| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:22:46 AM | | I met someone and thought I had fallen in love. Two and a half years into our relationship I found out I was pregnant. It was an unplanned pregnancy, and until that moment I had never really considered having children. But we decided to keep the baby and 9 months later had our beautiful daughter. But after she was born everything changed. He hardly ever helped me with the baby, he lost his job, and would disappear for days at a time. We broke up because of this behavior, but then he turned it around or at least I thought he did and I decided to give our relationship another go for our daughter. Just a few days after we got back together he was hit by a car crossing a busy street. He was rushed to the hospital, but his injuries were to severe for them to help and he passed away. I was crushed. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I found out that he had a whole other girlfriend on the side, and was dealing drugs! I almost couldn't believe it but it all made sense. A few months after he died I decided to start dating again. I met a nice guy and we hit it off. Only to find out a few months later that he was cheating on me too. I feel frustrated because I would like to believe that not every man on this planet cheats on his wife or girlfriend but over and over and over through my experiences and my friends that is the pattern I keep seeing. And then I ask myself is this problem caused by me or would it happen regardless? Maybe a few guys out there could shed some light on this subject for me. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:32:14 AM | First off, I'm sorry you've had to go through what you have, at such a young age.
It's not fair, but it is what it is, and there is nothing you can do about it, and likely nothing you could change about your situation that could make it better, just gotta look to the future, because you will find happiness, you just gotta be patient.
I think your at an age, where the guy your picking are roughly the same age, and whom sex drive is quite high, is there anything you can do to stop them from cheating, probably not... but you can pick a guy that's more mature, and more into making you happy...
just have to be more wise in your partner selections.
that's all. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:50:14 AM | If my math is correct, you were with your daughters father since you were 13 or 14.
Some of us learn some harsh lessons early in life. Be grateful for those crushing blows as they will help you make better decisions in your life.
You have a beautiful baby girl. She ought to be your main focus, not trying to find a man to fullfill you. You're not going to pick the right kind of guy at this point in your life, because you have no frame of reference. Only heartache and disappointment. You are basically a child with a child.
For gawds sake get an education. Learn to stand on your own two feet and gain some life experience other than what you've had to endure to this point. Be where you are because that's where you want to be, not because you have to be.
And no, not all guys cheat.
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:35:51 PM | The above poster has some great ideas. Manforrent is also right, you pick the hottest ones and they usually get tempted to stray. I have never cheated or even thought about it.
Good luck and hopefully you get your life back together. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:38:29 PM | | No they don't all cheat, but they do lose interest quickly at 18. Most teenage boys are not ready for longterm relationships or children. Don't expect too much, concentrate on your schooling and your baby. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:44:00 PM | You had nothing to do with his cheating.
They cheat because they can. They are selfish, self centered and think
nothing about your feelings.
He ops out of your relationship because HE DOES NOT WANT TO-
Love
communicate with you
be emotionally available to you
empathise - feel what you feel and take your feelings into consideration
Having to recognize your needs instead of just his own
Having to be trusted
Having to be respectful
Having to be committed
Having to honor the words to you that come out of his mouth
He cant do these things for you. HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
He cant do these with anyone.
No matter what you would have done, walk on eggs, not confront him, keep
your mouth shut about things you didnt like - He would have done this anyway.
He cant bring these things to a relationship because HE DOES NOT WANT TOO.
He is NOT REJECTING YOU - He is rejecting having to do these things to make
the relationship work.
The cheating has nothing to do with you. Its all him. Its the kind of man he
is and hopefully he grows out of it but if he has esteem issues himself he will
go from girl to girl for validation of WHO HE IS.
We dont make them cheat. They cheat because they have no character,
honor or loyalty towards anyone but themselves - and thats calling it really
slim.
He will do this with the next girl too when the walls start closing in. Its not
what he wants. He found someone who he does NOT have to honor the
promises he made with you. When the time comes and he has to honor those
promises he will leave her too.
Nothing to do with you - you did nothing.
Its a reflection of WHO HE IS - NOT WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE.
You are a beautiful young woman -he knows this. He cant honor that. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:09:49 PM | No! ALL men do not cheat, nor do ALL women cheat. Unfortunately, when we do get involved with someone who DOES cheat, it has a tendency to color our perception of every other person of that gender. That is something that we have to make a conscious effort to avoid doing.
I'm so sorry you've had such heartbreak at such a tender age. Just concentrate on yourself and your little girl and the right man will find you when the time is right. | |
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| Honest...
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:24:02 PM | | I am going to be honest because that is the person I am... I have many guy friends and the answer is "yes". A man will, I believe that is why I am still single, once it happens, I am so stubborn that I can not forgive them. It breaks my heart and hurts a girls self-esteem! My male friends say that it is almost like they can't help it, they don't know how to say "no" when they are proposed with the offer. A man will say that they never would but that isn't the story. Sorry, not trying to hurt you at all, you seem sweet. Take care :) | |
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| Honest...
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:31:38 PM | I can't speak for all men just as much as I can't speak for all women... but.. I don't cheat. No interest in cheating. Sure I will look around at other women (just like I would be worried if the girl I was with didn't notice a piece of mancandy walking down the street). But looking is one thing, touching is another. I'm loyal... maybe I've just been hurt too many times?
What I can say is, I know for a fact that there are other guys out there like me. So no, we don't all cheat. | |
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| Honest...
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:51:03 PM | The guys that say they can't help it are just giving you an excuse, a real man does not cheat, I think society has forgotten what makes a real man .
-Strength
-Loyalty
-Honesty
-Ability to protect and provide for his loved ones/family
-Kindness
-Willingness to sacrifice
Real men are a rare breed these days. | |
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| Honest...
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:23:17 PM | The other guys here have really nailed it! It drives me crazy watching these pretty boy losers, that don't even know how to hold a conversation without getting advice from a friend with a brain, just jump from girl to girl because they have "the look."
Point and case, I knew a guy from work that was a complete womanizer that thought he was one awesome player. We could just be in some town for an hour and he is in the sack within the next, check it off his list, and move on. It was sicking, and frustrating as hell when all I want is the same very commitment that is cried for after his wake. | |
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| Honest...
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:33:13 PM | | You know, I find that when one woman repeatedly has problems with men cheating on her, she is almost guaranteed to fail to notice the one common denominator in all of those relationships - her. No, not all men cheat. You are either attracting or choosing the ones that do. If you consistently pick men based on the same qualities, and they're all cheating on you, it's time to wake up and pick different qualities. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:29:23 AM | No OP all guys dont cheat; the ones you have chosen do.
I dont know if you had sex without protection but to read so many women having unprotected sex with mindless horndogs is just mind boggling. In this day and age with STD's, AIDS and pregnancy, to still see so many having unprotected sex is just ridiculous; people need to be smart.
Your scenarios are the same; you fall in love at the drop of a hat; the first guy just wanted someone to have sex and worship him; you loved him but he obviously wasn't into a commitment. I'm sure he cheated during that time.
Of course he had a double life; he could have had 10 girlfriends and you still would have worshipped him.
You do the classic mindless love routine; you fall fast and hard for guys and they are not all that. You ignore warning signs in the name of love when in reality you are so into being loved you'll make poor choices.
You are cheated on because of YOUR choosing of bad guys. These are players and guys that know you are easily fooled and you will believe everything.
go slower, use protection, and stop the madness, or you will get hurt again. Love is action not a fairy tale of perception. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:56:42 AM | To the ladies out there saying it's a gaurantee that all men cheat.. that is a bold faced lie.
Honestly I find it insulting, because I'm not like that, never have been, never will be. Why doesn't anyone mention that there are ladies out there that cheat just as often as the men out there. I know this because I've had 2 relationships end that way. But I know there are good people out there still... somewhere.
OP I am very sorry about what you've been through and I deeply feel for you. Right now at your age you just need to put your focus on schooling and getting a better life for yourself and your beautiful daughter. Please don't think that every guy is out there waiting to cheat and hurt you. We're not all bad, the sooner you realize this the better your dating will be. None of that was your fault because if it was then that would mean my relationships ended due to cheating was my fault and I know that isn't the case! Some people just have no respect or courtesy. I wish you the best of luck! | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:15:44 AM | Waite. Using protection has nothing to do with cheaters !!! Why do men cheat ?
Let's stick to the subject. Just as well men, women. It goes both ways. I agree, not all men cheat. There are men out there that truely don't have what it takes to cheat or even lie, for that matter. If your attracting cheaters, something is wrong. You really need to reflect upon yourself and make better choices.
As far as protection. That's a whole monster in itself.
However, your absolutely right. Love is will , patience, and action; along with plenty more. It's not all chemistry. Yes, chemistry is a huge part of. But, that's just a component of the many other things that compose it. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 3:54:19 AM | Yes dear...we're ALL just lying, cheating, no good b*stards. Be best for all women to just be gay and spare yourselves being involved with us.
WTF???? | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:46:43 AM | Reality check OP.
You are only 18 with a 1 yr old child. There's not much chance of you finding a guy around your age who will want to be a daddy.
Do yourself a huge favor and forget about dating. Your life now revolves around your child.
Go to school so you can get a decent job to support the pair of you. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:00:02 AM | Yep. The 2 guys is a big enough sample size to make that bold statement that "every man cheats". Did you really suggest that?
A wise man said "a man is only as faithful as his options".
i.e.: date uglier guys. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:18:00 AM | No, just the guys who have been cheated ON. Trust is a funny thing, eh?
I'm so sorry you went through this, though, breezy. You must've been crushed, first by the first beau's death, then by the notion of his philandering activities, then by the second beau's straying.
I don't know why these guys cheated. Maybe you got more lovey-dovey then they could handle and the sex fizzled out for them. Maybe it's just in their nature not to settle down. It's sad that your daughter has to grow up without ever meeting, much less knowing, her father. I guess do the best you can, put guys on the back-burner (since it's been demonstrated you can't rely on them) and focus on loving and raising that precious little girl of yours. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:50:48 AM | | I am sorry to hear that your baby's father died. But no not all men cheat. Most are very faithful and loyal. It's just that you are young yet and most guys your age are not ready to settle down. Try to stay in school and get a career. It will be hard work but you will be glad that you did. Good luck to you. | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:47:52 AM | No.
But all women do!
Calm down ladies calm down I was just joking....
Seriously though, why do some people always have to lump everyone into one pot just because they have had bad experiences?
Oh well it is Friday, time to have some fun.  | |
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| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:08:58 AM | Breezygirl,
I am not about to blame you like some do for what the men are doing.
Men cheat because their brains are not wired for monogamy. (Forget all that nonsense about the hot one, bluh, bluh, bluh.) Learn from Darwin's example, and ask yourself- is this something we see going on very often in the wild? So why do we expect it from our own species? Studly or fugly, this has to do with how the male brain is wired. Monogamy is a female condition which requires a man who agrees to commit to go against the grain of his natural instincts.
You'll find that many males, once they do agree to commit, like to storm around the house in a fury over minor infractions. I have a theory as to why that is. On another level, what they are really saying is: "The straight life blows! God, I am so sick of having sex with the same person all the time! Mortgages! Sacrifices! Nose-dripping Children! Get me out of here!" And then they resort to porn to make it bearable.
Conjur your the archetype of your inner Black Madonna, and delight in your (goddess) soul-ability to tell them no.
Most (not all, but most) will resent, especially, being forced into the role of dutiful spouse and father. As I am sure you already know.
Quit looking for qualities in males they do not have.  | |
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Vanven
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Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 24 | |
| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:12:06 PM | People who are so dreadfully devoted to their husband/wives are so apt, from mere habit to get devoted to other's people's couple as well....physical infidelity is the signal, the notice given, that all fidelities are undermined...and honestly...it is better to be told a hurtful truth than to be told a comforting lie.
It isn't the man that's more likely to cheat more than the female gender...and I'm seeing alot of threads over sexism and gender competition, yet people don't rationalize for themselves that it is the indivual,that, due to their own action and will that desirely do it for taste of pleasure and lust is the one to be blamed, not the gender.
Cheating is unjust and cruel ....people should be really aware when making serious vow to their partner...not turn to a stranger behind their partner's back, and there's no excuse to say their partner lacked certain things they did not satisfy the other , cheating is still cheating period. Divorce and have fun with people is different than cheating.
I guess I may be able to tell some signs for everyone in here to see signs about their lover's cheating on them.
1.) A "friend" has come into the mix. You hear more and more of this friend but get no details when you ask about that friend " He/she's only a friend!" or is it..?
2.)She/he becomes defensive when you ask " Why did it take you 5 hours to go to some place ( e.g Grocery store )? " You get the picture. She/he answers you with a question to give themselves more time to answer how they " needs" to. You will start to notice that their answers aren't adding up all the time.
3.) Their physical appearance and style has changed overnight. Just like they use to "dress up" when you started dating, he/she will feel the need to impress their new stranger. ( Although this may be wrong alot of the times..probably party with friends or other ).
4.) He/she's not into the mood to "blank" with you, but the second a friend calls he/she ready to go "blanking". This away time allows them to communicate with their new secretly stranger.
5.) Their stories aren't making sense. This is because they will make up a story at that time and for the momet not realizing that the date or times don't add up. He/She will sometimes forget what they told 3 days ago. So make a mental note and ask again casually in 3 days . Work will seem to pop up a lot to cover time lapses.
That'd be all......just don't be extremly a stalker, or chasing your lover out, and never be entirely sure, but rely on your conscience...
PS: I had past experiences with girlfriends that cheated on me.....none were the best | |
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Mansi
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Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 25 | |
| I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat?
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:11:45 PM | | at some point all guys cheat..some realize the mistake and some just find it fun. so really pray you get someone whos already got it out of their system | |
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