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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?      Home login  
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 lonewolf73507
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 1
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?Page 1 of 1    
Here's the situation: My ex wife and I seperated in March and we're divorced June 2nd. I didn't see it coming at the time but looking back our problems were obvious. For the most part we stayed very freindly. I wanted to and believed we could work things out since we both were able to point out where we went wrong but she wanted to proceed with the divorce. She did start seeing someone before the divorce and I dated some. After we divorced, the guy she was seeing started getting real possessive, he was very insecure and jealous of me from what she told me. After that she became closer to me and we had some "encounters" and things were going pretty good so we agreed to just start seeing each other exclusively but take it slow. During this time he would still email and text her even though she wouldn't repsond. It was funny at first but after a while it started to make me mad. That in turn would upset her. She then told me that she needed some "air" which I agreed to do. The kicker came on the 11th. She had to help bartend at a local event, this other guy is also a part timer there. She was leaving on vacation with her family the next morning and I was going to come see her that night. She sent me a text saying not a good idea because the new manager scheduled him to be her bar back up that night and she didn't need the conflict. That was all i could take so I called her and told her that it wasn't the right time for us and we needed to just go back to like it was before and be freinds. She agreed to that and said she was sorry and felt guilty about everything. I don't hardly hear from her other than a text or two while she's gone then when I get back she tells me that she needs to be by herself and is not going to doing anything. After her first divorce she had told me she was a hermit and it was wrong but she's doing it again. So what is she really doing ladies? Is she trying to get her head straight to try it again with me or is she really moving away from me? And why if we both agreed that the divorce was wrong, would she need time away from me?
 JustDC
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 2
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 11:33:19 AM
Sounds like it's been pretty action packed for everyone! If you two agree that time and space is what needs to be...leave her alone. She might very well need time to figure out what she wants. Not so much 'who' she wants. And that takes time.

And that doesn't mean giving her a few days. Prepare yourself for a few months. The more space you give her now will show her how much respect you have for her and her needs. It sounds like you really love this girl and care deeply for her well being.

The best tip here would be to drop her one little note stating that you understand what she needs to work through (even if you don't) and you're there if she needs you. Then simply LEAVE IT ALONE. Let her contact you. And she will when she's ready.

Good luck!
 lonewolf73507
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 3
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 12:31:12 PM
Thats good advice but easier said than done. She has text me today. I'm still struggling with the what she needs part. If she loves me and she said she still does and we were just married a few months ago and she says the divorce was a mistake. Then really, what is there to sort out? To find out if she does really love me or am I just someone shes comfortable with. She told me that she doesn't have a problem being friends with me, it's when things get intimate that she gets nervous.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 12:33:12 PM
It means you're history.
 deltag95
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 5
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 12:43:30 PM
Don't torture yourself and don't let her torture you. This on again, off again thing is ridiculous. She's stringing you along b/c she can. Cut the string, if she gets professional counseling and comes back, then think about getting back together. Until then, it sounds to me like she's got some unresolved issues.
 Torchy84
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 6
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 12:51:32 PM
I wouldn't automatically assume that she is moving away from you with that line. You said that she was a hermit after her first divorce and while she may think that it was wrong, it may be what she needs. Our society has some sort of stigma on letting people take the time they need to recover emotionally. When bad things happen, we're not supposed to grieve, we're supposed to seize the day! Unfortunately, that's not right for everyone.

If you've said what you could to her, if you both know the divorce was wrong and she truly means it, giving her some time to clear her head after all that she's been through might help your case more. If she's said space and time is what she needs and you interfere with that, the less likely she is to get back with you because you can't respect it. I suggest that while you try to remain in her thoughts, don't push yourself back into her life until she is ready. She has a lot of things to think about.
 lonewolf73507
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 7
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 2:48:46 PM
That's what it's always meant in the past abelian
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 8
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 3:51:14 PM
Biker - it's going to vary by individual. I'm kind of a loner, I do and can enjoy the company of others. I do quite well at parties, and have been the life of the party. At the same token, I would feel suffocated if I were surrounded by people 24/7. We all need "me" time, it's just that some of us, need it more than others.
 Bubbais51
Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 9
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 4:34:45 PM
What does it mean when a woman says she needs time????? It means she is doing it with some other guy and isn't yet needing you for sex because he hasn't dropped her as a bed partner yet.

Total reality brother.
 irishm1ck
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 10
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:44:41 PM
Jack Johnson nailed it when he said: maybe pretty much always means no. Give her space, go meet some other people, and when she gets jealous and comes back, you won't care anymore anyway.
 LD44
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 11
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:20:09 PM
Forest this is the part where you run.. run forest run. why would you possibly want that drama queen in your life.. have you ever seen a train wreck? thats is what her mind looks like about now.
 add4mejill
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 12
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:15:34 PM
You both were, forgive me for being blunt, stupid for starting to date before the divorce was final. If you both would have waited until you were 100% free of each other, neither of you would have all this drama.
 lonewolf73507
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 13
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:41:21 PM
add4mejill, i appreciate your bluntness but we was divorced when we started dating. but it was only a few weeks and she told me she was ready. But your right, it was still to soon. I appreciate everybody being blunt on here. i asked for opinions and I'm getting them. I knew how the guys would see it, no surprises there. Wanted to know how the women would. The guys are saying its over the girls are saying give her time,lol.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 14
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:46:22 PM
You were crowding her OP -- your ego made you pump up your chest about the other guy and thats where you lost her--again.
She sounds like she's a free spirit -- the hardest kind to have a relationship with -- if anything, it takes alot of understanding and alot of letting her do her thang. And maybe you won't like her thang, but you gotta roll with the punches -- not get up in her face about 'the other guy'.
Regardless if the big D was a mistake, you gotta let her go. Live your life, date other women, and maybe she'll come back. If you want her to --
Doesn't sound stable at all to me...
 Kixxie
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 15
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 9:00:17 PM
IMO, she's telling you that it's over as far as anything serious between the two of you. Sometimes people make better friends than they do husbands/wives.
 prurire
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 16
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/20/2009 9:27:40 PM
She left her new beau because he was jealous, insecure and possessive.

Then you did the same thing when you guys tried to reconcile.

You said she didn't respond to his advances and yet you still got angry about them. She has no control over what someone else does so why be angry?

Knowing that it upset you and would cause drama she told you not to come see her while he was where she was working. Which made you call it quits.

I would say that for a time frame she wanted to try again but that when you guys gave it another go, it showed her (and you) why it just wasn't worth it. You don't make each other happy.

I would make the guess that she is moving away from you and doesn't quite know how to say that it is over.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 17
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/21/2009 7:05:04 AM
I agree with the above --
You gotta stop being upset about the competition -- it drives most women away nowadays. Just be the most fun and easy going guy and you'll be the man a woman wants to be with. If you're blaming her and showing no understanding, then you're done.
So you've blown it twice now with her, maybe more -- move on...
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 18
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:06:57 AM
YOU ARE A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHY MOST WOMEN WONT DATE THE SEPARATED OR NEWLY DIVORCED GUY...you're sitll in love with your ex and hope to win her back. Is that fair to anyone you've tried to date???

If she found another great guy, believe me you would be history. Because this other thing didn't work out, she came back to you which is ''known'' and ''safe'' but does she really want you? doesn't sound like it.

There's a great book out there called ''it's called a break up because it's broken''. And you said yourself the relatioship is broken. Sometimes it's difficult to move on and you fall back into the ''familiar''. My best friend did this. She loved her ex so much that when he came around for sex, she'd allow it hoping they could get back together. But he was just using her in between all his other dates. And this woman will keep doing it to you until you put a stop to it.

Cut off all contact with her. Don't respond to her texts, phone calls, etc. Both of you need to stay apart and figure out what it is you want. Clear your head and make time for yourself.

Neither of you needs to be dating though. Because neither of you knows what you want.
 Michigan19662002
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 19
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/21/2009 9:55:44 AM
It means she is seeing somone else and is keeping you on standby in case it doesnt work out. Anytime a woman says "I need some time to think" your response should be ok, you take all the time you need cuz im gonna do all your friends while you are "thinking". seriously...kick her to the curb when she says that and move on because she is already gone and just trying to string you along for a while as a safety net.
 Bubbais51
Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 20
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Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:00:20 AM
Sorry for the doouble post.. "MICHIGAN"..you basically answered the topic the same way i did initially..You are exactly FING right and thank you that another human man has a damn brain like i do and see FING reality!!!!!!!!! WELL SAID BROTHER!!
 suzdolphin
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 21
Whats it really mean when a woman says she needs time?
Posted: 7/21/2009 12:00:10 PM
It is always hard to say, but if she needs time it usually means it is over. If a woman in in to a man she doesnt need time she needs him!
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