CNN1
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Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:03:18 PM | So I met this man and Im very attracted to him. Hes smart, attentive, affectionate.
He tells me he thinks Im very attractive. He takes me out to dinner, walks by the river, and he is obviously very physically attracted t to me, (loves to kiss, etc).
However, on occasion he makes cutting jokes . For example, I told him I ate a big mac today. Now he watches EVERYTHING he eats and works out daily. He responds to me with" THats why I have an awesome body and you dont!" lol. So I said," hmm well there is another fifty percent of the population that are female if you are not happy with my appearance". So he responds with " Well you have the correct parts"...
WTF was that lol.
I was pretty offended. Now many people might immediately say "JERK"!> But in the context of all of his other positive attention, Im not sure what to do with it
Ok sorry so lon g but to sum up, I called him on it. I called him back and told him what he said rubbed me the wrong way, and that Im telling him because I like him . I said I took offense to that comment . I said it very matter of factly. He apologized and said it was a "bad joke" . He continued to say He thought I had a nice body
and he didnt mean anything "bad" by it. I told him i appreciated the apology.
I would like to hear some comments about what people think... WOuld you immediately dump this guy?? | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:17:02 PM | I wouldn't immediately dump the guy, but a pattern of insensitivity like that would wear me down eventually. And believe me--it's insensitivity. It isn't cruelty, but it isn't just clumsiness either. A thought comes up and he says it right away--but it's an insensitive thought, a joke at the listener's expense. That might be a hard thought pattern to retrain him on. You can't put up with it forever, but I don't know how much you want to invest in it before giving up. It's going to frustrate you, and maybe even wear down your self esteem.
Oh yeah, and one other thing:
"Thats why I have an awesome body and you dont!"
*checks profile picture* He's out of his mind. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:29:14 PM | That's got to be hard to choose between a fit, health-conscious guy you like, and, a Big Mac.
Love is anything but simple in a world with a McDonalds on every corner. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:33:51 PM | ^^^^^^^ I like what was said above,i'am not trying to make excuses for the shallow comment,..........honestly it would be a dealbreaker for me,But, it really could of been a one time bad joke
vin | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:34:01 PM | I have to agree, that is, insensitivity. I had a similar thing, meeting a guy a few weeks ago, who made certain comments that he said where jokes and none of them set right with me. Maybe they both have a case of speaking before thinking, but still, darn, if I had no self control for the feelings of another, with what I do for a living, I'd be hanging out on the corner with a cardboard sign, "Out of work, need food". Common sense and respect for another, well, it does not cost a darn thing.
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:43:09 PM | wow... he sure thinks highly of himself... that would bug me... don't compare me to you... and make you look better...
good luck to you with this one... hopefully it isn't a sign of what is to come with him... heaven forbid you gain a few pounds... | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:48:57 PM |
I would like to hear some comments about what people think... WOuld you immediately dump this guy??
Actually, I would. Why? Because unless he's a complete moron, then he probably knew his "joke" was in poor taste, and obviously offensive. Which means it was probably deliberate.
But, on the off-chance he truly didn't realize that, then he's just a moron, and I don't find simpletons attractive.
Well, and then there's this:
and he didnt mean anything "bad" by it.
People like that...probably have a habit of making put-down comments like that to others, but then pretending to ap0logize and not meaning anything "bad" by it. Comments like that are hard to retract though, and the 'apology' is rarely sincere. JMO. | |
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CNN1
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Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 8 | |
| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:54:02 PM | Hey everyone
comments appreciated.. BTW Please... Why are some of you voting to delete this thread?? Im not looking for ATTENTION?? wtf lol...
Not Seeking ANY comments about my APPEARANCE. I Dont have an issue with it!!
So Some of you are MISINTERPRETING my post!! Just looking for OPINIONS ON
This type of behavior.
Thanks! | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:02:38 PM | He spoke poorly, he apologized. Forgive him. For the love of all things holy, we all make mistakes. You told him it bothered you and he acted like an adult and apologized.
Just remember if you are willing to dump someone over one misspoken thing, don't be pissed when someone dumps you for rolling your eyes or something.
Other than that one incident you say he a great guy. We are what we do not what we say we do.If he does it again then you might want to consider verbal abuse passive/aggressive BS as a reason to dump him. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:23:14 PM | I called him back and told him what he said rubbed me the wrong way, and that Im telling him because I like him . I said I took offense to that comment .
I`d have told you that it looks like we arent good a match then.
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:25:08 PM | It's good that you called him on it. Now, you can see if his behavior changes.
You've established that certain types of comments are insulting to you. If he's a good guy, he'll watch his mouth (no matter what he may actually think); if he's a jerk, he'll stay on course and attribute his comments to "bad jokes" or even accuse you of being too sensitive - in which case you'll know to give him the boot. Even if you are too sensitive, it doesn't give him a permit to insult you, maybe trying to build up your resistance (is there a humor vaccine?).
I'm wondering if he has some underlying nastiness, the kind of thing that will really come out once you have an argument. Those types of people go waaaaay off-topic in a fight and hurl insults and utter all sorts of ugly stuff. Go pick a fight with him and let us know what happens. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:26:10 PM |
He spoke poorly, he apologized. No, he spoke poorly and only apologised after you called him on it. If this behavior continues the word narcissist may come into play. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:35:07 PM | I would dump him... It will prolly only get worse.
Reason for my thought: quoted from OP's original post:
However, on occasion he makes cutting jokes . For example, I told him I ate a big mac today.........
OP says he occasionally makes these jokes this post has an example. If occasionally that means more than once.
Why do you think he appologized? Was it sincere that he felt bad for making you feel that way and he acknowledged that it hurt you, or was it because he was trying to backpeddle, he didn't think you would call him on it. | |
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CNN1
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Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 14 | |
| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:35:11 PM | Yourstillhere: Curious... why would you have said that to me??
Y know... usually I sling back a comment or two at him and he doesnt seem to get offended.. And I can take it a bit as well as dish it. But I dont want to play that way more than once in a while..
Buttonsone1... yes it has happened more than once. Funny, usually I would sling something right back at him and come out smelling pretty good lol. But that kind of thing isnt really my bag | |
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CNN1
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Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:40:06 PM | | BTW you all have some GREAT INSIGHTS!!! Comments SO APPRECIATED. Sometimes my judgement is skewed when it comes to a guy that appears attractive | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:45:10 PM |
Curious... why would you have said that to me??
If you called me up with the sole purpose of confronting me on a comment I made in jest then you and I are not a match.
Our methods of flirting arent on the same wavelength and all we`d do is make each other unhappy.
Best to just end it. | |
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CNN1
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Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 17 | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:01:41 PM | Actually, I would. Why? Because unless he's a complete moron, then he probably knew his "joke" was in poor taste, and obviously offensive. Which means it was probably deliberate.
I agree with this. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:13:39 PM |
hmm if flirting to you is telling a woman how unattractive she is then we certainly would NOT be a match!
I thought we just broke up.
Stop calling me....... | |
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CNN1
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Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 20 | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:24:58 PM | "Ma! They said I`m a narciss-something. What does that mean?"
(soft voice from another room folding laundry)-
"....thats nice, dear...."
(hiking up my pants)
Yup, you betcha I`m a true narcissist.
And dont you forget it! | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:29:48 PM | If that was the first time you have ever told him you were offended by these off hand remarks, I would give him a chance to show he listened. If they continued, that would be the end of it.
I also sense that the root motivation for these remarks is a general insecurity in himself. If that was the case, he wouldnt appeal to me on that basis. And then there is always a chance he stops offending YOU....and blurts out inappropriate comments to your friends or family. Either way....yuck. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:47:29 PM |
Hey everyone
comments appreciated.. BTW Please... Why are some of you voting to delete this thread?? Im not looking for ATTENTION?? wtf lol
Because some losers get their only satisfaction in life by flexing their cyber muscles and clicking on "delete" on a perfectly good and interesting forum thread which is hurting no one, for no other reason than to give them some sort of cheap power fix.
Don't take it personally. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:10:27 PM | Op - it's good that you called him on it the first time it happened. I would suggest paying close attention to see if this is a pattern. Not just putting you down but other people as well. When people do that, it's a sign of their own insecurity and it gets worse progressively. It makes them feel better about themselves.
The problem is the more you come to care for someone, the more what they think of you matters. That's what these types of people depend on. I don't even think it's necessarily intentional - it's just the nature of someone who has self esteem issues.
When you get to the point that you're dishing it back just to stay 'even' in the relationship when it's not your nature to treat people like that, it's really time to re-evaluate...
Been there, done that - I just prefer someone who lifts me up and someone who I lift up. It's not in my nature to drag someone down nor do I want to be dragged down.
All the best... | |
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CNN1
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Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 25 | |
| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:17:23 PM | Jewelsy....
YES! that clarifies alot for me... Ive been struggling with the "am i too sensitive" thought.. but you are right .. If it is not your nature to sling sarcasm all the time its too much work to do it in a relationship to stay even. Its actually not the first time, I recall telling him on another occasion that complements are a much better aphrodaisiac to me ..
alas another disappointment in the man dept. seems like one after another lately
maybe time to take a dating break LOL | |
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