| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:50:58 AM | I am a bit out of my element on this here dating site, and its rather difficult to know a person when they are typing to you for first contact. I mean there is no facial expression, tone of voice, or animation of any kind - so interpreting meaning is often difficult for me for now.
HOWEVER .. if a guy has nothing to say but two words, or one sentence, he comes off as boring, or not interested (which makes me wonder why he sent me a note in the first place lol).
I dont want to excuse this away by saying that men dont converse well, or arent good at jkeyboard skills, or the millions of lame things people could say to explain that to me.
I just want to know - if someone sends me a two word, or one sentence email - and leave me nothing to really respond to, or if I have to keep thinking of things to say ... does that not indicate they are a boring person? Or am I too quick to come to that decision since I have never had the opportunity to be out in public life with the guy? | |
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Daryn
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Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 2 | |
| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:59:43 AM | | I too tend to be a bit judgmental when it comes to messaging. If the questions seem all one way or answered in single syllable answers, i lose interest. I make an effort to fully answer questions and ask questions in a manner to steer off into other conversations. If interest isnt shown i move on !! | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:01:22 AM | I don't think it means they're boring necessarily, but I can understand your frustration with messages of that sort...
I'm not often one to make first contact with other users, on sites like this, but when I do I usually write at least a few paragraphs, ask questions, talk about potentially similar interests etc.
Then again, it depends what you're using the site for, but I usually consider such brief messages as casual or not that serious. If someone's that interested, he or she should make a conscious effort to start or maintain a decent conversation.
The only thing that I would try to keep in mind, is that it is perhaps difficult for him to carry the conversation as well... not everyone has social finesse, and conversation is a two-way street after all. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:04:06 AM | | It would depend, if the profile had nothing but one or two lines, than that person shouldn't expect a paragraph or two coming to them. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:06:17 AM | To harsh? No not at all.
I am not sure I would class them as boring but certainly not someone I would like to deal with further. If they can't put a few sentences together to start the conversation in the anonymity of the internet, how exciting are they likely to be in real life.
The only way you would want to meet them is if they tell you quite a but about themselves over a period of a few days or a week. I mean I am all for brevity but two words or one short sentence?
Having said that though, I would have the good manners to reply and say, "I don't think there is a match for us, thank you for the email." Call me old fashioned. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:14:15 AM | Note to self: while I am finding out how to do quotes on forums, find the email settings that can restrict length of email!
Thanks gurl! lol You dont know how to fix a door frame do you? lol (kidding  )
Guys - really I am glad that most of you tend to agree somewhat - not that I need total approval, just wanted to hear from some men about their style of communication here. Two word emails are boring - I dunno - maybe the guy is speaking to many people at the same time and only has time to put two words and get on to the next .. but if he is that busy - why contact me! lol
I really think it might be the boring factor - its like when I decided i was going to change the style of man I was accustomed to. You know a fresh start n all .. and I accepted a date (in real life not from online) with a man who was completely different to that which I have become familiar with .. and I WAS IN A COMA WITHIN THE FIRST 10 MINUTES OF THE DATE!
Poor guy meant well, but omgoodness ... BORING! | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:45:30 AM | Really, the e-mail, "Hi," works for me.
Frankly, I don't normally read e-mails first: I go to the profile instead. If she has an interesting profile and I think she's cute, I'll respond. I leave it toward IM and phone conversation before making the overall determination whether she is boring or not. I do that since sometimes people have been interesting in e-mails but completely boring in IM/phone/in-person conversations. Thus, I imagine the opposite could be true as well, and I've got enough weeders in my profile as it is.
Hey, some people just aren't good writing e-mail.
edit: And are you being harsh? No, everyone has a choice of what they value. Could it be excessive filtering? Frankly, I don't know how smoothly it is going for you, so I can't make that determination. As for my situation, it would be excessive filtering. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:50:18 AM | Hmmm .. thats a different perspective too .. .have to think about that .. maybe a follow up with a phone call if I like the profile read.
Good idea - thank you. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:59:59 AM | what do you mean you're out of your element? just wondering?
anyway
I know what you're talking about.....I mean, it's better to have something to go on, rather than just a few words....
although, there are different things around that too. When someone is first contacting you...they don't want to say tooo much over type.
and, then again , some people go on and on and on.....which I can understand completely because I have a lot of trouble just shutting the fcuk up some of the time...
on the udder hand....some say a lot...with only a few words.....
some say nothing...you will have to decide if someone is saying.....'pick it up from here, urban, and run with it". or , if someone is saying.....'hey, Hi....Thanks"....which, of course....would probably get anyone scratchin their head for a moment or two.
I don't think that I'm boring for a second....and sometimes, I'm talkin in real life here now...so listen up...sometimes I can barely get out three words. It's mood dependent, ya know.....but at times like this, I'm pretty sure folks might think I'm a dolt.
you don't want to prejudge, Opie..that's the thing......
yet, you don't have to respond to anything that you don't 'feel' like responding to.
Usually, if you're sitting there 'trying' to make something up to say..that's gonna be clue...in there somewhere....know what I mean, bean?
regards
Kimbo | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:06:20 PM | I think that everyone is different re: their communication skills. Some people are excellent at communicating thoughts and emotions through writing. Some people have a lot of difficulty with this. I've met some people who were excellent at writing responses but not so great in person and some that were brilliant over the phone but couldn't manage a real life meeting.
Responding to messages/emails is both more and less difficult for me. I am a very open person and I have no difficulty expressing myself in writing. The key is that I enjoy writing. I don't think that I am always as good in person though. I am not shy at all, but when I first meet people I tend to let them do a lot of the talking. It lets me get a good sense for who they are. Of course this probably bores the sock off my dates though ;)
I don't feel obligated to give someone a chance if they can't reply with more than a sentence, I base a lot of my opinion of them on anything they have written, but if I like their profile I'd at least consider a phone conversation or a coffee. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:07:01 PM |
I just want to know - if someone sends me a two word, or one sentence email - and leave me nothing to really respond to, or if I have to keep thinking of things to say ... does that not indicate they are a boring person?
I guess it depends on the sentence. I've occasionally run a cross a profile that has something in it that makes for a great one-liner and in that case, it always works well. A one sentebce message that could be sent to anyone deserves to be flushed. So does any message that is more generic than your profile. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:14:14 PM | I'm harsh on boring profiles. My faves are those rife with cliche's, but no substance. I generally don't write to those, but in an effort to be less of a 'profile snob', I've lightened up a lot more than I started 2 years ago. Not all have the gift of gab, and I know at least some ladies I've written to have overflowing inboxes.
From my perspective, I wonder why I even bother to write well-thought emails to total strangers with so little to say about themselves...but I do, anyways. Sometimes, the best I can come up with is a gentle 'nudge' to fill in the blanks, but that's generally not well-received by the Ladies...
Out of the last 2 dozen initial contacts I've sent, 1 got a "Not interested", 1 got a polite response to a question (but no followup), 1 didn't like my 'nudge', and the rest....*crickets chirping*
Why DO I bother?
I'll tell you why...Hope.
Hope that I can find the words to break through that initial barrier that exists between people. Words alone are a poor substitute for good old-fashioned facetime, but that's the medium we have to work in.
So I write. With 2 fingers and a thumb...
How'm I doin'? | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:27:23 PM | Good conversation is a 2-way dynamic. (it takes 2 people, with decent conversation skills, putting in somewhat equal amounts of effort -----to make the conversation "flow" naturally)
Are you being to harsh?.. Probably not. A short response could be for many reasons (they aren't good at typing, they aren't a good conversationalist, they aren't interested enough to write more)... but in the end, you have to ask yourself: If they aren't going to put effort into communicating - then are they going to put effort into a relationship?... | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:51:22 PM | Urban.. I know this really won't address your exact problem, but it will kinda sorta shed some light on different types of people...
I've had emails from local woman that are "hi, what's up?", or "check me out, write back", and thought to myself... what a lame attempt at an introduction!
But the one segment of POF that never fails to give good email... are other forum members. No kidding. They're always verbose and never at a loss for words.
I'd rather have an email from someone in the forums than 10 from someone who can't put together a complete sentence.
JS | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:51:13 PM | | About 99.999% of the time, people will only respond if they are attracted to your pictures. Why bother writing anything with substance until you know the person is interested? People like to pretend a smart, funny, witty email will somehow compensate for a lack of attraction, but in reality if the person likes your pictures, they will respond regardless of what you write in the first email (short of being insulting/abusive). | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:55:28 PM | What you say in the email is 100% irrelevant. The only things that count are pictures, and the only people who will respond to you are those that find you immediately physically attractive.
Some of my best conversations have started by sending some chick an email full of dancing bananas. It really, truly, completely does not matter.
edit: Yeah, basically what he said. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:59:26 PM | it doesn't really indicate anything and do indicate everything! But what do you want OP, substance or something pretty to look at for a while?
Contacting someone and saying only a two sentence line might be caused by intimidation, lack of confidence, lack of communication skills, fear or rejection etc etc etc (now do you want such person?)
The trick lies in the way you respond; will create the motion, and if that motion is coming back to you again in two word, you know that you will not have any form of dialog with this person.(boring, uneducated etc etc can be the reasons)
If you initiate the message and this is the type of response you receive, then move on, as he is not interested. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:02:41 PM | I don't respond to generic emails. They just show how boring some people are.
This morning, I ignored at least about 5-6 emails with the same crap.
You aren't being harsh by not responding to generic garbage. | |
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| Am I being too harsh re boring emails?
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:22:52 PM |
I am a bit out of my element on this here dating site, and its rather difficult to know a person when they are typing to you for first contact. I mean there is no facial expression, tone of voice, or animation of any kind - so interpreting meaning is often difficult for me for now.
HOWEVER .. if a guy has nothing to say but two words, or one sentence, he comes off as boring, or not interested (which makes me wonder why he sent me a note in the first place lol).
I dont want to excuse this away by saying that men dont converse well, or arent good at jkeyboard skills, or the millions of lame things people could say to explain that to me.
I just want to know - if someone sends me a two word, or one sentence email - and leave me nothing to really respond to, or if I have to keep thinking of things to say ... does that not indicate they are a boring person? Or am I too quick to come to that decision since I have never had the opportunity to be out in public life with the guy?
Oh, who cares what you do? Do whatever you like. Either it will lead to happiness or it won't.
However, I'll tell you why I write two-sentence opening mails. I used to spend time writing long opening mails. I never got better or more responses. I wondered why. Then I found out. I wrote someone an especially careful mail message. I spent about 15 minutes on it. I was careful to include details from her profile. Then she wrote me back asking me how many women I had sent that "form letter." to.
F*ck that. So I no longer bother to craft a long email, as it will either be ignored or thrown back in my face. I think a lot of women here, and maybe you're one of them, are on this site because they like the attention. They feel flattered, but they actually aren't interested in communicating with someone. They just want to say, "oh, I get all these emails from these clueless men! Aren't I special."
Needless to say, but when I stopped writing elaborate initial emails, my response rate went WAY up. Because then I heard from the women who were interested in talking and who had realistic expectations that you had to talk to find out about someone. | |
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