| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:31:06 AM | Ok, so here's my deal:
Started dating my current S.O roughly almost a year ago. We never fought, and were really happy for maybe 7 months. HE bought a house and I moved into it, as my current living situation could be no more. Now we've incorporated our lives and personal belongings and have a really nice place to call home.
I'm miserable. I can't stand being near him. He's so good to me, and I just can't appreciate that. He's over sensitive, he's more feminine than not, and it's a huge turn off. He lacks confidence and aggression. He reminds me most of a wimpering puppy, with no reason to be as such. (IMO) He's too slow, and is never in a hurry. I thought opposites were suppose to attract? His conversation is less than mature, unless it's about technology and scientific crap that, to be honest, I care NOTHING about.
I'm taking advantage of him and as good as he treats me, I'm admittedly a total ****.
Basically I'm blaming him for letting me walk all over him, and I tell that straight to him. I've never been such a **** before, it's not only with him lately it's with friends and such, and my patience is just a thin thin rope waiting to snap.
In the middle of trying to figure out how I'm going to fix this (since he's absolutely clueless when it comes to communication) he's started hanging out with my best friend, who, even though I love him dearly is a little on the**** side.
Slowly, my S.O is really becoming an ***hole, and not in the manly way, just really fricken annoying!
Other than using this thread to rant, and I do apologize I just had to get some typing down, I'd like to know when YOU know it's over between you and your S.O. I've lived with long term relationships before and it always worked out great. Should I be more concerned with stability and having a "good man" then feeling head over heels in love? I've loved before, but it was young love and it's gone now. I don't know if what I felt was puppy love or the true thing but I haven't felt in since I was 16 (currently 21) Have you ever just been really angry all the time over the tiniest details? Have you ever felt like you hated the entire world just because one person ticked you off?
I'm tired of being a **** and thinking about therapy as expensive as it is, just to get some of my questions answered, your opinions would still help.
I just wish he would be more chivalrous, and more manly. I feel kinda butch because he's so incompetant at the common "man tasks" that everyone was brought up to love.
Add on thought: while I like to live by the rule that you don't try and change anyone, do you think he will man-up? He was a mama's boy with no job until he was almost 20. Maybe he's just a late bloomer? Will he man up or do you think I'm doomed? I know I have a good thing going here, I just want to appreciate him more the way he deserves to be treated. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:32:41 AM | You're tired of all the things he is?
What about being tired of all the things you are?
The answer is easy.
Get out.
Get out of his house.
If you're so sick of him - get out of his house.
Why don't you do that? | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:34:38 AM | He is obviously living up to his expectations ( how bad can they be since he has a house), but not to yours. Value that insight, get out of his home, and find the type of guy that gets you feeling right. Using him cheapens you, so put two and two together, and call it quits. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:38:18 AM | | The house was my idea. With the market as awesome as it is, I suggested the idea, did the hosue hunting, picked out a house we both liked and did ALL the work. Did all the organizing and did everything for him...I feel like a mom. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:41:43 AM | Again I have to say - and why don't you move out?
If you're so fed up and tired of being a mom to this man - why don't you leave? | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:42:52 AM | You obviously don't love him.
You obviously don't respect him, either.
And you're obviously not happy.
In fact, right now, it kinda sounds like you're freeloading... and you know it!
That gives you about as much self esteem as holding up a sign on the street corner.
On top of freeloading, you're cutting his balls off because apparently he's not manly enough for you. (If it were me, you'd come home one day to find the locks changed and your stuff in the street, frankly!) Cuz nothing quite says thank you for all you've done for me, like grabbing a man by the short hairs and ripping them out by the roots!
You don't have any balls either, or you'd buck up, tell him it ain't working, and leave. So, instead of criticizing him for not having any, grow a pair yourself. And take some responsibility for the situation. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:46:30 AM | That's not fair to assume I'm freeloading. I pay rent, and work really hard around the house to keep it awesome. The house is spotless, and I'm going to school and working that's hardly freeloading. If anything we'd probably just have separate rooms and be friends.
I guess I'm just wondering if this can all be fixed since we're not doing a very good job of trying at the moment. It's so much easier to fix things | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:47:27 AM |
I'm miserable. I can't stand being near him.
Those two lines should tell you it's over. Why ask us? It seems you know what you want to do, but because you don't want to give up living in his house, you stay and treat him poorly. Do the right thing for both of you...move out and move on with your lives. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:51:38 AM | What are you thinking needs to be fixed?
Other than everything about him?
You're not happy with this guy at all.
You claimed.
Re-read what all you wrote about this guy.
You're totalling bagging on him.
So quit yer ****ing and get out of his house.
Rent someplace else.
Why don't you do that?
You still haven't answered.
You wrote this really shitty post about this guy.
Beating the crap out of him online.
What were you hoping that was going to do to fix things?
Were you just venting about how shitty your life is with him and then hoping tonight it will all get better?
It won't.
Move out.
Pack your stuff, and rent someplace else.
So..... is HE the problem?
Or are you?
What's the real truth?
If he's the problem - move out. It's not that hard.
If he's NOT the problem....then why did you make a post saying he is? | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:55:11 AM | You have taken advantage of this guy.
If you're not happy, move on.
Is this the classic case of the "Nice guy finishing last"? Do women really want a "nice guy" or do they want an @sshole that mistreats them so they can complain about to their girlfriends. Unfortunately, every guy knows the real answer to that question.
Think long and hard before you shove-off.
I think you should. You will be happier and so will he. Your admitttedly using him anyway. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:55:50 AM | The post says that I'm a total ****. Obviously I can't put that all on him.
I know I'm definitely the problem, I'm just trying to figure out why.
I'm letting you know why I am having trouble with him, so you're not going to hear the good stuff. I'm trying to figure out why I've suddenly become this person that I've never been before. Maybe there's another reason and he's just caught up in the middle of it. Maybe enough people telling me to move out would be motivation enough to make that decision. Maybe somebody's been there, and it would be nice to hear their story? Why do you keep putting down my post? Feel free not to respond if you're not going to take it seriously. At no point did I free myself of blame. It's not that easy to just pick up and move out. As I said, we have mingled all of our stuff and I'd just like to try and fix it before I know for sure that we can't work together to fix this. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:04:33 PM | Whether you appreciate my approach or not what I am trying to do is open your eyes to your own behavior.
You need to read what you've written about this young man you're living with.
I think you already know - quite well that you're using him.
You're using him all the way around to support yourself.
He's making your life an easy place to be.
And you want to smack him around and beat him up because he's not more manly for you?
You can't respect him because he's tolerating your B.S.?
And then you come here and ask all of us to tolerate it also?
Guess what? I'm not your boyfriend.
I'm a woman. A real mature, adult woman.
You need to grow up. Stop whining when you have someone taking care of your needs. And if you don't appreciate what this man brings to your life?
Then you're using him.
Sorry. That doesn't feel good to you. And it doesn't sound good to you. But the truth is? You're not a very nice person. You're not a very decent female. You're the type of woman every other woman is ashamed of - because of how you're taking advantage of this boy's gentleness, and kindness.
You're becoming a demanding biotche and you KNOW it.
You came on here - telling everyone about it.
Nearly bragging at your power over this young man, and being condescending about how stupid he is to allow it.
Re-read what you wrote.
You're not an admireable person - based on what you've said about the man who's home you're living in.
I am taking your post seriously.
You want me to not respond to it with honesty about you?
Why?
Because it's easier to continue to think he's the problem and not have another woman tell you - that you're the issue?
It is easy to move out. And it's total BS that you're using that to say you need to stay.
This isn't about trying to separate CD collections young lady. It's about USING and ABUSING another person for your material and personal gain.
And being so ungrateful that you beat him up verbally behind his back.
You aren't trying to fix anything.
You're trying to vent about how bad you have it.
And get other people to support your agenda and tell you "good job!"
I'm sorry but when I'm presented with atrocious and flagrantly abusive behavior - I'm not going to hand out flowers and candy to the guilty party.
If you didn't want to hear the truth - you should have kept your business off the forums. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:05:13 PM | | Before you start criticism the poor b asta rd. Realize that all this has been brought up by YOU, your behavior and your expectations. What you are doing is using him. So you can stop using him by simply leaving right away. But Ohhh, you are too comfortable leaching after the poor guy. So it's time for you to move away. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:08:44 PM |
I'm taking advantage of him and as good as he treats me, I'm admittedly a total ****.
Basically I'm blaming him for letting me walk all over him, and I tell that straight to him. I've never been such a **** before, it's not only with him lately it's with friends and such, and my patience is just a thin thin rope waiting to snap.
Slowly, my S.O is really becoming an ***hole, and not in the manly way, just really fricken annoying!
I really think you need to look up the definition of a$$hole. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:13:06 PM | I don't know why you're b****ing about him being a momma's boy when you couldn't grow a f***ing spine if you had a donor. If you're not happy, get the f*** out! Don't abuse and disrespect the man in hopes that he'll tell you to get the h*** out.
Forget remaining friends so you can continue to live in the house he owns that you picked out, fixed and organized. You can't love or be friends with someone you cannot respect and you obviously do not respect the man.
If this behavior is so out of character for you, see a doctor or therapist. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:13:10 PM |
I'm letting you know why I am having trouble with him, so you're not going to hear the good stuff.
Sounds to me like all you want is for us to feel pity for your predicament and tell you that is going to be alright. Like going sailing said, we are not your bf. What you don't realize is that you are even weaker than the poor guy, but you hide your insecurities behind your bulling behavior.
So have some respect of the guy, then have some respect for yourself. And move out. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:13:14 PM | Either I'm exaggerating, or you're just taking what I say out of context.
I'm going to disregard anything else you say, because while I know I'm currently in the wrong, I'm not a bad person. And if I was, I don't think I would be trying to fix it.
I totally agree with all of it...but you're not really applying to my situation. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:13:17 PM | gone sailing is trying to open your eyes. She may need a bigger crowbar to do so...but please read what she has to say with an open mind instead of closed defensiveness because no one is going to say it better.
Get some counseling. It's not him, it's you. He is just being who he is. Don't insist he go with you. If you are serious about "fixing" this, you need to learn about understanding and accepting, and a counselor may be able to help you with that if you let them. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:18:59 PM | | Your right your a B1tch. Why is it women complain that they can find a "good man" and when they do they still arnt happy. Now he will see every woman in his future like you. SAD!! | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:19:23 PM |
I'm trying to figure out why I've suddenly become this person that I've never been before.
Hey I did worse things when I was 21. Don't sweat the criticism OP. Sort the wheat from the chaff and take it with a grain of salt. (Can I use any more idioms?).
What I mean to say is - you can only improve yourself by first learning to take responsibility for your actions. Don't blame it on him. Accept it, grow past it and move on. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:24:33 PM | Holy sheepshite people.... cut the young lady some slack. I for one think it is pretty damn healthy of her to recognize where she is at and lay it out the way she did. Yes she should listen to herself as her answers are in her comments, but ffs.... stop slicing her up like an onion.
Not going to tell you what to do. I think you already know... and if you care about this guy AT ALL... you will be kind and do what you have to do without blame and with some integrity.
Good luck | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:26:24 PM |
I guess I'm just wondering if this can all be fixed since we're not doing a very good job of trying at the moment. It's so much easier to fix things
Feeling the way you so obviously do about him, I'm wondering what there is, exactly, to fix. You don't appear to have a single positive thing to say about him and it's time to move out. | |
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