| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:32:14 PM | O.k. I've been seeing a guy on POF, for about 3 months or so. We talked on the phone for about 2 months --- then we finally got to see eah other. (YEAH!)
He's super sweet, and is just a wonderfull guy. We are not at the point of an intimate relationship yet. He says that he just wants to take time to get to know me better, get through his child custody thing, and take things slow. O.k. --- I respect that, and I'am supportive in his decisions.
But; he seems like he's scared of me for some reason. Like he doesn't want to show ANY affcetion towards me at all. He doesn't hug or want to cuddle up with me. And he's NEVER tried to kiss me at all. He kinda treats me like a BUDDY / friend.
I'am I pushing too hard? --- because I want more in a relationship with him? | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:36:06 PM | Never has the term "he's just not that into you" been more appropriate.
If 3 months with no kiss doesn't make you realize that, i have no idea what will. | |
|
| |
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:42:14 PM |
Never has the term "he's just not that into you" been more appropriate.
If 3 months with no kiss doesn't make you realize that, i have no idea what will.
i agree. if a girl is into me, i can typically expect to get a kiss on the first or second date. save yourself the time and heartache and move on. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:42:17 PM | You have to remember if he is going through child custody, he has also been through a nasty divorce. The last woman has probably ripped his head off and sh#t down his neck. took the house, his stuff and all the money.(and that was probably the nice stuff). All of witch have gotta sting.
He will enter a new relationship with caution. Some guys need to know that the feelings he is having will be reciprocated. Nothing like going in for the big kiss or hug and you get a pull back.
Try some very obvious flirtation (not too over the top) so that he is sure as to the level you are with regards to him.
And if he is shy but interested, jump his bones.
Good Luck, hope you got a match there. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:49:43 PM | OP, you mention he is in a custody battle. Does it follow that he is recently separated or divorced? Like, within the past year? How long was he married?
More than likely, he's holding back because he hasn't taken the time to reflect and heal from his last relationship. He's going to be guarded with his heart and feelings for a while.
Also, if he is in a custody battle for his child(ren), it could be that he is refraining from starting something either, 1) for appearances to the judge so as to not jeopardize his chances, 2) because he is taking his child(ren)'s best interests to heart and as his priority.
After three months, you should be comfortable enough to discuss this kind of thing with him. If not, well then, that doesn't bode too well, IMO.
~ds~ | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:05:28 PM | | The whole custody battle thing might be playing a part, I agree. If he's only separated anyone who happens to see the two of you together could royally screw things up for him. If he is facing a prickish enough judge, it could even cost him ever seeing his kids again. I would talk to him about it. If you've been talking for a few months you should have some rapport, so just ask. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:35:02 PM | No you're not. In fact, you're moving WAY TOO SLOW!
That is really, really odd. If a guy's going to be phone-friends with you for 2 months (wtf?), there is something wrong if he lives within reasonable driving distance.
If he doesn't want to hug or cuddle with you, but still LIKES to see you, that means he doesn't want to cheat on his wife/girlfriend who he does not necessarily intend on breaking up with. Hence, he can only be "friends". He may be expecting that, but you want more, which may scare him.
If he's scared of you, he may NOT like to see you, but at the same time, it's his only source of company. Thus, he feels he only sees you as a friend.
It's screwball either way. Just cut and RUN!
| |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:37:37 PM | Timing. He needs to resolve the child custody issue, a fairly recent divorce, etc.
That's not to say that as he works thru these issues that he won't find a place in his
heart for you. The tendency when someone has recently divorced is to need space,
friends and not being in a significant relationship for a good year plus. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:43:52 PM | I for one get the feeling that once the “child custody thing” is over, there’s going to be something else, then something else and so on and so on until such time as he really looks deep in his heart and realizes what he really wants… since it obviously is not intimacy.
The question is still, “What DOES he want”? Guess who you need to ask that? | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here? RESPONSE
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:48:34 PM | He was married for about 12 years --- Been divorced for about 11 years.
So; If he wasn't really ready for a relationship -- why was he even on POF anyway?
He got everything in his divorce , the house , car, he now has custody of 2 of the three children -- 2 are teens, and one of the teens is 17. The youngest barely wants anything to do with him. Although he's skeptiable -- if that one is even his.
Sometimes I think that he's just under pressure at this point -- is the reason why he is this way.
he's been to my home every evening for about a month now, (doesn't stay over.)
for just about an hour or so -- then goes home. He does make a point to see me almost everyday. I do adore his girls. And I wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt him or the girls in anyway.
the replies have been insightfull & helpfull ---- Thanx All.
 | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:00:35 PM | | Here we go again, if he makes a play for you he's a dog if he doesn't there is something wrong with him. Do you know what I think? I think he wants to get to know you better, and get his life a little straighter before he moves forward with you. The funny thing about guys is that if we aren't into you we just kind of go away. If he is taking you out on dates and talking to you, that would mean he likes you. It is obvious that he isn't into it for the sex. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:26:03 PM | | Usual problem with internet relationships, most people you meet are socially defective in real life and that's why they are on here to begin with. You can't be surprised when the person you meet doesn't act as in the way they type/talk. People rarely change, either get used to the lack of affection, confront him, or move on. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:47:37 PM | | You are spot on the money David! I recently had the pleasure of investing five months of my time and affection on a seperated gentleman who I was actually falling for, big mistake! I have learned my lesson and taken my lumps and now will listen to my intuition, the saddest part is he messaged a friend of mine on pof while we were "dating"... Live and learn, listen to your heart...rock on!! | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:01:04 PM | | Most girls will chicken out of meeting in real life, and most guys are playing up 10+ other girls. That's the internet for you. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:05:27 PM | | David, I totally agree with you. OP he sounds like he is not ready for you with many outstanding issues from his marriage...I recently had the experience myself with a man who had nothing but huge amounts of baggage, not in the least seperated in his heart or mind. save yourself time and emotional energy sister and get out of there, let him heal on his own....IMHO...ps...sorry to post in the guys forum! | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:09:18 PM | Give him a year and he will get over it........Until then, find someone else to enjoy.
Just my opinion........   | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:10:00 PM | | Kind of breaks the whole "sausage fest" atmosphere, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:19:30 PM | I can appreciate the situation of this person. It seems as though there are a lot of people advising you to be patient of his situation- divorce, kids etc etc.
I think the bottom line is if that is the truth and it is the divorce that is causing the stalling then he should have thought about that before he joined an ONLINE DATING SITE.
It's unfortunate that you found someone that you foresee potential with. You know what you want for your future. As difficult as it may be I would advise to move on. And he needs time to work on his issues before he begins dating. Best of luck. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:52:42 PM | pushing anyone into anything is surely to make them run.
seems you're stuck in the 'friend' mode for now. it's possible he'll change his mind but i'd move on and date someone else.
that's just a girly opinion. | |
|
| What an I doing wrong here?
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:04:44 AM | If I exhibit that kind of behaviour, I hope my partner will take the lead instead.
Maybe he's too shy or too careful.
He's been with you 3 months; it looks to me like there's some, "ritual," or other mutual behavior that hasn't happened, that he feels he needs to make him alright with moving forward with you.
I'll give you a scenario.. Some girls want guys to be forceful when they play hard to get. Are you playing too-hard to get, or is he not playing forceful?
I, for one, can't get anything done with a girl that says no and means yes... but that's just one scenario. | |
|
Home
login 
