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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:30:52 AM | Sexual pleasure is just that... pleasure.
Because you may not understand the dynamics of the lifestyle (its not for everyone)... people in open sexual relationships DO have fulfillment.
Comparing them with predators and sexual deviants is just not even in the same ballpark. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:32:39 AM |
What do sexual preditors, perverts, p;ayers, cheaters, get out of this kind of life style? Other than the thrill of the conquest. Isn't it a very empty shallow life with no real fullfillment or happiness?
I think Charmed read your post to mean 'the lifestyle' - as in swinging and open relationships. I dont think you meant that, because swinging has NOTHING to do with the other things you listed.
In fact, your question is confusing to me because you lump together unrelated things. A 'preditor' sounds like a rapist or pedophile - someone that needs to go to jail forever. A 'pervert' is someone with fetishes that arent the norm. Heck, I'm a pervert for liking some differnet sexual practices, but it doesnt mean I force anyone or cheat on anyone. And while a 'player' and 'cheater' are somewhat related, they stillarent the same. A 'player' is looking for sex however they can get it, but it doesnt mean they are cheating on anyone. And a 'cheater' doesnt respect their committment to a relationship, but it doesnt make them a pervert or preditor.
So what exactly are you asking? | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:35:24 AM |
What do sexual preditors, perverts, p;ayers, cheaters, get out of this kind of life style? Other than the thrill of the conquest. Isn't it a very empty shallow life with no real fullfillment or happiness?
So what happened, you got played? | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:44:37 AM |
What do sexual predators, perverts, players, cheaters, get out of this kind of life style?
I have found that many women generally will call any of their former flings one of the 4 mentioned when the relationship ends. They will be 100% willing participants in doing all sorts of things, then when a relationship doesn't develop, it is always the man's fault for whatever reason. When I hear women start off on a rant like this, I just think it is a jilted former lover.
Think guys are taking advantage of you sexually? Keep your legs closed. Fairly simple concept...
This does not excuse unethical behavior, but you can only be taken advantage of if you allow it (except in cases of infidelity). | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:01:10 AM | | Well once again someone thinks that all people that are here for something other than a longterm serious relationship are evil. Now I will give you the fact that there are some here that it's all about the "game". Others though are here trying to find something they are missing. Most of them have similar stories, (sad as they may be) but they are in that story for a reason. Some stay because they are too afraid of leaving, others because they can't. But to lump them all in the same group, just wrong. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:01:46 AM | predators and perverts are not anywhere close to being in the same class as players and cheaters, but in any case.............there are just as many women that are this way as there are men and there are as many women who just want casual sex as much as men. So it goes both ways. Personally, I'm all for casual sex as long as I know up front that's all it is | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:02:52 AM | So Kellygurl quick question, if it is about the "Male animal pride" thing, what do you thik it was with LeTorneau the teacher, and the other females that practice the same predatory acts as many males?
To the OP, as many have stated you have mixed in many groups here that really and truly are not related very well and left a pretty ambiguous question out there. I would be interested to know what it is you are asking because I think the answers would be enlightening. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:04:04 AM | quote from Whothehellknows..................
I have found that many women generally will call any of their former flings one of the 4 mentioned when the relationship ends. They will be 100% willing participants in doing all sorts of things, then when a relationship doesn't develop, it is always the man's fault for whatever reason. When I hear women start off on a rant like this, I just think it is a jilted former lover.
Well said!!! couldn't have said it better myself.......... | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:10:33 AM | What do sexual preditors, perverts, p;ayers, cheaters, get out of this kind of life style? Other than the thrill of the conquest. Isn't it a very empty shallow life with no real fullfillment or happiness?
IMO, it's the sense of empowerment and "male animal pride" thing! It's look at how many I have gotten, even if no one else knows about it!
Because only men are sexual preditors, perverts, players & cheaters, right? OK. Got it.
Re: the OP: True sexual preditors are deviant to the degree and so rare that asking such a question is pointless unless it's in an academic context.
Perverts? What's a pervert? Someone who enjoys something you don't enjoy? Your "pervert" might be my ordinary. And even those with extreme sexual tastes are as likely to leading non-shallow lives with much happiness and fulfillment as anyone else (in my opinion).
Players? I hear about them all the time (on the forums, anyway), but never meet them in real life. I think they're an urban legand, for the most part. Even the stories I read on here, nine times out of 10 I'm thinking: What? That's a player? Just sounds like a man/woman who didn't want to date the complainer anymore.
Cheaters? I suspect they're unfulfilled and unhappy before they cheat, as well as while and after they cheat. Sort of circle thing. They'd probably just unhappy people. In a relationship. Not in a relationship. Alone on a desert island. In a palace with their very own personal harem (male or female). | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:34:06 AM | | It seems once again as ususal deffensive people both men and women who fit into one of these categories get all bent out of shape. I never once mention men I said people lol. Men right away think I am picking on them. Guilty Conscience? All the things I listed are just that perverted in the sense that if people men or women email someone who specificlly says long term and they send emails about sex or something inappropriete to say to a stranger . I don't have to recite them as most adults know what they are. As for players and cheaters they also think someone who wants long term will some how be swayed into a fling if they put on the charm or beg enough. NOT. So my questios still stands and yes the forum is mostly deffensive attackers getting their jollies out of ganging up on someone with a ligitimate question. Maybe because I hit a nerve? Who knows. All I know is Inmature comments about closing my legs is just plain infantile talk. I just have a curiousity as to the type of people who think that just sex by itself is fullfilling and jumping from bed to bed is rewarding. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:44:18 AM | It seems once again as ususal deffensive people both men and women who fit into one of these categories get all bent out of shape. I never once mention men I said people lol. Men right away think I am picking on them. Guilty Conscience?
The people were remarking on the other poster who immediately answered your question by saying being a preditor, pervert, player or cheater was related "male animal pride." They weren't remarking on your question. Didn't you see her post?
And that's very nice of you to label those of us who answered your question as "preditors, perverts, players or cheaters" because you didn't like our answers. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:47:03 AM | | You or I couldn't possibly understand what they get from it. It's been proven that people with these issues are simply wired differently from the rest of us. It's like saying you know what it's like to be a black female when you're a white male. You just simply couldn't understand it. No difference than wondering why a sociapath couldn't possibly have any guilt over there murderous actions. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:51:45 AM | Psychopathy such as is found in predators, pedophiles or sexual deviants IS NOT a lifestyle choice. If it were that simple, we would be able to rehabilitate them without consequence. The punishment would be harsh enough for anyone making a conscious choice.
A true psychopath has serious problems in his brain. Some predators have actually referred to their tendencies as demons who might win at any second. They DO know right from wrong but they lack the ability to care about it. Often they give warnings that they are about to commit their heinous acts. Sadly, society rarely listens till it's too late.
Apparently the more deviant the sexual fantasies, the more likely you are to be dealing with someone who has deep-seated issues around power/sex/violence and this can be a marker of trauma in childhood, severe mistreatment or environmental abuse. They often have rape fantasies and fantasies of killing their sexual prey. It is hard to imagine that anyone here is foolish enough to think that rape fantasies are a "normal" part of sexual development. They are the marker of some kind of issue in the person's sexual makeup. It is NOT healthy despite what many taught around here.
Profiling these types of personalities has been done many times since we've begun to understand how they operate and a google search of such will help give you a better picture of what types of behaviours and characteristics they exhibit. Thankfully, they are a rare breed. It is also believed that some of them are genetically predisposed to the inhibitory problems inherent in the predatorial brain.
And NO, I don't want to hear your hate speech or justification for thinking that your rape fantasies aren't pathological in nature. We're all entitled to our opinion...you have yours, I have mine. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:11:20 AM | OP - I think you need to read mine and Dawns posts again. The brush you are painting with is just WAY too wide. Someone who make unwelcome sexual advances is simply an inconsiderate boob who deserves a virtual slap in the face. I'm sorry, but yes the Internet world is full of idiots. But those people have nothing to do with predators (criminals).
And players and cheaters are completely different too. If players are lying to people to get something that isnt nice, but thats where the suggestion for keeping your legs closed came from. If you fell for one once, then you need to adjust your radar and have better judgment.
I just have a curiousity as to the type of people who think that just sex by itself is fullfilling and jumping from bed to bed is rewarding
Well, you do realize that sex usually leads to orgasm, and from my experience, that feel REALLY good! Why cant just sex be enjoyable? If YOU dont enjoy sex without a relationship behind it, thats fine for YOU. But you shouldnt think that your way is the right way. And just because someone enjoys casual sex or even the 'lifestyle', it doesnt mean they are a predator, pervert, player or cheater. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:24:07 AM | I truly believe in sexual addiction...this is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be treated with the correct medication and behavior modification. It is actually a real problem and not something to take lightly. It is a sickness and is classified with many addictions such as alcoholism, drug addiction etc., etc. A person's "Self Will" will not cure them. Judging them is also not the best to do either. Learning to understand the issues behind WHY a person does these things is key. Forgiveness of another is something that may help you if you have personally been hurt. If you have, I am terribly sorry. There are many reasons why a person is unfaithful...now when we talk about molestation and serial rapists that is an entire other illness and borderlines on sociopathic behavior...
just my 2 cents worth... | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:54:26 AM | Predators are psychologically bound to impulses requiring satisfaction. Their minds are enslaved to instincts that in normal or healthy people get treated differently.
Perverts prefer how things go wrong to how they go right. They create situations to experience dysfunction.
Players treat love as a pastime, a sport, a form of entertainment.
Cheaters have not internalized authority and responsibility, and so for them rules are made to be broken, seen as unwanted constraints placed on them by others instead of as their own morality from within.
Emptiness and shallowness in life are available through any kind of lifestyle, including church marriage by the numbers that turns out to be unlike it had been dreamt of turning out. Fulfillment and depth are likewise independent of one's approach to things sexual.
The only sure way to achieve real fulfillment and happiness that I know of is available to women, is to become my adoring love slave and part time motorcycle mechanic. It is not practical for the great multitude of women in need, but, at least I am willing to do my part. I know you'll excuse the loaded answer. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:08:30 AM |
What do sexual preditors, perverts, p;ayers, cheaters, get out of this kind of life style? Other than the thrill of the conquest. Isn't it a very empty shallow life with no real fullfillment or happiness?
i think it's in how you were raised. i think a lot of these freaks were emasculated/defeminized at a young age.
developmental psychology, IMO | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:36:17 AM | Speciallady I am not defensive at all, my comments were directed at kellygurl who immediately pinned the behavior to men, whereas you did leave the post open to both genders. I just cannot answer your question because I do not put all those type of behaviors into one category with a single answer, and never having been one to stalk or be a predator, or a player (IMO anyway), etc I cannot answer what people get out of it.
Bill
ps I think many other posters ahve since come on here and covered the topic effectively. especially since you came back and clarified your question significantly, and made it into something very different than what I thought you were asking originally. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:01:46 PM |
It seems once again as ususal deffensive people both men and women who fit into one of these categories get all bent out of shape. I never once mention men I said people lol. Men right away think I am picking on them. Guilty Conscience? All the things I listed are just that perverted in the sense that if people men or women email someone who specificlly says long term and they send emails about sex or something inappropriete to say to a stranger . I don't have to recite them as most adults know what they are. As for players and cheaters they also think someone who wants long term will some how be swayed into a fling if they put on the charm or beg enough. NOT. So my questios still stands and yes the forum is mostly deffensive attackers getting their jollies out of ganging up on someone with a ligitimate question. Maybe because I hit a nerve? Who knows. All I know is Inmature comments about closing my legs is just plain infantile talk. I just have a curiousity as to the type of people who think that just sex by itself is fullfilling and jumping from bed to bed is rewarding.
You can sleep safely at night.
I don't think you have anything to worry about. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:33:42 PM | | I wonder why it is so hard for people to grasp the idea that just because some of us want long term because we value ourselves and our bodies and sex as more that just a sport or hobby that we are some how anti sex. lol Let me tell you I am far from anti sex I enjoy sex to the fullest and am not inhibited or rigid. Infact I happen to be very sexual and love sex with the right person. I just don't like being treated like a piece of ass and nothing more. I am offered daily to have friends with benifits sex. I have no desire what so ever in doing that.; Can't imagine anyone wanting that. Of coures to each their own, but why do these type of people prey on those who don't want that? To me anyone who solicets themselves for sex is a preditor if the other person is not interested in that. Same goes for perverts as they like to say things to strangers to get the shock effect. Yes there are alot of idiots on the net and I think many of them gravitate to pof for some reason. Well let me correct that to include any free dating site. Yes I know if I don't like pof I can go somewhere else yada yada yada. I am not saying I don't like the site. Its very discouraging to know that so many are just on these sites for quick thrills with strangers. | |
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