mkc40
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Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 1 | |
| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:54:15 PM | If a man says he can't give a woman an "emotional attachment," but he invests a lot of time in the friendship, what does that mean? Do you typically invest a lot of time being a woman's friend if there's no way you could become emotionally attached to her? What if the friendship involved sex? Would that make this statement different?
I am interested in your personal opinions to compare with a research study I just read about emotional connections. This seems contradictory to me. Thanks for your help. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:08:52 PM | It means.................
I like Landra and we can kick it.
But I'm, happily, in a relationship and have only friendship to offer.
Oh, and maybe some tongue in cheek banter! | |
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mkc40
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Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 5 | |
| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:14:27 PM | | KC - I don't understand your answer. Could you elaborate? I didn't express an opinion in my post, and it looks like your answer is to me personally. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:14:40 PM | | Ahhh, It simply means: Friends with benefits until something better comes along. Or his ex decides to take him back!! Any way you look at it, a relationship is not going to happen. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:49:33 PM |
I don't understand your answer. Could you elaborate?
Not speaking for or about KC but there seems to be a group of idiots in these forums that insist on replying to something other than what you wrote. You will recognize them by their repeated use of insults that a 14 year old would use. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:18:44 PM | Let me try a thoughtful response for you.
Emotional attachment for most men means romantic attachment and usually exclusive. There is a line that men are very sensitive to its called the "friends line". If a woman says friends then we understand that romance is not part of the equation. At first we took that as rejection but we learned and adapted. So now we keep friends separate from romantic interests. Men are very loyal to our friends and we will invest a huge amount of time.
Sex can be a deal breaker or not. While many on here claim of the FWB solution, I have not seen that play out too often in real life. Sooner or later someone gets attached. I could be wrong its just my experience. It is true though that men can have a fullfilling sexual experience without significant attachment which seems to be harder for women (just a guess).
As far as why I might spend time becoming a woman's friend I guess I would turn it around and ask you why not? I have met many wonderful women and when causes or goals align they are the best of partners. Of course there is some sexual tension (testosterone and all) but mature guys can keep things in perspective.
I hope this helps | |
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mkc40
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Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 9 | |
| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:55:22 PM | Steve,
Thank you for your thoughtful response.
I've developed some misconceptions about men that I'm starting to re-evaluate. That's why I've been reading well-researched articles - "100% of men polled said 'this' or 'that', etc." However, if I can get some serious responses from real men who are in "the know" I could look at many types of relationships from a different point of view.
I like reading these forums, but there are definitely many childish responses.
M | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:03:08 PM |
...he invests a lot of time in the friendship, what does that mean?
Good friends.
Do you typically invest a lot of time being a woman's friend if there's no way you could become emotionally attached to her?
Friends
What if the friendship involved sex? Would that make this statement different?
Friends with benefits. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:07:16 PM | When they say they don't want emotional attachment they usually mean they want to be free to go at any moment (not like you're chaining them to your leg anyway). It could also mean that they are married, looking for somebody better (but you're convenient at the moment), don't know what they are looking for (but definitely not you). That is also known as emotionally unavailable.
Yes, you are right, it is a contradictory statement. The flaw lies in their misunderstanding of the concept of friendship. Friendship is a kind of emotional attachment too. But this attachment usually implies less commitment. You part with freinds for whatever reason - moving, career change - and don't get all bitter over it. That's how they want it when they say they don't want attachment - they want you to be OK with them leaving any day. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:27:49 PM | What if the friendship involved sex?
never never never mix sex with friendship. you'll only get taken advantage of | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:36:22 PM | "a man says he can't give a woman an "emotional attachment," but he invests a lot of time in the friendship"
This SOUNDS like a man answering a question, not saying something out of the blue. It sounds like he's responding to a question about how much the relationship means to him, or if he plans on making more of a commitment, etc.
Without knowing the question, we have to guess what the answer means by itself. By itself, it sounds like he's saying he doesn't feel in love, which would be a strange thing to say just out of the blue.
I'd be careful about research studies and questionnaire responses. Some of them have value, but it's extremely difficult to know how good a job they did with their research protocols. I've seen a LOT of badly done questionnaires being analyzed to mean all sorts of things that I knew from first hand experience to be total crap.
Contradictory? Maybe, but I think it depends on the details of the situation, none of which are here. I've had plenty of friends who I will give plenty of time to, and fight for, but with whom I am NOT in love. I have several lesbian friends, for example, for whom I'd do almost anything, and have spent lots of time with, but if they move to the other end of the country, they are like guy friends: I wont pine for them to return.
There are nice folks across the street who are likely to need help soon (father dying), and I will give what ever I can to them, but there wont be an 'emotional attachment,' it's just the right thing to do. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:40:20 PM | If sex is involved it means he wants to continue receiving the nookie until something better comes along.
If sex isn't involved, he thinks it can be. | |
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mkc40
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Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 15 | |
| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:14:49 PM | Igor,
Thanks for this interesting response.
I think what you are saying is just because a guy isn't "in love" with a woman doesn't mean he won't invest time in the friendship. In other words, a man who doesn't feel "in love" won't move forward into a serious relationship with the woman, but he may still want to be her friend and spend time with her.
M | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/27/2009 9:00:10 PM | if a man can't give an emotional attachment, that means he doesn't want to fall in love with you. he's not "feelin' it". he may still want to sleep with you, or just be an activity partner, but he's saying don't expect romance to bloom.
most men have no problem having intimate relations without emotional attachment. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/28/2009 12:20:07 AM | Most of my closest friends are women. Some of them I was involved with romantically for a time, but for one reason or another, it did not work, however we found that we still wanted to spend time together...just not romantically.
I love spending time with them and invest much into the relationship. Just because we have complementary genitalia, does not mean that a sexual relationship is the only type possible.
At our age we can handle a greater variety of relationships. | |
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| Emotional Attachment vs. Friendship
Posted: 7/28/2009 8:16:52 AM | Usually when a man says they can not give emotional attachment I take it to mean they have been hurt and are not willing to put themselves out there again.
They so need a break and just want some company.
Friendship in my book does not involve sex granted one can have an intimate relationship with their significant other and consider this person a best freind but without the exclusivity of a close relationship their can be no sex.
However this is my truth Some men are perfectly capable of separating sex from emotional attachment and that is who they are . | |
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