| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:37:51 PM | | And if so, how? Also, is there a time frame involved? By the way, what is it with women and the whole thing of seeing everything in such black and white terms? Personally, if I like a woman enough to be friends with her, I like her enough to date. And I pretty much look for the same things in a friend as I do in a girlfriend. I'm not as rigid when it comes to relationships. Apparently women don't feel the same way. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:46:09 PM | It isn't black and white it's her scanning you to see if she wants to screw you, be with you or if you are better as "friends". There is a fourth option, creeps.
It is lack of interest, women are just way kinder about it at times and don't ignore a man because he is not the perfect vision of her 'soul mate'.
But stranger things have happened. Try to turn her on. Save the laughing and emotional understand for the homosexuals she is friends with lol.
It's not rigid, it's attraction. A woman not 'into you' will not just lay down and take a memo. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/12/2009 10:50:07 PM | Men get placed in the "friendship zone", because the gal is not romantically attracted to them. Can a man get out of that, meh, most the time no.
One person I ever feel regret about is a totally awesome male friend I had in my mid 20's he was an awesome guy, and yet there was no way I could get past ever feeling anything but friendship....
Men, some can "do" a woman, and still have no romantic thoughts towards her.
One thing I have found is that for some men as they mature, they realize that they want to have sex that is much more than just a lay. They get the wiring a lot of women have that sex is a bonding thing.
However sadly a lot more women are starting to think like men, and the bonding thing is getting lost.
OP, it is normal that a lot of men who will be friends with a woman, would have a relationship with her.
Sorry I don't have any suggestions to your dilemma. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/12/2009 11:36:22 PM | | Stop talking to her for a while. Tell her you're busy or whatever. When you do talk to her again, treat her like a girl you're trying to get with. Don't come back and be the gay friend. The friendship thing is pretty black and white. She either wants to sleep with you, or she doesn't. If she doesn't, you're a friend. Make her want to sleep with you. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/12/2009 11:44:08 PM | It's waaay easy to judge others by our own standards. People do it all the time. There isn't a one-fits-all solution. It's whatever works for an individual. Some are more lenient in their requirements. I can like someone as a good friend but have no romantic attraction.. it's either there or it isn't, for whatever reasons.
Example: would you date someone that turned you off physically even though you think she has a great personality? | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:13:12 AM |
Stop talking to her for a while. Tell her you're busy or whatever. When you do talk to her again, treat her like a girl you're trying to get with. Don't come back and be the gay friend. The friendship thing is pretty black and white. She either wants to sleep with you, or she doesn't. If she doesn't, you're a friend. Make her want to sleep with you.
I agree with the gist of this. Even a week a way doing someone on business; whatever the event, whenever you come back subtly change the relationship signals you send.
Keep eye contact slightly longer, act more like a 'protective' man-figure in her life than a 'buddy' . . and the million and one other things that distinguish all relationships from THE relationship.
It is not a big jump for a woman to change her view of a male friend into something more, but certain steps have to be taken.
If you want out of the friend zone, then step out of it. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:23:08 AM |
Stop talking to her for a while. Tell her you're busy or whatever. When you do talk to her again, treat her like a girl you're trying to get with. Don't come back and be the gay friend. The friendship thing is pretty black and white. She either wants to sleep with you, or she doesn't. If she doesn't, you're a friend. Make her want to sleep with you.
I don't know how a person makes another WANT TO SLEEP with them, if they are not interested in sleeping with that person. There are some people that are on the fence about how they feel, but then there are some people that a woman knows they like that person, but wouldn't touch him with a ten ft pole, a million dollars, or any other "make you want to sleep with you."
Backing a way, can make the fence sitters decide to get off the fence and grab what they fear they are losing. However the reality is if you are friend zoned because she likes to talk to you, kick it with you, et al, but has no romantic feelings towards you, I don't see that as something that will change all that easily.
It seems to fall under the "once in a blue moon" file. JMHO | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:42:07 AM | Higher probability you will escape a black hole, than the friendzone.
Reason being, the friendzone is achieved by being a pu$$y, and once a women labels you, you are kinda stuck with it, go find another chick. One other reason you cannot escape the friendzone, by virtue of wanting to escape the friendzone of one chick, you are reinforcing that you are a pu$$y in regards to her. Its called one-itis, the illogical pursuit of one single girl you have built up to be "the one" when you could be banging many other girls who are more available. Its a focus problem most men have, be aware of it and do not let it control you.
Women can sense all of this sh!t, if you let one girl matter above all the rest, you will not get her, and she will most likely friendzone you. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:31:05 AM |
Reason being, the friendzone is achieved by being a pu$$y, and once a women labels you, you are kinda stuck with it, go find another chick. One other reason you cannot escape the friendzone, by virtue of wanting to escape the friendzone of one chick, you are reinforcing that you are a pu$$y in regards to her. Its called one-itis, the illogical pursuit of one single girl you have built up to be "the one" when you could be banging many other girls who are more available. Its a focus problem most men have, be aware of it and do not let it control you.
Women can sense all of this sh!t, if you let one girl matter above all the rest, you will not get her, and she will most likely friendzone you.
newpt. nope.. no. lol
You are comparing easy girls that sleep with everyone to the girl that the guy wants. Easy girls that he "could be banging" are not something to compare a normal person to.
"Women can sense all of this sh!t, " excuses, excuses.
Women are attracted to certain types of guys, whether you guys want to believe it or not. If we aren't attracted to you, be it your extra weight, your height, your facial features, your slutty behavior (and YES, a pattern of slutty behavior that we have noticed can make you unattractive physically), your lack of hair we can run our fingers through, whatever it is, we are not attracted to some men.
Doesn't matter if you build us up to be the one, if you leave town for a week, if you treat us differently, we are still not attracted.
If you have a fixable problem with your looks, and change that, THEN leave town for a month, maybe. But, you would have to lose those extra 100 pounds first (if weight were the problem)
Edit: I see the original poster is 51. If your age is the problem, that's not fixable. For example, if you are being friend-zoned by ladies that are an inappropriate age for you. If she thinks of you as a friend because you are in the same age group as her Dad, not much luck of fixing that. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:36:34 AM | Yes, you can avoid it in the first place. Find out if she's attracted to you, and if she's not either move on to someone else, or accept the friendship as platonic.
With women it usually is pretty black and white when it comes to attraction. Either she's into you or she's not. It probably won't grow with time. All you'll do is get more attached while she still sees you in a platonic way.
A lot of men agree to friendship while secretly hoping for more. It's a recipe for a lotta hurt. Don't do it....it almost never turns out well. | |
|
| |
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:27:00 AM | http://www.laddertheory.com/
Check that site out. yeah, it seems silly but you would be surprised at how applicable it really is. Like someone said, don't try to jump straight from the friend ladder to the date ladder. Remove yourself from the picture entirely, then come back and get reassessed. Slight changes in your attitude towards her may cause her to place you on the date ladder instead. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:52:28 PM |
Slight changes in your attitude towards her may cause her to place you on the date ladder instead.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
If we are not attracted to you, we are NOT attracted to you! I'm sure you guys don't want to hear it told to your face.
So, do you want to be friends, or not? Because it will never be dating, never. And, it doesn't matter if you are standing on a ladder painting a house, or you went out of town, or what attitude you have! If you don't want to be friends, that's fine with us also!
You can't force a girl to be attracted to you, and she most likely isn't going to tell you, to your face, that she's not attracted! She's just going to say: "I like you as a friend"
If you waste a bunch of your time trying mind games, then make a move later, don't be surprised when we say: "I told you I just want to be friends"
(And, that isn't kicking you off a ladder, it's what WE ALREADY TOLD YOU TO BEGIN WITH) | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:56:35 PM | Go away for a couple of years and come back with a cool story... and maybe a scar.
Then don't pu$$yfoot around and tell her how you feel.
Or you can skip the whole thing and tell her how you feel the first time you get a chance... before she has the opportunity to say, "Gee, you're such a great friend."
Personally, I don't friend zone guys. I am up front. I tell them if they have a chance or not. Often I called called a 'b!tch' for this but oh well... they are welcome to go after the alternative with another lady who is not attracted to them. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:54:19 PM | | Just date other women and forget about her. It is easy to do.That is the best solution. If you don't want to be just friends with her, tell her thanks but no thanks. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/14/2009 9:43:16 PM | It's usually about chemistry. If she "just wants to be friends," she does not feel any chemistry with you--it is not a reflection of how attractive YOU are, by the way, b/c chemistry is what happens between TWO people, and some women will feel chemistry with one guy and not another, while their friend is just the opposite.
Remember that women have the concept of sexy-ugly--guys who no one would call "handsome" but who are somehow attractive, like Liam Neeson or Willem Defoe. Every woman's "ugly-sexy" list is a bit different, too. I don't think men really have that "ugly-sexy" category, do they? And if you like a woman as a friend, you are likely to find her attractive (chemistry?)
I do not know if "chemistry" can arise with time; I doubt it. There are guys I'd love to love, b/c they are terrific people, but all the wishing it the world doesn't mean I am turned on just by being near them.
Your one chance is if she is doing the "I'll be nice and friendly to him b/c I'm too shy to let him know how I really feel" thing. In either case, the solution is the same: Talk to her. Ask her if she's interested in being more than friends. That will give you your answer right away. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/14/2009 9:46:43 PM | | Yeah, that's never worked for me - she's either attracted or not. There's no logic to it. Nothing you can do about it... not easily, anyway. Just lay your cards on the table, talk it out... and if she's not into it, move on. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:22:58 PM | You cannot. And if you could it is not worth the effort. And it goes both ways. At least for me. I have tried. Really tried. Hard. To be sexually turned on by a woman who I had no chemistry with.
I thought she would be a good woman for me. She was into me. I liked her as a person. But...
And when I was young I could get it up for anything that moved. I didn't matter at all. I would "practise" on various women. I told a guy once, "ugly don't rub off." He told me, "Don't be so sure!"
So! What do you think he meant by that?
Too bad I quit drinking. | |
|
| |
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:11:27 AM | Very rarely will someone ever get out of the friendship zone... VERY RARELY.
friend = not attracted to you, so you might as well go shoe shopping with them, laugh and have fun but dont make them too late for their date with the hot guy that they are sweating. | |
|
| Can you ever escape the friendship zone?
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:29:24 AM | I have had one guy escape the friend zone. He did it by being sexy to me and crept up on me. I would have sworn he was strictly a friend but he ended up making me think he was incredibly sexy.
When I told him we were just friends he said very firmly "I don't think so".
He then was extremely patient in being around when I needed him but kept filling in his life for me with a lot of pictures of his life, a lot of activities, and making sure I saw exactly what an incredibly hot body he had. It helped that he was very athletic and kept himself in remarkable shape physically.
He was very good at a long term, patient, quiet seduction. | |
|
Home
login 
