone.
MANswer: Natural knockers are 90% fat and will float.
And this is important because.....?????????????????????? | |
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Posted: 7/18/2009 10:32:40 AM | ^^^ You're right... no "importance" value. The value is in the humor... but then, humor is worth more to some than others... and some don't see any value in it at all. Go figure.  | |
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Posted: 7/18/2009 10:53:00 AM | You are right... I stand corrected......After spending the last few days in the sacred halls of the POF forums my sense of humor got misplaced.
.(bowing my head in repentance)... | |
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Posted: 7/18/2009 12:40:30 PM | And this is important because.....??????????????????????
Are you implying all posts must have importance?
Well great, there goes this forum.
It might be helpful for someone who can't swim when they're choosing a wife. | |
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Posted: 7/18/2009 12:43:30 PM |
It might be helpful for someone who can't swim when thier choosing a wife.
Or if you need a handy place to set your beer when you're in the hot tub. If they don't float, the beer gets warm. These things are "important" to guys.  | |
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Posted: 7/18/2009 7:05:29 PM | Tell me I didn't read the word 'boner' in this thread?
boyswers?
...and here I thought my wonder of men were going to be answered (not to mention decoded man law) and instead I learned about penis enlargements. Womanswers: For the average man this is 3 more inches of himself to play with (sorry--but the importance of size had to be stated realistically. ). ;-> | |
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Posted: 7/19/2009 6:32:15 PM |
Q: Can you beat a breathalyzer?
Some people have tried sucking on pennies to no avail. Sticking a battery to your tongue or chewing gum doesn't work either. Mouth wash can contain up to 27% alcohol, so that is the worst method to try.
MANswer: No. There is no way to fool a breathalyzer if your BAC is over the legal limit of .08%.
On a serious note about this statement, yes there is conclusive evidence that a Breathalyzer test can show different results on different people, when other conditions are compensated for. There is sufficient empircal data available now, that Attorneys are starting to use this argument in Court. ( Especially, if it is a Jury Trial ) As a result of this finding, Police Departments are starting to lean more toward non-disputable blood tests, when there are injuries involved and/or questionable circumstances concerning a DUI stop. The answer to all of this is "Don't drink and drive !" ~  | |
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Posted: 7/27/2009 6:38:00 PM | MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: too thbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! | |
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Posted: 7/29/2009 2:56:08 AM | I liked the segment on MANswers about which is better, eating cat or dog?
Regular house cat is very stringy and tough -best if ground into sausage or meatballs.
however cat is very high in protein (55% protein)
Dog on the other hand is tough and best if stewed, dogs have a high metabolism, so they're only 19% protein
So if you have the choice between eating cat or dog, EAT THE PUSSY!
I'm not makin this shit up, (who gets these facts?)  | |
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Posted: 7/31/2009 1:14:30 PM | | Thanks for the laugh...it's like hanging out with my brothers, plus I learned something new! | |
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Posted: 7/31/2009 1:18:22 PM | | Yawnnnnn old stereotypes....where's the humor in that? | |
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Posted: 8/1/2009 9:13:54 AM | | I've caught Manswers on Spike TV a few times and thought it was great! | |
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Posted: 8/1/2009 12:10:47 PM | | Now, where do we go for WOMANswers? | |
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