| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:49:12 PM | | I want to know if any other gay men out there can seem to only fall in love or lust with straight men. I am not feminen in any way besides my body is slim and I may take really good care of my body, but I seem to make all my relationships with straight men. I seem to some how always ending up with a bestie who is a straight man. Whom I always fall in "love" with. I have a ton of gay men friends and I am well known in my community but I never find any of them attractive in any way. HELP ME!!!?? am I doomed go never find my guy!? | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:59:17 PM | It means that he is NOT straight if he is in a relationship with you!
He is either gay in denial, bi or very confused!
What attract you to straight might be the challenge, the impossibility or simply the fact that you can be with him knowing that nothing will come out of it, that he will not do anything to try to get you. I've read a decade ago that it has something to do with the father figures or something, it's vague and am not sure that this study was accurate. | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 3:03:57 PM | | You're attracted to 'straight' men because you're still in denial about your own sexuality...Don't ask me how I got to this conclusion, just a really strong gut feeling. | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 3:08:13 PM | | The reason you fall in love with straight men is simple: they're men. My best friend is gay and he has this issue sometimes. I keep telling him it's because if they're really straight, he can't have them. It's not that you're only in love with straight men, it's that you want what you "can't" have. It's not a bad thing, it's a human thing.... | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 3:11:07 PM | | He isn't straight if he's with you. Straight men means just that--they prefer only women. If he claims being straight he's still a closeted gay. I know alot of straights who would wup up on a gay guy for even suggesting that. | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 3:26:25 PM | I think some of you are misunderstanding. I think the OPie means that he has male straight friends that are platonic friendships - but he falls for them. He is not dating his straight friends, they are simply frieinds, but he is attracted to them.
OPie, I'm gonna play armchair therapist and suggest that you go for them b/c you are scared of a real relationship. Which could be happening 1 of 2 ways.
The first is that you avoid the gay men b/c they might like you back and that scares you so you dont' even try to date them. You don't give them a chance to avoid getting hurt. You know straight men won't like you so you feel safe with them and then accidentally you fall for them (because you got to know them)
The second guess is that you are attracted to what you can't have b/c you know it's safe and nothing will come of it...the straight ones. In other words, it's not a result of avoiding the gay ones and attempting friendship with the straight ones - it's that you are attracted to the straight ones b/c of their unattainability.
Both of these of course result from fear of being in a real relationship. Which a lot of people have, straight or gay. Lots of us fear getting close to someone and being vulnerable to getting hurt.
Does any of this ring a bell? It's not so different than women who have crushes on married men or guys with girlfriends. Wanting what you can't ever have is very safe. BUt also very lonely, i'd guess.
Plus, you knwo, if the straight man rejects you, then you don't have to take it personally. If a gay man rejects you then it's personal. big difference there.
YOu know, you choose whose company you keep. Why don't you cultivate some friendships with available gay men and just see what happens. Maybe you'll like one of them, maybe not, but at least you'll be trying with someone you have a chance with. If you never get to knwo them, how do you know if you can fall in love with them or not?
K | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:20:27 PM | | I had a friend who did the same thing. He said he was attracted to manly men. There was also no risk of developing a deep relationship. If you set your eyes on someone you have no chance with, there is no chance for them to truly break your heart. | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:58:24 PM | I think that straight men are interesting to you because you can have sexual experiences with them without having to worry about the emotional side. If they are unavailable to you for any longer term then you don't have to worry about "REALLY" getting your heart broken.
Really getting your heart broken meaning that you already know going in, whether or not you develope feelings for them, you wont be there for the long haul, if not by your choice, then his.
It could also be the conquest side of you. If you conquer these men, then somewhere in your mental state you are saying "See, they are just like me"..taking you into a deeper mental state of acceptance...expecially if there are any male figures in your life that you love and deeply respect, do not approve of your lifestyle.
Obviously, the only person who can stop the way you have been living your life and find happiness is the person who lives with inside you.
Address your reasons, understand them, then make your decisions based on what is best for you and will give you a happier "from now to end life".
Good luck hun! | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 7:01:37 PM | maybe it's for the same reason as those women who only fall 'in love' with unavailable men - those who are married/gay/live too far away/etc...
fear of commitment? or maybe, fear of any type of romantic relationship because they're just not ready for one reason or another.... (past hurts not healed.. etc...) | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 9:51:36 PM | Some good thoughts here...
How about: As long as you are occupied with the immovable block of the "if onlys", you do not have to look at the other areas of your life that need attention. | |
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granz
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Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 13 | |
| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:03:46 PM | | Evolutionary attraction, in the same sense that straight women are attracted to straight men. Being gay doesn't mean your sex-drive is programmed to discern and sort gay from straight. Straight guys are considerably more masculine than your run-of-the-mill gay guy. Considering that you're attracted to other men in the first place, it's safe to assume these attractions are strictly based on masculine traits -- something that a sizable number of gay men admittedly lack. | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/23/2009 2:54:14 AM | Maybe you are not gay and are instead in the wrong sexed body?
I tend to think you are the feminine one in the role of a relationship and are attracted to hetrosexual men or less feminine men. I know I am.
I met the most handsome men in Atlanta 60% were gay, go figure.
They were manly, so hey take a trip to Hotlanta!!!!
Another posibility is it's just a man crush, you know like when I had this beautiful sitter when I was young, she was amazing and funny. I had a girl crush, but it was more of adoration or I wanted to be like her. My sister was grown and had moved away and she kind of took that place of watching an older woman but not to old.
A poster above eluded to father figure also a possibility | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/23/2009 4:37:10 AM | A lot of people only want what they can't have. This prevents them from really committing to anyone, because the person they want is unavailable.
I agree with the people who said, if these guys are "with" you, they are NOT straight! | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/23/2009 1:37:08 PM |
If a man has sex with him...he isn't str8.
It's the whole "wanting the forbidden fruit thing"
A vicious circle too!
If the str8 man actually banged him,he would thus be gay as well would he not?
So he'd probably loose interest.
Unless it is really the issue of wanting to be some dude's first gay experience, then that would be the one he'd prolly stay with.
I feel you though Angel..there is s difference between a gay man, and a man who wishes he was a woman.
~Ape
p.s.
How is the weather in wales mama?
But my gorgeous boy he didn't say the straight man has slept with him, he just fancies straight men...there is a difference you know 
Weather in OZ....beautiful warm winter
p.s. love your new pic! | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/23/2009 2:38:40 PM | | you only want straight men because you want to change them just like how girls want bad boys to change into good boys that are slightly bad. just convince some straight friends to try the gay once and see if they like it | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:32:19 AM |
But my gorgeous boy he didn't say the straight man has slept with him, he just fancies straight men...there is a difference you know
Well then, the OP needs to come back and clarify this statement, because how else are we supposed to take this?
but I seem to make all my relationships with straight men. He said he had tons of gay friends, but his "relationships" are with straight men. | |
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| Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 8/2/2009 6:24:52 AM | my gay friend fell in extreme lust for a straight guy he got lucky and discovered the guy was curious himself.. ugh.. im still watching this go on and im worried about my gay friend.. Now with you.. dont look bleek on ur situation, i am a bi-sexual female, who kinda realizes she misses her ex so very much. Yet every gurl i know that is bi or gay, i wouldnt want, either they are too butch or money hungry. Im not giving up. I dont even wanna get into my guy situation. But honestly i see it this way, if you worry more about keeping ur self straight.. um in order i mean lol, then your randomly meet that person you should worry the most about, even if its randomly thru this site..  | |
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