| Dear female type person thing
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:15:30 PM | Here is your schedule for our upcoming relationship. Please print this and keep a copy on your person at all times.
10 emails. 5 more to go. I will be disarmingly forthcoming in our communications, while at the same time revealing absolutely nothing of any importance to you about my potential fitness as a mate.
2 phone conversations. I will be witty and charming and also completely vacant and without substance.
We meet at a place of your choosing for coffee. After a few seconds of being in my physical presence: YOU WILL DESIRE ME.
After a brief amount of time (less time=less chance for you to find out how fu-ked up I really am) you walk me back to the sky train station. My Hummer is in the shop, being fitted for machine gun turrets.
At the entrance to the sky train you lean in for a kiss. I restrain myself and kiss you lightly on the forehead.
THE FIRST DATE: Dinner at Hon's and a sophisticated evening at the No.5 Orange (strip joint)
This time we get into some serious face sucking and I probe your tonsils.
A brief but intense courtship, followed by a 7 year marriage which ends when a meteor falls on me.
What was your former profession? Were you a crime scenes investigator? I am a dual citizen. However I have had my records expunged in the States and here as well.
Soooo. OK! I hope you can get with the program. Times a wasting! | |
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