| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:03:39 PM | I have been dating this guy for 5 months. It has been one of the greatest relationship that I have ever had. He made me feel very special and appreciated all the time.
He called regularly and we always made plans for our next outings. He asked me to go to a family function at the end of the month and we made arrangements to do so.
Then out of nowhere....he stopped calling and is not answering my calls.
I know that he may be fearing commitment and he may need time alone or maybe he even wants to see other people....but how could he leave me just hanging like that??
Do men just stop caring so fast?? He should at least care enough about me to let me know that we will not be going to the family function and that I can carry on.
Why am I being ignored out of nowhere??
Your answers are actually proving to be helpful cuz you are a guy and in a strange way, I do get what your saying...about his avoidance being a clear answer...But, this is what I want to know....Why do guys break up this way....he left plans opened...he was happy last time I did see him and said that he would call me later in the week and then....nothing.....Even if he had a change of heart and wants to break up with me...I get that...why not say it?
Why do guys just stop calling, ignore and disappear...please enlighten me. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:26:00 PM | Because he's no longer into you. OP, we do not hang around with you during your dates so we don't know specifically if you did something that drove him away or whether he woke up with a revelation that he no longer wants a relationship with you. However, this much is clear: he just want to sever it right now.
Part of it is due to that if he contacts you, he thinks (a) there isn't an answer that will completely satisfy your need for closure so why bother and (b) it will just prolong the agony for you and him - it is like pulling off a band-aid slowly or quickly.
It's clear that he just doesn't want to talk to you about it. Thus, frankly I doubt you'll ever get an answer that will bring closure. If you keep thinking about it, this will just eat you alive from inside. Just move on. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:26:30 PM | Trust me- it's not just a 'guy thing'....
Most likely he found someone else or he has a 5-month limit on relationships....
If so...why make plans for the ending of the month if he was planning to disappear and why can't he tell me that he wants to see other people, or is not ready for a relationship and say good-bye....he knows that I ain't the type of girl that would blow up about it. I actually would wish him all the best. I just want to know whats going on....It's the not knowing that is getting to me. Why can't men just break-up? It's my first time that I have a relationship end on a total disappearance and silent treatment. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:27:42 PM | since you have 5 months of dating invested (notice I didn't say relationship), you are going to have to wait until he either decides to contact you again or you finally get a hold of him and ask what's the deal. a lot can happen over a 5 month period that could have triggered him to flake, if he has even flaked yet.
best thing to do is call and leave a message asking what's up.....then forget and go live your life, meet new people, show him that you havent made him your number one priority. if he contacts you...great, if not...well you're already back playing the field.
good luck | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:28:57 PM |
Do men just stop caring so fast??
Anyone, any sex, anywhere can do this.
Is it boredom? Is he suddenly becoming gay? Maybe he's jumping ship because he'd rather play online poker because women just don't rock his world? Is it another woman?
It's not a guy thing. It's not a girl thing. It's called "stopping". It just wasn't in your brief expectations, and it can happen to anyone. Take some time to gather your self esteem and slowly, surely- gain ground so you can date again. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:29:19 PM |
Why can't men just break-up? It's my first time that I have a relationship end on a total disappearance and silent treatment.
I really am sorry it happened to you. However, in the dating world, this is common so it is best to learn from it and move on. The important thing is that through such pains, we become stronger in ourselves as people - we become sadder but wiser people. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:00:14 PM | | He was bored you were their to fill the void, he said the family thing to buy more time and figure out how to escape without looking like a jerk, now he cant man up on using you so he is hiding like the little rat weasel that he is. just thank god you didnt have akid with him he would be hiding for the kid also. move along and a lessson learned about weasily men | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:29:33 PM |
Why can't men just break-up? It's my first time that I have a relationship end on a total disappearance and silent treatment.
it's very unfortunate that this happened to you. when it comes to the opposite sex, little usually makes sense. but like someone had already noted, "trust me -- it's not just a guy thing!" women also use this cowardly method all the time. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:37:44 PM | Kyerra[[[It's the not knowing that is getting to me. Why can't men just break-up? It's my first time that I have a relationship end on a total disappearance and silent treatment.]]]
Kyerra,
This happened to me too, but only one time. And it does suck. Don't beg him for closure or answers. Keep your dignity Baby, and move on. I know. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:47:48 PM | 1. Women do the "fizzle out" method just as much as guys do.
2. Usually it's to avoid confrontation with someone you don't care all that much about.
3. The notion that you would be less upset if he told you flat-out that he no longer wanted to date you is just silly. Sure you would get some closure, but it would not hurt any less.
4. There are almost ALWAYS signs that this is going to happen early in the relationship and it is seldom a spontaneous occurrence as is often described by people that go through it. They just choose to see what they want to see because it's such a "great" relationship in their mind's. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:22:18 PM | 4. There are almost ALWAYS signs that this is going to happen early in the relationship and it is seldom a spontaneous occurrence as is often described by people that go through it. They just choose to see what they want to see because it's such a "great" relationship in their mind's.
Golly gee...what are some of the signs?? This is a first and we seemed to be doing so good...mind you, I know that he is dealing with a lot of issues right now in his personal life that have nothing to do with me that could be added stress. I knew that we would not necessarily build our future together but I never though he was the type of man to drop me in this way. Give me some of these signs that I can learn from for future dates. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:25:41 PM |
I have been dating this guy for 5 months.
Hmmm, your profile here says that you're seeking a man for LTR but... mentions nothing about the relationship you've had for FIVE months.
Why am I being ignored out of nowhere??
I'm sorry, but you HAVE to know the answer to this. There HAD to have been something going on prior to him cutting you off. People who have been in a relationship for 5 months don't just break off communication out of the blue. Think hard now and I'm sure it'll come to you.
Yeah, just a hunch, but I don't think that we're hearing the whole story here... | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:26:34 PM |
...mind you, I know that he is dealing with a lot of issues right now in his personal life that have nothing to do with me that could be added stress.]
Ding! Ding! Ding!
OP, whenever guys go through stress in their personal, they go through periods where they reassess their life and where they stand in it. Unfortunately, he did the same, and decided that you wouldn't be in it. And in this regard I either agree with Casper4u - he "chickened out" by dropping you completely, or that he rationalized that it would be less painful for you if he just walked away rather than try to explain things and cause a stressful argument.
Time to move on. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:50:55 PM | | I can't possibly give you specifics given the number of different situations where this arises. All i meant was that people always say things after the fact which indicate obvious red flags. Perhaps he showed bouts of inattentiveness. Perhaps he wouldn't communicate with you for days at a time. Or maybe he had a habit of canceling on you. I really couldn't tell you anything more specific than that, but i can tell you there is always something there. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:23:17 PM | Oh my, what a scary picture you have painted, i.e. MAY be fearing commitment, MAY need time alone or MAYBE he even wants to see other people, why has he stopped caring, why am I being ignored, I think the relationship is over, we aren’t going to the family function etc…
As a guy in a “strange way”… good grief, I would first say that you seem to look into things wayyyyy too much and draw possible conclusions that may be unfounded (I bet you anything you have done that in the past many times) and, all of those conclusions you have made in the past were always the worst scenario possible BUT, you don’t seem to stop at the facts… and NOT think about what they MAY mean and get yourself worried sick.
So to give you a clearer answer for you, the facts so far are that you have gotten along with this guy for some time now, you have made plans to see the folks and, he has not yet confirmed the plans. The worst thing you could be 100% sure of right now is the fact that he’s slow at returning phone calls. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:24:23 PM | kyarra- I was told by by some men.... Quote: Men will just walk away and not say a word ( rude, I know) , but men say...its because they don't want to hurt you. I believe its a bunch of BS big time..... because we get hurt anyways, when they don't tell us. Its much easier for women to move on when they are told the TRUTH!
Guys/Men.... admit it, its the truth, you are afraid of saying whats on your mind, no matter what the reason is....But women do understand, better than you think.
Been there ! | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:35:00 AM | First of all it's offensive for you to say "do guys break up this way". It's extremely immature to paint brush all men because of the person you chose.
He didn't have a change of heart; this sounds like the classic internet thing; I doubt if you were the only one. I wasn't born yesterday and I know when something is'nt right.
If he stopped calling you it means he just wanted out and got sick of it. I'm sure he wasn't that into you but you are so infatuated with him, you made this fairy tale when in his mind it was a short episode.
He is a jerk for doing this; again, don't fall so hard next time. It usually takes a 6 months to a year to really see the good and bad of a person. | |
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| Why the draw back..please continue to enlighten me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:31:49 AM | Prylo[[[He's likely found some other women. Yes, some men stop caring fast, it's sort of like the whole post-orgasm thing where the guy just wants to back off a bit.]]]
If they stop caring fast, then was it ever really caring in the first place? I think it's often the chase. Men with overinflated egos seem to need to be in this constant persuit. Once they catch who they are chasing, it gets old quick, and they look for a new one. Sometimes it's because they are not into the woman they "caught" and other times, they may actually like her a whole lot, but that addiction to the chase is more powerful. I know women do this too, so I'm not male bashing here. | |
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