| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:31:04 AM | Need some light shedding on this confusing situ!!
At first i didnt see what was happening but now i see a pattern emerging and really need u peeps opinions on y he is doing it and if any of u have had this happen to u
Been seein bloke off pof for just over a month.
As soon as i think i have learnt something new from him (eg a hobby) a week later he will contradict himself deliberately and say he was lying in the first place! So far he has lied about the job he does, his sexual past (first telling me he was not experienced then telling me he is very experienced) when i get funny with him about him lying, he gets really arsey and cuts me off...but i dont chase!! And a few hours later he will message and ask if i have got the hump with him!
The first few times it happened i gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he is a joker and im over reacting and taking it the wrong way. But its happening nearly everyday now, he will tell me that something he has previously told me about himself is a lie.
Its got to where i realise i actually dont know anything about him, and what i think i know i dont know if its true-and anything he says im not sure i believe!!
If i pick him up on it or tell him i dont like the games he strops, only to contact me later asking if im still talking to him!!
Honestly, what is it all about??? | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:36:14 AM | Schizophrenic????
BPD???
Narcissitic??
Bi-polar??
Liar (no question mark)
Head case (no question mark)
Insecure and gets confidence from making you look confused??
Gets kicks from keeping you off-keel (no quesion mark)
Enjoys your dis-comfort?? Why he may enjoy this... See above.
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:40:55 AM | It could be some form of Pseudologia fantastica. Him telling you things he thinks you would value even if they are untrue. Later he either has a brief bout with concience, guilt or learns you didnt make a big deal of his "thing he lied about" and refutes his story. Why? who knows.
Either way, this is the road you will be always on if you continue to walk the path with him. Choose whats right for you. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:59:09 AM | he definately gets a kick out of it! The thing is, when i get annoyed over it he plays the victim then saying its a joke and then shows off, only to come back later, not to apologise but to see if im annoyed! THEN he tells more lies!
Also he puts me down here and there, saying im mental and stuff.
Thing is he pushes me to the limit with the lies then retractions til i react then he starts bein arsy and saying im mental and stupid. Now i dont know if im coming or going?! if im being over sensitive, cos he makes me feel im reacting ovr nothing!
They aint little lies, well some are but they arent...for eg he will say i aint got any friends. Then a week later ill say u should make some friends and he'll say ive got loads. Ill say but u told me u havent and he will say, i was lying stupid!! Dont forget this is almost constant! | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:05:41 PM | when i first read your post i said to myself..."myself! do you just not hate the way kids type today?" so then i read your profile "holy s***!!!" i said to myself "this is an adult? 35 it says"
you have to ask what this is all about? i can tell you HONESTY is the last thing this is about. it may be about running around... it may be about great sex....might be about having a good time. BUT the last thing this is about is responsibility,respect, honesty,or maturity. WHY is it happening to you...because you allow it. WHAT do you do about it? enjoy the ride! or get of the ride.and find one of these responsible people... they may be less fun, but in the past they have proven to be there when you need someone!
reality is like a bite on the a$$...it stings at first but then you grow to like it! | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:06:21 PM | He's a manipulator playing head games with you in order to see your reaction....and oh what a reaction he must be seeing. Have you started questioning yourself yet? Wondering if you were losing your mind yet? Perhaps he DID say that and you got it wrong? If you haven't started ...you will.
He is controling your strings (reactions) and making you dance, hop, skip, freak out, requestion.....yeah....how much more controling can one person be ;)
You need to do two things :
1. Don't react at all
2. Kick his ass to the curb
Plenty of fish in the sea hun, don't waste time and precious energy on this one. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:32:06 PM | OK, maybe it's just me, but at 35, why would you wish to spend time with someone that acts like a 12-year-old? He has jerked you around from day one and you are still there trying to figure him out again because why? What has he done that has added happiness or value to your life? If you had fun, has that not been negated by the negative feelings fostered by his lying?
Ergo you shouldn't be talking to him at all, as it is really his problem that he lies and only some deep mystery you need to unravel if you are masochistic enough to become further involved with someone who is either a pathological liar or has some other deep-seated mental disorder.
Are you familiar with the words controlling and manipulative? He behaves badly then makes you feel like crap for calling him on it, yup, he's a winner. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:39:03 PM | Is that his definition of keeping a girl or lady on her toes ? Sadly enough, many woman develop a complex and inconsciously get attached to this type of losers.
Flush him down the toilet or he will take your sanity away. Just avoid negative, unstable, inconsistent dudes. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:41:43 PM | | victoria...yes i am starting to doubt myself...i am just wondering what the point of this game is-control? to make me doubt myself? why??? has anyone else experienced this?? | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:50:54 PM | | HI, HE PROBABLY HAS SEVERAL THINGS GOING ON BUT IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT THESE ARE: THIS MAN WILL DESTROY YOUR SANITY'''''''''YOU NEED TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM; YOU NEED TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO STOP HIM FROM HAVING CONTACT WITH YOU. YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF WHY? ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH HIM? DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF-ESTEEM? YOU WROTE TO PEOPLE HERE SO YOU HAVE INSIGHT THAT THIS IS NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. SO PLEASE, DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM ANY MORE. IF YOU FEEL YOU''''''''''''CANNOT STOP CONTACTING HIM''''''''''THEN YOU MIGHT BE CO-DEPENDANT AND NEED TO GET HELP IN A SUPPORT GROUP. IF YOU CANNOT DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO STOP COMMUNICATING WITH HIM, ASK A TRUSTED PERSON YOU LOVE TO HELP YOU DO IT AND THEN GET HELP FOR YOURSELF AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF AT OTHER TIMES. AS A FORMER BATTERED WIFE, I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU PERHAPS DO NOT AT ALL REALIZE HOW MUCH THIS MAN HAS HURT YOU EMOTIONALLY/MENTALLY/PSYCHOLOGICALLY. WHEN WE ARE IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS WE ARE SURVIVING AND WHEN WE LEAVE THEN ALL THE ABUSE COMES AT US AND THEN WE REALIZE HOW BADLY AND DEEPLY WE HAVE BEEN DAMAGED.SO PLEASE GET HELP WHEN YOU LEAVE AS YOU WILL NEED IT TO RESTORE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, OK, SMILES4444 | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:51:48 PM | | infact...im even doubting if im taking it all the wrong way?! how would u all feel if someone was doing this? its not a joke is it? im feeling out of order in a way for feeling annoyed, but the behaviour aint right is it?! | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:54:55 PM | | thanku smiles... in a way im hanging on to him because he makes me feel i am the one in the wrong and i really cant tell if im in the wrong or not. I do have low self esteem, yes...and im a trusting person so when he is telling all these lies its really freaking me out but again, when he tells me im being stupid its making me wonder if i am | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:04:54 PM | | Don't worry about him. Take a good look at yourself. He is playing you like a fiddle & you are taking his BS, hook, line and sinker for some reason. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:21:37 PM |
yes i am starting to doubt myself...i am just wondering what the point of this game is-control? to make me doubt myself? why??? has anyone else experienced this?? Don't try to figure it out.. it doesn't matter.
in a way im hanging on to him because he makes me feel i am the one in the wrong and i really cant tell if im in the wrong or not. It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong.. what you should be SEEING here is one of two things:
1. He is NOT a nice man for lying and manipulating you to the point that you think you're insane or, a lesser person, or any other negative feeling he makes you think about yourself. Nice people in your life should be helping you to better yourself, not make you feel even worse by abusing you with lies and tom-foolery.
2. Even if it was all in your head (which it isn't) you two are simply not a good match so, before your self-worth is whittled down to total depression.. Get away from him.. do what ever that takes so you don't cave and continue to respond to his b/s ... After you've detoxed his essence from your psyche ~ Learn from this so that you don't fall for someone like him again.
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:58:17 PM |
victoria...yes i am starting to doubt myself...i am just wondering what the point of this game is-control? to make me doubt myself? why??? has anyone else experienced this??
IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOU SHOULD NOT WANT HIM ERGO WHAT IS GOING ON IN HIS HEAD IS MOOT.
On the other hand, keep seeing him and have fun with the roller coaster. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:17:50 PM | I'm at a complete loss to understand this at all...............someone you've known a month and you're letting him you treat you like this.........
I'm not at all sure who the problem is really with, you or him? You're letting him do it and then keep bouncing back for more, you must either enjoy being abused or have some deep thinking to do on your own motivations and behaviour.
You can't change him, but you can change your own attitudes and behaviour.
You asked if anyone has experienced this................ I certainly haven't, but then again,I wouldn't allow to happen in the first place, I think sufficently highly of myself not to put up with this kind of nonsense.
And, to be blunt, no bloke who does behave like this would be attracted to me anyway, what is it you're doing that attracts this treatment? Only you can deal with that one. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:19:06 PM | | He's seeing if he can get away with being a liar. Thus far, you're letting him get away with it. Soon he'll cheat and say he never cheats then say he did. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:29:33 PM | | My question to you is...what difference does it make WHY he does it? The point is that he's doing it and it's driving you crazy....So, my next question to you is WHY are you putting up with it? You don't have to if you don't want to. You can tell him to take a hike, you can tell him to knock it off or you are gone, or you can continue to deal with his nonsense. He probably won't change his behavior, so you've got some decision making to do. | |
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| Think i can see what he is doing...but y???
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:48:28 AM | Its just he makes it out to be a joke, making me feel im being stupid. Part of me thinks maybe i am taking it the wrong way and thats his sense of humor? But, last night i said to my mate that he had text and i said to him im getting confused by him and y does he lie. He said whatever, goodbye! so i said to my mate, i bet he texts later and asks if im still talking to him. Sure enuf he did, i didnt reply. I said to my mate, now he will text something nasty. He did, saying forget everything. Then i said if i dont answer he will ask if im still talking to him-sure enuf he did. So i figure it must be head games if i can predict what he is going to do?!
But what is he wanting me to do? chase him? i just dont know why he wants to upset me on purpose, then ask if i am annoyed, then when he knows i am turn it round to look like im being stupid cos its a 'joke' then get arsey, then ask if im still talking to him??
Does me head in! I am just going to ignore him-i guess i just wanted to get confirmation from ppl that it IS head games and not a 'joke' as he says, cos id feel bad if i am taking it the wrong way. Ive slept with him aswell (b4 i knew he was like this) | |
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