| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:03:28 PM | I just spent an entire week talking to a truck driver who was on the road.
He was funny, witty, and seemed like a nice guy. I thought we had a good connection and was looking forward to meeting him. We exchanged pics, talked 3 or 4 times a day.
He got back in town yesterday, and has completely blown me off.
I feel deflated...........maybe I read to much into the whole thing.
I have been married for 18 years, separated for 1 1/2 years........messy, financial divorce, my decision.
I just got back in the dating scene, and now I remember how much it sucked.........lol
I am taking it personally, maybe because I am too emotional. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:10:09 PM | Hang on, he's been on the road, just got back yesterday so probably had a tremendous amount of things on his mind to take care of, not to mention sleep for 14hrs and he's blowing you off?
Mmmm. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:11:56 PM | The guy could be married, and can't call 'cause the wife might overhear!! Unfortunately, there are ALOT of liars out there; you really have to watch out for yourself while meeting new people.
Good luck to you, and don't let one jerk get you down. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:14:44 PM | | Maybe, except he deleted my message without reading it......... | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:19:14 PM | | How do you know he's blowing you off? I was a truck driver for a short period of time and never was out more than 2, maybe 3 days. I can tell you... when I came in from the road all I wanted to do was decompress and process the long ride and all the crap that went on while on the job. I wasn't wanting to talk to or see anyone.. but then I kind of agree with the other poster.. the guy is married. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman.. he's got to be married or crazy... | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:22:35 PM | He said he lived with his mom, I tend to believe and trust people, since I am trustworthy.
Thanks for thinking he's crazy instead of me.........lol | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:24:27 PM | | The why shouldn't matter...just that it happened. Try not to get sucked into all the negative bs that goes on in the fora...people are all to quick to come up with the most negative heinous stuff, but that's their baggage. Move on to the next guy with a good attitude...you'll be fine. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:49:25 PM | Maybe he didn't want to get involved with a married woman going through a messy divorce.
I suggest you wait until you're divorced before starting to date; you'll attract a better quality man. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:55:57 PM | Welcome to the wacky world of dating.
Women (especially) get emotionally involved when talking to a man they haven't even met.
You might think I'm being mean but here's some things I've learned-
If your picture is posted, you don't need to send him more, especially if you haven't even met him yet. Some men (and women) just collect pictures and do #4 to them.
Don't talk to someone 3-4x a day. I know it's exciting, interesting etc. But some people are just plain lonely and looking for someone to fill the next 10-15 minutes.
You got yourself emotionally involved with someone you don't even know. You're going to have to learn to take it slowly with men you haven't even met. It's not easy but unless you prepare yourself you're going to get hurt over and over again.
As one guy once said to me, "it's just talk." | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 1:21:24 AM | He deleted you without reading your note? Oh man, instead of being hurt, just feel sorry for his pathetic self. He's not running because he doesn't want you, he's running because he cannot have you.
You have built up a fantasy man in your mind, one that I am sure is leaps and bounds better than the real deal. Be glad he spared you the trouble of having to dump his butt.
Please stop giving away your kind heart (even if only parts of it) to someone, anyone, that hasn't earned it rightfully.
Good luck,
kk~ | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:28:54 AM | Just repeating what MisKa said just in case you missed it.
Mom is code word for nagging wife that won't let me cheat.
just think of it as a couple of fun days chatting, move on... | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:35:01 AM | cough ..
<div class="quote">an entire week
!!! .. not a whole 7 days! OMG - OP .. I would (if I were your 'friend') tell you this: "Smarten up!" It was only 7 days!!! dear God woman - what would it be after 2 whole weeks?? a bridal shower???
Now .. dust yourself off, pick yourself up and get out and have some fun! Chatting with someone - who may or may not be who he claims - is Nothing. For all you know he could be a 14 year old boy playing with daddies computer .. could be a bored woman .. could be President Obama!!! lol .. Well!!! You really don't 'Know'! ..
and entire week  
sorry .. but I think your reaction is a 'bit' much for ONLY 1 week of chatting .. with God knows who ..
That IS what I would tell Any friend of mine who posted this topic/question..
Otherwise .. good luck eh! ;) | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:41:50 AM | he deleted my message without reading it.........
don't ever, EVER get excited about an online conversation with some guy. it doesn't mean shit. you'll probably never know why you got the blow-off, but my money is on either (a) he's married; or (2) he was chatting up at least one other lady online at the same time and she was the finest horse in the race as far as he's concerned. c'est la vie. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:45:14 AM | I don't think any of us will ever 'figure it out' as it's simply impossible to second-guess one other person, let alone the many options one is presented with on a site such as this.
I have made the mistake of getting VERY emotionally attached to someone who I haven't met before, and yes it does TOTALLY suck when it turns out you were simply an object of their amusement, or some other diversion. I have a very simple rule now - I will not allow ANY feelings of attachment to develop - no matter HOW gorgeous or apparently perfect the other person is, until I have met them and looked straight into their eyes !
One needs to be a bit tough to take the knock-backs and rejections, and try to remember that one can get rejected through no fault of their own - as it's down to what is in the other person's head ! The best any of us can do is come to terms with ourselves first, and be open about who we really are. It's tempting to retreat into a cynical shell and sit in the comfort of our defences, sniping at those who don't see eye to eye with us, but that will never win anyone else's heart - and we run the risk of shutting our own away for good.
"To open a heart it must first be broken"
When these things happen, take a few deep breaths, spend a little bit of time working out why and whether there are any lessons to be learned, and then move on, with a smile, to the next encounter :-) | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:47:14 AM | OP never take anything to heart that happens off of POF until you meet the person...in person. Even then take head to guarding your heart until you know he is unattached and available and truly desires to get to know you as a person.
Do not let yourself be defined by anyone. You know who you are and what you are worth. Stick to your guns and just enjoy each conversation as it comes.
If one day you meet someone off of POF that does not come with a bag full of bull then you did good, if not seek companionship elsewhere.
There are some really good men out there waiting for you to look back and smile at him. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:09:24 AM | cough ..
an entire week
!!! .. not a whole 7 days! OMG - OP .. I would (if I were your 'friend') tell you this: "Smarten up!" It was only 7 days!!! dear God woman - what would it be after 2 whole weeks?? a bridal shower???
Now .. dust yourself off, pick yourself up and get out and have some fun! Chatting with someone - who may or may not be who he claims - is Nothing. For all you know he could be a 14 year old boy playing with daddies computer .. could be a bored woman .. could be President Obama!!! lol .. Well!!! You really don't 'Know'! ..
and entire week
sorry .. but I think your reaction is a 'bit' much for ONLY 1 week of chatting .. with God knows who ..
That IS what I would tell Any friend of mine who posted this topic/question..
Otherwise .. good luck eh! ;)
It was actually 2 weeks os messaging and 10 days of talking on the phone, plans were made..................if that makes any differance.................
I feel like your laughing at my heartfelt disappointment | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:21:42 AM |
Maybe he didn't want to get involved with a married woman going through a messy divorce.
I suggest you wait until you're divorced before starting to date; you'll attract a better quality man
This statement is tiring, I was married 17 years and have been seperated going on 3 years, I can't afford the divorce and have stated in another post what it entails for me to do so (lean on my house) so since he is the one with the money I have no choice but to wait tll he decides to file for it, now I have issues that I am dealing with so I dont think its fair in my case to drag someone into my STUFF right now, but seperated does not mean roll over and die till you get the divorce, you left the person for a reason and would not go back no matter what so what the hel* is the difference. As long as you are up front with whom ever you meet and tell them whats going on there should not be a problem, everyone is so quick to judge and throw that stupid comment. If I met someone that truly cared and knew all that I have been through and would be willing to stick it out because they cared that much it shouldn't matter whether I am seperated or divorced!!!! | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:29:20 AM | Hey Barb
I agree with almost every previous post. Recognize some of the inherent issues with online relationships.
Some men(and women) are just looking to have someone to talk(and fantasize) about.
The married ones think it is a fun game and have no intention of taking it anywhere. (except maybe a booty call if they can escape from their wives)
Many look at it as a game to see how many challenges they can win.
Unfortunately, those types make us shy and suspicious when a "nice" guy comes along. You just have to take things slowly and don't read anything into anything until you have spent some time with the person. In the meantime, work on making yourself the best you can be and believe that whomever finds you will be damn lucky as you are a beautiful woman.
BTW--did it occur to you that your trucker may have been just looking for someone to talk to on those long hauls? | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:29:40 AM | Trying to figure why some people changed their minds is like trying to figure why the Government gave money to GM and Chrsysler and then let them go into Chapter 11, it will drive you crazy.
Only him and the Good Lord knows why he changed his mind, it could be from He's married , He's a loser ( living at home with mom) to he just changed his mind, people can change their minds , he's just inconsiderate not telling you his reason.
Taking personally? well I can see why you just got back into the dating scene after 18 years of marriage, one tip for you just because some guy paid attention to you doesn't mean his intentions are good.
Smart women (and men) are responsible for using discernment. Don't give your heart to a stranger. Don't emotionally invest in a person until you've taken the time needed to be sure they are able to sing the same song from the same song book
The emotions you develop on the internet can cloud your judgment when and If you decide to meet in person. You might be unwilling to see the truth (or red flags) because you feel you've invested so much time in the relationship, or feel it "should" work | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:41:17 AM | now i do like message 9 even if what a #4 is eludes me(i just pray it is not perverted)!
got to agree with the slow down get to know them before you love them...love is like a firecracker...if it starts hot and fast.... it is not long before it blows up! there is a difference between opening your heart to someone.... and giving it away.
ps. do not judge the next man by the last pervert...just rent him enough rope... | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:55:12 AM | It was actually 2 weeks os messaging and 10 days of talking on the phone, plans were made..................if that makes any differance.................
I feel like your laughing at my heartfelt disappointment
if it helps...i don't think that people laugh at posters so much as try to
a) trash men just because they can't get over the bitterness they have created
b)trash women because they seem to be rejected more often than a wood peg in a iron factory
sorry love getting answers here is like picking a mate....you gotta dig trough a lot of sh** before you find a gem.....
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:00:03 AM |
This statement is tiring, I was married 17 years and have been seperated going on 3 years, I can't afford the divorce and have stated in another post what it entails for me to do so (lean on my house) so since he is the one with the money I have no choice but to wait tll he decides to file for it, now I have issues that I am dealing with so I dont think its fair in my case to drag someone into my STUFF right now, but seperated does not mean roll over and die till you get the divorce, you left the person for a reason and would not go back no matter what so what the hel* is the difference. As long as you are up front with whom ever you meet and tell them whats going on there should not be a problem, everyone is so quick to judge and throw that stupid comment. If I met someone that truly cared and knew all that I have been through and would be willing to stick it out because they cared that much it shouldn't matter whether I am seperated or divorced!!!!
Like it or not, until everything is in order, most people are not READY to attract the right people! I am divorced, it was messy...I never once thought I should be deserving of another relationship while I was going thru it. Complain all you want, life works a certain way. When all doors to the past have been closed and dealt with, dating and relationships are better. You dont have to accept it, obviously you dont...but it is what it is.
Meeting someone new and expecting them to handle the shiet from your past relationships is asking way too much. If it happens, gravy, but expecting it is asking for trouble. | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:11:44 AM | I do beleive I stated that I wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment not because I am seperated and think that I need to be divorced to get into one but because of verbal and emotional abuse issues, I am working on those and if I were to meet a man in the mean time before actually having the divorce papers should not make a difference, You say your divorce was a messy one, sorry you had to go through that mine is strictly financial issues that need to be settled, nothing messy about it besides hes being an assh*** and I dont deal with him the police did that for me!. As far as I see it I am seperated ... away from the person , he means nothing to me, there are no feelings, never a thought of going back but going forward. I dont agree that I would attract a different type of man whether I am seperated or divorced thats bulls*** I would attract someone that shares the same beliefs and has morals similar to mine ect ect.... Some of you are just bitter people, because you went through your crap you beleive its the same for everyone ..NEWSFLASH.. its not.
Good luck to you | |
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| Trying to figure it out
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:25:43 AM | | Your not the only one going thru this stuff...I also just got seperated(10 years two kids relationship).. and i do beleive a part of us tries to get that closeness we had with our partners with new ppl way too fast... and unfortunately alot of the ppl we meet that seem nice might not be...ive found that it took me awhile to grasp the concept :)now im a lil more guarded and take a lil longer to get excited about someone who seems like such a good person...chalk up the truck driver there, be happy that you didnt enter a relation with someone that was not meant for you and move on:) | |
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