| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/12/2009 9:51:12 PM | I'm new to this. I have been contacted by very young guys in their 20's or older men in their 60's. I am 52 reasonably attractive looking to meet someone around my age, a few years older like 3 not 10 or a few years younger.
I contacted someone I found interesting and complimented him. He emailed back and said thanks. He is 49. Then I wrote back and asked him if he was new like me etc. etc.
He responded with a few words but then said at the end good luck.
Is this a see ya later, I'm not interested comment.
I have no idea who contacts who, what is expected. I am trying new ways of meeting people but am lost in this fish bowl. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/12/2009 9:54:42 PM | "Good Luck" would give me the impression that the connection isn't there.
I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, as we all find people, some just aren't good fits and the ones we wish were, don't see a "good fit" in us.
I'm sure you've gotten emails from men you'll never be attracted to. The same will come from those who aren't attracted to you. It takes a lot for good chemistry. Keep fishing. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/12/2009 9:59:30 PM | Contact whomever you want to, and if they do not respond in a way that engages more from and with you, just keep on trucking.
It take courage and guts to contact others, and if you do it over and over, like many men do, you will understand much better, why so many of us just do not contact often.
Rejection can be a bitter pill to swallow, and women need to swallow as much and as often as we men do, and maybe once this is done, both genders will understand more how tact and genuine interest proves the character of us all.
Good luck with your fishing in this pond, and enjoy the learning process of interest, rejection, and every so often, positive results.
Just my opinion.......   | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:02:40 PM | Just continue to contact the people you want. Also, I doubt you reply to every message you get or don't send a rejection email like this guy did to you.
"Good luck" means keep on fishing...so keep on fishing!
Good luck!
 | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:03:44 PM | Do the contacting or sit back and wait, there's no rule saying anyone has to do it one way or the other.
Don't be discouraged just because a guy you contact isn't interested. Victoria may not be as big as Vancouver but there's still LOTS of eligible guys there.
You may also want to go to some local PoF events. Some see them as "meat markets" but I see the profile/email route as much more of a meat market than meeting people face to face. Its easier to see if you're attracted and if the feeling is mutual. If nobody floats your boat there's no awkward "We didn't click" conversations at the end of the evening. | |
|
| |
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:29:51 PM | The year is 2009, and with technology, dating is unlike it was in the past. So, it's a good idea if stopped thinking like you're back in the 60s. It doesn't matter who contacts who! If you're as new to this as you're letting on, then here's a shocker.
1) It doesn't matter who contacts whom.
2) Your chances of meeting someone increases if you initiate contact.
3) Unless you're in the "Drop-dead-gorgeous" category, you won't be getting 100s of emials everyday.
4) Not every guy you contact is going to be interested in you. (You found that one out already)
Yes, that was a kind and polite blow off, but you're still on this side of the grass, you've learned a lesson (I hope). Don't let that stop you though, keep on trying and with any luck, you'll find what you're looking for.
You're in for a lot more surprises, both delightful as well as disappointments. The more prepared you are for them, the better off you'll be.
Good luck,
Cityboy | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:49:51 PM | The year is 2009, and even with technology, dating is exactly they way it was in the past. It doesn't matter if your Mom gave your phone number and a photo to a nice guy or if POF connects your email.
1) It doesn't matter who contacts whom.
2) Your chances of meeting someone increases if you initiate contact.
3) Unless you're in the "Drop-dead-gorgeous" category, you won't be getting lots of phone calls.
4) Not every guy your mom talks to is going to be interested in you. (You should already know this)
Basically, behave exactly as if you'd met the guy face-to-face. Manners are manners. Not calling = no email. Once Mom/POF hooks you up, it's up to YOU to seal the deal.
Really, it's fundamentally the same. Give me any scenario and I will frame it in pre-Internet terms. The only major difference is that the whole cycle of communication is 10 to 1000 times quicker.
| |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:53:27 AM | I contacted someone I found interesting and complimented him. He emailed back and said thanks. He is 49. Then I wrote back and asked him if he was new like me etc. etc.
He responded with a few words but then said at the end good luck.
Is this a see ya later, I'm not interested comment.
I have no idea who contacts who, what is expected. I am trying new ways of meeting people but am lost in this fish bowl.
It doesn't matter who does it. Everyone is going to be rejected at some point. Many will be rejected repeatedly. It is not a good reason to stop trying. It also is not a good reason to conclude that a large percentage of men will reject a woman if she initiates contact. That reasoning ignores every other possible issue that could cause a man to reject a woman.
Contact anyone you want. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:54:14 AM | Everyone else basically hit the nail on the head. I'm also new to the online thing but from my experiences so far you'll likely get a lot of emails/messages with terrible english or messages that basically say 'how r u!' which I just delete because I'm not interested in someone that not only just writes a few words in their message, but even manages to misspell them.
Who contacts who isn't really important - but personally if a woman is confident/outgoing enough to contact me with a decent message that definitely gives her points in my book. So contact away, it definitely won't hurt. You just have to remember that not everybody is going to be interested in you, just like you aren't interested in everybody - so don't fall in love with someone based off of their profile =p | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:56:14 AM | | It's hard to believe that you're 52 and asking if this guy is interested. And since this is the internet, everyone in the whole world is eligible. So expectations are only what you make them. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:27:33 AM |
I have no idea who contacts who, what is expected. I am trying new ways of meeting people but am lost in this fish bowl.
You should be proactive in your search. Otherwise, you are going to have to sort through many guys who just want to have sex with you (I am guessing this is not the ideal collection). Since you know what you are looking for, you should contact the guys you are interested in.
Then I wrote back and asked him if he was new like me etc. etc.
He responded with a few words but then said at the end good luck. Is this a see ya later, I'm not interested comment.
Hard to tell. He is still replying to you - that's a good sign. Maybe you should ask him something a bit more personal. If he's not interested, he'll either level with you or ignore you. Either way, you have to grow accustomed to the fact that finding the right partner online usually involves rejecting and rejection. Not quite the basket of hearts the commercials make it out to be, but it's more effective than perusing bars or grocery stores.
Good luck! | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:52:01 AM | The guy is not interested.
Contact whoever you want on this site.
It's somewhat anynomous and safe.
I don't know a guy who has ever been offended by receiving mail from a lady on an internet dating site. It's nice to see someone else take the initiative. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:16:45 AM | | well it can happen ive actually had someone offended that I looked at their profile and sent me a message specifically to tell me he saw i had looked at his profile and he wasnt interested to not bother emailing him in not very polite manner.......very strange since i only looked because he looked at mine | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:38:48 AM | | Combine the old and new: Go ahead and make the first move, but do so by sending an email containing nothing he can respond to. That will be his reminder to find something in your profile to compel him to pursue you, but without actually switching roles by yourself expressing interest in him. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:41:49 AM | | Kate, contact when you see an interesting person. There are so many on here. Just watch out for those men who want to email one or two lines in 12 meails on a sunday because they are bored. It happens all the time. There are many people on here with issues. This is there fantasy/date for the day or evening. They have no intentions of meeting anyone. And it is not just this site. I am on eharmony and it is bad. Men get on the site and then do not want to do the work. They are afraid of rejection so they wait for a woman to contact them. So, just grow some think skin and go fishing. I am 52 and I also attract men between 35 -42 without these dating site. I have dated a 35 turning 36 next month for almost a year now. But, he knows that I really want someone closer to my age. And he is just trying to raise a 14 year old son. But, we make wonderful friends. These sites are nerve racking. Our age group of men for the most part married late, had their children late, and are now divorced with elementary to middle school children, much baggage and looking to vent. Just beware and stay ckear. My recent was a guy whose Mother was dying. I befriended him for 3 weeks through the process and now nothing. Talk about being used!! Oh well, he was 56 and never married...that told me he had commitment issues. Good luck. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:45:53 PM | Thanks for the comments and GardenFaery I have found that men our age come with baggage as we all do by the time we get to our 50's. I just don't get the 20 year olds that send me mail, or the guys in their 60's. I want to meet someone around my age.
The guys I have met that are my age are so afraid that women are just after their money. Most of us in this age bracket have our own money and are very self sufficient but they still come across as jaded.
I am new to this as I prefer to meet men at social gatherings but those are few and far between these days. I am a hopeless romantic so find this way of meeting people kind of like looking for a job, not much fun.
Someone mentioned my being 52 and not experienced at this, well not everyone is willing to try this route. I just ended a long term relationship so decided to test the waters :-) I signed on at the end of last year but have not contacted anyone (other then this one guy) and for a few months hid my profile as so many young guys were contacting me. Perhaps it's because I have a good income? I can't think of any other reason a 20 year old guy would contact at 52 year old.
I tried eharmony too and found it lousy. All the guys were from the US and we were so far apart in personality. I have no idea how they pick people. They need to get someone to adjust their computers. It appears than not many men from Victoria or even Vancouver are on eharmony. My last relationship was long distance and I don't want to go there again so eharmony did not work for me mainly for that reason.
I will try this for a while but seriously it is only one way to meet someone compatible and at this point I am not sure if it really is. I don't take the greatest photos, look much better in person and you really can't tell anything about someone by their photo anyway. Still many of us click on only those that we find attractive. That's the problem, you can't feel any chemistry or see what the person is like with the internet. I guess if you willing to go on lots of coffee dates you will find out more about the person. I'm not at the point where I want to do this yet.
Perhaps the guy that I contacted wants to meet someone younger, fitter? Who knows but I better get a thick skin because when someone responds and says good luck....ouch. I may be weird but I'd rather they just ignore me and not respond at all. | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:00:39 AM |
I guess if you willing to go on lots of coffee dates you will find out more about the person. I'm not at the point where I want to do this yet.
you're entitled to take all the time you need and move at whatever pace you like, kate, but the bottom line is internet dating is work and it takes time. in terms of relationship effort, though, it's probably nothing compared to the day-to-day effort you put into the long-term relationship you're coming out of. now it's about reading and writing emails and making calls and setting up coffee dates (and real dates  ), but the effort isn't going into someone you know, of course - it's going into people you don't know so you can find one.
if you haven't asked for a profile review, do that. a few changes could go a long way toward drawing the eyes of men with more potential. | |
|
| |
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:18:30 AM |
I have no idea who contacts who, what is expected. I am trying new ways of meeting people but am lost in this fish bowl.
this is 2009 and you're living in the U.S.A. if you want a slave master and some cookie-cutter templates, you're just inviting someone to ruin you!
blessings and light! | |
|
| do you contact first or the guy - I find this confusing
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:35:09 AM | yep,goodluck means see ya bye in a nice way,kate if someone looks ok to you make contact and see what happens and dont take it personal if they dont reply,just as if someone contacts and doesnt do it for you,just say no thanks, you are the one in control,send of heaps of flirts and get out there,just remember you are on the net and beware of the sleazes,chill out and try to make it a bit of fun,you will get used to it,ya takeing it to seriously at the moment,play and have a good time ok? GOOD LUCK/// that last bit was a bit of humour lololol.cheers.  | |
|
Home
login 
