| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 11:39:20 AM | | This is really more of a question for the girls, but--what makes so many of us afraid to be with a military man long-term? A lot of women I know absolutely refuse to be involved with anybody from the military long-term. I guess I'm a bit prejudiced since so many of my family members have been in the military, but I've found that in general (obviously there are exceptions to every rule!), the ones I've known have been extremely devoted to their family. I have great respect for the military and for any man who puts in a full day's work and isn't afraid of hard labor or protecting/serving/sacrificing for others or for his country or God or all three, whatever his job may be (obviously you should never be with a guy just because he IS in the military, either). In fact, I wish I knew more guys like that, because our culture puts people who only want to be famous/rich/playboys on a massive pedestal. So what is it? Is it the distance, or the fear of losing them? Or is it fear of cheating? I'm just curious! | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 11:44:34 AM | | I have always found military guys a lot more respectful and kind to me anyway. But I think its the deployments and the potential loss aspect. And being that we are still at war its even more scary. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:49:34 PM | | I'd love to be allowed the ability to date more military men. I'm not however in the hub of militia activity...so I think it's unlikely to occur. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:49:41 PM | I spent eleven years in the army and this was brilliant until we had a child and that was it, i have never mis-treated my wife never abused her or anything when we where in it was safe for us she or i could never play around because everyone new everyone.
we have since come out and 9 years later she has now left me me another person.
i gave her bmw's, jaguars, mr2's 4 bedroom detached house hot tubs etc etc and all this is not enough, i wish i had stayed in the army the fact the family feeling keeps alot of things all in order | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:54:11 PM | Luv luv luv a man in a uniform ...nothing sexier ...well maybe an man in a tuxedo..woowhoo | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 1:14:58 PM | | There was just a post from a military guy asking this same question with tons of responses. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 1:51:29 PM | | I’ve never dated a military man, but I come from a military background. Personally I’d find the separation hard to deal with, and the fact that they could regularly be in danger. My own parents found the long separations hard to cope with, and each cheated on the other so of course divorce was inevitable. I think a man in uniform is very sexy, and of course they do a wonderful, often thankless, job but it takes a special kind of person to be able to endure the worry and long absences, and I just don’t think I’m that person. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:52:33 PM | | Love them! A lot of my friends are militarty (army) and I would date a man in the military in a heart beat. I think poeople have a hard time with it because of the distance and how long they are gone, but if you are turly dedicated to them then it shouldn't be a problem and you have to walk into the relationship knowing that they will be deployed at one point or another. You also have to be able to deal with distance, if someone can't even handle being in a long distance relationship then they for sure can't handle a deployment that last 15 months. I happen to be good at distance so dating military not a problem for me :) Knowing that when you finally do get to see them it will be that much sweeter. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:00:00 PM | I was married to a military man for 20 years...My father and brother were both
military...so I am a army brat...
Once my ex hubby came back from Africa he was never the same...things changed...
he changed...he left me six years ago...no cheating was involved...I hated when he
went away for long period of time but that was part of the job...
I would date another military man in a heart beat...but just have not come across
another one...They are good respectful men with great heart...that are not afraid to
work hard...show and support family friends and neighbours...
I miss the military life...being on my own has opened my eyes...I just wish I had
the support of another great man... | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:07:16 PM | | In most cases I would have to say it's a combination of all of the things you said. But the biggest one would have to be infidelity! | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:13:22 PM | Well not all are alike.
I lived with one.
I have recently spent alot of time with an active duty soldier.
He is a real nice guy. Not like the other one so again I must say this-
Its not the military, its the guy. Granted, some do come back messed
up - some are just messed up before, during and after they are in and
some are great guys - its the guy.
The MAN - not the MILITARY.
Regular guys cheat, regular guys have character, integrity, willing to do
What is necessary for thier fellow man and so on. I think the cheating
stories and all that goes on with Military guys has more to do with thier
egos and how women just throw themselves at a "man in uniform" mentality.
Thier egos are huge - I will admit to that. Its alittle tough to take too.
The reality - Police officers, fire fighters - put thier lives on the line every day too for your safety and well being.
It really comes down to the type of man he is- not if he wears a uniform
everyday. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:42:31 PM | This topic isn't particularly new. It is a hard life and many people don't want to sign on for the deployments when they are essentially a single parent, I know what that's like because my ex was out of town working 2/3 of the time. Also worrying about their loved one coming back, and military guys/gals have been known to cheat just as their SOs have been known to cheat on them while deployed. Some people also aren't up to the potential moves particularly raising a family.
They could be passing up a great guy or gal but if they know that life is not for them, they are doing the right thing because eventually both people would be unhappy. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:10:57 PM | I just retired from the military after 24 years (Air Force) and didn't see a whole lot of the infidelity stuff that seems to be a prevalent theory. No more so than in the non-military world, anyway.
I always thought that part of the problem with dating the military guys/gals was that we pick up and move whereever they send us every 2-4 years. That means if you want to date a military person and become involved with them, there is the possiblity that you'll have to move. Depending on your social structure, that could be really hard ... and if children are involved , the difficulties increase. New jobs, new schools, new house ... lots of changes every few years.
Deployments are another issue but they're not that bad. Most people come back with few problems and there is help available if they do. Deployments can last 4 months or up to 12 months or more depending on the service and the particular deployment.
It just takes a strong person to deal with a military person ... a willingness to almost become an honorary military member. We have a close-knit community so that helps a lot with separation issues (from your family, friends, and loved ones). | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 8:27:26 PM | I've never dated or even thought of dating a military man.
USN retired | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 8:30:41 PM | | Depends on how independent you are and how well you manage living alone when he/she is gone. My oldest daughter hates when her husband is sent away for 2 weeks to 2 years at a time but she's also gotten to live in S. Korea and visit China, etc., things she'd never have had a chance to do if my son-in-law wasn't in the military. It's a dangerous job, no doubt, but it also has it's perks. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 9:42:14 PM | | My ex-boyfriend was an officer in the Canadian Air force. I ALMOST moved with him. My ONLY issue was about the moving around every 3 years. It's hard to start your life over again at such intervals, and you are essential living your life for them. I'm going back to school, study dance, and other things with which I want to progress. I'm not willing to give-up my aspirations at this point in my life. But I am thankful for them, and I also have family memebers in the military. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 10:18:50 PM | There are tends of thousands of military women, so it really isn't just a question for women.
But I would not get involved seriously with a military woman for several reasons, the main one being she is likely to be deployed often in the current climate. It's just too much seperation for a relationship, imo.
The military is a different lifestyle as well and I had my fill of it when I was active duty. I'm a civilian now and enjoy it a great deal. Many military people are fairly closed minded about things, so that's not good. Some don't know how to relax on their off time and have the military mindset 24/7, which is annoying.
There are always people who don't fit the stereotypes I mentioned, but I just wouldn't pursue anything with a military woman because of all the potential hassles. Been there, done that and wont go there again. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 10:58:50 PM | I'd hook up with a military girl so long as I could stay on base with her. I'm a bit needy, but good so long as I know she's just somewhere relatively nearby. But deployment is my only issue, I'd want to come. And God help anyone who wounded her in combat.
guess it's not a very realistic scenario and I should work on the needy thing. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/29/2009 11:10:27 PM | I'm almost certain I'm going to catch flak for this...
yes, the uniforms are sexy. yes, the danger element is sexy.
no, I couldn't be involved with someone who's job is to murder other people.
-L | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/30/2009 5:46:47 AM | My boyfriend was in the Army for 5 years, stationed in Germany for 2 of those years. He had been honorably discharged for 2 years before I met him. I had told him flat out, that if he had still been in the military, we would not be where we are today. We wouldn't have gotten past the first date. I am not a military girlfriend or wife. I don't want to have to explain to our children, "Daddy is going to be gone for a year and he might not come back." I don't want to raise my children by myself. I want my children to have an INVOLVED father in their lives, something I was not given, even though my parents were married when I was younger.
When I first started dating him, my mom was concerned because of the stereotypical reputation of military men. Sleeping around with women ect, but my boyfriend is so not like that. He was (by choice) a virgin until he was in his mid 20s and isn't the type that messes around with just anybody. He's only ever been with two women and that was his ex and now me.
I will say though, that I do like that he was in the Army. I'm proud of that and he knows that. I also know that I have to accept the fact, that if we have a son, he's probably going to join the military (It's tradition in my bf's family). | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:56:06 AM | Quote from one of our own on trial in Colorado:
"All they did was teach us to KILL, KILL, KILL. After a while it comes very naturally."
some of the kids coming out of the military now days are have serious mental issues.
Fact: 1 out 4 homeless people are veterans.
The military is not for everyone.
Some people are better off going to college because we need doctors and teachers etc..
Others are better off going to the military, as they need the discipline and stability.
BTW.. What does the term "Jarhead" really mean??? | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:17:39 AM | An interesting topic...but I wonder what this propensity is to assess a person's relationship viability by their career? Skimming the posts, it certainly appears that way.
How about looking beyond the uniform to the person wearing it? Heck...there are MORE reasons to NOT be involved with CEO's of major corporations than there are to avoid involvement with a man (or woman) in uniform.
Relative to one post about the partner coming back changed: yes...something about war changes people. It's hard to understand that when one's own daily routine minimally changes while the partner is deployed. We adapt to the separation, for the most part [although - I betcha if a survey of our soldiers were conducted - there'd be a good percentage of partners cheating on them while on deployment], yet overall what really changes about our day to day life other than our partner not physically there? Not much really.
Relative to another post relative to vets/soldiers coming home with mental issues: yes, the VA doesn't adequately address that. IMO, what is attributed to "mental issues" is increasingly being identified as traumatic brain injury issues. Even the mildest of concussions can have lifetime consequences. There is a difference.
The only viable reason I would find acceptable to not date or be involved with a man in uniform would be if I personally did not possess the ability to manage the lifestyle which is part of the package as it pertains to the individual - not the uniform itself. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:38:08 AM | I recently (well a little over a year ago) was seeing a guy in the military. He had just been deployed to Afghanistan when things were getting a bit more serious. I found him to be a bit messed up with his views on things. We got along great but he wanted marriage/kids and I'm beyond that type of convention as I'm in a different right of passage. He's only 27...so I guess that had something to do with it.
I considered the question of why it is that military personnel get the flack they do regarding dating prospects/relationships and I think there are a few glitches which bring their dateability into question.
1) they are and always will be married to their career first...the job demands it
2) depending on whether they see a lot of combat, it changes a person in a big way
3) you need to have a great deal of emotional strength to get through his risky career
4) he won't be around as much as you might like him to be, you'll always have to share your time with his career's time
5) he may have a few cuties in different ports depending on what type of man he is and how hard core he takes the military life (it has some pretty deplorable practices when it comes to off time)
While I certainly appreciate what they do ( I personally wish that we would evolve beyond the need for war) I would like to caution those who suspect that all military personnel are noble and servant-minded. I know of two guys who got into the military because they"wanted to fvcking kill something" ...exact words for one of them. The other had severe ADD as a child and exhibits aggressive tendencies that would only be suitable for his military career. Hardly what I would call respectable, law abiding citizens. So let's not generalize on a stereotype here...just because someone is in the military doesn't make them "good" just as in any other career. To those who serve from their hearts, I commend you...unfortunately many are not this way. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:42:24 AM | | ^^^^I agree. I know both types. | |
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| Military guys??
Posted: 7/30/2009 12:31:09 PM | my ex husband was military (4 years army and 18 years navy) and i wanted to address the poster that said that not much changes when the military person is deployed. That is so far from the truth. There are many military divorces that are caused by deployment. When that military person goes on deployment the spouse is left to handle everything at home by themselves and the "routine" that they had before deployment changes drastically. The spouse left at home becomes the "boss, the mom and dad, the disciplinarian,the chief cook and bottle washer, the tutor, the repairman,the taxi driver, and everything in between. When that military person comes home the "routine" that has been in place in their absence changes and it is sometimes very hard to relinquish titles. Many spouses that have been left at home sometimes feel they did just fine in the other persons absence and don't like being challenged in how things are done now. It causes many problems in a marriage.
I would also like to address the comment that many military people are probably cheated on while they are on deployment. This is true but it is also true that many military people cheat on their spouses while they are deployed-I know because mine cheated on me. He gave me the old sob story of how lonely he was without me and like a sucker I forgave him. I was lonely without him too but I didn't cheat on him!
Before any one asks- he was a medic in the army-sent to vietnam where he was hit by shrapnel from two bombs- another medic dressed his wounds after the first hit, the second hit severed his caratoid artery. He was honorably discharged but later decided he wanted to go back but the army wouldn't take him because he was "too old" for them (he was 24) so he joined the navy. He was and still is a good man even though he was a cheater. The only thing I really regret about living a military life is that I will never be able to retire with a full retirement because I always had to quit my job and move somewhere else and start over while he has a retirement and will soon get a partial. I guess that's life! | |
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