| | How to date someone 4 years older than you?Page 1 of 1 | So here's my situation. I met someone on here who is 4 years older than I am. I'm 19, she's 23. We've met twice, once going to a baseball game, the first time going to the beach. We've been talking for just about a month now. The first time we met, it was a bit quiet (she is a fairly quiet person) but as the day went on, things got more talkative and such. I dropped her off at her house, and we embraced for about 5-10 minutes. Then, I gave her a short goodnight kiss on the lips. It was quite a bold move for me, but I wanted her to know how I felt about her. She wasn't repulsed by it, to my knowledge, so it's possible that it was okay.
Things have been going pretty well, but one thing is for sure. I am seriously attracted to this woman. We get along well, and while either talking on the phone or meeting in person, I have always been a gentleman towards her. Opening doors, not moving too fast, and (I hope) genuinely catching her interest.
Lately, I've been talking to her about possibly taking things further than the friends stage we're at right now. She says she wants to take things slow and not rush them. And that's fine. I can deal with that. But what I worry about is that our age difference could be a big deal for her.
(It should be noted that I am not looking for an easy lay. We talk openly about anything and everything, sex included. Even her sister says that she is a "fiend" but that she keeps dating the wrong men...men who ditch her when they find something better. She wants something that will last.)
My question to you is, based on this information, what's the best way to show a girl I'm attracted to them, without being overbearing or tedious? Myself, I'm a very intelligent man who's often quiet and reserved, yet aloof and full of personality. I know...it's a strange mix.
Also, would a guy like myself have a chance with a 23 year old woman (No kids, never married)?
Any help is appreciated. Guys or girls. I just don't want to blow this, because while I'm not expecting her to be "The One" I don't want her to get away, she's the best thing I've found in a long time.
Thanks. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:37:15 AM | | You should spend time going out and doing fun things, be the best friend for her. Don't over do things and don't make it look like you are trying to impress her all the time. Just be yourself. Take her dancing. Go to trips. Play pool. Go rock climbing. Spend time on activities that you can do together. And lastly, never show a sign of weakness or insecurity. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:42:55 AM | I can only offer a small amount of advice man... Be confident in yourself. Not****, just confident. Because she is older than you there may be times where she will want to go out with her girls to a bar or something. Don't let that bother you. If she wants to be with you she will.
Doing the baseball game thing is always a fun activity. Take her to places like that where you can both have fun. I enjoy going to a sportsbar or pub on occasion but I enjoy more doing fun activities outdoors. Other activities you can try are variations on picnics. If you have an airport near by or military installation that always has aircraft flying find yourself a nice little spot and have a relaxed picnic. Or if you're near a river or something you can have a picnic while watching boats go by.
Good luck. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:43:02 AM | | But men aren't rocks all the time. I have some insecurities, but they're not so numerous as to kill my confidence. I do have some vulnerabilities, but I've found that women appreciate a guy who is human, and not afraid to discuss his shortcomings. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:49:26 AM | One problem I can see is that you are under 21, if she likes clubbing with friends, that leaves you out side the door. If she wants to get a drink, or has that as part of her life, that still leaves you out side the door.
I can tell you, you have made it abundantly clear you are into her, and it seems you are getting antsy as to how she may be feeling about you. My impression is she is on the fence about it, and has asked to take things slow.
HOWEVER what is the asking her sister about her, that is very high school... If she has a relationship with her sister, they will talk. Not something I would recommend doing, because that can send the wrong message to her.
I would suggest if you really like her to back down on asking where you two are, or you'd like to take it further for at least a couple more weeks, because that has been asked and answered.
If she is not into you that much, because of the age thing, then that is where things will be, and you won't be able to anything to change it. I would just go with the flow, and give her the impression you are indeed taking things slow. If she wants more she will let you know, if not you will be either fully booted, or friendzoned. At this point it is a little early to tell, BUT once again you have made it very clear you are into her, so you don't need to add any more, because that will make you seem desperate... | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:53:26 AM | Hmmm, another Ask a Girl post, but mainly men answering.
The only way you'll know if you have a chance with her or not is to ask. Every woman is different. She'll either say she has no problem with it or that she sees you more as someone to hang out with. You are only 19, no one at that age should be thinking about a long-term thing.
Also, I don't think an overly confident guy is such a catch, they are usually jerks. So don't worry about any insecurities, we all have them. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:54:49 AM | Thanks for all the help guys...keep it coming!
I talked to her sister because while I'm 19, I don't understand women very much. Also, I haven't had much experience with women, either. I was asking her sister for some help on how (the girl I like)'s mind works.
And she does drink. Not a ton, but I know she does. I don't usually. That's a non-issue other than the age diff. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:23:42 AM | She seems genuinely interested in you and the both of you enjoy doing things together. Four years difference is not so much but in this case a woman by the time she is 23 is a little bit more mature than a 19 year old.
With that being said, you have to do a lot of catching up to her. Be able to do the things she is in to that people within her social circle are doing: going out to parties where there are people drinking, going to clubs. Not saying that you should take up drinking to be able to hang out with her but you did point it out.
If you can't ask her yourself, then you have no business dating her. Man up and ask her yourself, find out things about her that will help you to understand her more and to be able to do the things that she also likes to do---things that you can share with her.
It can be a deal breaker if she finds out from her sister that you are asking things about her instead of going to her yourself. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:31:35 AM | | If it helps you to know, I've gone to her sister to ask about how the girl I like's mind works. She can be very hard to figure out sometimes. However, I am very open with the girl i like in most ways. I'm not afraid to talk to her about any subject. In fact, I enjoy learning about her every day. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:34:55 AM | Hmmm.... my brother married a woman 4 years older than him. They grew up going to the same church camp... pretty much knew each other for a good 15 years.
... She thought he was the most annoying person on the planet... till he asked her out one year. Kind of went from there.
In other words... the 4 year age difference doesn't matter. She seems into you. Keep doing what you are doing. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:51:32 AM | Four years??? I was 13, she was 18. I was 15, she was 20. I was 28, she was 34. I was 30 she was 24. That one didn't work so good.
Hmmmm! Big deal, man. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:08:31 PM | | It depens on how mature you are. If you 19 but behave as a grown up man who can be trusted and who can be responissible who has planes for the future - then it is not a problem. There are men in their 30s and 40s and they are so childish and selfish. Women like to feel protected and loved.So it is not the age it is the way you are. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:23:04 PM | Don't try so hard to psycho analyze the situation.
Just enjoy spending your time with her.
Be yourself, and just let things go their natural course.
It's not nearly as complicated as you seem to think it is.
Best of luck! | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:30:07 PM | | To be 19 again.. heh. A 4 year age difference is nothing, if you have common interests and are at a similar stage in life don't even think about it, and treat her like you would any other girl you're interested in dating | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:40:06 PM | One other consideration is this: Some gals at 23 are looking for partners to marry, have kids with, REMEMBER I have quantified this statement as some.
Things you want to know, or find out is what her future goals are, what does she look for in a man. Since you don't have a lot of experience, it is indeed good to ask questions, however I would be a bit hesitate to be asking her sister. I UNDERSTAND your logic behind doing so, however sometimes that can back fire.
The most important thing is to NOT think of your age as a big deal, because if you aren't look at it as a problem, then she may not take issue with it either. If she is looking to have a good time, and kick it with someone that has good chemistry, that is awesome. However it would be prudent to make sure you two are on the same page, and understand she will go through yet another emotional change in her life and thinking.
You will too, however it often comes after women in your age group.
Enjoy learning about her, enjoy being open, and most of all enjoy the fact that she DOES show interest. There are far to many people that are wounded and frustrated feeling they are being rejected for what ever reason.
I general tell people, after 18, the only person that can reject you, is you. If things fall apart, well it happened, and you and she just weren't right for each other. Not the end of the world, and you will meet someone terrific once again. Despite what people want to say, lightening can and does strike twice in the same place.  | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 2:11:14 PM | | Maybe I'm reading this differently than everyone else. Her sister tells you she's a "fiend" and the girl tells you to slow down. That means you're in the friend zone. Has she shown any interest in sleeping with you? If not, you're her pal. I doubt age has anything to do with it. It's more of you acting like her friend instead of a boyfriend. | |
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| How to date someone 4 years older than you?
Posted: 7/13/2009 2:28:38 PM | She's a "fiend" for sure. We talk openly about sex, our fantasies. In fact, she seems to bring up the topic a little more than me!
The thing is, she wants a guy who will respect her, compliment her, and actually stick around for good, or at least a while. Talking to her, she has said her longest relationship was 5 months. She's looking for a good guy, not a nice guy.
To me, a good guy is a nice guy who seems to do it better.
I can understand her taking things slow though, she's rushed into relationships that she thought were good earlier in life, and the guy always ditched her for someone else. And my feeling is, she doesn't want to rush this one either, because it could be something special. | |
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