| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:38:05 PM | My ex and I dated for 4 years, on and off again. Usually 2 months would laspe and somehow we would find our selves back with one another. He would take me places and help me around my house. He was with me on all holidays, and so on.
(Just FYI: He chased me when he met me, I am independent, and I am told I have a great personality, we were freinds first for 5 months. He always told me, Wow how can you be so beautiful, you are so sweet, why are you so sexy, etc. He said this alot)
I would ask him how to fix something, and he would explain. Then the next time he came over, he had tools in hand and would just start repairing. He was a sweetheart
and I treated him well. By cooking and giving him on the occasion gifts, a T-shirt,
a DVD small gifts. So he was appreciated !! But while everybody told me he loved me they could tell, so could I. He would never say it ! Once I introduced him as my boyfriend and he told me later that I was not my boyfriend. So the next time, we
separated about 2 months, mostly because I was did not want to invest into the relationship anymore. Because who wants a man that is afraid to call you his girlfriend, which he so clearly was. So two months later he came over (no sex) we talked and I tried to kiss him goodbye, and he pushed me away. He told me he was involved and I could not kiss him. He kept on holding me while he was telling me this, I said to him how can you commit to her and you could not commit to me. He kept on saying I don't know, I don't know. With that I told him to have a great life !! and pushed him out the door. Now, I know that he is a commitment phobe, but what did he want me to do when he said he was involved.
Scream you were supposed to mine, beg for his love, or slam the door in his face.
About 3 months later he did try to come back, I blocked all attempts.
So when he talked about his involvement with another woman what do you think he wanted from me ? ( I have always been curious) | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:42:52 PM | I think that people should say what's on their mind instead of pushing them away.
If you have feeings for each other why does it matter if he is your "boyfriend" or a
friend who may be exploring being a boyfriend or what have you?
The only one who knows the answer you seek is him. | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:45:47 PM | | You women are confusing. If its been bugging you so long why are you blocking all attempts? You are asking us like we should know, it's your story, how do you think he is now, probably feeling like shit cus he was confused about what he wanted and you were definitely no help. If he was looking for any emotional clue he was about to get it from you it sounds like. Sounds like a pride issue to me. Your blocking all attempts for him to reach you yet it bugged you that he left enough to post. So obviously jealous | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:55:10 PM | [quoteMy ex and I dated for 4 years, on and off again. Usually 2 months would laspe and somehow we would find our selves back with one another.]quote
On and off, on and off usually means it's never going to "really" be on, there are issues, differences and the likes... But, there is comfortability hense why you both probably kept going back together.
Perhaps, in "his" confusion of the on and off, on and off, he wanted to make sure he wasn't making a mistake with this new lady hense the attendance at your house and possibly the "holding" to feel, see....
I'd say 3 months on, it didn't work out for him, and so, hense he came back, or tried to.
I'd say don't waste any further years let alone trying to work out why.. curious or not, he is the only one that can answer that, but you asking for an educated guess so there's mine. | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:59:22 PM | He's not a "relationship phobe." It just sounds like he doesn't want one with you.
He keeps coming back because you keep taking him back to repeat the cycle. Insanity is repeating the same act over and over, and expecting a different result. By definiton, you're insane.
If he said he's involved with someone else, why are you even bothering? Don't meddle. | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:02:43 PM | OP
It's obvious that he doesn't want you enough to be called your boyfriend. That means that, while he likes you, perhaps very much, he's still not done shopping yet. Men are like that a lot. It took me about a year to settle for the riding lawn mower that I wanted. When I settled for the one that I wanted, (quality compared to price) it was a beaut -- a Husqverna (sp?), Nowadays, when I go to Sears, Lowe's etc., I don't even give the riding lawn mowers a passing glance.
Now I know that riding law mowers are not the same as significant others, but the process is similar -- until you're convinced that you got the "best deal." there will be lack of commitment. So, if you're willing to wait an indefinite amount of time, perhaps many years, continue the relationship. And, even then, things may not turn out OK. The day that he comes to you and says, "Be my girlfriend" and if he's still not convinced that he got the "best deal," he may just up and run away again.
About the only thing that you can do is to have a really serious discussion on what he's looking for in a relationship, to try to pin down where you "stand." Don't make it a discussion about "what's wrong with me," but rather, a general discussion about what he's looking for in a LTR. Maybe, if he's honest, you'll get a few clues on what's happening, and what your prospect are.
Good luck with all that.
Ironically, we've had a dry spell here in the TX Hill Country. My shiny new orange mower with the 42 inch cut is just sitting there, enticing, but unproductive -- and after all that time .... Come to think of it, maybe there are similarities ... naw, ... can't be ... | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:05:56 PM | From what your saying he did seem a bit confused in life,
like a one eyed fish in a pond with only one eye! He only see's in one direction
therefore he only goes in one direction,which is around in a circle! He will
probably always come back to you.  | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:06:43 PM | So he initially chased you... doesn't mean squat past the first date.
You were friends that happened to bump uglies every so often. By reading what you wrote, it never did sound like a real romantic situation. He did for you, you did for him and all was happy in Camelot.
Now you tried to escalate things... announcing he was your boyfriend, and it appears he set you straight on that. You didn't like it, so you sent him packing. Great. In the interim, he actually found someone he wanted more with, and when he tried to tell you that, you flipped your lid. Ok, you were a little hurt... A friend would have tried to be happy for him, but you couldn't be... understandable.
So to answer your question... What did he want you to do when he said he was involved?? NOT to kiss him and to respect his situation. Not rocket science.
Now, since you block all his attempts at contact, be strong and live by it. You'll be doing him a huge favor.
JS | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:08:39 PM | He is not your EX! He was never your boyfriend! He was a friend, who you had sex with on occasion. He was a nice guy who helped you out around the house, and you were nice to him as well.
Get a clue, don't waste any more time on pretending that this was ever any more than what it was. Go out, find a man who does more than fix the sink every so often. Find one who can say 'I love you', and isn't afraid to call you his girlfriend.
Beth | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:55:15 PM | Wow- Thank God, I was only curious !! I am no longer with him it has been years.
I just was only studying the psychology of it.
We did not just bump uglies we were good friends whp were attracted to each other
and we had many things incommon. I told you it took 5 months to become intimate after spending hours and many dates with other. He was a wonderful man, just
so confused about what he wanted. Anyway he has since left that woman along time ago. (years ago)
I was just curious about what he meant. That's ALL. I have no regrets what I said or did, and I repeat I do not want him back. If you have no idea then, please don't respond, because to be honest many of you sound very angry and I assure you I have no anger with this man or this situation. Life does go on does'nt it ?
SHEESH !! ask a question on PF, and soon you'll be throw to the lions !! | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:13:18 PM |
SHEESH !! ask a question on PF, and soon you'll be throw to the lions !!
Sometimes, on POF, this does happen. But sometimes, the image of being thrown to the lions is based on the fact that the OP heard (read) things that were not what they wanted to hear.
I'm glad that it was just a hypothetical question -- this puts it in the ream of a "non sequitor." And as they say in Basketball -- no harm, no foul.
AGAPE to you, and I apologize for any hurt feelings, in general. | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:49:48 AM | OP.... your poor thing...
See, I get what you are saying but, you didn't state that it was "a long time ago" years.... just a curious question that has been bugging you...
People will always assume without facts.
Take care and whilst i agree, there is a bit of anger in replies maybe based on their own experiences, you really have to state your case properly for people to reply properly...
We'd all like to be witches and mind readers but, we can only go off what you say... sounded current.... | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:18:02 AM |
If you would have baught him better gifts he probly would atleast lie and say he loved you.
Hep if you hd baught him, stff then he would see hw intelignet he is and knwo how to lie..........
WT?
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:27:54 AM | Hi OP...
I can understand why you'd still wonder years later. This guy meant a lot to you (it seems) and he had you on a cycle of mixed messages. Of course if you're seeing someone on and off for that amount of time and you've expressed your feelings to him, it's not just friendship. If it was, he should have told you as soon as you expressed your love or labeled him a boyfriend. You should have had the "just friends" talk then. If you did, then perhaps you just held on hoping it would change, or maybe not even believing what he said. Maybe you thought he really was in love with you, that he really did consider you his girlfriend, but was so afraid of commitment that he couldn't really acknowledge what you were. You might have been deceiving yourself.
Either way, it seems like he cared for you as a person, and seems when he came over to tell you he was seeing someone else, he felt he owed it to you to let you know he now had an 'official" girlfriend." Knowing how you felt about him, he probably felt guilt and tried to lessen the hurt this may have caused you.
Maybe you cared too much and weren't a challenge. No one can know why he didn't want a relationship with you at the time, but he obviously was drawn to you.
As far as the poster who said "don't meddle," Ha! When you've had feelings for someone who's been in your life for four years...and they're giving you mixed messages, and your heart's involved, that's not meddling! They were involved on some level, and she has/had a right to her feelings and to understand what had happened. | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:39:06 AM | | here is the brutal truth, are you sitting down? you were in the friend zone and if i get bored you might besomeone i want to have sexwith zone while i am bored zone. plus you buy me good gifts and i like gifts zone, so stay where you are i might get bored again zone. you cared more then he ever did, if your a good women go find a guy who will apprieciate it. and stop thinking like a doormatt | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:15:56 AM |
Wow- Thank God, I was only curious !! I am no longer with him it has been years.
I just was only studying the psychology of it.
I was just curious about what he meant. That's ALL. I have no regrets what I said or did, and I repeat I do not want him back. If you have no idea then, please don't respond, because to be honest many of you sound very angry and I assure you I have no anger with this man or this situation. Life does go on does'nt it ?
Speaking to the psychological end of things, as this is what you seem to be interested in, I have the following two observations, based on this new data that you have provided.
First, it has been many years and it's still on your mind. That is significant. I'm saying this as a person who's been around the block a few times, not as an academic -- this relationship meant a lot to you. As time goes by, we "recast" our experiences in ways that oftentimes become distorted. Someone was mean to you, and years later, the story becomes "the person was "so mean to you that they should be in jail." Or, someone was affectionate with you, and, with time, that person "would have been the perfect romeo save for some circumstances."
"My ex did this what does it mean?" It probably means that not all relationships will end with stark, black and white, reasons for why the relationship got stronger or was severed. There will be relationships in our lives where the "grey" area of why things happened will always keep us wondering. In fact, many of us still carry those types of memories in our hearts and in our minds. Remember Brooks and Dunn's song, "Neon Moon"? The image of a cowboy, sitting in a dark tavern drinking under the light of a neon moon lamenting about how he was so perfect for that woman, yet she still fled. Sometimes, the desire to "bump" accidentally, on purpose, back into their lives comes in, because we still think about him. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it would be ideal if we could learn from those incidents, but life being life, we sometimes don't have the luxury to make true sense out of it, it just happened.
Second, you threw in the bit about it being a few years ago, but initially you presented it as happening currently. I'm just going to guess here, but isn't that a way of asking whether you made a mistake, or "messed up" somehow? A way to perhaps get closure on all of this and go on with your life. My answer to that is that no one will ever know, not even Dr. Phil, well, especially Dr. Phil, hehe.
You've moved past it, that's good. By moved "past it" I hope that you mean that you don't let it bug your anymore, not that you've removed every memory of it -- there WERE some good memories, right, cuz you still remember the relationship. Ironically, it's the romances that a-l-m-o-s-t made it but that, for some reason, got away, the ones that carry with them some precious moments, that haunt us every now and then. It's OK to keep the sweet memories, and the hurt, but not to let the hurt distract you from performing at your peak. The "hurt" will make you more senstitive toward others, because now you know what that feels like, but it should not be used as negative baggage.
It happened, you got injured by playing the roughest sport in history (hey, it does get physical sometime and it's more popular than football), you survived to play again -- get back in the zone. And may the force be with you. | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:46:11 PM | It didn't work out with you or the girl he decided to be with. He just wasn't into commitment or didn't know what he wanted. You made the right choice. I don't think you deserve all this crap.  | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:05:53 PM | | This was three month's ago. I think your still very hung up on this guy and have feelings for him, even though you know logically you shouldn't. By being such a challenge he was able to manipulate your emotions to extreme highs and lows creating an almost addictive like attraction for him. Happens to us all at one time. I don't know the guy he could simply have wanted to make you jealous or he could have no idea what he really wants in a woman. | |
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| My ex did this what does it mean
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:42:09 AM | It sounds like he was practicing one form of abuse wich is sometimes called restricting approval. Some people have to keep total control of their loved ones emotions. They can do this by keeping you in constant question weather or not they like/love you. If you say "I love you" they may not respond. If you give a gift they will not say thank you. They will do things to make you afraid they will abondon you and then blame you for being jellouse. It sounds like you would feel comfortable and "approved" one minute and the next minute you couldn't understand why he hated you. It is a classic form of emotional abuse. Google it.
I would not try to persue a relationship with him again if I were you. These are heavy words and I don't pretend to know you but I did read your post and suggest you at least look into the signs of an abused woman just in case. If I am mistaken I would be glad to hear it! As for being a strong woman I believe you. These types target strong women who give gifts. It makes them feel stronger to overpower a strong person.
http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/abuse_signs.html | |
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