| 2 questions
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:09:49 PM | I have 2 questions here since I didn't want to post multiple threads.
1. I have had this happen 2-3 times already. A guy is interested in me. He messages me, we are sending messages back and forth. Now normally, I read the message and reply a little later. Apparently this isn't acceptable? Because an hour later I get another message from this person asking if I have lost interest. Do some guys not realize that this is kind of a turn off? It makes me picture them sitting at their computer and checking the sent messages button and being overall insecure with themselves. Sure, I am somewhat interested based on what i have found out so far...but once that happens, I am bound to flee. maybe it is just me...
2. Went out with a guy, had a really good time. Kissed good night and all that. We had previously planned a date for another day before we spontaneously decided to meet up for the first time before hand. We walked around town, then ended up watching a movie at his place. He asked me before I left if we were still on for the other meeting. I said yes. Now it seems as if he is avoiding me. Perhaps he has just been busy, don't know. But he acted all into it and then just kind of went away. I've seen this happen before, but never really understood why some guys do this. I didn't question him about still going, he specifically asked if I still wanted to. | |
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| 2 questions
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:15:23 PM | Answers:
1) Yep, that sounds like a guy with control and security issues. This is e-mail, so there is no such thing as instant communication.
2) He's not interested in you any longer. Don't know the reason; it could be that he found another woman, could be that he just thought on second thought you two aren't a good match, and it could be that he's not ready for a relationship. Now, agreed, he should have pulled you over and just said so, but he's cowardly enough to handle it by just avoiding you. I say good riddance and go on back to the fishing ... | |
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Posted: 7/25/2009 10:20:15 PM | 1) Some guys are like that. Cough it up to haveing no life or whatever. You will do well to avoid them, as they prolly are everybit as clingy as they come off as.
2)He might have caught another fishie more to his likeing. Or didn't get the sex he might have been expecting. Bottom line he just isn't all that into you.
Better luck  | |
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| 2 questions
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:27:05 PM | Thanks guys! I messaged the guy in question (the most recent one) for Question #1. Told him it was a turn off and came off as insecurity. Maybe he will learn his lesson for the future.
Don't think he found anyone else, but I do agree that he may just not be that into me. He did mention earlier not feeling well, so I may just be overanalyzing it too. Don't know. Won't worry about it. If I hear from him, awesome, if not, then there are more fishes out there! | |
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Posted: 7/25/2009 10:28:03 PM | 1 - clingy and insecure - release said fishy immediately.
2 - well did you guys meet up? or is this still in the future? if you were supposed to meet and he didn't show, forget about him. if you weren't supposed to meet yet - maybe it's too early to tell? | |
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Posted: 7/25/2009 10:33:29 PM | | 2. Yes, we did. We originally were going to meet on Sunday. Last night we were talking and decided to get together. We hung out for about an hour then we were sick of walking in circles so he asked if I wanted to watch a movie. So we were there for a couple hours. He kissed me goodnight and as I was leaving asked me if we were still on for Sunday (tomorrow). I said yes. He texted me "good morning" this morning. Then he mentioned how he wasn't feeling well and wasn't sure if he was still going tomorrow (it was a group thing that he invited me to) and said he would let me know by tonight. I told him ok, fine, feel better. He didn't text me by about 9, and I had to let my sitter know. So I just texted him that I assumed it was probably a no go since he wasn't feeling well but to let me know if we were still going, otherwise feel better. Haven't heard from him. Maybe he is just sleeping cause he isn't feeling well, maybe he was just blowing me off. Don't know. | |
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| 2 questions
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:49:39 PM | | He probably lost interest because he thought you were going to sleep with him. | |
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Posted: 7/25/2009 10:51:03 PM | #1. That's a sign of sheer crazy. Nevermind analyzing this or that or what issues it indicates, in the end it comes down to being a nice, tidy indicator of crazy, and if you get involved with him, or someone like him, there's guaranteed to be way more crazy to come in the fututre.
#2. Beats me on that one. Weird. I'd assume he lost interest, or something you did indicated you've lost interest and he's acting based on that. I have no idea if that's the case, it's simply the best I can guess. It could be innocent too. Dunno. | |
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Posted: 7/25/2009 11:06:31 PM | Bottom line is both guys are losers. If i were to show a woman i was very interested than just disappear(as it sounds like #2 did), than i would hope the woman would move as fast as she could away from me cause i am playing with her feelings. As far as #1, he needs to get a life outside of this website! Better luck, hope you can find some better fish :) | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 12:05:15 AM | Im not a guy but I just wanted to agree!
Almost 85% of the messages I get come with a follow up of "well you read my message, why havent you replied yet?"
"what, you lost interest in me already?"
ugh. its GROSSSSSSS.
jeepers, calm down boys. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 2:47:25 AM | I'm not a guy either, but have had both situations happen with me.
1. I think emails (ie; getting to know people) tell a lot about someone, if they respond that way just having to wait an hour or so for a reply, what are they going to do in person? I'd think if it was a woman doing that to them they'd be labeling us as "stalker material", sometimes we (men and women both) should take a few minutes and think about a response. We dont always have to say the first thing that crosses our minds.
2. Did he claim "high blood pressure" ?  Ummmmmmm, I'm GUESSING here so please dont bash on me (guys) .... Maybe he wanted to meet first (claiming he didnt want to wait until the "date" to see you) This should happen before a first date is planned (IMO). Lets you know if there is a connection enough for a date. If he see's you first, isnt "attracted" in whatever way, then he doesnt have to spring for drinks or whatever the "date" consisted of that was planned before. ~Same situation I had, planned a "lunch date", ended up meeting in the park and talking for 3 hours. He asked about meeting for lunch on the following Saturday, I still accepted, that morning he was in the "hospital for high blood pressure" and didnt hear from him again for a month. 
Moral of the story, suggest meeting breifly face to face .... then plan a first date if the sparks are there.
Best wishes.
edit; I should add that I called him and expressed wishes of him feeling better (on his voice mail) , I sent a brief note here, stating the same. Figuring I covered my bases, expressed my concern without being demanding and gave him the oppertunity to answer or run. The ball was in his court, he ran. Case closed. | |
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DanM76
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Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 12 | |
| 2 questions
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:02:25 AM | 1.) to answer question one maybe you were responsive back and then stopped replying and he's not sure why. Ya see men usually don't get e-mails and when we do it's like wow who is this? Half the time if we send comments out nobody replies. It gets to the point where you don't even wanna be witty or be interested in her because you're like "why bother she ain't gonna reply anyway".
2.) Maybe he is busy. People have jobs and some have kids and jobs. They also have friends off here. It can be difficult to juggle all of this. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 7:14:45 AM | | The problem is you. why? you call and think the first guy is needy because he asked why you didnt respond, the second guy doesnt respond the way you want him too, now you are confused? make up your mind. stop blaming men or looking for reasons to cover up your own insecurities. i have often been in emails with women one after the other and to not just stop and leave her wondering i tell her i have things to get done. its called a courtesy. have you forgoten your manners? if you were face to face with the same guy would you just walk away while he was still talking? then call him needy or creepy? i could understand if he was being rude or mean. but if he was being nice and you just got up and said screw it ill talk to him later maybe your the creep not him | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 7:22:25 AM | 1) He may be new to internet dating and actually think that this is a place to meet someone nice. Do yourself and others on this site a favor. Only respond to and contact
those who you are truly interested in. The useless flirtations and responses to all who contact you may make you feel good, but it's a total waste of time to others involved.
2) That ship has sailed. He went bacl\k to his wife or girlfriend or he found a nicer looking girl to pursue.
Blatant honesty. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 7:34:15 AM | | I hate to say it but I have done that in the past. Question 2 not question 1. Dont read anything into it. The one girl I did it to I like very much and there was nothing that would of stoppen me to go out on thw date. This is that fine line between liking someone or seeming to needy. It really depends if your calling or sending messages and he is just not responding. If its just that quiet time inbetween I would really worry about it. It means nothing. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 8:42:36 AM |
The problem is you. why? you call and think the first guy is needy because he asked why you didnt respond, the second guy doesnt respond the way you want him too, now you are confused? make up your mind. stop blaming men or looking for reasons to cover up your own insecurities.
WOW! Thank you Dr. Phil!!
1) A little too eager perhaps! One poster mentioned about a lot of men not getting many responses. That is probably true in many cases. Hell I've sent out lots of messages and haven't gotten a response for sometimes a day or two. Whatever!
It's pretty well accepted by those who have been doing the online thing for awhile that women receive a vast amount more messages then men. Many men are desperate for attention, and many women are not!
Many women are looking for quality and not quantity of messages. Men in general just want messages!
More women handle rejection better then many of the men from my experience. I wouldn't fret about it one bit!
2) This ones a might bit trickier. He could very well be ill. Only time will tell with that one.
If you believe he was genuine and honest with you from your first meet, then perhaps you're the one feeling a little insecure. I don't know you, so I can't say.
I'd personally wait and see about that one.
Good luck!! | |
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| 2 questions
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:32:46 AM | 1. Handle the situation the way you see fit and if the man does not respect that or he is trying to rush things tell him to piss off.
2. You complain in question 1 about doing things on your own time yet you wonder why some men don't immediately call you to arrange for another meeting? LOL | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 12:41:37 PM | | 2. I heard a story. Guy travels 10 states on greyhound to meet girl. His parents are out of the country and turned off their cell phones. He waits with no money at greyhound for over 12 hours for her to show up. she doesn't show up. he ends up in a shelter. He is there for 2 months before he gets a call on his phone. She got into a car accident trying to pick him up and has been in the hospital. Sometimes people don't contact us when it is convienient for us. Sometimes they can't. back off. You are acting like guy 1 and being needy. he might be in the hospital. | |
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SPF30
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Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 19 | |
| 2 questions
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:37:22 PM | The guy behind door #1 had expectations. He thought he was going to be e-mailing you conversational style back and fourth. You "disappeared" in his mind. I wouldn't be too hard on the dude. It is was a matter of non-communication, he was in the dark, you were clueless.
The guy behind door #2 maybe is having second thoughts, maybe he's unsure of the connection he feels. Who knows, it doesn't matter, he's taking too long, and he's losing out. You can't keep the feelings alive if he doesn't give you anything to go on. So, I'd e-mail the guy behind door #1 and start communicating with someone who's interested, and voiced that he cares in his own way. Give him a chance, he deserves another one. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2009 8:49:33 PM |
The guy behind door #1 had expectations. He thought he was going to be e-mailing you conversational style back and fourth. You "disappeared" in his mind.
I tend to agree with this. | |
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| 2 questions
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:50:55 PM | 1- It would be a turn off if a woman did that to me. It shows insecurity and even a little obssession. Having a couple messages returned (by the same person) shows interest and your last message will be returned, just need to be patient. Some of us have lives and we're not online 24/7.
2- Maybe he's scared off a few women in the past because he appeared to be to eager or pushy and he does not want to make that mistake with you. Do question him about it, ask him "Are we still on for...?". Don't be kept in the dark.... That is so not fun. | |
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