| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:46:40 PM | So, I've been on a few dates on here, and beforhand I make sure they know that I am shy..
Its something I have tried to work on, I dont have a problem with self esteem or anything like that.. i just tend to clam up around someone I'm interested in. Anyway.
So far the dates havent been bad, or so it seemed, but it ends up being the last time I hear from them. so it kinda makes me not wanna meet anyone else! haha
Am I just dating the wrong ones, and not giving them what they wanted? I'm at a loss here! lol
thanks for ur help!
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:50:47 PM | Well, it really depends on how shy you are. If you are extremely shy, a guy might take it as a lack of interest in either him or you willingness to start a relationship. Thus, if you want to have more than one date, you might want to open up more.
However, keep in mind that it might be something besides your shyness that is a turn-off for the guy. The only way you'll know if if you open up more - if he still doesn't want a second date even after being more open, then you know it is something else. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:55:00 PM | I think you have a great profile, it may be a tad shy but you can see your outgoing as well, given the chance and you lay it on the line, what you like/don't like and who you are.
Perhaps it's as simple as " there is no chemistry", after all we are not going to feel that with everyone we meet are we?
Just keep dating, the more you do the more you'll come out of your shell anyway sweet. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:55:56 PM | While you assume it's because you're shy, that may not be the reason you never hear from them again. Unless they're telling you they're uncomfortable with your shyness, how do you really know??
JS | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:00:20 PM |
Unless they're telling you they're uncomfortable with your shyness, how do you really know??
But how can they tell her it is because she is shy if they do not know that she is shy? If she never told them that she was, can't they possibly take it as a lack of interest? After all, this is after a first date. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:09:10 PM | For the guys you're seeing that you want to see again, say so to these guys. It takes care of the guy to "guess" you liked him on the 1st/2nd date.
If they don't bite after that, move on. Never take it personally that you don't make it to the 2nd/3rd date. Everyone has to take rejection, not all of it is full-frontal. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:13:40 PM | simple explanation...
In my opinion (and remember, this is JUST me)
Shy=introvert
Shy=not talkative
Shy=I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO ALL THE DAM WORK TO GET THIS GIRL TO OPEN UP
Shy=when she does open up, it will NOT be completely
Shy=when she does open up, WILL SHE THEN CALL ME A HUNDRED TIMES A DAY????
My opinion, and mine only. Take it as is | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:59:56 PM | | some guys are looking for someone easy. i bet you just aren't meeting a real shy guy either :P just be persistent. it took me a long time to be less shy. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:04:28 PM | You might consider that the fact that you are shy may have nothing to do with the reason that you are not hearing from these guys again. I think that you are assuming that is the reason without any real basis for it, at least from the limited information that you put on your thread.
Your profile is not bad, but your pictures are not good. It is really hard to see what you look like in any of them. Try putting up some different pics. Maybe some with you out with friends, or family. Be sure that they are in focus.
Maybe you are not what they expected since it is pretty hard to tell what you look like in your pictures.
You seem to be an attractive girl. Put some new pics up that show that. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:15:32 PM | OP
There's a difference between being shy and "cold." If you're using shyness to impose a burden on men to entertain you, while you sit back and be judgmental, then, for sure, they won't be knocking on your door for a second date. I can deal with shyness, as even the shyest person will give some indication of emotion. I can't deal with cold. Don't use shyness as an excuse for cold. Shyness says "work with me." Coldness says, "I'm entitled, let me be like that guy on American Idol (I forget his name) to judge you in silence while you earnestly try to have a relationship with me. Cold as ice. Which are you, really? Men can tell. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:58:14 PM | Just one man's opinion here, but the word "shy" is almost like saying "emotionally damaged goods". And really, in a sense you are acknowledging this by saying you are trying to work on your shyness. And really, if a guy said this, would you not react to it by wondering what's wrong with him?
Shyness is not an attractive trait. (Balance is.) That doesn't mean that you have to be loud or over do it by faking conversation. It just means that no man wants to pull teeth in a conversation. Putting the word "shy" in your user name doesn't change the fact that you really already know that it's a problem (based on the fact that you said it's something you're working on.) It just means that you know it's a problem for you, and you want a guy who will tell you that it's ok for you to be shy. Sounds like there are only two real solutions for you:
A. Find a guy who disagrees with all this and wants a shy girl. (Rare find, and he'll have some issues himself.)
B. Work on being more outgoing before you date a guy into frustration. Then date. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:24:52 AM | Possibilities:
1. They could be assuming you have a lack of interest. Unfortunately, a lot of girls just ignore guys as a way of getting rid of them after dealing with a few that don't have the courtesy to say it isn't working out, guys tend to give up after X unresponded to contacts. I give it 2-3 then bal is in your court.
2. The guy could be shallow. You've got a very cute face but list your body type as a few extra pounds. If a guy is just looking fo rcute pics, he may take interest for purely physical reasons intil he meets you in person. Try uploading a full body pic. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/22/2009 7:13:52 AM | | Some people like to meet right away and see if there's chemistry, some people like to chat online longer and learn about each other before meeting. Since you're so shy, maybe you'd be better off taking the second approach and message back and forth longer. That way you'll feel a little more comfortable when you meet since you kind of know him already and you'll have given him something to work with besides silence. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/22/2009 8:02:49 AM | | I'm very shy myself, but if I meet a guy that I click with, that all changes. Maybe if you've not found someone you feel comfortable around, it's because you've not been meeting the right guys. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/22/2009 8:57:16 AM | i am sorry to hear this - i am shy and it is very hard being shy, we face immense amounts of prejudice and desciminationa dn it is about time we stuck up for ourselves. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/22/2009 4:55:27 PM | | k so im not saying that everyone i went out with i was as quiet as the dead.. there were one or two there were chemistry with and we carried on convos the whole time! but then poof their gone, and of course beforhand they fill me up with the lies of ill call ya tomorrow and stuff.. and im not one to call them... if they want me they;ll call.. im not real hurt over the situation i guess... just lookin for some input cuz i dont understand... | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/22/2009 5:04:10 PM | Knowing something, and knowing how something feels are 2 different things.
Why waste time trying to check things a second time, if it already feels wrong?
Date/meet 1 is your chance and thier chance to make the impression that gets a second chance.
Many don't feel to great about the idea, of meeting someone several times, just so then they can find out what your first impression to them really should be ...
Why would you ask this of someone?
Maybe you make too much of your shyness. Im shy, no one believes me if I try to tell them after they have met me lol.
edit ok .. lol looks like you posted just before I did. There may yet be something in what I said.
If your not prepared to call them, ever - why should they? That may be shyness, but thats not what strikes me about how you said it. | |
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| says shy in my name so what do they expect?
Posted: 7/22/2009 5:04:34 PM | 8 pictures in your profile, 8 different expressions, including 'fresh out of the shower'. 5 different interests mentioned in your profile. 9 characteristics of the guy you want to meet. You even tell booty callers to 'kick rocks'. Your profile mentions the word 'shy' once.
You're about as shy as a flourescent orange billboard.
Don't sell yourself short, hon---don't use the word 'shy' as an excuse. | |
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