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 good and busy
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 1
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turning into a bitch?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Last night I went out with a girlfriend. I was at the bar and it was crowded. The band was on a break. The guy next to me spoke to me. For some reason I said "Yes but men only think of themselves."
He said "Not true. I have a beautiful lady behind me....."
I looked at her and she seemed lovely. I wondered if he would think of her as being lovely if she didn't make enough time for him because of duty to her kids.

"Anyway, I was here first." I said although I think he actually was. When the barman came, the guy tried to order and I talked over him and ordered my glass of red wine.

The barman said " Whoa, settle down." but he brought mine first.

I went away feeling soiled, like I had lowered myself into bad behaviour.

Obviously, looking around there were some decent guys there, but I couldn't bring myself to be anything other than disdainful.

Because I don't want the racing pulse and aching chest when I get dumped again.

My health won't endure...I'll die from my heart being wounded too many times.
 chandlers wish
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 2
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 5:55:18 PM
I'm pretty sure that, that guy has heard this all before, a woman whom has been burnt and so turns on "men" in general.

If you have children and have been with a guy who didn't think you gave him enough of your time, you have to ask yourself, if you actually did put that effort in, or not..

We are all human, we all have had issues, broken hearts do you think that guys haven't been dumped? Cheated on? Hurt?

Sounds like you need to get out there and believe that anything is possible in life, and learn to love yourself so that you can receive it back.

I think "people" get "wounded" because they either continue to date the same type of personality, which got them into trouble in the first place, or " don't love themselves enough, ( I don't mean love in a way of up yourself), I mean know who you are and what you are worth and just be yourself.

We are always going to get hurt in life, nothing you can do about it, other than smile in the knowing that someone will see you for all you are, one day.

Don't judge.

Don't put "men" into a category, there are nice guys out there as much as there are nice women out there.

Work on yourself first sweet..... Understand that any relationship is a commitment and hard work and compromise and if you have someone in your life that can't do any of that, know it's not going to go anywhere and move on...

But don't judge them all... you won't get anywhere doing that and yes, you will just be cold and angry and take it out on every man and end up a lonley woman....
 good and busy
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 3
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:39:39 PM
Thanks, and Yep!......
 good and busy
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 4
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:44:13 PM
But don't you get lonely? I love male company....
It's not like I have nothing to do. I have too much to do.
But doing it on my own or with nobody in my head to think about in a romantic sense whilst being busy is really, really difficult for me.
I function best in a relationship.

But I understand you point about waiting until I'm over the past one!!
 Beachippy
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 5
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:49:04 PM
maybe you were bit "tense" on the evening.. the crowded venue, noise etc... don't sweat it.....

I'd have to read more examples of your slide into potential ****yness to make any firm decision on your question....

hey, next time out you might have a blast and meet someone you fancy.... who knows?.

chin up...
 debnco
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 6
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:58:38 PM
I function best in a relationshi.
There seems to lie your problem . I think you have to be happy within yourself before you can be happy with anyone .
I would love to meet someone special ,but I don't need someone to makeme happy .
Get out and enjoy yourself .Not all men are a$$holes just as all woman are not b1tches .IMO
 chandlers wish
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 7
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:14:23 PM
Lonliness attracts "anyone", really because you are so lonely and you so badly want a relationship so you "settle" and off course, that doesn't always work...

Debnco is right, you have to be happy with yourself, and you have to get yourself to a point where you don't "need" anyone but "want".. there is a difference.

It's good that you see that you don't "want" to be a ****, or turn into one, something triggered there.

It's also normal when your down and out and been hurt, to immediately attack, your vulnerable right now.

Get stuck into things that make you happy....
OUTSIDE (for the time being) of relationships.
 julianx
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 8
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:15:01 PM

But don't you get lonely? I love male company....


Perhaps you could try spending some time in the company of men without the expectation of any romantic involvement, to try and re-new your faith that we're not all b@stards.


But then again ignore me...I opted out years ago and now I dont seem to be at all keen to opt back in!


Pfft yeah tell me about it. I think this is the other side of the coin, if you leave it too long you forget how to relate in a relationship, and as Albert Camus said 'You can get used to anything'
 vanaheim
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 9
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:13:52 PM
Narcissistic, self centred, greedy, impolite, demanding, arrogant, dependent, inconsiderate, irresponsible and condascending, I haven't the slightest idea why you've been giving yourself bad experiences with men.
Perhaps you ought to change street corners.

Don't thank me, I'm here to help.
 dimeadozen
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 10
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:52:54 PM

Narcissistic, self centred, greedy, impolite, demanding, arrogant, dependent, inconsiderate, irresponsible and condascending, I haven't the slightest idea why you've been giving yourself bad experiences with men.
Perhaps you ought to change street corners.

Probably not helpful. Sometimes not being able to show care for other people's feelings, or otherwise see that everyone is a real person and should be respected, is a sign that we've got issues that haven't been sorted. We get so blinkered by concentrating on our own pain that we can become less of a person. Less than the person we could and should be in less stressful circumstances.

Bugging in at the bar and being rude and criticising fellow posters are examples of not really seeing the other person's needs. Being aware that you might have been rude is a first step. Knowing and not caring would be worse.

It actually helps you feel better to take your focus off yourself and help someone else, even if its a stranger.
 ~luvUlongtime~
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 11
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:00:59 PM
Narcissistic, self centred, greedy, impolite, demanding, arrogant, dependent, inconsiderate, irresponsible and condascending

^^^ Yes, that is clear, but what help is it to the OP to list your own personal behavioural problems?

There are good men in the world OP, and I'm sure you know this when you are thinking straight and using the rational part of your brain. All the common sense in the world doesn't help when in the grips of irrationality due to heartbreak. Just chill out and focus on your kids for a while until you have a grip on things. You certainly don't sound ready for another relationship yet.


I opted out years ago and now I dont seem to be at all keen to opt back in!


I feel the same way. But then again I've never been all that happy to be trapped in a relationship.


But doing it on my own or with nobody in my head to think about in a romantic sense whilst being busy is really, really difficult for me.
I function best in a relationship.


I can't relate to this coz I find relationships annoyingly distracting while I'm busy doing all the stuff I have to do. I'd like to keep a man locked in a cupboard for when I have time or are in the mood for one... or for when the lawn needs mowing.


Perhaps you could try spending some time in the company of men without the expectation of any romantic involvement, to try and re-new your faith that we're not all b@stards.


I love this idea! This is great advice I reckon. I'd love to find me some platonic male friends that are not utter poo-heads. They are rare, but they are out there... I just know it. I can feel it in my bones. My bunions hurt some mornings and I'm sure that's a good sign.
 Naamah
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 12
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:40:58 AM
Pushing in at the bar and talking over people is considered rude??


OP I wouldn't beat yourself up...I agree with Chandler's Wish and Dime in that the fact that you are aware of it shows that the 'you' that you normally are and would like to be again, is still in there somewhere despite feeling pretty hurt. Your breakup was pretty recent I am gathering. For the guy at the bar...a momentary event that he'll probably have forgotten long before you do, unless he is the type to come on PoF and start a thread about why do nice guys finish last. Given that you are unlikely to ever see him again and therefore unable to apologise, perhaps you could go out and do a random act of kindness for another stranger...to make it up to yourself and get your sense of equilibrium back, more than anything else. You've probably got enough emotion churning without adding another wine glass of guilt to the mix.
 Prakticle
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 13
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:28:28 AM

"Anyway, I was here first." I said although I think he actually was. When the barman came, the guy tried to order and I talked over him and ordered my glass of red wine.


Really don't sweat this, it happens all the time to guys.........he probably had a good laugh about it and has forgotten about it. If he hadn't he would have hit you with a bar stool (woops wrong bar)

You really do need to back off for a while and focus on yourself though, given this and other threads, there are nice blokes out there but if you are always on edge you will only attract the vultures
 missfee1
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 14
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:36:18 AM
Okay - I'll say it - you were a **** & u were pissed off- shit we all done it - plenty more fish in the sea my sweet - so get the rod out again - opps so to speak .........
 vanaheim
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 15
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/18/2009 3:55:38 PM
Meh, just exercise some self discipline at all times, no excuses or get used to the mirror. I held it up a little earlier. Apparently it was an offensive picture (sure go ahead and shoot the messenger).

Everybody has their reasons, rapists, murderers, abusers of all description. Parents wack their kids because they won't shutup, then talk about how stressed they are that day. Well thanks say the kids, now we're older than before, appreciate it.

Please by all means wreck somebody's good time at a bar. Don't feel bad when I wreck yours here. You had your reasons, I had mine. I'm a shining example of pure goodness under stress, just like you.

Except...I feel good. How are you feeling?

Grow up. You don't get to slap the world and then claim sensitivity. Just as I'll take every forthcoming insult for giving you the tough love treatment right on the chin, you go ahead and lap this up lady. You are responsible for every feeling you have, and every limited perspective it demands of you.

You did something wrong. Your behaviour was and is wrong. You don't get consequences as an adult, you are the consequences. Change or don't, whatever. But...you don't always get kid gloves either. You're an adult, remember.
 good and busy
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 16
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/18/2009 8:54:08 PM
Ha ha ha!! I'm laughing, seriously.
At least I don't slap my kids.
Mostly I treat everybody with the utmost respect, as I do myself, except when I do something like that at the bar, which really wasn't that bad anyway. I feel reasonably ok about myself.
Thankyou for reading my post. I read your reply. What does it say about You I wonder? A hard man. You don't take any crap. But its a hard world and you are telling me I'm living in it and I need to take responsibility for my actions.
Well I do. I also forgive myself. I am being gentle with myself (taking advice of some understanding posters on here) because if I don't nurture myself a little, who will?
I am an isolated little island of misery and hope. Gaining brittle strength by talking to my invisible friends on POF in the absence of other friends in the real world.
 concreteboots
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 17
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:36:38 AM
If i was an isolated little island of misery and hope ,i think i'd be looking at the possiblities of having depression.YOU GOTTA SMILE
 ~luvUlongtime~
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 18
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:27:52 AM
I was listening to Pink's 'So What' today in the car and related it to the OP's experience at the bar. 'I wanna get in trouble, I wanna start a fight'. Pink is pissed off and unapologetic in that song. I got to thinking about how so many women I know love to relate to the attitude of 'fuk you' that some of Pink's songs have. She's like a feminist icon of rage, somewhat like the Helen Reddy of our times... "I am woman, hear me roar!". (But she's cooler, and with a better fashion sense and hairstylist.)

I reckon if you're in a 'mood' about the sub-human, poohead males of the world, it's great to release one's inner 'Pink' bits. Listen to lots of Pink, be unreasonably rude to men (they'll put it down to PMT anyway and instantly dismiss you as a nutter... which to me seems fair, coz people with an attitude problem and a chip on their shoulder are bl00dy annoying really) and let out the inner b1tch once in a while. When I'm in a mood like that, and I am out at a bar, I tell every man I chat to that I'm on day release from a high security psychiatric ward. Actually, I do that when I'm out and I'm not in a man-hating mood too, come to think of it. I think I just enjoy messing with their heads, it's the only fun thing to do at a bar really (apart from tearing up drink coasters due to the mind-numbing boringness of being at a bar).

Anyway, you go girlfriend, OP. You rock...

Disclaimer: I don't really hate all men. Some of you are quite... bearable.
 lok
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 19
turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/19/2009 4:49:15 AM

Last night I went out with a girlfriend. I was at the bar and it was crowded. The band was on a break. The guy next to me spoke to me



theres your problem right there.. pubs and serious relationships dont match... pubs are for last call drinks and beer goggle pickups at closing time.. it'll only end in heartbreak..

you want a serious relationship , you become friends , and keep it like that for a while.. and if dating , dont let them have a home run on the first date , unless thats what your wanting..

I've rambled enough , its late , im exhausted , and dont think im making much sense right about now purple monkey dishwasher

Lok off ( to bed )
 Beachippy
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 20
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/19/2009 5:29:02 AM
as you describe it... everyone else was "calm" it seems.... in a busy situation...

the guy had his GF there, so he was showing his better self.... the barman was obvious to the situation and sorted your drink first... with an apologetic wink to the other bloke no doubt...... who may have rolled his eyebrows or shrugged his shoulders....

the smooth path..... tranquilo....

the venue sounded OK....
 good and busy
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 21
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Posted: 7/19/2009 6:34:14 AM
Venue was good. Maybe bars, pubs and clubs are popular because they allow people to get together., to let their guard down, dance. I don't see them as being exclusively for smutty cheap types. They fill a need for anyone with otherwise limited avenues for meeting new ppl.
I admit they are sometimes boring. Depends on my mood.
This place had many over 35's dancing, enjoying. Mainly women on the dance floor and guys at the back. Alot of the women looked like normal, good women and mothers, out with their girlfriends.
In fact I met some new friends and we had coffee afterwards.
No hanky panky at all. My choice....
 djrdx
Joined: 7/22/2004
Msg: 22
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:23:53 PM
where was this?
just so we know where not to go :P
 good and busy
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 23
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/20/2009 5:33:08 AM
Well, I wouldn't give that away.......
 djrdx
Joined: 7/22/2004
Msg: 24
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/20/2009 5:33:52 AM
eh well, at least it wasnt me behind the bar...
 mmmnicky
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 25
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turning into a bitch?
Posted: 7/20/2009 5:55:01 AM
its called...... counselling

u seem to want help but forums arent really the place in my mind.. this isnt a topic where a question is posed but a poor me.. sorta thing.. and i dont mean to be mean but.. we all got our griefs.. some just the same as urs..

the difference is in how u handle it. and i would say a good dose of counselling might help ya.. try it. (said nicely)
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