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 jerseygirlinchicago
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 1
why do guys ask you out then not show upPage 1 of 1    
i have had this happen a few times on this site. one guy called me 3x before i agreed to meet him for breakfast. he called the night before to confirm, then the morning of, he's supposed to show up at 10 am, never does, never called or emailed, to this day i still don't know what happened. i thought i saw him drive by because i was waiting out front and he kept going. i am guessing he chickened out.

another guy i had a date with did the same thing. we had gone out before, had a good time, he contacts me to make another date, never shows up, never called, emailed, still haven't heard from him a month later.

i just keep dating and moving on, but it does frustrate me that guys do this. why do they think it's ok to behave this way?
 ProdigalSon81
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 2
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:06:25 AM
It's frustrating, but I'm thinking the guy isn't worried about if it's ok or not and it's best that you didn't get any further with either of them.

Women do it, it's just finding the right one, which of course takes some doing.
 undulating
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 3
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:06:55 AM
Maybe they didn't chicken out. Maybe you look a lot better in pictures.
 newroads49
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 4
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:07:32 AM
What about the lady I was going to meet in March. We had talked by email and the phone about two months. It was a really nice restaurant that she had suggested. It was embarassing sitting there with her favorite bottle of wine for almost two hours. I did have a nice meal without her. She never called before or after. She never did reply to my emails or take any of my phone calls after than.
 UrbanFlavour
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 5
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:18:51 AM
All you can do is hope for the best and make arrangements to meet where you are not going to lose much if they dont show .. if this is what keeps happening to you. Apparently you arent the only one because i have read so many women claim this happened to them also that I actually lost a good date because of it!!!! lol

Allow me to explain .. I had made my first date with a gentleman from here who I had been speaking to regularly on the phone etc. He was someone I was interested in meeting all around - but life is really busy for me .. so it took me a moment to work it out and I was ready to go out and have a drink or whatever. I called him when I was getting ready to leave and didnt get an answer (he was in the shower) and as a result I remembered what all the ladies had said about no show guys ... and I made alternate plans.

He called me about 45 mins later wondering where I was etc ..... and I was already sitting down in a restaurant with others, ordered already, and it was a wrap.

He was very upset with me, he didnt say anything wrong, but I could hear it in his tone. I felt really bad. I wanted to meet him too - just remembered all the ray ray the ladies say in these dang forums sometimes and I never hesitated to move on when I didnt get an answer on the phone.

So while these forums may help - they sometimes can have an adverse affect as well. My nature is usually to give someone a decent leeway time to call back not just jump and do something else assuming he was going to be a flop - which essentially turned me into the flop.
Ugh!!!!
 SeinfeldFan1
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 6
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:26:11 AM
Newroads: Wouldn't it be weird if the reason she didn't show up was that she died or suffered some other horrific malady? I have a strange thought process sometimes.

The real reason people do the "stand-up" routine is, as Seinfeld said, "Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool. "
 jerseygirlinchicago
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:34:17 AM
quite the opposite. men i have had good dates with said my picture does not do me justice, that i am much better looking in person. so i tend to think that would not be the reason which still does not give this guy a good reason to blow me off other than chickening out.
 Steve_CHO
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 8
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:37:48 AM
Looking at the posts it seems like this happens with both guys and gals. People can be immature and rude. If it keeps happening on the second date then there is probabaly something to give the person "pause". Still, rude is rude.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 9
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:45:23 AM
OP, there really is insufficient information to make a determination. It could be:

1) He found another woman and started to pursue her instead.

2) He could have just "chickened out" - like you said.

3) He could have thought things over and figured that you really aren't the woman that he wants to pursue any longer. Unfortunately, sometimes guys in our demographics want to pursue younger woman because they think that it will recapture their youth, when it fact it won't.

4) He could have thought, "Man, my life is a mess," and concluded he isn't ready for any
relationship.

5) Maybe something happened in the last moment and was too ashamed to call and say why.

6) Maybe he is not who he really advertised who he was all of this time, and really was wanting to just talk with you than really meeting in person. Maybe he is ashamed who he is.

7) Maybe you said something during the last e-mail conversation (or telephone conversation) that just turned him off of you.

...

As you can tell, there are a myriad of reasons - but frankly, most of them boil down to one: they just weren't that into you. Yeah, it is much more polite to tell people up front that they are cancelling their date, but why fret about it. It is a part of the dating scene (I've had a few last minute cancellations/no shows) and it probably best not to worry about it and just continuing forward.
 jerseygirlinchicago
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:46:10 AM
sorry. i really thought it happened more so to girls but i can see i have to re-think this. it shouldn't happen to anyone. it makes you feel really bad when they have no feelings at all. it's not fair that the good person should suffer. i hope you have had a better date since then, you deserve it.
 jerseygirlinchicago
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:51:02 AM
hi sun devil: you make sense but the notion still pisses me off. i don't like people being so cavalier with my time and emotions. it takes me a long time to get ready for dates, i put a lot of effort into it. i could be a serious **** and post nasty stuff about these guys so other women see it but i haven't done that (yet). i have seriously considered it.
 Daryn
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 12
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:52:38 AM
I would think quite often its a matter of grass being greener, the idea of the date with the next lady might be better than the reality of the current one. We by nature and perhaps the reason we all find ourselves on PoF or places like it, just arent that good at meeting ppl and when we do not that good at following through.
 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 13
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why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:07:38 AM
Odd that you thought you saw him circling the block So many people are dishonest on pictures that I wouldnt get too upset and just move on....
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 14
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:54:33 AM

hi sun devil: you make sense but the notion still pisses me off. i don't like people being so cavalier with my time and emotions. it takes me a long time to get ready for dates, i put a lot of effort into it. i could be a serious **** and post nasty stuff about these guys so other women see it but i haven't done that (yet). i have seriously considered it.


Oh, there's no disagreement to that it is insensitive. The thing is this: the world isn't fair, everyone doesn't get what they deserve, and it is filled with insensitive people. We can only deal with the reality.

As for posting stuff about those guys, feel free to do so if you feel it will make you feel better. However, if you look at several thread on this board, you'll see that other women have already posted similar threads so I'm sure they are well aware that there are weasels out there.
 GreenSkyL
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 15
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:14:00 PM
Thankfully I have not had this happen to me. If I've gone out with you, thank you for showing up! LOL
I think it is pretty bad manners though, I wouldn't want to see the person again if they had stood me up, unless there was a phenomenal excuse.

I can't say why someone would set a date and not show up, I haven't been on either side of that. However with the second date... I would guess the chemistry wasn't there for them. People say "Lets do this again sometime" because they feel obligated or want to be polite. It's like saying "see you soon". I personally avoid doing this unless I would like to see the person again.

I would guess women are just as guilty as men, women just have less pressure on them to set another date because we often expect men to.
 horneschwoggle
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 16
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:34:13 PM
Some of the women I met on dating sites and lied about their physical appearance; later found that they were fugly...wished that I never showed up.
 silverz71
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 17
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:45:46 PM
I had the same thing happen to me. Made a first meet close to her place, talked 1 hour prior to meeting, get there.....Nothing. call her, no answer. Sent her an email...Nothing. She posted new pics of her on here and I'll be dammed. I feel much better about her not showing up. Her new pics makes her look like a little boy! I guess someone upstairs was looking out for me!
Don't dwell on any of the games people play. Chalk it up to a learning experience. I do.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 18
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why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/20/2009 3:50:58 AM
I was stood up by two different men two nights in a row from here. One had been sending me emails begging to meet me for four months!
It makes no sense at all to me.

The one that had been begging to meet me waited for a week after he stood me up, then sent an email saying "Where were you? I waited twenty minutes for you."

What in the WORLD can possible be in the mind of a person like this?
 oneofathought
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 19
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why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:06:46 AM
Been lucky, never stood up.

But guessing maybe they weren't who they portrayed. And seeing you as you realized their lie would not be well played by you.
 GMan85615
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 20
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why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:14:47 AM
The number one reason:

He's playing the "how many dates can I get agreement to" game, and is using false or misleading info to get the dates.

The number two reason:

He chickened out. Either just nervousness at dating or because the reality alla sudden gets overwhelming or he realizes he's just not in the place.

In the second case, yeah, courtesy would indicate a call. In the first case, expecting him to call or come clean would be kinda like putting up a sign that says "Please don't rob my convenience store."
 Tad85
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 21
why do guys ask you out then not show up
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:12:52 AM
I wouldn't be surprised if maybe he realy wasn't that into you in the first place, but since girls never respond to PM's he just started sending them out left and right waiting for someone to respond... Then you did so he went with it, but he was never realy feeling it. Who knows?
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