| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:04:30 AM | When a woman is trying to have a conversation with her man and feels she is not being listened to ,then her way of 'punishing' him is to give him the silent treatment.Apparently though this is only effective when used on other women.
So my question is do you ladies find the silent treatment effective and guys do you find it more of a bonus cos it means your getting peace and quiet! | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:12:01 AM | I see "the silent treatment" as playing games... If we have an issue, let's have it out in the open and deal with it.
I'm not interested in games.
Martin | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:22:05 AM | There's only one man I can remember doing it to, and that was the kids' Dad when he was throwing a tantrum at me, saying stuff I didn't think he should, particularly in front of the kids.
He would never drop it and agree to talk about it later in private, and it wasn't always practical to walk away and go elsewhere until he'd calmed down. The only way I knew how to handle it without being drawn into a two way slanging match was to give him the silent treatment. If he forced me to answer a direct question I'd do it in as few a words as possible and just sarcastically agree with him.
It drove him mad, and was not a real solution, but at least the mud slinging was only one way and I wasn't allowing myself to get caught up in that (although I wont deny that it did happen very occasionally). He certainly didn't see it as him getting the peace and quiet he wanted... if you've ever been in a room with a toddler throwing a tantrum whilst it's mother pretends she can't see or hear it you'll know what I mean! | |
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OKRob
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Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 4 | |
| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:26:18 AM | | I think silent treatment amounts to no more than sulking and should stay in the playground. I'd rather be ranted at and then at least I'd know what the problem is. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:30:38 AM | i dont ever play such games i have never done that silent treatment nor will i ever use it
but thats just me 
i usually have far too much to say lol | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:50:38 AM | So guys what you are saying then is that you would rather women go on giving you an ear bashing than shut up and ignore you and ladies you are going to keep talking until you have had your say?
What about if your trying to have a talk about something in particular but just keep going round in circles and feel like your bashing your head against a brick wall?Do you just shut up or keep bashing away at it?
Ok aitche,i get the message!lol | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:58:21 AM | communication is the key then there is no need to "nag" or get into such situations
i pride myself on the fact that i have never nagged if he aint interested then he aint | |
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OKRob
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Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 10 | |
| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:59:40 AM | | Yep, ear bashing sounds much less confusing. Couples focus on the problems, good couples focus on the solutions. The silent treatment doesn't offer many solutions. For me it would just inflame and anxious moment even more. | |
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sjxx
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Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 11 | |
| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:04:14 AM | Men can give the silent treatment too. Doesnt bother me. If I have had a row then I prefer to cool off so both sides keeping quiet is a good thing. And you dont run the risk of saying something you shouldnt say in anger that you cant take back. Something along the lines of "You have never made me cum" or even worse "My mum is right about you, you are a useless wanker" etc etc  | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:05:32 AM | I,m also very big on communication and sitting and discussing problems like two sensible adults but i have also found some guys to be uncomfortable in this scenario and rather than say what they really feel tend to hedge around it or just go quiet unless they have had a few drinks | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:15:17 AM | Urban Flower,
I agree that some men just wont talk. Some will store it up until it explodes in a flurry of incomprehensible rage that doesn't help anybody, and I do think there seems to be more blokes who find talking about difficult and potentially inflammatory subjects too hard than there are women.
The last bloke I dated re-activated his profile apparently because of some doubts he'd never voiced about my honesty... stupid misunderstanding it would have taken me 5 mins to straighten out. When I asked him why he'd done it, he took offence to even being asked and said he 'didn't need the drama' or mistrust!!!
I'm not at all sure if his doubts were genuine or is he was an even bigger flake, but I must admit, even before all that happened, if I saw that 'no drama' type statement on a profile, I wouldn't stick around, as I think it tends to mean he can't handle discussing relationship stuff.
I don't want to forever drone on over the same things, but its important to me to be able to talk through problems. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:25:43 AM | Never understood the silent treatment game.
Nor the "Are you ok?", and a reply of "FINE!" that was usually said in a snarl.
Whenever i got that reply, i always said, "OK, that's cool then." and went back to what i'd been doing. Because if there really had been a problem, she'd have said something about it....
I can hear a large number of women shaking their heads, slapping their foreheads, and muttering the word "Spanner!" under their breaths...
Yes, i knew there was a problem. What the problem was, i didn't know. However if she couldn't just be up front and say what was wrong, then how were we going to fix it?
Us men are fairly simple creatures. If there is a problem, then say what it is, and WE can try to do something about it.
Update. Message 15. Exactly. More often than not, if we try to mind read, then us men will end up chasing the wrong problem in the first place. So why is it so difficult to just say what's wrong?
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:32:19 AM | | message 14 i think the problem there is that we expect the guy to know what the problem is without being told lol but to be honest that just doesn,t work cos the guy genuinely does not have a clue there is a problem.Hence again, the lack of communication and us women expecting the guy to be a mind reader. | |
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*kath*
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Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:36:00 AM | I dont do silent,I dont do arguing either.
I snarl
Snarling is highly recommended | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:47:13 AM | I prefer a good bollocking anyday! It clears the air.
The silent treatment is unnerving because one never knows how long its going to last. You ladies should be more helpful in this situation. If you said "Right, that's it! I'm going to ignore you now for 3 hours / 3 days / 3 weeks (delete as appropriate))", then us guys could plan around that. If its 3 hours fine, I'll go down the pub. 3 days? Great I'm going on that golfing weekend etc... I'm sure that would ease the tension. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:51:37 AM | | It's not the silent treatment...it's plain and simple sulking and it's pathetic. I'd rather be in a relationship with a woman, not a little girl who nags and then sulks. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:32:42 AM | I am utterly incapable of the silent treatment.
If something is gripping my parsnips then I have to get it out in the open. I don't like confrontations or histrionics, but if something has upset me then I need to talk about it.
I am by nature an easy going person, but I know deep down I possess a truly demonic temper which I've kept under control all my life. The one thing that really lets the beast out of the box is frustration. Being ignored is sooo frustrating and I really do have trouble coping with it.
I wish I was made of steelier stuff and be able to ride out the sulking, but I've just got to have my say! | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:56:04 AM | i used to think oh! f em! but it turned out to be the last thing they want when there's nothing wrong:-)
so hey bring on the problems:-)
what always got to me is they will whinge on all day about things of little importance but if something gets them annoyed/upset they get struck dumb.
then if you're not prepared to spend a couple of hours extracting/guessing what it is you dont care!
so i guess that means i'm not a caring person.
and i know this goes for both it's not just women that do it!
"If something is gripping my parsnips then I have to get it out in the open"
i've heard em called melons and even bee stings but never parsnips.
i think thats just a devious way to win an argument:-) | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:59:11 AM | | The silent treatment is a form of passive aggression and a totally unconstructive way of dealing with problems. It causes confusion, irritation and ultimately a breakdown in any meaningful communication. IMO, things just escalate when people resort to this negative sort of behaviour. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:03:23 AM | My Grandmother once tried this on my Grandad. She gave up after a week because he hadn't noticed she wasn't talking to him.
I am guilty of it, but not for game playing - if something's really peed me off and I'm angry I'd rather be quiet for a while and calm down, think about what the problem is and then talk about it. Some men think this is being manipulative but I just don't like argueing, I'd rather have given it some thought and have a calm conversation.
H.x | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:07:58 AM | I am actually another one of those women that is completely unable to give the silent treatment .. for one (as previously mentioned numerous times) its childish and totally pathetic (I left school a long time ago now) .. if there is an issue I would much rather address it immediately in an adult fashion.
I find it hard to actually bawl someone out, instead I tend to make fun of a growly, scowly and yelling guy by saying something to break the anger (along the lines of "oooooh you make me horny when your mad .. fancy a shag?") hehehehe .. it works more often than not as what on earth could anyone say to that .. so the anger vanishes and a calmer exterior takes it place which makes being able to talk without raw emotion alot more rewarding. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:28:01 AM | | Its not a woman thing, men do it too. My ex husband used to keep it up for weeks even months. If he was ignoring me he also used to ignore our little daughter too....for months on end. Glad to be rid of that controlling behaviour, I think he was nuts. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:32:10 AM | Yes, I've resorted to the silent treatment, to screaming the house down and to nagging.
I don't just do it for fun though, it's after all the reasonableness in my system has been used up. Once I have reached the end of my tether, which is always very obvious, then it's fair game as far as I'm concerned. I'm very easy to read and more prone to crying first, so it's not like the other party is unaware of how I'm feeling.
It's a two-way street, you know.
It's all very well saying that communication is the key, it is without a doubt.
I can't help wondering though, if we're all so good at it, why are we all single? | |
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