| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:09:08 AM | so i met a very very nice guy (so he seemed at the time) off of this website. i have online dated before so i thought i was getting good at weeding out the bad ones and i felt comfortable enough to give him my number and everything so we could spend some time together and meet up. i spoke to him up until the morning of and everything was still a go for last night. then when six o clock came around and he still wasn't answering his phone and hadn't called i kinda figured something was up. i call again at 745 and again at 930 realizing that salvaging a date from this was hopeless and that he is not going to call me.
so my question is why lead me on??
we obviously had chemistry, i am not scary looking or anything and i really thought we hit it off. so why stand me up? and also why not leave a text or something like hey i cant make it tonight.?? that would have hurt way less. if you guys could help me understand i would totally appreciate it. thanks!!! | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:17:46 AM | OP. my condolences. maybe it's because you're a Michigander. I'm just kidding. just trying to make you smile.
you know, you're situation is not isolated. This has happened to many women and men on POF. they ask the very same question.
now, to throw a question to your question: in the real world, one can meet somebody for less then 20 minutes (of course both are attracted to one another), get each other's numbers, schedule a date for the next day and follow through with it.
Why is the Internet dating thing so complicated? | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:18:40 AM | i think the guy may have been just an ass. i read in your profile that you do not like being stood up and i guess he wanted a laugh.
there are so many people that just like to piss other people off and well to make things short i guess he just decided to play instead of play ball. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:20:46 AM | you make a very valid point.
in answer to your question in relation to me i online date because its easier for me to get a feel for what someone is about sometimes. but then again its a catch 22 because they might not be honest. (and they usually aren't)
and it shouldn't be complicated. you would think, cute girl, cute guy, go on date, easy.
and thanks for trying to make me smile. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:22:18 AM | i didnt think of that either crisscrim.
ugh this is gonna sound stupid but the optomist in me is like but he was such a nice guy he proly had an emergency.
men suck sometimes. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:22:42 AM | Several reasons:
1. Married and couldn't get away or even use his phone.
2. Something better came up and he was just to plain stupid/rude to consider your time and let you know.
3. Fell asleep and just sleep through the entire evening, woke up at midnight and was to embarrassed to tell you.
4. Gets his kicks asking out attractive women and standing them up. I know women that do this for sport. Ask a guy out, have the guy show up at a place and the girl and her girlfriends sit in a corner somewhere to have a good laugh standing the guy up.
It happens to the best of us. Please don't let it get you down. I actually had a chatted with a woman 2 hours on yahoo IM before I headed out to meet her and she stood me up. She told me everything was on schedule. I sat in the bar 2 hours before I gave up. Drove for an hour to get to the bar. Couldn't reach her on the cell. Got a text the next day saying she wasn't feeling well. Why couldn't she tell me on IM she wasn't feel well before I drove 60 miles to meet? God only knows.
Just know it was good you found out about their character before you invested any time on them. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:27:31 AM |
ugh this is gonna sound stupid but the optomist in me is like but he was such a nice guy he proly had an emergency.
Sorry, sending a text saying "can't make it, something came up" or I don't know, PHONING YOU could have done it. It's year 2009. If you are dating, you should have a cell phone.
Sorry, epic fail  | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:30:05 AM | capricorn thankyou for making me feel better.
see it helps because ya know how it is when it happens, you feel like god this must only happen to me.
people are just ridiculous. i am sorry about your date, this guy lived pretty far to. i didnt drive out there because i didnt want to get stood up and be lost in the middle of nowhere. she should have told you the night of but guessing from her text the next day she obviously had no intention of it.
once again i hate being optimistic but he has an on call job. not that there is any way of really knowing whether this is his job, but he gets called in and has to go. now i dont think this is the case because POF says his last login before 1254am was 745pm. so i am guessing he stood me up for sport. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:33:14 AM | | I have to agree. There was nothing to stop him letting you know if he had am emergency. I would always do so. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:12:45 AM | HE did it because
A) He found something better to meet that night
B) He didnt find you intresting enough to meet
C) His girlfriend/wife didnt leave for the weekend
D) Lying about what he wanted, and figured out you probably werent a slut. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:58:48 AM | | Op ........... I'm sorry this happened to you but I think this guy was playing a game. Like one poster said you have written being stood up on your profile is a major thing you will not tolerate. I think this person read that and did it out of spite. How some people can be so very rude and cruel I'll never understand. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 3:04:33 AM | Sharlena
How on earth do we know why he stood you up? I could think of a hundred reasons
Who the hell knows?
You made a post about this silly stuff? ugh | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 3:41:19 AM | | This happens all the time. I'd never been stood up in my life before doing the online thing but it goes with the territory. The sort of person that does this is just rude so why worry about it. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 5:02:58 AM | Hey OP..my sister was on here and she had a date all set up. She had been talking to this chap who she really didn't find attractive but his words were something that made her go..."hmm interesting guy I would like to meet him". She told me she talked to him for over three weeks, e-mails, texting and so forth.
The day of their meetup...she gets and e-mail right before the date
he tells her she is a fat cow and he would never go out with someone as ugly as she is
First of all she is gorgeous so that wasn't an issue with her but she called me all confused wondering how a man with such a wonderful mature outlook on life turn into such a jackass?
I had no answer...honestly, I think there are some people who are just plain mean and cruel and they love to set you up for a fall.
Don't let it define you...somebody said that on another thread...I have adopted it as my new saying too! | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:04:16 AM | thanks for all the responses guys.
i know there really is no answer and the obvious reason is to assume he is an ***hole.
i simply posted this because i wanted everyone else's views on this because i have never had this happen and needed a second opinion.
i appreciate all of them. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:21:07 AM | | Why is it hurtful to someone who has no connection to you.. and why do you become invested in something that isn't .. you feel hurt because he didn't show.. be glad that the loser showed who he was on the first round and that you didn't waste any more valuable time with this nit wit. Why does some idiots behaviour hurt you....? an idiot is not worth your time let alone your emotions... you need to get a grip on your values and value here, if a guy doesn't show .. you don't call him.. he already proved who he is .. why do you need to call him... he is a loser, and he showed you exactly who he is. Never ever call a guy to see if he is on for a date.. if he shows up he is a man .. if he doesn't he is a loser.. you need no further proof or any investment in his sad sick life. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:22:52 AM | Just a small sidetrack to ~capricorn40~ and his comment that we should have cellphone. I refuse to have one. I have managed over 60 years without one and have no intention of starting now. 
But on the subject of being stood up. It can only happen once (well with any one person anyway) and it tells you more about that person than even 5 years of internet, telephone or even snail-mail contact.
Just be  that you found out, and move on. Your previous summary of the lady (or gent as the case may be) was wrong. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:40:17 AM | Was he a white guy?
Maybe he got shy and scared he wouldnt know how to act around you?
If black guy.. Yeah, his baby momma wouldnt let him leave. hah | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:41:52 AM | .
OP, Unless he was in a COMA, held hostage, or kidnapped by aliens, there is no reason for not letting you know he couldn't make a date. I assume he didn't call you later to apologize? As several posters said, be glad you dind't invest more time whith that azzhat.
There is likely nothing you could have done to make the outcome different, but a word of advice; I hope this never happens to you again, but if it should, make only ONE phone call.
If he was someone who was getting a charge out of hurting you, don't give him the satisfaction.
If he had a real emergency, one call tells you were concerned, more could look like you were so p*ssed he figures he blew it and since it was the all important first impression, he was out of luck.
More than one call could make you look demanding or needy.
We've all had this experience and it's never pleasant, just have to move on. 
Namaste,
Ginny
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:55:19 AM | for irishgod - he was white actually and i am pretty sure it had nothing to do with nerves judging from the texts he sent me.
and to miss hi i am ginny- thankyou for the advice.
ya know in the back of my head i was thinking dont call but then it was conflicted with but he is a nice guy proly having an emergency. so i let it go. but after the second time i pretty much knew, and i even said in the voicemail there is no excuse you could have called or texted. well i know for the future what not to do. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:07:37 AM |
Just a small sidetrack to ~capricorn40~ and his comment that we should have cellphone. I refuse to have one. I have managed over 60 years without one and have no intention of starting now.
I don't want to hijack this thread and I take on board what you are saying.
Having a cell phone can be nothing, but a plus. My phone is a pay as you. I only pay for what I use. I think I've topped up my phone maybe 3 times in a year.
It is only really for emergencies or when getting stood up in a date 
Seriously, it's saved my bacon so many times while traveling.
I slided my car in a ditch in the middle of nowhere in Germany during the winter. Using my Sat Nav I was able to direct AA to where I was over the phone.
If you are full blown in the dating world, I think if you are meeting someone and you get involved in 6 car pile-up in the highway, what better way than to tell your date you are going to be late?
YMMV, but give it food for thought. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:56:31 PM | Hi Sharlena:
I am sorry to hear about your experience; perhaps he had a legitimate excuse, and perhaps not. You are definitely not alone. I had a similar experience...
I talked with someone several times and we agreed to meet for coffee, but he never showed at the café. The next day I asked him why he did not show and he said it was "to get back at me." (The first time he messaged me, I told him that we did not seem to have much in common...however, after a few messages I began to think that was a good thing, so continued talkig with him). He no-showed to get back for that initial "rejection." Kudos for the guy for being honest as to his reason for standing me up, I suppose. lol Needless to say, I ended our exchange.
In any case, I do think it is a common experience with on-line dating. So, if his excuse was not truly sincere/valid, think of it as an experience and just move on... A beautiful woman, smart such as yourself should have no problem finding someone sincere. | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:07:38 PM | )i think the guy may have been just an ass. i read in your profile that you do not like being stood up and i guess he wanted a laugh.
there are so many people that just like to piss other people off and well to make things short i guess he just decided to play instead of play ball. )
HE IS A JERK AND AN ASS.....I have had this happen to me also. Mostly these men think they're "all that" and they really are not | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:43:00 PM | You're reading way too much into what went on with you TALKING to him.
You didn't meet him, you talked or texted with him. You don't call 'chemistry' talking on the phone with someone.
If you're going to do internet dating you're going to have to change how you look at things.
Be thankful you found out right away that he's a loser. How can you let a person who you have never met hurt you? Why are you giving your power away? | |
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| stood up on my first date.
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:43:17 PM | Sorry to tell you this, but there are people on here who have no intention of going out. They are just here for kicks/laughs.
Generally they have rocking great bodies, in skimply swim suits, pictures they they found on the intenet.
Of course, some put pictures of their expensive sports car.
Then they say they are rocket scientists, or doctors.
Finally, they just don't turn up.
(If a guy sees a profile of a 21 year old model who likes older men, he should be careful. It's probably a 14 year old pimple face boy.)
Ketch | |
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