| | Is he just not really interested?Page 1 of 1 | I'm sure I already know the answer but I am hoping maybe I'm wrong here. I met someone here and he was online when I emailed him and he promptly sent a reply. That night he said he wanted to meet soon so we met the next night. Things went great, maybe a little too great and too fast but that night he was asking me if I wanted to see him again and I said yes. The next morning bright and early I get a text saying we need to meet again soon. He was in class but we ended up texting back & forth for quite a while. The next morning again bright and earl I received a text and we conversed back & forth and met again that night. However, since then I've received only one text initiated from him. He does reply to mine. He did send me flowers here in an email once. I invited him to dinner and without pausing for a second he accepted but he replied I should let him cook for me so I asked him which of the two days he suggested were best and no reply on the matter for about 4 days. I text him to say hi and he replied "I'll make stir fry tonight". I sent him a few emails each asking questions but when I went to his house I had to ask if he received them because he didn't reply back. He replies in texts how attracted he is but doesn't initiate calling me etc. I sent an email asking him for dinner and I know he read it, we sent texts back and forth a few nights but he didn't comment or say whether he was coming or not. The day before I got online here and he was online and set a message saying how pretty I was. I replied and we went back & forth but I finally had to ask him "are we on for tomorrow night?". He stated he was just getting ready to get his son and go out of town but would be back the following night so he was coming but it would later than normal. I got the distinct impression had I not asked I'd still be waiting for the reply. Today I sent a text asking him about the food I was cooking and he said "great". But then came a text asking to make it for tomorrow because it was the last day with his son for 2 weeks.(I can understand that). But then followed by "and I'll be in your neighborhood tomorrow anyways. Here's the big thing that really bothers me. He doesn't initiate contact with me but is always here online and he's not looking at my profile. Less than 2 hours after he brought me home he was doing a search, you'd think he's be home smiling thinking about the great night not searching for other women (at least not until the next day). 3 minutes after texting me how beautiful I was and how much he wished I was there he was here searching. I haven't heard from him since earlier when he postponed our plans but I've noticed he's been here twice so far tonight since 9:30 and it hasn't been to my profile. I just don't see any interest here. I hear the words but I don't see the actions. Am I right in thinking this guy is just a player or am I overreacting and it's just too soon to tell how far the interest goes? I REALLY like this guy and he's a total gentleman when together but hey, who likes to be played. I'm not going to be his stand by until he finds someone he REALLY has an interest in. Anyways I realize this has been long winded and I feel like I'm a case of "he's just not that into you", but I just need to know if I just need to give it more time as it's only been a few weeks? Thanks ahead of time for the input. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:45:40 PM | | I believe you answered your own question...I hate to say it, but "he's just not that into you"...you are the standby!!...He's not worthy of your time and effort....it takes two to make a relationship work and in the beginning it should be "butterflies" in the stomach...can't wait to see that next message....or can't wait for that special persons call...if he's on here searching instead of responding to you or initiating contact...RUN....RUN....as fast as you can...."DANGER...DANGER...Will Robinson....DANGER"...lol! | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:46:34 PM | How can he chase you if you are so willing to say yes? IF a guy wants you he will do everything in his power to contact you.
Perhaps you shouldn't have to wait weeks to hear from him. If it takes him weeks to send you a text message then mostly likely he isn't for you.
Always on this website, looking for other women while he is dating you, means he will keep his options open... | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:50:47 PM | There's always the possibility that he's looking for someone else.
Now, supposing that there aren't evil motives behind this, what might cause him to be doing this? I get the impression that you're sending him texts / phone calls / e-mails all the time. Perhaps you're making him feel stifled. That can be a turn-off early in a relationship. (He might be thinking - gee, if she calls and texts me this much now, how much later on down the road?)
I know in my case, whenever a friend or significant other crosses some threshold, they need to back off a bit to let me catch my breath. Other times, I /want/ to be the initiator of contact, but she calls me first anyway, and "I was going to call you later on today, actually" just sounds hollow (even if it really is true!).
Try backing off for a week w/o any sort of warning. If he doesn't call or text you, call him one last time and unless he was at a convention or visiting his son - then you have your answer. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:03:23 AM | | Did you tap his phones and hire a tail for him too?? I would be careful not to smother him if you want it to go anywhere... | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:20:39 AM |
Things went great, maybe a little too great and too fast but that night he was asking me if I wanted to see him again and I said yes.
to me, it sounds like you slept with him.
The next morning again bright and earl I received a text and we conversed back & forth and met again that night.
so does this.
if so, he's gotten what he wanted and is keeping you on the back burner hoping for more of the same, while he continues to seek his dream girl.
if not, he's still playing you in the same fashion.
he talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk. guys that are truly interested SHOW it.
as for your part, i don't advocate game playing, but i find myself wondering: don't you have things going on in your life such that every time he says jump, you don't go through his hoop? most guys like the chase, and you always being available makes you less of a "challenge". that could affect his desire to instigate contact, since he knows if he does, you'll say yes.
as for him looking at other profiles, why shouldn't he? you've had a few dates. big deal. if you haven't had a discussion about being exclusive, both of you have every right to keep on looking. and dating others.
bottom line - he's just not that into you.
you're a nice looking lady. you can do better. keep searching. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:27:55 AM | Sounds like maybe you two have different -- and undiscussed -- expectations. Like, he's actively dating, while you're interested in settling down solely with him.
Nothing wrong with either objective, so long as you discuss them and are at mutual agreement on them.
If you've only been dating each other for a few weeks, then yes it's early to be piling a lot of LTR expectations on one another. You can't approach this like a drive-thru meal! :)
My advice: Talk to him. If you can bare your soul to total strangers, then you should be able to sit down and have this conversation with a guy you really like. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:58:51 AM | | It is absolutely mind boggling to me that you can be 47 years old and STILL not realize when a guy isn't interested in you. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:19:29 AM | | That's a giant wall of text and I didn't actually bother to read it, but I'm going out on a limb and going to say that, no, he is just not really interested. I find when you phrase a question as such, you already know the answer and are either just looking for affirmation or hoping against hope that you're wrong. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:19:01 AM | OK, so how did you know he was doing a Search here? You must have been online, too - right?
Maybe he saw you here and thought the same thing? | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:56:45 AM | To all women...PLUH-EEESE stop spying on whether or not we are on line and then drawing some conclusion about it. For many of us it is simply hapless wandering and means nothing. Do not take it personal...it is NOT all about you!
As for this guy it sounds like he is guarding his communication. Guys do that when they want to hide something. So he is either married or playing you or both. In any case you deserve a man who would not play such foolsih games. Move on. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:31:30 AM |
It is absolutely mind boggling to me that you can be 47 years old and STILL not realize when a guy isn't interested in you.
How is this even helpful?
and, to the O.P., yeah, it definitely sounds like he got what he wanted, or realized he wasn't goign to get what he wanted, and he's keeping you in the "reserve tank."
"well darn, that didnt work out with chick A, but I know chick B will be happy to se eme again, until I find someone better" Where in this example, you are "Chick B" | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:41:29 AM | | Be patient. You don't know if he is on here just browsing the always entertaining forums or if he is sending out mass emails to every woman on here. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:54:31 AM | He's interested alright, when it suits him.
Is he a player? Sure he is and you are probably one of many on his pole, always looking for someone new and exciting, he caught you so he's bored and some men have to always have a new woman to chase and or chase them as it feeds and strokes their ego's.
Dogs don't chase parked cars! | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:57:27 AM | This is part of what I hate about on line dating or dating at all for that matter. When and where do you draw the line and become exclusive?
I mean, you can't blame this man because things may have moved too quickly. Nor can have any expectations of him due to it because you, and I underscore you, did not wait and have things clearly defined beforehand. This is not a judgement. Many people, myself included, have made this mistake. And it is a mistake. And after all, as another poster pointed out, you were on line too. But you are very interested in him.
I don' t know how you begin to work on something like this when the other person isn't willing to communicate. That to me is the most challenging part. And the most telling. The only thing I can figure is that you tell him straight up what you're feeling and then offer to give him some space to make up his mind. If he's really interested, he'll get with the program and sooner rather than later.
Heavens, the story I could tell you about something working out against all the odds! But for your own sake, I wouldn't invest too much of myself in this until you have some clear communication and cooperation.
Best wishes.
P.s. I don't understand why people call what you were doing stalking or snooping or spying. I've happened upon friends of mine on line without any intent of "hunting" them. It's like telling you to walk around with your eyes firmly shut. But these will be the same people who will laugh when you walk into a wall. Information isn't harmful. How you use it can be. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:26:22 AM |
To all women...PLUH-EEESE stop spying on whether or not we are on line and then drawing some conclusion about it. For many of us it is simply hapless wandering and means nothing.
This is a very good point....
My G/F learned this one night... she was on her computer and asked me why I was showing online... Since I was sitting next to her she was a little confused...
My computer, is set to keep my 'connections' alive when it's idle...(keeps long downloads etc going rather than have it disconnect for inactivity) in other words, my computer looks like I'm there.... as a result... it looks like I'm online or on and "busy".... | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:00:18 PM | | I'd have to disagree with a lot of people on here. I think there COULD be a lot of interest on his part. I'm wondering if you don't give him a chance to come up for air. It sounds like your are messaging him every time the wind changes direction. Gve him a little space and let him miss you a little bit and "grow" into a relationship. | |
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| Is he just not really interested?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:03:32 PM | Two options :-
(1)He's a player who's not interested in a relationship and is only interested in getting his Nat King Cole from as many women as possible.
(2) He does want a relationship but you're just a stop gap till he finds something "better".
Either way you're being played, so if you're after a more serious relationship that's more than just "friends with benefits", you'd better put a tin lid on this one. | |
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