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 pomolive
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 1
who pays the bill??Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
When the bill comes on a first date.
So I've been having a conversation with friends about this topic lately (both male and female).

Of course this doesn't apply in every situation but generally I feel as if you meet a guy for a first date, if he pays the bill it is a very nice gesture.
Women aren't expecting you to pay every time after that but on a FIRST date buying a girls drink will definitely impress her .

Some exceptions would be if you weren't clicking at all, her paying her own share is pretty much assumed for me.


guys , your on a dating site to meet girls right?


It's not about money at all, but this falls under the chivalrous category. Be polite, open the door for her, ask her questions, be a gentleman and pay for a drink.

Not too hard to do.
 Joe_Lip
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 2
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who pays the bill??
Posted: 7/15/2009 1:51:21 PM
good one.

Well I have asked ladies out and I always pay the bill, be it drinks or meal.

Even had to argue with one lady she wanted to pay her drink. LOL
Call me old fashion. Its a night out and even if it does not work out thats OK.

How else you going to find out.

Have a good one
Joe
 Fred Astaire24
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3
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who pays the bill??
Posted: 8/15/2009 6:34:27 AM
I asked this a couple of years ago when I first joined POF. I had an interesting date with a lady and her conversation was such that 'men always pay, that's what they're for'. I found that a little offensive, especially since I always act like a gentleman and pay for the evening. Check out the Ontario forum and read what dozens of people said. It sure did raise a lot of eyebrows.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 4
who pays the bill??
Posted: 8/17/2009 7:36:48 AM
On FIRST date? since it is JUST a first evaluation and most end up in dead end right away: go dutch.

Any other dates after that with this person, since there seams to be something: I pay no problem.


Am not a free buffet or a way for some women to get free entertainment on the back of men.
 NewToTheCity83
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 5
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who pays the bill??
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:02:03 AM
It seems natural for me to go dutch as a sign of respect for the person I'm with. We are sharing a good time, I'm not trying to buy her affection and respect that she also makes a living and is her own provider.

If I INVITED someone out to a specific place I like and want to show them I will pay and if I was invited I would expect to be paid for.

Obviously, if on a first date the woman makes no offer to go dutch I will pick up the tab without mentioning it, if it was going well it's not an issue but if it wasn't going well, well let's say it sure doesn't qualify as extra points!
 Martin R-
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 6
who pays the bill??
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:36:21 AM
First dates should be separate bills to avoid awkward situations. After all, a first date is getting to know each other and to see if there is chemistry. Why complicate things with money when it's so much simpler to have separate tabs?

Keep it simple.
 ellen453
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 7
who pays the bill??
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:06:10 PM
Speaking only for myself: I will never, repeat never foot a bill, mine or his on a first or any other date. Here is why:
Paying for my bill looks desperate, like oh, I got to or else I lose him
I have gone out of my way to meet this guy, whoever he is , loser or winner
I might have hired a babysitter to meet this loser or winner.
Guys need to respect my time..period.
 janedoe16
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 8
who pays the bill??
Posted: 2/1/2010 6:13:11 AM
Ellen 453 : I don't believe any man would think you are desperate for paying your own bill I think he would think you are polite.[If he thinks you are desperate doing an action that is a sign of politeness and consideration better you find out asap]
If you feel it such an enormous favour you have provided this man to be present on this date I think he would rather you have not bothered [no one wants you on a date unless you are glad to be there]
He might have hired a babysitter also you don't know his life.Maybe he bought a new tie to impress you, do you think you should pay him for that if you don't want to go out anymore?
Lastly,and please I mean no disrespect or rudeness but if you think respecting your time means money then this isn't a date it's an escort service.I don't think you are implying to date you means they need to pay you by the hour.
In this modern day no one should EXPECT or DEMAND anyone to pay for the other but in the same breath the man offering to pay is a nice gesture of old fashioned chivalry and the woman saying no thanks it's not necessary would make him feel not like a paycheck.From there...good luck respect established on both sides
 literallydreaming
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 9
who pays the bill??
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:41:43 AM
I guess you're a hooker if you think a guy needs to pay to spend time with you
 fresh linen
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 10
who pays the bill??
Posted: 2/13/2010 9:25:57 AM
If a guy ask u out for the first date then yes but if u ask him then ditto. Otherwise the guy is cheap in respect to manners.
 YoungFry
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 11
who pays the bill??
Posted: 2/13/2010 3:55:40 PM
Guy pays and turns down the girl's offer to pay exactly once. If she insists, let her pay her fair share. This allows us to be chivalrous as well as respect her wishes if she feels very strongly about it.
 Faith061
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 12
who pays the bill??
Posted: 8/19/2010 11:35:24 AM
Men should pay the bill...always. Of course...first dates should always be just a coffee or drink...not an expensive 5-course meal. I was raised in a time where men were taught how to treat a lady and not let her pay, open doors, pull her chair, help her with her coat, let her walk on the inside of the sidewalk...etc. I'm sorry, but if a guy is too cheap to even pay for one coffee or drink...b-bye!!
 hippyhip
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 13
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who pays the bill??
Posted: 8/28/2010 8:13:06 PM
I think you speak of the time women were housewives, men earned the coin....Times have changed....Who wanted woman's lib, and does it apply all across the board, or is it selective?
 Safire28
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 14
who pays the bill??
Posted: 10/11/2010 5:52:25 PM
Hippyhip...Women's lib wasn't meant to be in order for men to lose their chivalry. It was meant for equal opportunity in the workforce, equal pay, pro-choice...etc Please tell me that you do understand that! Just because women want the right to be treated with respect and no longer have to love, honor and "OBEY" 'til death do us part...doesn't mean a she wants to be and act like a man. C'mon!
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 15
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who pays the bill??
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:30:40 PM
Indeed that would be a gentleman thing to do but, we would never know if they share the same mentality or if they would expect him to pay for her meal every time as they would set a standard.

For me, if I'm going out with her, I will treat her to supper each and every time simply because 1. I can afford it and 2. If it escalates to a second date, I would be pleased to offer it to her!

But obviously it is important to communicate this to her, which is why often tell them that I will pay for supper but they need to cover the tip!
 Sun_Kisses
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 16
who pays the bill??
Posted: 6/30/2011 5:26:46 AM
It all depends how you were brought up. I come from a generous familly and it is normal to pay if I do the invitation. But not everyone was educated the same way.

On a first date, what I have noticed is if the guy is really into you, he will insist on paying. So ladies, see it as a simple sign of interest. What I do hate though, is when the guy sees a dinner invitation as an investment. True generosity is something you can observe with time. I prefer someone who goes dutch the first time than someone who is mentally counting the debits and credits.
 Guymauve
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 17
who pays the bill??
Posted: 7/28/2011 8:18:00 PM
...She pays the bill, because she's a lucky **stard to have the chance to date me!
Seriously, I don't know why the man is supposed to pay for Madame???
We are in 2011, remember?, women want equality so...
Pay yours Madame!
 commonsens_reloaded
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 19
who pays the bill??
Posted: 8/13/2011 6:52:39 PM
Am not a free buffet or a way for some women to get free entertainment on the back of men.
On FIRST date? since it is JUST a first dual evaluation and most end up in dead end right away: go dutch. Liberation of the sex provide rights but come with obligation too!

Any other dates after that with this person, since there seams to be something: I pay no problem, because I want to..not because am obliged by outdated standards.

Women who refuse the obligations of the liberation and thus live under the old standards thinking that men should always pay should thus stay home in the kitchen, fetch the slipper and the man's beer...and be ready to fulfill their "obligations" later.

You cannot have double standards.....its one OR the other.



.
 Me_Twinkle
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 20
who pays the bill??
Posted: 9/6/2011 7:56:01 AM
Oh My! I moved to Calgary 30 years ago. When did things change so drastically?

I told people that where I come from, the men have class! They know how to dress, and most importantly, how to treat a lady.

I find it quite jocular that the discussions in the forums are paralleled. I guess it's the times and not the place!. This visit to Montreal has had me remove the rose color glasses I had proudly dawned all of my life.
 nickelle
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 21
who pays the bill??
Posted: 10/5/2011 4:43:46 AM
Personally on a first date i say
To each is own.
I judge my first date by is manners not his money.
 way28500
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 22
who pays the bill??
Posted: 10/16/2011 12:31:03 PM
I think the women should pay for the night if they want to impress me... If i was driving i would pay the parking...but would let them contribute towards the petrol....lol. or they would walk home.....
 platofish
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 23
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who pays the bill??
Posted: 10/16/2011 4:36:08 PM
The government should pay... did we lose a war or something?
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 24
who pays the bill??
Posted: 11/10/2011 9:54:23 AM

The government should pay... did we lose a war or something?


LMAO. If we start with that optic, there should be a HELLUVA lot of stuff we shouldnt pay ;-)
I think it depends. I'll pay for a lady if she acts like a lady, if everything goes well, if she's interesting. I'll pay also if I dont feel the vibe, but not by her fault or mine. I will NOT pay with someone who's being b*tchy or mean, unpleasant, or otherwise innapropriate. Personnal opinion.
 Shay-Ley
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 25
who pays the bill??
Posted: 11/20/2011 11:28:58 AM
I think and, this is my opinion that, if a man has any manners he should pay the tab, if he doesn't, means either one things he does not respect you, he was raised by wolves or he is not interested.
It all comes down to manners and how he is brought up.
Just remember this "You only get ONE chance to make a very good impression"
That is my nice advice so, roll with it.

 sydrock
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 26
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who pays the bill??
Posted: 12/15/2011 6:38:01 PM
I have not had a first date when a woman paid the bill. Not yet anyway. I have had a shared bill and it was quite an impression to me by that LADY. She is a LADY. She's independent! Its just me but to think that its all about manners that Men should always pay the tab on a first date just like Shay-Ley would suggest then it works both ways. Right, a woman is also being judge on a first impression for a long-term relationship. This is also my advice. Chivalry and respect should always be applied to all worthy women. Not ALL are worth it. Men also demand respect. Gone are the days when women only cook at home and no income. If you're educated, manners, and got good income you pay your own tab. As for me, I'm just generous and I still have chivalry left in me. thanks!
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