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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?      Home login  
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 the Equinox
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 1
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?Page 1 of 1    
This always happens. A meet a girl on here that I think I connect with and they agree to meet for coffee the next day. We set up a time and place. Then usually about 2 hrs before the time, right when I start to get excited about meeting this new cool person, she texts me back and says she has to cancel. They always use the same BS excuse to...they got called into work which I know is a lie. This happens literally 80% of the time. Why do you ladies do this. It is frustrating because I shift my schedule around to make it work. I find it to be rude and not classy.
 brad29483
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 2
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:12:08 AM
Don't pick flakes to go out with.
 American-Boy
Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 3
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:12:58 AM
Some women get cold feet because they obsess about every possible thing that can go wrong or be wrong with you.

Sometimes women (and men) agree to meet when they do not intend to because they are too spineless to just be honest and direct. They realize it is not cool but again, due to lack of a spine, will present the lamest of excuses. If they really did intend to meet but got called in to work then they would offer an alternative date. Try calling them on it if it makes you feel better. Say something like, "Oh that's too bad. So when can I expect you to make up for it?" Don't expect that to be effective though.

I agree it is rude but if this happens to you "80% of the time" then maybe there is something you can change. What Brad suggests could be part of the problem.
 Mystie_Dragonfly
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 4
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:14:27 AM
Men do it too.... all the time.

OR

They don't even bother to tell you they are not coming. So... the woman sits at the coffee shop waiting for a man who will never show up.

... welcome to POF
 builderforfun
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 5
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:21:34 AM
Damn where are all the womens answers,
 Jewlsey*
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 6
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:30:44 AM
I' m meet seldom because I like to make sure there's enough rapport and compatibility before I take time out of my day to meet. This takes anywhere from 1-4 weeks max depending on schedules - the sooner the better. When I decide to meet, I've never stood anyone up nor have I ever been stood up.
 anjelic
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 7
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:39:49 AM
I have never done it. A guys profile was deleted I was supposed to have lunch with once and I couldn't confirm the time/place.
He was back on line the next month and accused me of standing him up.

But opie, if this is happening 80% of the time. Something is wrong with a capital W.
It is either your picker or you are getting overly excited and scaring the crap out of them.
It IS rude, but I don't think the entire problem can be with the women.
Your odds of that are very slim. 80% is crazy.
 honeyangel1985
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 8
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:49:29 AM
Get over it...guys do it too.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 9
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:54:44 AM
When they cancel, you have a free day!!! Now you can go to the mall and hit on all those "attractive young girls" that you hate.

Write this down and put it as the screen message on your 3G cell phone:

" I WILL NOT CALL YOU AGAIN "

This is what you say when some girl cancels. Log onto POF and do a thread search for the girl you were supposed to date. Within a day she will post a thread called "I don't understand what happened." Read it and learn how the young female mind views the world.

PS: OP, I'm wondering what happens the other 20% of the time when the woman doesn't cancel. You meet, and then what....???? Why is it breaking down after your meeting....??? It must be breaking down, otherwise you wouldn't still be looking for dates, eh....???

So fess up. Pre-fail and post-fail could be for the same reason.
 ozx
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 10
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 12:00:08 PM
-The 80/20 rule applies to a lot of situations. 80% of something good-or-bad is caused by 20% of something else bad-or-good. Everything I've read in here is plausible, but no matter what it is, IT happens 100% of the time you get canceled on. It's something small, fundamental and perhaps even very difficult to identify, but it is detectable. Make some changes in your modus operandi--just one change at a time until you start seeing an impact. I think that you, just as I did, know what it might be already but it's difficult to accept. I found that my 20% was making myself seem TOO available, seaming TOO needy ... Give it some thought.

The next one is on me
 AlwaysExpectMiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 11
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 12:07:56 PM
Look as it as if saved you the time and trouble of meeting them.
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 12
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 12:16:01 PM
Guys do it all the time... I am contacted by fellas who are really wanting to meet and then they get cold feet.... I always text the morning of the meet to confirm they will be there and invariably I get silence in return! I haven't stood a date up and would never do that... there is always someway round it if something crops up even if it is rescheduling for another day. What I don't like is silence because they haven't the balls to say unfront that they are too scared to meet... I would rather be told so that I can make alternative plans with my time.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 13
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:23:37 PM
Simple, some of them just didn't want to meet as badly as you did, for whatever reason.

That being said, some get cold feet and don't do this kind of dating too well and as someone said, "chicken out".

And, too, things do come up.
Are you one to be paranoid and think that they ALL are lying to you?

So, 8 out of 10 are cancelling out on you?
You might want to think about going to Ebay and bidding on a new picker.

You didn't say anything about getting stood up or not being cancelled.
Consider youself lucky, 'cause the way I hear it OP, most of the people around here
don't even get a courtesy cancellation call.

Just tryin' to show you a lil silver lining to your dark cloud.
 Pacino10
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 14
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:49:18 PM
POWER of the interwebz ,brah. They got more control over the situation here, who they wanna interact with and who they don't. And plus they figure, "Well i don't know him IRL. So who cares". That's a major reason behind.
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 15
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:55:47 PM
Both men and women do this.

I got stood up last week. It happens. Even if you've been liking someone for awhile...they can start doing this. Dating sucks sometimes. But that's life.
 AmoAngelus
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 16
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:00:43 PM
Cold feet? I've almost cancelled a few times because of cold feet, but it just wouldn't be right so I've always gone through with it....Later figured out I shoulda cancelled and not wasted however long I spent with him mind, but that's beside the point.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 17
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:24:04 PM
I have met a lot of people from online before.

Of those people only 3 stood me up. But 80 percent were false representations, and 10 percent were just zero chemistry. Of course I did get some longterm friends and boyfriends, but still the percentage of the ones that were good were slim.

You do learn to not shift your schedule around online dates. Or not shift it around important things. Plan to meet them WHEN you know it will work for you (and be comfortable for them) and not strain existing relationships. I even met people on my lunch break.

These people are really strangers with zero guarantee.
 Silent Steel
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 18
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:09:02 PM
For godsake try setting up something a little more exciting then a cup of coffee. Try a happy hour. Meet at an animal rescue and walk some dogs together. Anything is better then coffee.

Remember ....we have the penis....we call the shots!!!!


Not really....but it made me laugh to type that.
 Kixxie
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 19
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:10:41 PM

Remember ....we have the penis....we call the shots!!!!


Too funny!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
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Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:14:14 PM
Actually you're doing better than the guys who don't get a cancellation and end up going somewhere to be stood up.

Since you're meeting a stranger, there's always something else you could be doing, so if someone frees you up before you get in your car and start driving, consider it a plus.
 prurire
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 21
Why do girls agree to a date and then cancel on here?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:19:02 PM
You can't change how people act all you can do is modify your behavior to have a more enjoyable experience.

Don't put any excitement or expectations on someone until they consistently show up face to face.

Never inconvenience yourself to meet a stranger. Set up meetings that work within your schedule. That way you don't feel all this angst of having to shift your schedule blah blah blah.

Make plans that in line with what you are going to be doing that day anyway. If they cancel or don't show up then you continue with your day as planned.

It's up to you not to get frustrated. Modifying how you approach with help heaps with that.

It's still rude when someone doesn't show up but if you already know there is a 80/20 odds, then it should be expected instead of a cause for frustration.
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