| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 3:05:21 AM | | You meet someone on PoF!! woo hoo! There's that magical "spark" we all talk about. She/He loves your sense of humor, you agree on so many things... Talking turns to dating, dating turns to.... "Let's share our lifes together". Now, that spark, that FLAME that was originally there is not quite so bright as you become more familiar. What DOES surface is those little idiosyncrasies about you/her/him. How much are you willing to change? Toilet paper over or under? No problem... Folding laundry - no problem! I can adjust to those.. But what are potential deal breakers for you? I want to go on a camping/fishing trip with just my brother and another male friend... would you allow that? Would that bother you? What are those things you just wouldn't "compromise" about yourself? | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 3:30:04 AM | | I wouldn’t change helluva lot; after all, that’s supposedly what the person I meet will fall in love with. As for you going camping with your brother/male friend, I’d definitely let you go. A common mistake a lot of couples make is feeling they have to do each and every thing together as a couple. It’s suffocating! I’m all for having separate interests and friends, as long as we do some stuff together. Compromise is the key word here; if something I do irks my partner a lot then I’ll work on it, but he should be willing to do the same. After all, it’s a partnership I want, not a dictatorship. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 3:51:35 AM | Would not change a freakin' thing. Why the fvck should I? You fall in love with me for who I am or not at all. That's one of the reasons my marriage failed. My wife loved me, but I wasn't "who I COULD be, so she pushed to "improve" me. Yeah..that DOES NOT WORK LADIES. Breeds resentment. 
Anyway...I'm good the way I am thank you. Love me for me or get the fvck out of my way. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:30:21 AM | Firstly, I am at the stage in my life, when I want to make some changes anyway. So since I’m already planning to reprogram a number of things, what’s a few more changes?
Secondly, only a fool would expect that two complete strangers will just get together, and without any adjustments on both sides, will both happily continue in their old ways. A reasonable thing would be reaching some workable compromise. If that doesn’t work, a LTA arrangement is always an alternative. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:50:33 AM | One of the few things I find refreshing in dating at this age is that most women I meet aren't looking to change me, anymore than they expect to change for me. I think most of us understand we pretty much are who we are and changing someone to please ourselves is a fantasy of youth.
By their 50's I think both parties are internally looking at differences in each other and saying to themselves: "I can live with that, or I can't". I think one of the sad things though, is I'm finding many women can find a thousand things to like about you, but let just one little thing creep onto that ledger that they don't like, and you are out of there. 
He was so perfect except for ..............  | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:10:12 AM | First getting to close too quick is usually a mistake. Taking our time and getting to know someone over say 2 year should prevent too many surprises.
"two complete strangers will just get together, and without any adjustments on both sides" Well, that is what happened in my marriage. Two alpha people who continued to be who they were. It worked great. Now all I need is another alpha who I share that spark with.
The only one we can change is ourself, and even that change is very limited if it is real.
Why would anyone want to change a person that they had fallen in love with? If they other person pretended to change, they won't be the person who was fallen in love with?? Confusing that some try that. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:24:55 AM | I believe the great factor in a relationship is taking the time to get to know each other. I believe it is a art. Many times people want to cut through the chase and be a instant couple. Instead of learning their likes and dislikes about each other. That way there aren't a whole lot of surprises when you become a couple. Maybe small thing but not giant things. Changing who I am and what I am I wouldn't do. But changing small thing to compromise I would do. And nor would I want them to change who they are to fit me. I won't squash myself in a relationship to fit someone....I would never fit in the other parts of me would eventually come out....and ruin it. Nor do i have any desire to control what others say or do. Heck I have a hard enough time controlling what I say and do. And I don't believe being together 24/7 would make a relationship. People have many wants and desires and I don't need to be involved in everything that they do nor would I enjoy everything. And personal space is important for each person to continue growing. If I had someone that needed to be reassured constantly or wanting to be involved in every single thing it would probably drive me crazy. So time always tells if two people can make it. And just because I have grown older I am not taking any ole body so I don't have to be alone.
Deal breaker for myself would include the following.......drugs, dishonesty, alcohol problems, violence. I am sure there are a few more that I would throw in but those are the main ones.
Loving someone doesn't give me the right to Control their lives....... | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:31:09 AM | wow, well said, again, blueeyes! You have single sister living nearer to Ohio? Personally, I think SOME adjustment is necessary, but a major overhaul is impractical and as Procol said, it will cause deep resentment, even if the fellow goes along just to make you happy and because he loves you. A few other good points made were that TIME is important - whirlwind romances often end up in the whirlpool.
"Love" (and I'm a great believer in LOVE) can cause the heart to override the mind in many ways. "yeah, he's really bad at doing laundry, but I LOVE him and we can fix that later." Maybe.
Trouble is, and maybe the reason for my question, is that even in the "courtship" stage of the romance, I try to see what SHE likes/enjoys and to attempt to acclimate myself to those same interests. Let's say she just LOVES country music (and this has happened to me some years ago) - I started to listen to the local country music station while driving in my work truck. But would I go to a country concert everyweek? Would I want to have the CMT channel on the TV 24/7 No, but really, no harm in at least trying to understand her likes, her tastes in music, food, etc. Okay, that may not be the best example, I think you get the gist of my point. At this stage in most of our lives, change is slow and often begrudgingly. Again, good points made in your posts... always gives me food for thought.
Now guys, would you shave your mustache you've had for 20 years for a lady? heehee | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:42:43 AM | The little things like toilet paper and folding laundry I'll change in a heartbeat--I'll be the first to admit I let the laundry pile up lol. On a core soul level, I'm not going to change a thing. I like who I am. I can be sweet and I can be aggressive. Take it or leave it.
If you want to go on a camping trip with just your brother and male buddies, do it. She'll have to "adjust". | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:30:40 AM | It's funny how we make personal adjustments and changes in our lives all the time....
but really fight against personal adjustments/changes when it comes to finding/staying with "the one". | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:59:15 AM | As I said in my profile...I won't change you and I don't want to be changed...If we meet and hit it off...there's no reason for either to change...little things like toilet paper or folding clothes are small things...I don't sweat the small things...
And at this age, I have both male and female friends who I would not want to give up, and I wouldn't expect someone to give up their friends just for me...
Life is too short to sweat the small stuff | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:11:48 AM | Don't know: so far all that has been requested of me is that I don't change anything, lol! I've returned the favor. If it lasts, we're good to go.
But in fact, we are both moving towards the other. . . . I'm loosening up my hold on solitude, and he's willing to live without running water (for a while, at least). We're both looking forward to what change in both of our lives will mean.
Meanwhile, it just feels lovely: joy without pressure. I can live with that.
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:16:37 AM | In a good relationship there are things we adjust to or make concessions to i.e. toilet paper, paper towels, how there hung, no biggy.
No one needs to give up their autonomy/independence, i.e. camping/fishing trips etc., it works both ways.
Balance is a key ingriedent. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:30:45 AM |
But what are potential deal breakers for you? I want to go on a camping/fishing trip with just my brother and another male friend... would you allow that? Would that bother you? What are those things you just wouldn't "compromise" about yourself?
Of course you should go and bring and bring me home some cleaned fish so I can cook it. Please do cut off the head because I do like to stare him in the eye before cooking him..
By the same token hope he does not mind if I decide to spend an afternoon with one of my girlfriends..
As far as what I am not willing to compromise about goes:
1. What food is in our our home
2. He has to live with my cats and does not mind the time I spend daily grooming them
Anything else is negotiable.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:40:33 AM | | Please please please! Don't change anything that can lead to resentment. My marriage ended because he changed for me. My ex became very resentful, depressed and manipulative. For 18 yrs he never put his foot down with me and said "take me as I am, this is me". Of course I would have taken him as he was, I didn't want a doormat. No I wasn't perfect, and yes I regret that I asked so much of him. But if I had to choose between him the way he was or the hell we went through, I would take him just the way he was. Best wishes to you. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:45:56 AM | Why would you go into a relationship with the expectations that the other wants certain things or a lot of things about you changed. Sorry to me that seems very strange.
Hey if my partner had a problem with like cats, especially medical I might change the fact that Im a cat owner.
If the person I was interested in lived in another city I might change my residence if it got really serious.
But if you talking emotional (your beliefs and etc), or even physical (except for mabye trying to lose some weight) . I would be asking why are the two of you together.
Hey I have taken up lots of new hobbies for its fun to learn with that special someone in your life...thats different. You sometimes do things together you arent really interested in; thats compromise.
Hey I became a ham radio operator and found I loved it. I've gone to gun clubs and shot guns, even though Im not a gun owner. Men I have dated, have gone shopping with me, to craft shows or to a chick flick that they dont really like to do.
Hey I am who I am --- Im 60 and its probably a bit late to remold me anyway LOL | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:56:12 AM |
Secondly, only a fool would expect that two complete strangers will just get together, and without any adjustments on both sides, will both happily continue in their old ways.
Honor!
Unfortunately, as you can see from answers on this thread, there are many fools out there. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:09:44 AM |
Hey if my partner had a problem with like cats, especially medical I might change the fact that Im a cat owner.
I breed and show cats so this would not be an option for me.. It is something that I love and simply would not choose to go out with someone that did not understand this.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:10:02 AM | Well there are a few things I can not do that I have learned over the years that no matter how nice the person is eventually they will bug me.
If you are a Felix you can do that on your own time in your own house.
I am a person of moderation and obsessive behavior drains me.
Must have manners!!!! If you think that the world is your oyster and you don't have to be considerate or conscientous in making plans or breaking them than I am not for you.
If you complain about meeting me half way in distance knock on someone elses door my time if valuable too.
I need someone who is responsible and rational as far as finances. If you have new cars and new bikes and your bills are behind I am not footing the bill for your greed.
If you have any kind of addictual problems and are not seeking help we are going have a problem.
I have no problems with people doing things with their freinds I respect a person who has long lasting freinds . It means that they can be a freind. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:58:35 AM | | I would change my clothes daily. I would change which side of the bed I slept on (left or right, not top or bottom). I would change the song I sang in the shower. I would change how often I do cartwheels in the living room. I would change from being glad I was not in the clutches of some evil soul sucking crone to being glad I was in the embrace of some frisky love dispenser having my spirit nourished with unreserved mercy. I might change for the better, but not for the worse. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:51:12 AM | My sense of style needs to be expressed somewhere in the domicile, either my room or a man cave is ok (personally i think beige should be declared unconstitutional). i will not give up coffee, wont convert to another religion nor allow myself to be pushed into a denomination i dont favor. wont drink, dont care if you do. for the most part i am pretty easy going. but i do have one household chore i wont do under any circumstances. if you want the bed made your gonna do that yourself.  | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:57:36 AM | | I think I'm too old to change my ways. If I met someone and we hit it off, then there must be some compatibility going on. You don't know how things really go until you live with someone though. That's when the true match maker or breaker becomes apparent. | |
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| LTR - How much would you change about yourself?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:39:05 PM | "In a good relationship there are things we adjust to or make concessions to i.e. toilet paper, paper towels, how there hung, no biggy."
You are kidding me .... right! Who cares about the above. If it is an issue for anyone, they don't belong in my life.
Never ceases to amaze me what some people consider to be an issue. | |
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