| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 7:11:33 AM | Just wondering how many women, have serious trust issues with guys, and does it stem from past relationships.
Do you feel that you give the guy a fair chance or are you carrying over what happened to you from your marriage. Actually I guess this could go towards either sex, I know jealousy plays a major factor in it. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 7:17:18 AM | | Personally, I don't carry any isssues with me from past relationships. I took time off (a long time) to figure out why things didn't work.....what MY role was in things not working. I can't sit and blame the guy for everything when I had my role in things too. It's a matter of living and learning from your own mistakes and well as mistakes of the person you were with. I think that at first, it's extremely easy to blame the other person for the relationship/marriage failing. BUT, at some point, we have to look at our own role in what went wrong. I trust until I'm given a reason not to trust. Once that trust is broken, it's VERY hard to regain my trust. But, I would expect the same in return if I was to break the man's trust. It works both ways. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 7:38:35 AM | When you were a little child and you burned your hand did you not learn from the pain? Our experiences in life mold and shape us. So, of course, past experiences will affect and change us. Doesn't that sound reasonable?
I suppose you can decide to opt out if you can't deal with the issues the person has. Or you can try to comfort them and help them, provided it's not crazy out of line. But I know that each relationship I've had, romantic and otherwise, has changed me. Some have been good changes, some not so good.
I can say that trust issues (or big issues) can definately play a role in the quality of sex, speaking for myself. My body simply refuses to respond in ways that it normally does if I've got some serious issue unresolved. I mean, sure, I can go through the motions, but who wants that? It's not something I do on purpose. To the contrary, try as I might, there's nothing I can do to override my body's shutdown. Only after I address what's bugging me am I able to move past it. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:41:36 AM | | What about the guy carrying over the baggage from his previous relationships? It's not all about what we as women do. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:51:47 AM | The way I see baggage is this. It is what it is . There is no one out there that does not have any unfortunately.
It is what we do with the baggage after we are done that makes all the difference in your next relationship. There are those like me who have learned from it and put in the past and know that every man out there is different. What happens with one should not be expected to happen with another. If that keeps on happening then you must start looking at yourself for the reason for repeat performances. We tend to make decisions that may not be the best for us at the time but we make them anyway. There is no reason for anyone to beat themselves up over it. Life is too short and worth living too much.
I embrace my baggage and hopefully those around me do as well. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:00:18 AM | The only issues that irritate me is if THE OTHER PERSON HAS THEM!
Some men claim that they don't like drama queens but when they find one that is clearly not having it, it confuses them to the point that they stir up trouble just to get a rise out of her or see if she cares as much. These men are known as Drama Kings.
I don't play that jealousy card anymore for the simple reason is that I don't think of myself as anything less than zero to even worry about some other chick. So if the man I am with plays into that shyt then guess what? He isn't worth my time or patience and the other woman did me a favor in helping me realize that the man was no good for me and he is weak to the point that he melts every time he sees a woman look his way. What I do or how I am with a man should be enough or if not, then there is the door and don't let it hit your ass on the way out. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:17:04 AM | We are all the sum total of our past experiences. We are also the result of how we have dealt with those experiences, and whether they made us better, more insightful people, or bitter and mean.
So it is not what happened that counts, it's how we incorporate it into our daily lives, and our interactions with others. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:55:03 AM | I have trust issues, but not from men - they are a walk in the park. Mine stem from immediate family and my childhood...a lot harder to overcome. I was already like this before I started dating...which means I got hurt less by that time, actually. I was way ahead of most guys...
However, I find with intuition, time and patience you always uncover whatever it is someone wants from you or not - so I just go with that. Outside of that, I live in the moment and enjoy everything for what it is at the time. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:44:16 AM | Yes, I have serious trust issues with men, but it has nothing to do with my past relationships. I have serious trust issues with everyone ;)
Jealousy? Nope. There are many, many elements to trust, and being worried your honey bee is nuzzling the wrong flower seems pretty petty in the larger picture. | |
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SPF30
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Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 10 | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:10:08 PM | Many divorcees have trust issues and its not just the women. Many men especially after being cheated on or spending a fortune going through the courts for something they did not want in the first place, will get a permanent scar through their heart.
It's a wall nearly impossible to break though and many women including myself lose their self esteem, dignity and trust trying to convince the unconvincable that we are not going to hurt them. It is heartbreaking, sad and degrading. You find yourself begging for scraps. Eventually the man moves on but the woman will always feel as if the gift of her love and devotion was rejected like trash. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:22:44 PM | | In my case, it's less of a trust issue and just the fact of having gone through life experiences and learning from them. I am more aware of what does and does not work, what the deal breakers are, red flags, etc. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:26:46 PM | I don't necessarily think trust issues are developed from divorce... I myself got divorced because he was a drug abuser.
Trust issues can develop as a child, or be the result of someone betraying you in any relationship. Be it a friend or significant other. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:07:41 PM | As far as carrrying "issues"? - NO
"lessons"? YES
There's a lesson to be learned from every failed relationship. To leave the lesson behind, would be to set one's self up for the same problems all over again | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/27/2009 2:11:46 AM | Butting in with the laiidees here-
Lets say you are single, been married or whatever, and you have split because it purrely didnt work out.
So you date 10 women, maybe have a good time, maybe have good sex, maybe this or that- but No.11 stops you in your tracks...
So she asks you how many people have you dated- if you don't tell the truth- then you are a liar, if you do, guess what- you are a player!... trust= out the window- gone, syonara.
It's just downhill from there on in | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:59:48 AM | Do you feel that you give the guy a fair chance or are you carrying over what happened to you from your marriage. Actually I guess this could go towards either sex, I know jealousy plays a major factor in it.
Every person, relationship, friendship...is different. You make it what you want it to be. If you walk around carrying grudges or trust issues from the past...that's exactly where your going to stay...in the past!
As for jealousy....it's a useless emotion. Someone either likes you for what you are and will show you the respect that goes along with that....or they won't. With billions of people in the world....if you were to walk around being jealous of every person that was better looking...smarter...funnier...etc....you would spend a lot of time carrying around a pretty big useless chip on your shoulder.
Personally, if someone starts whining about the past....or is imposing a trust issue onto me from a former relationship....I won't have anything to do with them. It's a matter of maturity...we all have pasts....it's the now and future that counts! | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:07:35 AM | | Most people try to learn from there past experiences so i think it would be very hard to ignore being previously cheated on or lied to. I say "yes" of coarse some1 would continue to carry that over and have trust issues. You wouldnt want history to repeat its self. Now days its hard to trust any1, but once you show that person you can be trusted then i think things can grow from there. | |
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| trust issues after divorce
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:03:45 PM | I ended up discovering that my wife had been cheating on me with one of my best friends for approx 1 month leading up to our separation. Even after this harsh discovery, I thought I could find it in myself to forgive and learn from this horrible mistake. Ultimately it was already too late to correct and my wife felt that she'd be staying with me for the wrong reasons if we continued to stay together. We separated and divorced, this was a little over a year ago.
Obviously discovering my wife's affair with my best friend turned my world upside down. Perhaps we could of come to an understanding that we just weren't right for each other and separated on better terms if she had been more up front with how she was feeling.
I'm worried that I'm going to carry serious trust issues.. perhaps a little bit in fear of people cheating,
but not really. My fear is more with having kids. Thankfully we did not end up having kids or things would of been MUCH worse. We were together for 13 years, married for 5 of them. We were very much trying to have kids on many occasions. If you can't trust somebody's love enough to have kids after 13 years.... when can you?? Trust issues, here I come.
Really long letter here I know. Sorry folks, had to unload somewhere. This forum looked good. : ) | |
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