| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:00:52 PM | ok my problem is i have dated a man and things have been going well then nothing, i was going out with him for 8 months, he met my little girl and my family, then he wouldnt call or answer his phone , then he would answer and say nothing is wrong and that he was just busy . then i get get fed up and push , and he says he cant commit and has always been a free spirit. why string me along . im open from the start , is that wrong . i wouldnt mind but its happened everytime the men befor was the same . any help would be great .
j x | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:06:45 PM | | Well they are attracted to you and like to spend time with you, but at some point it gets more serious and they backout, maybe because of the kid, just an assumption on my part.... | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:09:29 PM | It's not you.
Most guys are like that. Accept it. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:10:16 PM | | Answered your own question: "men before were the same"... your going for the wrong type of guy. Your a single mum which means dating becomes just that bit more complicated, having to work the child into the "dating deal" as such adds additional conditions when finding a good guy and you just havent found one willing to work with your lifes setup yet. Basically its the good ole "stick in there and keep trying "routine since this is going to happen to every parent out there after a good guy, gotta rummage through the crap ones to find the one that if you spit on and rub enough shines like a diamond. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:21:57 PM | | thanks for that , i will keep rummaging . | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:22:16 PM | Well, it's not entirely you, but obviously something is not clicking right here. He was wrong for stringing you along for so long; however, why did you have to "push" for an answer? What were you two discussing for 8 months? Did the conversation ever steer toward what he wanted out of life and what you wanted? How he felt about your daughter, or other situation in life? It's clear that some honesty and openness, or lack thereof, on his part was cause for the pain that you're going through now. But, maybe next time, a bit more "data gathering" on your part will assist you in assessing whether or not the person is in it for the long run, or only while the getting is good.
I'm not saying it was you; it's clear that you're honest and expect others to be. The world is simply not like that; therefore, you have to find ways to protect yourself against pain in the future. Ask questions. If the person runs away or feels like you're prying into his affairs for asking perfected valid LTR questions (if that's what you both are seeking), then may the wind be on his back, along with the echo of your words "hasta la vista." | |
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OKRob
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Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7 | |
| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:28:15 PM | | This little problem seems to be everybodies reason to post hear recently. For one reason or another they're loosing interest. Maybe they were just after a bit of a fling, maybe they really did like you but lost interest quickly. Not sure. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:31:09 PM | i wouldnt mind but its happened everytime the men befor was the same
Sorry, but I'm going to be different here and say that YES, it's you. I mean, the only common denominator is YOU. Whether it's how you choose the men you do or how you behave in a relationship, etc., etc., if it keeps happening over & over... its gotta be something that you're doing.
EDIT:
im not very good at talking , i think its cos im scared of getting hurt . but i get hurt anyway. i dont want to come over too pushy.
Huh? Since when is talking considered pushy? If you can't communicate with your partner, it doesn't bode well for the relationship - as you have found out. Perhaps you need to work on your self esteem and communication skills before putting yourself out here in the dating world again. Your present MO is obviously not working so, do something about it. Get some professional help/advice, etc. and you might be surprised at how much better things can go when you're able to communicate.
Good luck! | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:31:22 PM | | im not very good at talking , i think its cos im scared of getting hurt . but i get hurt anyway. i dont want to come over too pushy. but he didnt talk much as well. i felt somthing was wrong . think i need to ask more questions. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:49:20 PM | | When people try to hide themselves in silence there is no hope of getting to know each other. Being afraid of getting hurt is what a child does. An adult accepts the risk of disappointment and then if it happens, doesn't make a big deal of it. Your feelings are holding you hostage. Have some faith in your ability to be enjoyable and also in your strength in the event the relationship ends. Being positive and brave is what it takes. The other person is not looking for a scared child. They are looking for an adult who is going to stand up, step up, pitch in and have at it. Learning how to express yourself is as easy as asking someone to listen to you try. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 3:48:28 PM | | Probably not you. If this seems to occur frequently then that seems to indicate something may need to change. Pushing is bad. Never productive. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 3:59:50 PM | | probably not you , your daughter must have scared him off | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:01:48 PM | Sorry to hear that happened.
When a guy gets together with a lady, it changes his whole perspective. When he was single, the world appeared to be a meat market - all of the ladies were taken. Once he settles into a relationship, available women show up everywhere. I don't know how or why this happens, but I am in this boat right now. It is so ridiculous that I now know many wonderful, eligible women and very few guys to introduce them to.
It is a dirty joke of temptation played by karma, and it can lure guys away from perfectly healthy relationships lest they recognize what the meat market taxi ride has in store for them should they decide to board.
Being a free spirit, having your cake and eating it too, and sacrificing the win for more games is an exercise in life-long searching.
Personally, I don't think you are doing anything wrong taking the honest, loyal route. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:04:07 PM | When people try to hide themselves in silence there is no hope of getting to know each other. Being afraid of getting hurt is what a child does.
And THIS is why a lot of women are posting questions like "is it me?"
I don't think it's you persay, but if you give out signals that you're "afraid of getting hurt", it's exactly the same body language as "I'm not interested/I wish I was somewhere else".
Don't carry the fear. Be the ball. Sounds like you're doing ok...not really your fault. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:07:06 PM | Please note that since we don't know "you" specifically, we can only take hints from the information provided ... with that in mind, looking at your profile:
Age between 18 and 43
If you're skewing the younger side of that age range, then I wouldn't be surprised if they leave after being introduced to your little girl and family. They're probably not ready to settle down. Also, your musical styles somewhat hint to a free spirit style of guy.
Sorry, but I have to say it: if you leave cheese around the house, don't you think you're going to attract rats?
Beyond that, the only other questions are:
1) Is there something about your little girl that would scare them off? (ie. Is she a handful to handle?)
2) Describe your family. Are they fairly normal, or do they have signs that make people think twice when meeting them?
I only say the above since that is when he left, and after an 8-month relationship at that. Major alarm bells there - if guys are the bolting type, they are going to leave a little sooner than 8 months. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:38:42 PM | | Not really you so much, its people, when its "meet the fam" well it has a differnt feeling, now we're moving on to more serious relationships. Forward and onward, keep hunting | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:53:53 PM | | I think at that point, the guy should grow a pair and at least communicate with you what the problem is. Not doing so is kind of cowardly. | |
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jbroom
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Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| is it me.
Posted: 7/18/2009 12:22:04 AM | | i have gone out with older guys . the last was 43 , my little girl is very good no probs . and my family are normal as they come. maybe i need to go for the younger ones ha ha. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:16:33 AM | i'm in the same problem with a girl.
we mingle quite well and are a great match. BUT.... she always tends to have really bad timing with calling. and it would become quite annoying so i would sometimes either not answer or text back asking her to call another time.
being open from the start is fantastic! absolutely nothing wrong there..
definately a bad move by pushing. try not to be persistant because most guys would ignore you and put you in this same position.
start out with a daily text message and a call perhaps every 2-3 days, just so he knows that you are interested in him.
when he begins to call u frequently, that would be the time to give it back more often.
hope this helps | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:10:40 AM | | OP, it's not you. you just stumbled on the wrong men. | |
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| is it me.
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:43:48 AM | Not sure why everyone is saying " Its not you OP " !?
I met this baby momma. err Single woman with kids.
She was a lot that i wanted. But when it comes time for me,
She cant be there how i want her to be. When she says she
will come over she dont. Ever. Just no time with kids, work,
family.. So KICK ROCKS!@!!!!
But for you OP.
Maybe you didnt have enough time for him.
Maybe he felt like you was being negative about working relations
and maybe you told him " I dont want anymore kids " And he felt
like he would never have everything he wanted so he -
KICKED ROCKS!!!!@#~
So you might want to go back and think about what he wanted,
or your attitude about some things you THOUGHT he didnt mind
or accepted when he really didnt. So he gave up.. | |
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