| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:28:15 PM | | My ex just left me after a year and 3 months to get back with the woman he had a child with after the mother consistently moved for 3 years hiding their daughter from him then remarried. Well she just got a divorce and my ex left me saying he is going to try to get together with her (even though he says he has no feelings for her) because he feels its best for his daughter! I understand where he is coming from but I just dont see how being with a woman that made you miserable for 3 years can be a good healthy relationship to model for the child. This whole situation has been incredibly painful for me (and he says for him too) and I guess I would just appreciate others input on my situation! | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:37:27 PM | So sorry you're going through this, but it's not going to work with he and the ex either. And does he even know if she WANTS him back? You're right too in believing that it is not a healthy relationship for the child.
Give it a few months and he will come crawling back to you. But if I were you, I wouldn't open that door.
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:40:22 PM |
So sorry you're going through this, but it's not going to work with he and the ex either. And does he even know if she WANTS him back? You're right too in believing that it is not a healthy relationship for the child.
Give it a few months and he will come crawling back to you. But if I were you, I wouldn't open that door.
Thats kinda what I thought! And no he doesnt know if she wants him back yet! I know he had good intentions but I really just feel he hasnt completely thought this through! Thanks lovinlifeat44 for being supportive
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:59:17 PM |
Is he just planning on showing up on her doorstep unannounced?
Hes going to have a common friend tell her he wants to talk to her then set up a meeting and tell her he wants to get back together! | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 2:10:54 PM | aww well, I suppose this is like so many say to not get involved with someone who is seperated.
Another reason to be wary of those with kids.
Doubtful this will work.
Sorry | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:18:12 PM | | They got divorced originally because they thought the problem was their spouse; each blamed the other. Now he's realized the same junk happens no matter who you're with, and he might as well be with her again, and get to be with his kid. She may or may not have learned that same lesson in her recently kaput marriage. They could do very well to go crawling back to each other, their egos tamed by a new humility, and get back to what they started, which is a family. | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:21:28 PM |
They got divorced originally because they thought the problem was their spouse; each blamed the other. Now he's realized the same junk happens no matter who you're with, and he might as well be with her again, and get to be with his kid. She may or may not have learned that same lesson in her recently kaput marriage. They could do very well to go crawling back to each other, their egos tamed by a new humility, and get back to what they started, which is a family.
They were never married! When she found out she was pregnant she told him then left town and got married to an ex and they moved all over so my ex couldnt find his daughter! And her ex husband is on the birth certificate even though its not his child | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:15:04 PM | My ex just left me after a year and 3 months to get back with the woman he had a child with after the mother consistently moved for 3 years hiding their daughter from him then remarried. Well she just got a divorce and my ex left me saying he is going to try to get together with her (even though he says he has no feelings for her) because he feels its best for his daughter! I understand where he is coming from but I just dont see how being with a woman that made you miserable for 3 years can be a good healthy relationship to model for the child. This whole situation has been incredibly painful for me (and he says for him too) and I guess I would just appreciate others input on my situation!
As long as they don't have horrific fights in front of the child, it will probably be what is best for the little girl. It's a heck of a lot better than NOT having her dad living with her. Every child deserves to have both parents living under the same roof with them. Unfortunately many people are too selfish to get along well enough to finish what they started, which supposedly was a loving family in which to raise their children. | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:46:00 PM |
As long as they don't have horrific fights in front of the child, it will probably be what is best for the little girl.
I disagree. If a father were physically abusive to a mother BUT not in front of the children would it be best for the mother to stay in the relationship to keep the biological family intact?
Every child deserves to have both parents living under the same roof with them.
I agree, provided that the parents can carry on a relationship that is not harmful to the child. It doesn't appear that in this case, that is possible. | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:53:25 PM |
I disagree. If a father were physically abusive to a mother BUT not in front of the children would it be best for the mother to stay in the relationship to keep the biological family intact?
Does a person really need to write every single OBVIOUS thing that can go wrong? What if the father tries to kill the mother, but not in front of the child? Come on. | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:05:11 PM | Future, your words were AS LONG as they don't have horrific fights IN FRONT OF the child, it would probably be best for her to have both parents in the home. I disagree after OPs description of the mother in this situation. The fact that she left & got married to someone else, withheld the child from the biological father for the better part of 3 years,(which I consider to be mentally & emotionally abusive apart from being manipulative) yet got jealous when he had girlfriends because she wanted to keep him on standby, is NOT a relationship that I would deem best for the child. Biological parents or not, if those two people can't conduct an adult relationship which includes love, respect & communication within & outside of the presence of the child, I would not presume that it would be what's best for the child because of shared DNA.
There are of course other options, ones I don't understand why the father has not pursued. Like legally requesting visitation? | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:15:39 PM | Sorry OP, but it sounds like a poor excuse to break up with you is better than none. He could have fought for his daughter to make sure that his name is on the birth certificate and he didn't.
If I were you, I would just read the writing on the wall and try and get on with my life. | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:17:04 PM |
As long as they don't have horrific fights in front of the child, it will probably be what is best for the little girl. It's a heck of a lot better than NOT having her dad living with her. Every child deserves to have both parents living under the same roof with them
I agree. | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 6:32:27 PM | You're welcome, sweetie. You're only a year older than my son and I'd give him the same advice.
You're a beautiful girl and shouldn't be going through this drama right now. I know it hurts, but time heals all wounds.
It's time to move on and you'll find "the one" who just tickles your toes and treats you like a queen. | |
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| Is it really whats best for the child?
Posted: 8/1/2009 9:05:04 PM | Wish him well and get on with your life. I cannot imagine how they might patch up a relationship that devolved into her putting another man on their child's birth certificate and then so actively hid his daugther from him. I agree that in many cases, even if there are no fights in front of the children, they can sense the undercurrents or worse, recognize that there is absolutely no warmth or affection between their parents.
For him and the child the best that might come of this is when they split up, she allows him to be a father but I would also suggest he check into what he can do in the state they live in to establish paternity. If there are statutes of limitations, I would wonder if this type of situation could challenge the laws, like it sounds like she kept the child from him just long enough to perhaps prevent changing it on the birth certificate? | |
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