| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:55:47 AM | | I entered into an intense, deep phone (not sexual) relationship with someone here. We talked for hours every night for a month. Then he got scared to meet in person (being only separated). Has anyone else fallen in love over the phone only? I am having a really hard time getting over this and was just wondering if it is really just infatuation. Thanks. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:06:00 PM | You can fall in love over the phone, email, and internet. However I think you’re falling in love with an idea in your head not with the actual person. Non direct contact such as phone conversations, emails, letters and instant messaging do not allow you to get a complete picture of the person you are courting. You do get some aspects of the person, but what you cannot get through those mediums your brain (fantasy part) fills in for you. So you could very well feel love for that person, but in most cases it’s going to be love for the person you have created in your head, which is a hybrid of what you have learned and what your brain has invented.
For that love to transfer over to reality (I mean that as in physically meeting and going on actual dates, like we did before the interslice.) it will depend on how honest each person was and how much you stopped yourselves from creating fiction where you didn’t have fact. That can be very difficult because we don’t usually realize on a conscious level that we are filling in blanks with what we want to believe about the person.
Can you fall in love,, yes you can, will it lead to a loving relationship, maybe, but I think you have a better chance in real life with direct contact. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:06:59 PM | What's there to get over?
Sounds like he may just need an ear and some support right now. If he's reluctant to meet you, then he's not ready for what you're currently looking for; a meaningful relationship.
I've never fallen in love over the phone, however I find voices quite enthralling, and my interest has been further peaked by a few telephone conversations. I'd want to meet someone who had me at that point.
Be careful. You're setting yourself up for some disappointment from what I see here.
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:08:46 PM | only if the phone vibrates he he he
this probably will be to short to post as usuall
i knew it
someone tell me how they post one word
i pay 5 bux pay pal he he hhe
omg its still to shortthis probably will be to short to post as usuall
i knew it
someone tell me how they post one word
i pay 5 bux pay pal he he hhe
omg its still to short | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:09:26 PM | What you call the feelings that you have doesn't matter too much really...
All you KNOW at this point is that on the phone, you get on fantastically well. There was the potential for it to be more, if you met, but you can't tell, without meeting whether you'd both be attracted to each other face-to-face or whether you'd even chat in the free and natural way you did on the phone.
It may be that he's been dishonest about something that will become obvious when you see him face-to-face and he just doesn't know how to tell you. Are you still talking with him? Perhaps you may yet convince him to risk a meeting. After all -- you can still remain good phone-friends if you discover there's nothing more there.
It's difficult because you've put a lot of weight on the potential and you've treated your hopes as if they reflect reality. Maybe he stinks of rotting cabbages, has 101 annoying tics and never goes anywhere without his security blanket. There is all kinds of detail that you don't *know* at this point -- how does it feel to be in the same room as him? -- and your brain, which fills in infinite numbers of gaps all the time has filled in the gaps in your knowledge of him in a way that doesn't leave him appearing too unattractive...
Your pain over the loss is not due to the loss of what you actually knew you had -- it's the loss of what you liked to think you had -- and that hurts much more because much of it was fabricated from your very own hopes and dreams.
If you're still talking to him, I'd not give up hope -- but create plenty of space to challenge any assumptions you may have made about him. And try to encourage him to meet you with no expectations on either side -- just curiosity and a little hope. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:12:07 PM | | Maybe he got scared to meet in person for other reasons. You don't know who this guy is other than his phone persona. Act your age and use common sense. It's a fun fantasy to indulge in but it shouldn't even grow to infatuation. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:13:12 PM | | I'm wondering why you allowed it to go on so long. I would have a couple of phone conversations and then move it to a meeting in person. A month of phone conversations is too much time to build up a fantasy. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:21:51 PM | Of course anything is possible. But does it matter? If we called it infatuation what would change. You still feel the way you feel and will long for what might of been. This is what you might want to think about. In a world of infinite possibilities you chose to believe what you believed that makes you feel the way you feel right now.
This puts you in a dangerous place emotionally. It doesn't sound very self affirming and probably hurts a lot. I would look into what it means to have someone in your life and what you are willing to over look to keep the dream alive. We all hope and dream but a wise person will couple this with a bit of logic and common sense. I remember before meeting my special someone we would remind each other that we might smell like a wet sheep or have really long annoying toe nails just to prevent the other from getting carried away.
Any ways hope you make sense of this for yourself, it's not a nice way to feel. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:40:58 PM | Wow you guys! Though short lived... *getting out the popcorn & umbrella, waiting for the insults to hit the fa*  I am so impressed at the responses to this thus far! & My Gawd! Kudos to the first response! RandomDrew  | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:46:52 PM | An online "fascination" can and does occur. It's a phenomenon that you can research and find that there have been studies and papers published on this.
In any infatuation, there is "idealization" the "fills in the blanks", so those "love feelings", to some extent, are partially in response to our imaginings. Yet, they can feel very real.
Sometimes, those initial feelings developed in email, on the phone, and in messaging "translate" quite well, and move seamlessly into real life, when you meet. Often they don't. I do know how real it can seem, though, before you've even met.
OP, I had "one of those" about 6 years ago. It went on for months, but she was never "quite ready" to meet. At least I received closure, because her husband found our emails and contacted me. She had posted fake pictures, the wrong age, completely made up life, and so on. It was all a bored housewife's fantasy, and I got caught up in it.
It's why you will hear many people say "it's not real, until it's real life"....and that, if you haven't met within 3-6 weeks of initially talking, you never will. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:48:46 PM | Wow,
You and most of the other posters really made me think. You are so right about the fantasy and what I want and am missing in my life and what fiction I probably created to fit what I need. I needed a hit over the head! Thank you all for responding! | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:05:50 PM | ~OP~ There is a great deal of comfort in having someone on the other end of the phone (or IM for that matter) at times. I seem to do best in those "relationships" than in the real deal but it's not really "love" that I'm feeling, it's being in love with the company or lack of aloneness 24/7 that gets me. I believe you can't have heartfelt feelings for someone you've never physically met, but I don't think romantic love is possible. JMO  | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:14:27 PM | | IMO, you cannot fall in love with a stranger. You can be extremely infatuated with your PERCEPTION of who that stranger MIGHT BE or who he appears to be THUS FAR, but that perception is based upon highly fallible and limited information supplied by the STRANGER himself. Until you spend a good chunk of face-to-face time interacting and observing one another, and are able to validate your perceptions, you really don’t know who or what you’re dealing with. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:26:03 PM | | I've read and seen this happen many times here in the forums. Usually this is what happens. People fall in love with the idea they have of the person. NOT the real person. When they meet in person. The spell is broken with one of them and that person disappears. There also those that have very low self esteem, but on the internet, or over the phone they project themselves as totally different, confident type of people. They become pen palls, not real in the flesh relationships. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:36:01 PM | So you're getting involved with a married man via phone who claims he's "scared" to meet you? Hmm, how interesting.
It's funny how men can go to war, hunt wild animals, fight criminals, put out raging fires, race cars at over 200 mph, etc. etc. etc. but when it comes to meeting a phone-a-friend, a man is "scared."
Yes, it is really just infatuation.
And yes, being only separated is a married man. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:40:36 PM | No you cant. You can fall in love with your imagination - or infatuation as your calling it...ah dream a myth etc.
And I am not buying his excuse either. Scared - wonder if he is scared of the monster that hides under the bed that sucks rationality from his head with a straw in the wee small hours, and sleeps with teddy. But hes not so scared when it comes to wasting your own time and misleading you right up till the point of a meeting.
id give this one a pass OP, sorry :( | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:42:36 PM | | Nope I'm sorry but love takes time to cultivate and we fall in love with way more than a voice.A few years ago I would have said yes but after a bad experience or 2 I learned that being physically attracted combined with real face to face time and effort that's the only way love can grow there are no shortcuts. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 2:24:42 PM | Definitely put a limit on how long you will email someone before you meet unless you just want an online friend. So many reasons why someone doesn't meet you including, it is a woman, he is married, he is 500lbs. and sent you picture of a body builder in his 20's etc.
I think emailing can get you infatuated and want to meet the person irl, but I don't think it could ever be true love. How can you fall in love with someone you don't know how often he showers, if snores, if he has his own teeth, so many things you need to know. Some times it does work out when you meet.
Stay away from separated men. Check out the threads. Separated = married. Separated = baggage. Etc. | |
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| Can you fall in love over the phone?
Posted: 7/16/2009 3:17:48 PM | | Yes, and the human connection is far greater than the physical. The truth is, the things that make you connect are the strength you gain in opening up your mind. You're freeing yourself from needing a physical body to please your romantic pallet. | |
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