| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:30:46 PM | | I recently met a guy that I went out on a first date on...we ended up having sex like three or four time and did not use a condom. Later I had a very brief discussion about using condoms with him and he was over fixing something for me and was in a rush to leave and I asked him if he had time to have sex with me. He said he didn't have a condom because I mentioned that it might be better for us to use one because we don't know where our partners have been (actually I was more concerned about his partners)... of course I had condoms and we did have sex. I find him attractive and have only known him for a week or two. I really have no problem that he does not use a condom but don't know him well enough to know if it is safe. I actually started having sex with a friend too but we use condoms. I don't like clingy men so I assumed men don't like clingy women so I am still dating other men, whatever hot guy that may come along and take it slow with all of them until someone gives me everything I need. I'm talking to the ex via email too. We have been broken up for three years. This guy I met seems to have potential but I really don't know him that well or if he is college educated or anything. I have a tendency to not ask a lot of questions to not appear so intrusive...and perhaps I may not be ready to jump into anything serious either. How do I go about finding more about him or should I just go along with whatever we have and go with the flow? He seems sweet and a total gentleman, however he is getting laid and how else should he be? I prefer having sex with him then my friend because he is bigger and he feels better inside me and he can be very charming and cute. And, I do yearn for a relationship but don't want to be in one with the wrong guy. My last relationship, with the ex I mentioned was for eight years and I had two rebounds and stopped dating for two years. Given the ex just mentioned that he has had a gf for two years I started dating again, well having sex again. It's great and I am enjoying myself but kind of new to the dating rules. Any suggestions would be great. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:39:07 PM | (actually I was more concerned about his partners)...
It seems that he should be the worried one seeing as you are doing 2 (if not more) guys.
You have already had unprotected sex with him, so if you haven't gotten anything by now then he must be safe. 
Just hope that you don't get pregnant and he runs for the hills. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:42:58 PM |
I recently met a guy that I went out on a first date on...we ended up having sex like three or four time and did not use a condom.
Nice. Now you think maybe should've used a condom? I love this stuff!
Hello? ...I wouldn't have sex without one, especially with a stranger (first date). | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:46:12 PM | I'm 35 and he is 40 and we both never had kids. He had a gf that lost a baby. Not sure how long they were dating. I don't need to be with more then one guy, nor am I one to beg for a man's attention when he has no time, especially when we just met. Once I start having sex, I just need it, it seems. So, as long as I am not hurting anyone, lying or cheating, I don't really have a problem with it.
I think I am going to explain to him that I have no problem with him using a condom as long as he does not have sex with anyone else without a condom, however, that may lead to him thinking I am not interested in any more but sex with him. Which I am not sure I want. I find him very charming. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:47:47 PM |
Nice. Now you think maybe should've used a condom? I love this stuff!
Hello? ...I wouldn't have sex without one, especially with a stranger (first date).
I know, not smart, but we were talking on the phone for about a week before we met up on a date. We had met at a bar/restaurant. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:48:41 PM | | I'm gonna open a can of worms here, but to be quite frank you're digging yourself a hole here and you reap what you sow. When I read this I assumed you were a flighty 20 year old until I read you are 35 years old. You seem to have absolutely no sense of responsibility to yourself or anyone else. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:49:42 PM |
It seems that he should be the worried one seeing as you are doing 2 (if not more) guys.
You have already had unprotected sex with him, so if you haven't gotten anything by now then he must be safe.
Just hope that you don't get pregnant and he runs for the hills. We had the unprotected a few days ago. We used a condom last night. And, I actually normally use condoms and he is the first one I have not used a condom with in a very long time. Probably after two STD testings. Therefore my question. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:51:57 PM |
I'm gonna open a can of worms here, but to be quite frank you're digging yourself a hole here and you reap what you sow. When I read this I assumed you were a flighty 20 year old until I read you are 35 years old. You seem to have absolutely no sense of responsibility to yourself or anyone else.
Hey, he is 40. However, he did think I was 25 when we met because I was out with a girl that was a lot younger then I was and he gave me his number before I left the restaurant. Yes, it is a little irresponsible but he we both were. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:01:11 PM | And, again...its not like we are not seeing eachother. He should be coming over later to fix a couple of things...and we will have sex again, hopefully a few times. :) But, it seems like guys don't like to talk about things and we moved far beyond the getting to know each other and jumped into having sex fairly quickly. I even missed a day of work and a conference call because I was so exhausted and was at his house all day.
I really don't know what the future holds for us, however I am at this point very attracted to him. I still talk to the ex and he knows this however the ex has a gf (but he is probably still in love with me) and lives on the other side of the country.
I want to have a conversation with him outside of us getting "hot and heavy" but it seems like he is really shy to talk about it. We don't even talk in length, he just says he understands. For a hot guy he seems really shy. Which I don't mind because I am comfortable giving hints or flirting with him to let him know I want to do the deed. :) But, I don't want to hurt his feelings and make him think that all I want is sex. I like him and hope he likes me too. If he had enough time for me and we were in a relationship and he was able to satisfy my needs I would not see anyone else. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:10:14 PM | I'm sorry, what was the question? He's not being shy around you... he's using you for sex since you already let him have it without protection with minimal effort.
And for the record, you don't ask a man to use a condom... you hand one to him and wait for him to put it on or you put it on him yourself. It's not a question. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:20:14 PM |
I'm sorry, what was the question? He's not being shy around you... he's using you for sex since you already let him have it without protection with minimal effort.
And for the record, you don't ask a man to use a condom... you hand one to him and wait for him to put it on or you put it on him yourself. It's not a question.
He is out right now and I am home. But, I doubt he is using me for sex. I want it more then him. I am more in my prime then he is.
I just want to talk about safety, regardless of whether we use a condom or not. He told me that he has not had sex for about four or five months. I have a ton of condoms. He doesn't seem to have any. If he doesn't sleep around and is clean I really have no problem having sex without a condom with him.
If he is actually using me for sex, I wish he could use me a little more. :) He's cute he gets real frustrated when he can't hold off for longer then he wants to and I have to lay there and not move so he won't cum.
I guess my question is how do we get into a conversation to discuss our ground rules. Its real convenient for me because he lives close by. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:20:44 PM | msrikki is right, as well as others.
Yes, he is 40, but you are 35, and both of you are old enough to live though the wonderful age of AIDS and STDs. You both are equally guilty of doing a very dumb act. You're both old enough to know better.
Gee ... how to get a guy to put on a condom if he is reluctant ... hmmm, how about keeping your legs closed until he puts it on, and tell him its going to stay that way until he does. We're not talking rocket science here.
edit: Wow! You want it enough to risk catching a like-ending disease, as well as the joy of an unexpected pregnancy. That's just desperation there. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:25:01 PM | Exactly Sun Devil! When presented with the option of wearing a condom or putting his clothes back on, he chooses condom every time.
But, I doubt he is using me for sex. I want it more then him. I am more in my prime then he is.
So he's not using you for sex because you want more from him? AAHHHHH!!!! It's women like you who make it so much harder on the rest of us! And he's got a premature ejaculation problem? And you are sleeping with 2 other people? Do the world a favor and take some time away from sex until you value yourself enough to use protection! | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:27:44 PM | Yes, he is 40, but you are 35, and both of you are old enough to live though the wonderful age of AIDS and STDs. You both are equally guilty of doing a very dumb act. You're both old enough to know better.
Gee ... how to get a guy to put on a condom if he is reluctant ... hmmm, how about keeping your legs closed until he puts it on, and tell him its going to stay that way until he does. We're not talking rocket science here.
edit: Wow! You want it enough to risk catching a like-ending disease, as well as the joy of an unexpected pregnancy. That's just desperation there.
OK...he is not relunctant, he has put one on when we talked about it. I asked when or how we talk about future sex and future protection. I'm not worried about getting pregnant but I am worried about getting a disease. He actually would accommodate me in anyway I would ask, for the most part. Your missing the question here.
I'm wanting to find a good moment to bring up the discussion, not asking you guys how to get a guy to get a condom on. That is simple and not the question, I was trying to ask...but more so my question is to have a discussion where we (I) can feel comfortable having sex without a condom. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:32:01 PM | | If you wanna talk about it just do so, waiting for the right moment may take awhile. When you see him again just tell him you wanna talk for a bit and just say it, shouldn't be too hard. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:32:03 PM | | I just can't believe I'm reading the post of an adult woman. So childish it's incredible. Get yourself tested for STD's. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:33:09 PM |
Exactly Sun Devil! When presented with the option of wearing a condom or putting his clothes back on, he chooses condom every time.
You guys are so single-minded...how difficult do you think it for a woman to ask a man to put on a condom. Not difficult at all.
The question is how to get into a conversation where we are comfortable and trusting of eachother enough to not use a condom? I'm 35 and experienced with engagements with men, however not the most sensitive at times. I don't want to let him think I assume that he is a total slut because he is hot and that we had sex so quickly. I go for years without sex and phases where I decide to give in and have sex. I basically do not want to hurt his feelings and have a interest in him and would like to get to know him a little better and vice verse. That is all. And, as far as getting a condom on a guy, thats no big deal. What was that middle school sex ed? | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:33:27 PM | How about right before having sex? And have one around so he doesn't shoot back the answer, "Darn, I forgot one ..." If you try to talk about it beforehand, you're going to rev up his jets for sex - be prepared for that. Also, it can be an awkward conversation.
edit: And when do you trust him enough to stop? Wow, I'd say when you trust him. Normally, I'd say when you get married, but even married guys cheat. There is no clear-cut answer to that since we don't know the guy. However, keep in mind the risks, so it probably is better to be safe than sorry. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:35:48 PM |
I just can't believe I'm reading the post of an adult woman. So childish it's incredible. Get yourself tested for STD's.
OK...[holding my tongue] an STD test might be neccesary for both of us then maybe we don't have to use a condom after that. | |
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| Asking him to use a condom
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:36:10 PM | You're not worried about getting pregnant because you are what? Naive or on birth control?
You should not ever have a conversation with a guy about not using condoms until you are 100000000% sure that you are both disease-free, using some form of birth control, and both of you are not sleeping with anybody else. | |
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