| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:23:10 AM | | Alright. I've been reading a moderate amount of threads, and chimed in on a few, and it seems to me that there is a need to be addressed. There is a group of people in THIS VERY FORUM that seem to be passive/aggressively partaking in some interjections. You know who you are and some of you know of whom I speak of. This is just the truth... you're not helping. If anything, your frustrating people and driving them away from a forum built to be a support group for single parents to share in their joy and pain. I see, and respect by the way, some of your opinions. However it's getting to the point that full blown arguments are breaking out and battles are being waged, whether recognized by the posters or not. If your purpose is to spread the word on the negative impact of sex before marriage... your obviously in the wrong forum. You might find better opportunities in the young adults/teens forum. Everyone here (I'd hope or why are you in this forum) is or was a single parent at some point. Advice is a beautiful thing and opinions of all sorts have a place in this forum. I think everybody can agree with that or we wouldn't be reading or posting here. The issue is when it becomes problematic to those in want or need of support. We should be here to support and help each other not just as single or former single parents, but as human beings. I'd ask if your going to give advice or state an opinion, please do so tastefully. You probably don't care what we think, but I suspect you do because you read and post. We've had are children and we're making the best of it, good times or/and bad times. None of us can hop in are time machines in the backyard and go change things really quick and hurry back to the present to make sure are dinners aren't burning. It's done. No one, I think, wanted or planned to be single parents. We move forward and love are children the best way we know how. Please try to be a bit more understanding of people's feelings. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:38:11 AM | ****STANDING OVATION********* 
Its about time someone said something - how long they will let your post stay up I dont know - but its a POSITIVE POST - as far as I read which states things that REALLY NEEDED TO BE SAID!
I have seen women say things similar to this - and they were dismissed as bitter b*****s or people drowning in "self pity".
Maybe - just maybe - they will respect the words more coming from a man.
Thank you Suga - thass church!
I wish you well in your endeavours here - and in life.
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 5:42:17 AM | | Unfortunately the people that rub you and many others the wrong way are not going to listen to what you have said if this remains alive. As a forum participant, you have the ability to recognize them for the bitter people they are and to speak up if they are beating people over the head on a particular thread, which is more productive than a blanket admonishment. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 5:50:59 AM | | I think you're right, packagedeal, and I agree it's unfortunate. The OP makes great points. I've been guilty of venting, but I've deleted my own posts the couple of times that I've done so precisely because I realized that they weren't going to help. I only started reading this forum recently and it is distressing at times to have to wade through the negativity to get to the genuine advice. But sometimes, that's the price you pay for free speech. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 6:00:13 AM | I usually either ignore those people or just sit back and watch the train wreck. They're just people who need to tear others down in order to feel better about themselves. What other purpose can insulting single parents serve?
I agree with the OP. There are more appropriate forums for them to pursue their political / social agendas. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 6:40:25 AM | Great Post perfectcell.
Most of these people who start bashing others are stuck in the past and are bitter about their current lifestyle. I am with Ontario Woman, I enjoy just sitting back and evaluating some of these "train wrecks" and I have to wonder what it was that made them so bitter and angry. I am a single parent and I enjoy every minute I have with my son, I am trying to obtain custody of him to protect him and raise him to be a good person. The ones who bash, to me, seem like they weren't so lucky and have made too many mistakes in their own lives to have that kind of joy.
P.S. I do not go back and forth arguing with anyone that tries to tear me down. I know exactly who and what I am and if you try to tell me different, I won't bother to get into it with you!
Kudos!
Silverz. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 6:45:55 AM |
Please try to be a bit more understanding of people's feelings
I understand where you're coming from....
However, in a lot of cases, people reply to threads with what they feel is appropriate...
I got tired of seeing so many postings bashing men for being shallow, insecure, immature and selfish for not wanting to date "single moms"... at the same time, none of them seem to want to acknowledge that for the most part, they got in this mess because they didn't think...and even worse, some of them didn't think for the second and third (or more) times... so maybe making some of them stop and think might do some good... and maybe, just maybe improve the situation. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:18:39 AM |
There is a group of people in THIS VERY FORUM that seem to be passive/aggressively partaking in some interjections. You know who you are and some of you know of whom I speak of. If you're going to call people out, then call them out. Being coy and vague about it is passive-aggressive on your part.
If you're talking about the futureshock/bosox brigade, they're all incarnations of the same person anyway. But he/she/they also aren't interested in the support or advice you're trying to shame them into, so your "showdown" = fail. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:21:42 AM | Disagreeing is not tearing down.
There are many people in this forum who want to do nothing more than have everyone feel sorry for them and tell them it is okay to blame everyone other than themselves for the way their lives are.
Some people are really doing things that will negatively impact their child.
I came to this forum when I was bored. I joined in the conversation because I thought I disagreed with one of the people you were talking about. I ended up agreeing with her. What does that tell you? | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:30:33 AM | " none of them seem to want to acknowledge that for the most part, they got in this mess because they didn't think...and even worse, some of them didn't think for the second and third (or more) times... so maybe making some of them stop and think might do some good"
No how in the heck can you make that assumption? You got a crystal ball or something?
Many women are classified as single mothers/single parents and are treated as substandard human beings yet NOBODY ever asks HOW they got that way!
There are many people who are raising children alone in the world unfortunately, and there are about just as many reasons for that to occur, not all of which happen to be the fault of the person with the children.
If your buddy told you his wife of 10 years took off with a drummer from a rock band and was last seen in Germany - would you look down on him for being there for the children? Would you say if he had just "thought" 10 years ago none of this would be happening to him?
If your neighbours husband passed away early in his life, would you call her an idiot for marrying someone who got sick and died, leaving her a single mother?
If your sisters husband of 7 years started taking serious drugs/drinking to excess , and chose to punch her in the mouth every morning all of a sudden - would you say she ended up alone with children because she wasnt THINKING - or would you encourage and assist her to take herself and the children to safety, and pray for them to be able to rebuild a decent life without fear of violence which they ALL deserve?
I happen to be classified as a single mother for the first time in my life - and I must say - I am not appreciating the connotations attached to that bs. I was a happily married woman when I had my children, and without speaking ALL my personal business I left my marriage for good reason and have been doing the HONOURABLE thing raising the children so they have some level of love and stability in their lives.
People who overcome hardship and manage the keep the family together as best as they can should be APPLAUDED - not judged, insulted, and dismissed.
Yes .. M CHURCH .. I believe its blanket statements like the one you just made that provoked this thread. But people who tend to stereotype others, and put them all into one basket on a glimpse --- also tend to be blind deaf and close minded - so unfortunately this thread may not translate or even apply to them in their own minds. .
WOW. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:46:28 AM |
Unfortunately the people that rub you and many others the wrong way are not going to listen to what you have said if this remains alive. As a forum participant, you have the ability to recognize them for the bitter people they are and to speak up if they are beating people over the head on a particular thread, which is more productive than a blanket admonishment. I agree with this. I don't think in every thread people are bashed, but it does happen. There are times when the past instead of the present is brought up to no avail. I have also doubted the truthfulness of some people to be proven wrong. Part of being human is making the best decision you can make. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:01:50 AM | Being negative and telling it like it really is are two different things. I'm not one to make comments such as "everything will be just fine" (when clearly that's not the case), I'll make comments based on what the OP has said and sometimes the things I say may not be what he/she wants to hear. That's life.
If you post here (or any other forum for that matter) you have to expect that not everyone is going ot agree with you. That's what a discussion is all about. It's not ok that everyone wears the same rose-coloured glasses, we're adults and have to be realistic about the adults situations we find ourselves in. Too many times when a person disagrees with another person, it's considered bashing... when in fact, your feelings are hurt and you can't handle someone who doesn't agree with you. Who's fault is that? | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:32:33 AM |
Being negative and telling it like it really is are two different things
A few weeks back... I posted a thread listing ideas to make it easier for a single mom to date... I put things in as creatively and helpfully as possible... such things as having a 'backup babysitter' and fallbacks, so maybe a date doesn't have to end if the babysitter cancels at the last minute... having a dialogue with kids before dating... etc...
IT GOT DELETED within hours... Says a lot doesn't it? | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:44:41 AM | Yes .. that was the point . .maybe if I flip the script you would see how ridiculous it is when you apply a stereotype.
At least you are sharp enough to have caught on .... strange though that is the only thing that stands out to you enough to comment on, that which was directed at your character, in a negative way.
Wonder why other people feel that way when you apply stereotypes to them?
Hmmmm ....................... | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:45:24 AM |
" none of them seem to want to acknowledge that for the most part, they got in this mess because they didn't think...and even worse, some of them didn't think for the second and third (or more) times... so maybe making some of them stop and think might do some good"
No how in the heck can you make that assumption? You got a crystal ball or something?
How....????? Well, maybe from reading threads like this one...
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12770197.aspx
Sorry, people who have kids, with drug abusers, alcoholics, cheaters, etc... are NOT THINKING!
and aside from this particular thread... look at the number of people who have more than one kid with the same abusive partner... or trade one abuser for another... | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:31:01 AM |
A few weeks back... I posted a thread listing ideas to make it easier for a single mom to date... I put things in as creatively and helpfully as possible... such things as having a 'backup babysitter' and fallbacks, so maybe a date doesn't have to end if the babysitter cancels at the last minute... having a dialogue with kids before dating... etc... What was the question you had in the thread? Advice threads are most often redundant or nothing discussable. I didn't see or read the thread, so no idea what it said, perhaps you can give that advice to someone asking a question about it, someone that is having a problem with it. I know I have been accused of something sounding differently than I intended. Although you probably thought you were sounding helpful, my guess is that you didn't have anything new there, no discussable topic, and sounded condescending.
But why punish everyone because you don't like 7 out of 10 people didn't care for what you wrote? Arguing for the sake of arguing can't make your life that happy can it?
When someone yells at you, you don't listen. When someone belittles you it hurts and there are no positive points received. It actually is counter productive to dwell on someone's past instead of what they need to do now or the future. They won't take the advice the same as you can't hear yelling. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:11:47 PM |
Yes .. that was the point . .maybe if I flip the script you would see how ridiculous it is when you apply a stereotype.
At least you are sharp enough to have caught on .... strange though that is the only thing that stands out to you enough to comment on, that which was directed at your character, in a negative way.
Bashing? Hmm.... | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:42:48 PM | | amazing how when these arrogant egotistical childless a$$holes who have no interest in becomming involved with a single parent what so ever can lurk in the single parent forums telling all of us who fall into the single parent category what sub-standard, undeducated, mindless, the list of insults could continue, people we are its "alright" but as soon as some start standing up to these idiots pointing out to them how ignorant and narrow minded and judgmental they are all of a sudden its "bashing" hmmmm indeed! | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:01:26 PM | Yet again another thread that has swayed in a thousand directions, but not addressing the OP's topic. M_church, how is posting a link to my thread pertinent to this topic? Your profile states, "I'm in a relationship... Not looking and not interested in going outside that relationship. In other words... I'm taken, occupied, involved, in love....
Just here for the Forums... and any free beer!". Are you an alcoholic? Perhaps your significant other was not thinking when she got with a verbally abusive person such as yourself. I've seen you (and others) verbally abuse people in these forums..directly or indirectly.
And you can't argue with jerks. People like this are narcissistic and manipulative. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:36:49 PM |
but not addressing the OP's topic. M_church, how is posting a link to my thread pertinent to this topic?
Well, if ou read the post I replie to you might know...
Are you an alcoholic? Perhaps your significant other was not thinking when she got with a verbally abusive person such as yourself. I've seen you (and others) verbally abuse people in these forums..directly or indirectly.
Typical... so you verbally abuse me to illustrate your superiority????
Let's see, a dig at me being an alcoholic... and that I'm verbally abusive with my siginifcant other...
Just here for the Forums... and any free beer!".
No, I'm not an alcoholic... but I do enjoy a few beers... Considering there is no free beer in a forum don't you think that more people could spot the irony of the statement?
I've seen you (and others) verbally abuse people in these forums..directly or indirectly. I don't insult the other people in the forums, and anyone who reads my postings knows this and that I don't like being insulted in return....
Beyond that, what do you see as verbally abusive? My pointing out my experiences? My pointing out the truth?
What does that say about someone if they are insulted by the truth...?
Here's an idea... why don't you try to logically counter my points... in other words...if you don't like what I say, prove me wrong... Insults really are neither logical nor a valid argument... | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:02:28 PM | I'm with Church on the beers. Sometimes I agree with him, though often I don't. Anyway this is better then my graduate research paper. Who the heck knew street lamps could be so complex.
On the topic at hand, I get bored when I hear the same argument repeated with nothing added. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:06:25 PM | | I don't think there's anything wrong with free beer. I mean, if it's Coors Light or something, then I can see having a problem with it, but in general, free beer is a good thing. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:12:24 PM | I've noticed a trend that in my opinion, the least logical, least educated people on here with the biggest entitlement mentalities are also the least physically attractive.
Yes, I went there.
Why do you suppose that is? I think that the correlation is fascinating. It's kind of like the old question of whether the chicken or the egg came first. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:20:23 PM | you make a good point soldierfalcon .... perhaps this is the very reason people like church are hiding behind their computer screen without so much as a display picture  | |
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